With credit to my good friends (& alphas) Sobiya, Maimoona, Gaby, and Lexi.
A/N: Random one-shot. Sort of AU-- Hermione dated Draco briefly in fifth year. Daphne Greengrass is Draco's mystery wife-- she's a friend of Hermione's, so Harry and Draco are on familiar terms. Since JKR never gave Draco an occupation, I'd like to fancy that he writes romance novels or sex position manuals for couples. lol.
Over at the Malfoy household sat four very irritated and confused individuals. Daphne was on the couch with Draco, and Hermione and Harry occupied the loveseat; but to anyone walking in the house, they would have thought Daphne was trying to calm Harry down and Hermione was in the middle of comforting Draco.
"It's going to be fine," Daphne said soothingly to her husband, who was touching his messy black hair in disgust.
"No it's bloody not, look at me, I'm a speccy git who--"
"Hey!" Harry protested in Draco's voice, though it was much more abbreviated and higher in pitch than normal. "Look at me, I've got--"
"--perfect hair," Draco drawled. "I know. You're gorgeous."
Hermione stifled a laugh. Harry glared at her.
"You're not getting the glare right, Potter," Draco told him. "It's more like--" He glared at Daphne, just a little twinkle of mischief in his eye, and Daphne felt her heart nearly stop. Harry had never once looked at her like that, and even though she knew it was Draco, it was hard not to let her imagination run away with itself...
"So," she said, trying to clear the thoughts from her head, "Polyjuice Potion, you think?"
"But obviously some other form of it," Draco said. "We've looked like this for three hours now."
"Who the bloody hell would be playing this trick on us?" Harry wondered. He brought a hand up to scratch his head and indignantly realized that he did have perfect hair. He quickly replaced it in his lap.
"Fred and George?" Daphne said automatically.
"Nah, they wouldn't mess with us this terribly," Harry replied.
"Maybe it's not just a strengthened Polyjuice," Daphne mused. "I mean-- your voices changed too. It's different than just appearance."
"You know," Hermione said ponderingly, "Harry, I wondered if you inherited Draco's-- you know-- skills--"
Draco began to laugh hysterically.
"Please, this isn't helping," Harry said as he buried his face in his hands. "Can we just not talk until your Healer friends get here?"
"Don't worry, love, we'll figure something out," Hermione said soothingly as she rubbed Harry's back. Daphne, on the other hand, had a hard time calming Draco's laughter.
"Quick thought," Draco said, between chuckles. "D'you know how weird this is? I mean... what with the history between Hermione and I-- and between the four of us--"
Hermione laughed. "Oh, dear Lord, I was hoping no one would bring that up."
Draco looked stung. "Are you saying I wasn't good enough for you?"
"Not in the least," Hermione said, a little too fast. Harry raised an eyebrow. "I mean," she said quickly, "thank God I ended up with you..." She whispered something into his ear which made him look quite content.
"It's weird though," Daphne ventured. "If they can't take this spell off by the end of the night I'll feel like I'm going to sleep with Harry."
"There is no way you're going to bed with that maroon-and-gold--"
"Draco," Daphne said exasperatedly, "it'll still be YOU. You just look like him."
He folded his arms. "I'll sleep on the couch."
"Oh, good Lord."
There was a knock at the door then, and Daphne rose to answer it. She found Asra and Karyn on the doorstep. They stepped over the threshold and came into the livingroom.
Asra greeted them. "Hermione. Harry, Draco."
"I'm Draco," said Draco, his green eyes showing aggravation.
"I'm Harry." Harry's ice-blue eyes flickered over to Karyn, as if to say "help me."
"You're not trying to sound like each other?" Karyn sounded concerned.
"No," Draco said sullenly. "I've lost that part of my seductive prowess..."
Asra hid a chuckle.
"Then it's not Polyjuice," Karyn said gravely.
"That's what we were afraid of." Draco sighed. "Any ideas?"
She opened up her bag and withdrew a pair of scissors. She snipped off a piece of blonde hair.
"Hey!" Draco protested. "That's my hair you're destroying there!"
Daphne patted his arm as Karyn took a lock of messy black hair.
"C'mon," Asra said. "Let's get to my lab."
"When will you be back?" Harry demanded.
Asra shrugged. "Probably tomorrow morning."
Harry and Draco glared across at each other, glanced back at their wives, then glared at each other again.
Rather grumpy, Draco laid his head in Daphne's lap.
"Harry, you really need to do something about your hair." Daphne commented as she ran her fingers through Draco's new hair. "It's all tangly."
"It's always been that way." Hermione said, a blissful look on her face as she ran her own fingers through Harry's new hair. "Not smooth and glossy like this."
"You don't have to be so happy about it." Harry glared at her.
"So, what are we going to do until tomorrow morning?" Draco asked with a smirk.
"Sleep." Harry yawned. "It's what most people do in the night hours."
"I want my body where I can see it," Draco declared.
"This is not your body," said Harry, waving a hand over himself. "It's mine. It just looks like yours."
"Whatever." Draco ignored him. "I just don't want you scarring my flawless skin."
Harry sighed and shook his head. Daphne stared down at Draco and before she could stop, her fingers were running through his messy black locks. Harry smirked at Draco.
"Well, we won't get this fixed until tomorrow morning," said Hermione. "So why don't we all go to bed?"
"No," said Draco and Harry. They glared at each other.
"Ugh. Fine. Be stupid! Hermione, you can sleep in the guest room." Daphne got to her feet and looked down at the sulking Draco. "I'm going to bed."
"Me too," Hermione said. "Goodnight, Harry." They left their husbands engaged in a glaring contest.
When it was just the two of them, Harry suddenly felt awkward. It was unnerving to see himself glare back with utmost loathing etched on his face.
"This is not helping. They're right. We should get sleep," said Harry, standing up.
"Oh you can't wait, can you, for Granger to jump you in my body?" said Draco, his tone between a gloat and a sneer.
"Shut it, Malfoy!" snapped Harry.
"Ah well, I can't hog all the fun, now, can I? Go ahead. Have fun, Potter," Draco called, as he left Harry fuming in the livingroom.
When Draco made his way to the bedroom, Daphne was already in bed, reading. He went to the bathroom to take a shower. As he was about to disrobe, his gaze fell on the mirror over the sink, and he froze. Emerald green eyes blinked back at him. He turned away quickly and was met by a full sized mirror, again showing himself taking clothes off of Harry.
Draco growled in frustration. "Why do we have so many bloody mirrors in here?"
He stalked out of the bathroom, still fully dressed, and stood in front of Daphne, who put her book down and looked at him questioningly.
"I can't do it. I can't watch him naked," said Draco, looking troubled.
Daphne did her best to fight off the grin threatening to break out on her face.
"So close your eyes," she said helpfully.
Draco did so, and she began to take off his clothes. A tiny little gasp escaped her mouth when she got to the final piece of fabric, and Draco's eyes flew open indignantly.
"You like it!" he exclaimed.
Daphne went red. "I--"
"Maybe just a little."
He shuddered. "I can't believe--" He looked at the floor to pick his shirt back up, and wrinkled his nose. "Oh, bloody hell, I don't want to look! Just put my clothes on for me!"
Sighing, Daphne obliged.
Draco's mind was plagued. Something inside his stomach was nagging at him, a familiar feeling that he couldn't shake. "I'm going downstairs. I can't sleep."
She placed a bookmark in her novel and followed him down. They met Harry and Hermione, who were sitting across from each other in the livingroom, wearing twin expressions of irritation.
"So obviously we can't sleep," Daphne said, sinking into the couch. "What should we do?"
"Let's start by doing this," said Harry with an malicious grin on his face. He sat up and plunged his hands into his hair, ratting the strands, tangling them, making his hair into a veritable bird's nest.
Draco glared at him with his own green eyes. "I hate you," he pouted, and Daphne gathered him into her arms.
Satisfied, Harry leaned back against Hermione. "It's so weird seeing me laying in your lap," he said to Daphne.
She couldn't help herself. "Do you like it?"
Three things happened simultaneously-- Draco held his breath, Harry blushed bright red, and Hermione leaned forward to hear what Harry had to say.
"That doesn't need to be answered," said Draco, quickly, looking up at Daphne. "Does it?"
"It's new," Harry replied quietly. Daphne smiled sweetly at him. Draco rolled his eyes.
"Hey!" said Hermione, turning to fully face Harry. "I didn't know your eyes were a little blue." Her face was inches away from Harry's staring into Draco's eyes.
"Yeah, they are," said Daphne.
"Huh," said Hermione, looking curious. "I never noticed before."
Harry looked away, annoyed by Hermione's sudden interest in Draco's eye color.
Daphne looked down at Draco, her eyes blazing. "I've always wanted to... do this. Don't freak out, okay?"
Draco looked alarmed but nodded.
She brushed the jet black hair away from the forehead, revealing the lightning-shaped scar. She touched a forefinger to Draco's forehead and traced Harry's scar. Draco closed his eyes, breathing deeply. His forehead tingled where Daphne stroked it.
"Unbelievable," laughed the real Harry. "The girl who has the Slytherin Sex God in her bed every night wants to try me?" He sounded cocky.
"I always remembered them gray," Hermione continued. "They used to be icy gray, like unforgiving winter. Maybe-- something's melted in you."
Draco turned to Hermione. "It has," he told her. "It happened the second I got to know Daphne."
But the words were coming from different lips, in Harry's voice.
And Hermione was drifting into delusion. "Do you remember that time in fifth year-- just a short while after the Valentine's ball--"
"Hermione," Harry said to her, "I'm Harry. Not Draco."
"It tingles," Draco voiced, as Daphne let her fingers draw the lightning-bolt shape again and again, back and forth.
For a moment, Draco wildly wished he was in his own body, on the couch with Hermione. And Harry, after all the pain he felt in that scar, wanted to feel the sensation that Daphne's delicate fingers were causing in it now.
Very gently, Daphne continued to trace the scar. Draco closed his green eyes and gave in to the sensation.
Hermione stared into those icy blue-gray eyes and plunged her fingers into Harry's blonde hair. Harry, too, closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of Hermione playing with his locks.
Suddenly, both Draco and Harry realized what their wives were doing.
"Hermione!" Harry jumped up from her lap.
"Enough touching the scar," Draco said. half-heartedly moving Daphne's hand.
"What?" chorused the girls innocently.
Harry and Draco both looked at each other and then back at their wives.
Draco could still feel Daphne's finger on his forehead, and the tingling sensation was still there. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. And Harry didn't want Hermione to stop, but how could he let her touch his hair?
"Uh, I think we should go to bed after all," Draco finally replied, looking up at Daphne, avoiding Harry's gaze.
"Well yes, of course," Harry said smoothly, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "Why shouldn't we?" At once, Daphne guessed his intention.
A smile played on Daphne's face. "I dare say the personalities have switched too," she said. "I can barely tell the difference. You're in muddy water, boys."
"What do you mean?" demanded Draco at once.
"You're suggesting things only Draco could conceive," Daphne said simply. She turned to Draco. "And you're telling me to stop."
Draco blushed bright red. He turned to Harry. "I envy you that scar, Potter."
Harry smiled. "You do have perfect hair."
Hermione and Daphne exchanged small smiles.
"Do you still want your body in your sight?" Harry asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
A broad grin crossed Draco's face. "Well yours was in mine earlier."
"What?" spluttered Harry.
"He tried to take a shower," Daphne explained.
"Congratulations, Potter," was all Draco could bring himself to say. He was on the brink of laughter.
Harry regarded Daphne. "You saw--"
"Everything," she responded quietly, knowing the question before it left his lips.
Harry turned to Draco.
"Yeah, mate," he whispered. His voice cracked and he cleared his throat. The tension could have been sliced with a knife.
"So," Hermione voiced. "You want to, uh..." She searched the boys' faces.
"You'll be okay with that?" asked Daphne as her fingers drifted back to the scar.
Draco grinned slightly and nodded. Harry turned to Hermione, who was watching him very closely. He took a deep breath and looked down at his body, which was really Draco's.
"Alright," replied Harry with full determination as he looked straight into Hermione's eyes.
"Alright," Daphne repeated, and offered Draco a hand. Wordlessly, they went upstairs.
"So. How long have you been after a piece of Potter again?"
Daphne went red. "It's... different," she spluttered, "it's you-- in his shell-- it's nothing to do with liking him--"
Draco's eyes, which were really Harry's, stared straight into her. "That's why I said 'get a piece of him,' didn't I?" He grinned. "I know you, you little vixen. I know how your mind works. And I know you love me."
A smile edged onto her lips. "And you're willing to give me this?"
He pulled her close. "Angel, if you wanted Harry himself I'd let you have it."
Something fluttered inside of her, but she concentrated on shutting the bedroom door. They got rid of their clothes-- within seconds, Daphne had her finger on the scar again, brushing her lips to Draco's. He closed his eyes.
"Bloody hell," Draco sighed, relaxing into the pillows. "I'm going to find a way to steal this thing from Potter's forehead. When we change back into each other I'm not giving it back."
Daphne giggled and moved her lips to kiss the lightning bolt. Draco shivered. She went back to his lips.
"Hermione," he sighed, "you always were the most amazing kisser..." He opened his eyes. Daphne stared back at him.
"You're not Hermione," he said, sounding surprised.
"You're not Draco," she returned, drawing the quilt up around herself.
"What--" Alarmed, he sat up and looked around himself. "But just a second ago, I was in the guest room--" He ran a hand through his hair. "I have my own hair back."
For a second, Daphne thought he sounded disappointed about the hair.
"And my scar... I have my scar back."
Daphne's heart thumped against her ribcage as she saw the aching look in Harry's eyes.
"Do it again."
"Do it again. Whatever you did to my scar when I was Draco-- I mean, when Draco was me. Whatever. Just do it again."
Lightly, tentatively, she brought her finger to touch it. His eyes fluttered and closed. "For years all I felt in it was searing pain," Harry told her quietly.
"Doesn't Hermione do this?"
"No. She knew how much it pained me. She probably just doesn't want to hurt me again."
"You'll have to tell her," said Daphne, a smile playing on her lips, "that it's the opposite of pain now."
"I guess Draco and Hermione aren't stopping," Harry said shyly.
It was too much for her to handle. "Then there's no reason for us to."
"But..." Harry said.
Daphne placed a finger on his lips. "You want this. I know you do. Am I wrong?"
Harry smiled shyly and shook his head. He ran a hand through Daphne's hair, pulled her close and laid her on the bed. As he was about to lean down for a kiss, there was an impatient knock on the door. Harry groaned in frustration; Daphne's face twisted in disappointment. She got out of bed, threw on a robe and walked up to the door, looking back to make sure Harry was well under covers. She turned the door handle; in walked an irritated Draco, followed by Hermione.
"What are you doing?" asked Hermione, glaring at Draco.
"What's going on?" asked Daphne.
"She doesn't believe that I'm really me. She thinks I'm still Harry." He turned to Harry. "Tell your wife that it's you. Tell her we're back in our bodies."
Before Harry could speak, Hermione laughed, arms wrapped around her gown.
"Oh, very funny, Harry," she said, her eyes twinkling. "I know you, alright. I know you would never change back into your body and not come to look for me.'
She addressed Harry, who was now sitting up on the bed. "But I must say, Draco, you're doing a remarkable job parroting Harry's expression, right now."
Harry looked down. Hermione frowned. Daphne sighed. Draco rolled his eyes.
"It's me, Hermione," said Harry quietly. Hermione stood still.
"Can't you see it's us?" Draco said exasperatedly to Hermione. "Look. Lots of sarcasm with a dash of pretention. I'm hot and you want me. It's me, Draco."
Hermione turned to Harry. "Why didn't you come looking for me?"
"We thought you two had just kept going," Harry said quietly. "So we were going to."
"Which we would have done had Draco not jumped up once he realized who he was with," Hermione grumbled.
"Look, it's not that I wasn't having fun-- I just--"
"Wanted to make sure she was alright," Harry filled in. "Don't worry about it, mate. I'd never do anything out of line. You know me-- goody-goody Gryffindor, right?"
He chuckled. "Right then."
Harry went to his wife and gave her a kiss. Daphne wrapped Draco up in a hug.
"I don't think anyone else would ever understand this," Hermione mused.
"Of course they'd understand it," Draco said with mock pretention. "Just look at me."
Everyone laughed. "It's alright," Harry said. "There's no law about disclosing any of this. Plus, I don't think anyone's going to want to know."
"True," Daphne agreed.
"Now where were we all?" Hermione said pointedly.
Daphne chuckled. "Have fun." She shut the door, leaving Draco and Hermione in the hallway.
Draco offered Hermione his arm. "Shall we?" he asked.
Hermione nodded excitedly, taking his arm. "This is so weird."
Draco raised his eyebrows. "Are you complaining?" he asked. Hermione suddenly stopped in the corridor and shoved Draco against the wall.
"I've been waiting for this," she breathed. Draco smirked appreciatively.
Back in the bedroom, Harry face was buried in Daphne's neck. She gasped. "You are twice what I've imagined."
Harry smiled and looked at her. "You haven't seen nothing yet."
Daphne couldn't stop herself. "You mean I haven't seen ANYTHING yet."
"Okay, Miss Grammar," Harry said with a devilish grin. "Let's see if I can't make you lose all power of speech."
He moved swiftly. Her eyes flew open with a start and she gave a little "Oh!"
Meanwhile, in the guest room, Draco was taking forever.
"You're teasing me, you great blonde piece of--"
"Careful now, I've never heard you cuss before." He smirked.
"Well if you don't hurry up and get your bloody sweater off you'll hear lots of things you haven't heard before."
"I," Draco said in a low tone, "am sure you'll feel lots of things you'll never felt before."
Hermione's breath caught in her throat.
"Maybe I'll have a new chapter in my next book-- twenty ways to please a--"
"Don't you say it--"
He smirked at her. She knew he was just doing it to provoke her. Without a word, she flipped him onto his back.
"Or," she said, a smile playing on her face, "twenty ways you were topped by a--"
"Shut up and kiss me, Granger," he said, and harshly pulled her to him.
A few hours later, Daphne was looking down at Harry, who had his eyes closed and a blissful smile on his face. She lightly stroked his chest and leaned down to nibble his ear. Harry suddenly giggled. Daphne raised her eyebrows.
"What? It tickles." He shifted.
Daphne laughed. "You are too cute."
Harry looked at her for a moment before taking her hand in his and placing it on his forehead.
Daphne didn't need to ask what Harry wanted. She gently started tracing his scar. Harry smiled and closed his eyes.
Meanwhile, the other duo was just as satisfied.
"Wow," said Hermione. "That was... you're just... I've never... wow."
Draco kissed her shoulder. "Well, this sure bought back some happy memories."
"Hmm," said Hermione, smiling at Draco. "You've changed, though."
Draco looked back at her. "How so?"
Hermione turned on her side and and raised her head from the pillow. She ran her fingers through his matted hair.
"You've become more tolerant. More generous," she said, winking. Draco looked surprised.
"Really? Was I not always so... generous?"
"Nope. I guess Daphne wouldn't stand that nonsense, would she?" asked Hermione, stretching out on the bed.
"Daphne." pondered Draco. "Daphne!" He quickly sat up and looked at the clock. "I think they've been in there long enough." He got up from the bed as Hermione threw her face on the pillow. He went to the door and hurried out into the hallway.
"Draco!" called Hermione, pulling on her clothes as fast as she could. "Draco!"
She caught up with him at his bedroom, pounding on the door.
"What?" he asked.
She held up Draco's robe. "You forgot something."
Draco was about to take it from her as Harry, wrapped in a sheet, answered the door. He laughed. "Showing off?"
"Sod it," he said nonchalantly, "everyone in this house has seen it all anyway." He climbed into bed with Daphne. "Thank you both for a lovely night-- Hermione at least, I can't speak for Harry's lack of skill--"
"Hey!" Harry protested.
Daphne giggled. "There is nothing wrong with Harry's skills."
"Good night, guys." Harry smiled.
Grinning, Daphne picked up her wand. "Accio bedsheet!"
The white linen loosed its hold on Harry's body and came rippling through the air to Daphne.
She smirked. "Well, it's my sheet. Plus, I wanted one more look. Can you blame me?"
"No," said Hermione, smiling, and shut the door behind them.
"No," Draco whispered, a smile playing on his face, and Daphne turned in surprise. "Really?"
"I'm entitled to notice an attractive set of buns when I see them," Draco said, unruffled. "He's a Quidditch player. I expected it."
Daphne shrieked with laughter and pelted him with a pillow. "Oh, I'm telling him you said that."
"No you're not."
"Yes I am."
He caught her and kissed her fiercely. "No you're not."
She melted into his arms. "Okay, maybe not."
"Love you, angel."
"I love you, too."
Harry and Hermione Apparated home, with identical smiles on their faces.
"She's amazing, that Daphne," Harry told Hermione, as they took off their coats.
"I'm sure she is," said Hermione, flopping down on the sofa. "And Draco's not so bad either," she said, watching Harry closely.
Harry chewed on that as he bent down to untie his shoelaces. "I guess he's alright. He does have incredible hair."
Hermione nodded, lost in her own thoughts. "His eyes... I still can't believe I never noticed..."
"I always wondered if his hair was as silky as it looks," said Harry, putting his bare feet up on the coffee table. "Today I found out that it really is... so soft."
Hermione looked at Harry out of the corner of her eyes, he was smiling gently.
"And he has a great sense of humor. Sure, he can be a right arrogant git sometimes, but with those looks, I'd say he's entitled."
Hermione nodded slowly. There was a moment of silence, and then Harry cleared his throat, blushing. "Daphne is a minx, though. Intensely wild."
"Hmm, they're perfect for each other," said Hermione, resting her head on Harry's shoulder.
"Same here," said Harry, putting an arm around Hermione. "Same here."