Disclaimer: I own a copy of all the books, but not the franchise and/or copyright.
"What on Earth are you babbling about?"
"I've got it! I've been hit with the perfect plan. I mean, just out of nowhere. BAM! There it was."
"Oh, honestly, Sal—"
"Do you wanna hear it?" Salazar Slytherin was now practically bouncing in his incredibly uncomfortable-looking seat.
Godric Gryffindor rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Fine, Sal. Let's hear it. What's the 'perfect' plan now?"
Sal was notorious for coming up with off-the-wall plans that almost never worked out. Trying to pull school carriages with 'invisible' animals, taking the ceiling off of the school so that the students could 'be one with the sky', charming a hat to sing drunken rhymes at the new students...He often did these things without consulting the other three current staff members, resulting in disaster.
Recent studies have, in fact, revealed that Salazar Slytherin was the first recorded sufferer of Attention Deficit Disorder.
"It's great!" Sal announced, still bouncing. "We'll get a snake—a bloody HUGE snake—and it can be the school pet! It can give the students rides, and we can feed it with animals from the forest, and I'll love it and hug it and name it George. Please, please, PLEASE, Godric?"
Godric could definitely feel a migraine coming on. Sometimes Sal was too much to deal with… "Look, Sal," he started gently, "I know you really like snakes, but you're the only person we know of who can actually talk to them. What happens when you pass away, hopefully from old age, and there isn't anyone to control the snake anymore? What if it hurts the students?"
Sal's lower lip started trembling. "But Godric… I'll take real good care of it… And I'll make the students be real nice to it all the time, and I'll tell it not to hurt anybody. Then so long as the students are still nice it'll behave. Really, Godric, trust me!"
Godric sighed. Better nip this one in the bud, before Sal pulled out the 'puppy dog eyes' maneuver. "No, Sal." he said firmly. "No giant snakes in the school. Understand?"
Sal's face crumpled and he stared at the floor, possibly attempting to retain some dignity in the face of his defeat. "Yeah…I understand."
"Good." said Godric brightly, obviously relieved.
"Well," Sal said suddenly, brightening up again, "maybe we could get a giant squid, instead. Put it in the lake—wouldn't that be cool?"
Godric gave a weary sigh as he left Sal's office. Boy, did he hate it when Sal got ideas. Merlin forbid that inspiration strike him again.
SEVERAL WEEKS LATER
Sal quietly snuck down to his secret clubhouse. He had built it himself, without the aid of Row, who usually oversaw all construction on the school. Once he very carefully re-sealed the entrance behind him, he pulled a snake that was probably around 20 feet long out of his robes and cuddled it to his chest.
"Hey, baby Georgie! You are so cute! That's right, give daddy a baby kiss—"
At this point, Baby Georgie flicked his tongue against Sal's face.
"That's my boy! That's right! Good Georgie." Sal crooned.
And Godric had said his idea wouldn't work. Why, Baby Georgie was the most docile snake Sal had ever met.
SEVERAL CENTURIES LATER
"So, in conclusion, that is how the Chamber of Secrets really came into being. The scientific and historical studies all show that Salazar Slytherin really didn't mean any harm to come to the students of Hogwarts, and he was in fact the creator of many Hogwarts artifacts. The end."
Harry Potter beamed at the class from the front of the Potions classroom. When Professor Snape had made him write a historical essay about one of the founders to read aloud to the class as a punishment, Harry had dreaded the entire ordeal. He hadn't realized how much interesting information there was on the founders, though, especially Salazar Slytherin. Most especially after Harry had found a portrait of the aforementioned founder, which only spoke Parseltongue. Which, conveniently enough, Harry was fluent in.
"That's it, Potter. You're going to be in detention for the rest of the year." Snape snarled, obviously furious. "Did you really expect me to swallow that load of codswallop?"
"But, sir! I wasn't making anything up! I got all that information from a very reliable source!"
"Save it, Potter. Detention starting tonight at seven."
Harry scowled in obvious disgust. He actually did an assignment for once, and look what happened.
As Godric Gryffindor would have said, inspiration strikes again.