I sat in Edwards room on his familiar couch, he had just put in a classical CD, the sound floated around the room softly. Edward was sitting with his eyes closed and a peaceful expression on his face, he let the music sweep him away. While I sat pondering… pondering well Edward I guess.
"Sometimes it scares me" I whispered quietly. Edwards eyes shot open and he looked at me, confusion scribbled on his stone face.
"what are you scared of?" Edward whispered back carefully after a long moment of silence.
"how much I care about you. How much I want to be with you. How sometimes I completely forget everything except you when I am around you. How involved I am… with you" my voice was a horse whisper and harsh against the smooth sound of the violins.
"I don't know how to make it better. I want to Bella. But I'm scared too, I love you, and it scares me too sometimes. I don't know what to do, I always know what to do" Edward grabbed my hands, I could see the emotion in his eyes and hear the desperation in his voice.
"Well as long as we are both messed up" I sighed and leaned forward to kiss him quickly on the lips, wanting not to have a deep discussion right now. Edward held me there for a moment though kissing me softly. We lay there in his room on his couch for the rest of the day feeling completely content. My eyes slowly drifted closed at some point.
Images flashed through my mind. Andrew smacking me across the face in the living room, I fell to the floor with a loud thud. Next I was in his back yard. I had walked away from him and he grabbed my hair roughly pulling me back so he could look into my dead emotionless eyes.
And then we were in his bedroom he was pushing himself into me, I could hear his grunts. Tears were streaming down my face, I bit my lip so I wouldn't scream and cry. Not that anyone would hear me anyway, we were alone, they always left us alone. How falsely trusting his parents were.
Image after image haunted me, every hit, every thrust, every horribly memory with him. Then I was in my front yard, the day he died, the day I killed him. It was different though, we were alone. He was a couple feet from me and smiling, holding the gun in his hand. He tossed it to me, my hands caught it I looked down in surprise at the deadly weapon
"Have I done enough yet?" he asked, I clamped my mouth shut to stop the sobs from escaping. "Have I done enough for you to kill me?" he continued. I looked at the heavy metal gun in my hand and back at him, he was smiling, not grinning like a mad man but more like peaceful acceptance. He was like the Andrew that I saw when I first started dating him, the one I had wanted to be with.
I jolted awake, sitting up gasping in my own bed. My hand reached up to touch my face, it was wet from my tears. I was smiling though, he deserved it but I wasn't mad at him anymore, or myself. I moved on, so I started sobbing. Getting rid of everything, letting it all go.
I am still not entirely sure why I sat on my bed sobbing. Maybe emotional overload, that's probably it. I half laughed half cried. I couldn't be sure what I was even feeling. It was more of a hysterical thing.
The window creaked softly, I looked up in surprise. Tears streaming down from my eyes like rain, and sobs hiccupped out of me. Edward was crouching in the frame of the window, his brow knitted together and eyes covered with worry.
In less than a second he was sitting in front of me holding my hand. His bright amber eyes darkened with worry and sadness. Fear, also fear, he was scared. Just like me. How comforting, he really is somewhat normal. Edward seems so perfect sometimes, it's hard to believe he could care about such petty problems of a teenage girl.
"What's wrong?" Edward asked softly still looking scared. I shook my head sharply though, my hair whipped around my face and tears flew from my eyes.
"Its not wrong, its right" I corrected, he looked sufficiently confused. I suppose that is to be expected though.
"What is right then?" Edward asked after a moment of considering what to say.
"its ok, I'm not mad, or really sad anymore. I understand" I whipped away tears from my cheeks laughing nervously.
"Good, I am glad for you Bella" Edward spoke softly, I smiled.
"Come on, lay down with me. We have school tomorrow" I reminded him with a nervous smile.
"Ah, yes we do. I am sure you will do wonderful Bella." Edward grinned crookedly. I sighed, happiness flooded through me. How wonderfully perfect. Edward lay on top of the comforter so I would stay warm, but I laid my head on his chest and fell asleep inhaling his delicious scent.
I awoke to Edward whispering "wake up Bella," in my ear, his breath tickled my ear and neck. Edward kissed my neck once I opened my eyes to look at him. I won't ever need an alarm clock when I can get that kind of wake up. I smiled and slowly climbed out of my bed taking my time with getting ready.
Edward was waiting in the kitchen once I walked downstairs clad with my school bag and all. I had finished all of my work so I wouldn't be behind when I went back to school. It was hard to believe it had only been a couple of weeks. Of course having Edward as a tutor helped things along, if Edward was anything less than I genius I would have been surprised.
I was once again flushed with joy when I laid eyes on Edward sitting in a chair at the kitchen table. I was also surprised to find I was actual excited not only nervous about going to school. Of course I was still very nervous my hands nearly shaking, but excitement also added the extra spring in my step.
Edward and I walked out of the house, Edwards Volvo was sitting in the driveway where Charlie's cruiser had been. Charlie had left a note on the kitchen table wishing me luck at school and apologizing for not seeing me off. I secretly thought Charlie made sure to leave before I was awake so he wouldn't have to go through the awkward goodbyes. Charlie was never good at sentimental things.
"don't worry Bella" Edward whispered in my ear, goose bumps appeared on my neck from his cool breath. I turned around and wrapped my arms around him my face against his chest and he rested his chin on the top of my head lightly. I felt lighter than air, if I wasn't holding on to Edward I would have floated away. I'm sure of it.
Edward held my hand as we flew down the curvy slippery road. My heart still sped up when I saw the speed at which the trees passed as I glanced out the window. I had no fear that Edward would smash us into a tree, wrapping us up into a bloody pretzel, ok maybe a little. But still the speed in general was frightening.
"We are here" Edward sighed. I looked at him frowning, I only had one class with him, two if you include lunch. It was very disappointing. Edward opened the car door for me and held out his hand to help me out of the car, I blushed. People were already looking at us. I took a deep breath and climbed out of the car clutching Edwards hand tightly.
"I'll walk you to all of your classes" Edward murmured in my ear, I could feel my heart racing in my chest and the eyes of all of the students looking at us.
"You don't have to" I weakly protested, but I wanted him too so badly. At least he would be near me for a little bit.
"I want to" Edward grinned crookedly once again taking my breath away. I was so happy right now in that moment that it almost hurt. Even with the whole student body staring at me making judgment and speculating it didn't matter. All that mattered stood right in front of me, a glowing godly figure.
I walked into English class feeling confident and at ease for the most part. Mike was the first person to charge me and bombard me with questions about where I had been and what happened. I repeated the lines Edward and I had rehearsed a few days before.
Once the whole class, including the teacher were satisfied with the information I had giving them we were able to start class. After the class ended Mike rushed over to my desk, nearly tripping over his own in his hurry.
"Can I walk you to your next class, um if you are still hurting I could carry your bag, it looks heavy" Mike rambled. I felt guilty rejecting him when he obviously wanted to be helpful and walk me to class. I would rather be with Edward though.
"Sorry Mike, Edward already offered to walk me to my classes" I responded with an apologetic smile. He nodded looking a little disappointed but walked out the door with me a slight smile on his face.
As expected Edward stood outside the class room leaning casually against the wall across from the door. When Edward saw me he pushed himself off the wall and floated gracefully over to me, I didn't miss the glare Mike gave him and the smile that graced Edwards face. Edward gently grabbed my bag and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, I looked up at him and smiled, it felt easier to breath now.
"How was class?" Edward asked sweetly.
"It was alright, lots of questions but manageable. I have to say I cant wait until the commotion dies down" I sighed as more people in the hall way gaped openly at us, more Edward but still the staring was still unnerving.
"don't worry it will eventually" Edward promised. I nodded knowing it was the truth. I sighed knowing we got close to my class room and Edward would have to leave soon. I felt so at peace and calm with Edward. I turned to him and bit my bottom lip gently. Edward leaned forward.
"Goodbye Bella, see you soon" Edward whispered into my ear. I walked into class in a daze.
"Miss Swan so nice to have you back, I trust you have completed all of the work assigned?" the teacher asked once I stumbled into the room. I nodded mutely, and shuffled to my desk. Jessica flopped down next to me, her hair bounced wildly.
"Bella! Your back, that is so great!" Jessica whispered. I smiled at her. "So, I have seen you with Edward Cullen recently. What's up with that?" She asked when I didn't say anything, wiggling her eyebrows oddly at me seemed a good way in her mind to get me to speak.
"We are very good friends, the whole family is very nice" I whispered back, hoping that answer would keep her from asking too much more.
"How did you meet?" She slyly looked to the teacher checking to see if he watching, but sadly he was shuffling through papers.
"Carlisle, I mean Dr. Cullen was my doctor" I was actually proud of myself for thinking of that on the spot, even though it wasn't completely a lie, he wasn't my main doctor but Edward did take me to see him.
"Oh. Are you dating Edward?" Jessica asked frantically, she obviously was very curious, her elbows were on her desk and she leaned towards me. I got nervous suddenly. I don't know, are we dating? What if I say yes and Edward doesn't think we are. I pursed my lips slightly.
"Um, I guess, I don't really know we haven't talked about it" I answered honestly for the first time in the conversation and probably the last time.
"Well have you been on dates?" she whispered frantically, perhaps anxious to know if the famous Edward Cullen was still available for her.
"Well how do you define a date?" I asked, already having enough of the subject. Now I was just getting irritated with this nosey girl.
"When you are alone with him, like out to dinner or something" Jess rolled her eyes, I sighed in response. Well I have been alone with him a lot, probably more that she will ever know.
"Yes, we have been on dates then. You know we have, I saw you and Angela" I looked at the teacher who was still not teaching.
"Wait I thought you said you didn't date?" She asked smirking ignoring my comment.
"I didn't, but then I met Edward" I smiled.
"cute" she responded curtly, I suppressed another smile. The teacher decided to grace us with his teaching skills so we could not continue the conversation further. Aw bummer I was having so much fun. I sat in class tapping my pencil, or bouncing my legs waiting anxiously for class to end so I could speak to Edward, even just seeing him would be enough. Shows how dependent I have gotten.
I jumped up as soon as the bell rang, all of my things were already in my backpack. I had put everything away about halfway through the lesson. Just so I would be able to leave right as the bell rings. Don't want to lose a second with Edward.
Edward and I walked rather slowly to my next class. Sadly it wasn't that far away. We walked in silence. Edward held my hand gently in his cold one. People stared at us and whispered as we walked past. I just sighed and squeezed Edwards hand.
"Your doing great Bells" Edward murmured in my ear. I looked up and smiled at him then I sadly walked into my next class. As much as I hated to be away from Edward it was nice to be back at school. I almost missed the hectic loud class rooms, almost. Jessica was already in her seat next to me when I sat down.
"You took a while to get here" Jessica noted, giving me an excited all knowing grin. Oh she would run for the hills if she really did know it all. I smiled to myself.
"We walked slow" I said turning to the teacher. I had enough of her questioning for one day, maybe even a life time.
"If I was walking with Edward Cullen I would walk slowly too" Jessica muttered under her breath. I bit my bottom lip and tried to hide my blush from spreading across my cheeks. The class passed quickly, Edward's tutoring had done wonders. I understood everything the teacher said in Spanish. Well almost everything anyway.
As I stepped out the class room door I couldn't help but scan the hallway for Edwards stunning face. I was extremely disappointed to see in the mass of students none of them were Edward. I sighed; maybe he decided to meet me at lunch. I walked to lunch slowly wallowing in my disappointment.
I sighed letting the crowds of people pass, everything seemed fuzzy and out of focus. I was alone without Edward walking with me. I missed him even though I knew he is somewhere in the school and I would at least see him in biology. I stared at the floor as I walked.
"Bella" velvet rang though the air, above all of the other noises. I looked up happily, Edward; the clear in the fog was jogging to me dodging the student body. I smiled at him; he grinned back and quickened his pace to me.
"I'm sorry Bella, my music teacher wanted to talk to me after class." Edward grabbed my hand gently. I smiled up at him, my previous tension forgotten.
"What did he want?" I asked curiously as we walked together into the crowded lunch room.
"He wanted to ask me to play piano in the school choir concert" Edward said, not looking as happy as he probably should.
"What did you say?" I asked gently.
"I said no, I had to. We try to remain inconspicuous you see. I can't be playing piano with the skill of someone who has been alive as long as I have when I am only 17. I don't even play to my full ability in class" Edward explained. I rubbed his arm and smiled up at him.
"I'm sorry that you can't play piano, you can always play for me. Amaze me with your superior skill" I smiled up at him hopefully, Edward grinned crookedly down at me.
"Sounds perfect" Edward pulled me into the lunch line grabbing a massive amount and wide variety of food.
"What are you doing with all of that food?" I snapped at him.
"Well Bella I am sharing lunch with you. Half of the food is for you and the other half for myself, obviously" Edward smirked at me; I rolled my eyes but smiled anyway. Suddenly I wondered where we were going to sit. Edward didn't have a doubt though, he lead me confidently to an empty table a couple of table away from his family.
"Jessica seems to be very curious" Edward noted, I bit my bottom lip and blushed at the memory of our conversation earlier. I just nodded and bit roughly into the apple, the crisp white apple, the fruit of life, I mused as I chewed.
"So have you ever eaten food?" I asked after I had finished the too big bit of apple. Edward half smiled half grimaced.
"Yes, I lost a bet" Edward seemed quite bitter about it, I laughed happily though.
"How does a mind reader lose a bet?" I asked quieter still smiling.
"To a psychic, Alice has learned how to block certain thoughts from me" Edward sighed glancing over at the table that held his family. I laughed once again, Edward and Alice were like real siblings.
"Sounds interesting" I laughed.
"Oh I assure you it was" Edward laughed too, his laugh sounded more like perfect music.
We walked off to biology hand in hand quite happily. It was so nice to just be able to sit next to Edward, if only for a class period. We took notes all period, I didn't even get to talk to him all period but it was nice none the less.
Edward walked me to gym, kissed me, probably because he knew Mike was watching. I didn't really mind though, a kiss is a kiss. I walked into the locker room in a daze and changed quickly to start my torture that named called gym class. Mike ignored me throughout gym; I wasn't able to participate so I had to sit on the side lines and watch.
In the car Edward was quiet, he played more classical music, but it was on the radio. A song from the sixties came up; Edward surprised me by softly singing every word. I was beaming up at him, by the end of the song. His singing was the most amazing thing I had ever heard, just as beautiful as anything else about him.
"Sometimes I forget how long you have been around, it's always strange when reminded" I smiled up at him.
"Does it bother you, that I could be your great grandfather?" Edward asked me, I almost rolled my eyes at the stupidity of the question he just uttered.
"of course not. I love you. Nothing about what you are bothers me" I tried to stress the words so he would finally believe me. He sighed though.
"Really Bella, you are the strangest human" Edward shook his head, I laughed lightly.
"And you are quite possibly the strangest vampire" I grinned, he turned to look at me and half smirked. I sighed contently and leaned back into the comfortable seat.
"You have a lovely voice you know" I mentioned looking back at him, Edward turned away from the road to look at me, a light smile graced his lips and one hand was stretched out holding the steering wheel lightly.
"I'll drop you off now and be back tonight, if that's alright" Edward told me not turning away from my face. I would have told him to watch the road, had I not already knew the response I would get. I would get a lecture about how he is an amazing driver and he doesn't need too.
"Why cant you just stay?" I asked.
"Your mom is leaving tomorrow morning, while you're in school. She wants to have some time to spend with you before she leaves. Don't worry though I'll see you soon enough" Edward expertly pulled into my driveway. Edward brushed his finger tips across my cheek bone before I stepped out of the car in a daze from being dazzled.
Lady nearly tacked me once I got inside. I flopped down on the floor and she licked my face as I pet her. I laughed as her little tail whipped back and forth at a surprisingly quick rate.
"I don't know why you let her lick you, you never know where that mouth has been" My mother spoke up surprising me. I jumped, making Lady jump too. I laughed after I got over the fright though, she laughed breezily too for a second.
"Hi mom" I said pushing myself off the floor.
"How was your day at school?" she asked, I walked into the kitchen mom followed me.
"It was alright, nothing too exciting" I told her shrugging my bag on the kitchen table.
"Your all caught up though right?" she asked playing the part of worried mother.
"of course" I nearly laughed, but I thought she might take offence.
"Bella, I was just going to let you know I am leaving to go back to Florida tomorrow. You know the invitation is always open for you to join me" Renee asked hopefully. I sighed hoping we wouldn't be arguing about this all day.
"Mom, you know I love you but I want to stay here" I told her flipping around to face her hopping she could possibly see the truth in my eyes.
"But Bella" I cut her off.
"Mom can we not fight about this right now? I just want to have a nice day before you leave" I begged cutting up some strawberries for a snack. She sighed heavily.
"Oh alright Bella. Lets just talk, get all caught up" Renee sat down at the kitchen table, I smiled and poured all of the strawberries into a bowl and sat down across from her. We mostly talked about people at school.
At around 6:30 Charlie got home and Renee said goodbye to me. Her eyes were filled up with tears as we stood on the front porch, my eyes couldn't help but follow in tearing up. I gave her a hug and said goodbye in a thick voice. I watched as her cab drove her back to the hotel.
Charlie had picked up food on the way home from work so I didn't have to worry about cooking tonight. I just wiped my eyes and walked back into the house. I told Charlie I would eat later and went to pull my cloths out to the dryer. I pulled the bulky white basket up to my room and dropped it on the floor. I was sad about my mom leaving again and so I decided to occupy my time with doing something not moping around.
I walked over to my radio and pulled out a mixed CD I had made. I happily put it in and turned the music up. I started putting away the cloths and occasionally dancing and singing along to the music. I didn't want to think about Renee so I started singing along to the words.
"Here is the church here is the steeple, we sure are cute for two ugly people, I don't see what anyone could see in anyone else… but you" I sang softly as I tossed my tee shirts into the drawer.
Cold arms wrapped around my waist as he whispered into my ear. "You sing lovely, I cant help but take offence that you would call yourself ugly though" I gasped and smiled whipping around to see his smug happy face, my face on the other hand was turning red.
"you spied on me" I tried to sound mad but I couldn't seem to be mad, Edward had just lifted my mood immensely.
"I did" Edward agreed. I sighed and hugged him nuzzling my face into his chest. His hand softly brushed under my chin so I looked up at him. He leaned in slowly closer and closer to my face.
I inhaled his scent, he closed the gap and lightly pressed his lips to mine. I pressed myself harder onto his lips and moved my hands so they were wrapped around his neck pulling his head closer to me. Edward had his hands on the small of my back. His cold fingers played with the hem of my tee shirt lightly. Edward pulled away, I wasn't the only one gasping for breath this time. I was nearly bursting with happiness.
"Did you want to talk about what Jessica and you were talking about today?" Edward asked after a movement of silence, I got nervous.
"Um I don't know. I'm sorry I didn't know what to say to her, she wouldn't leave me along" I rambled nervously keeping my eyes away from his face.
"Bella, don't worry. I don't care what you say, I care about what you feel and what you want" When I didn't respond Edward continued on. "Do you want to be my girlfriend Bella, I understand if you don't want that title after everything that has happened. Understand no offence will be taken I promise" Edward spoke carefully.
I thought it over, my last boyfriend girlfriend relationship was not the best one. I don't ever want to get like that with Edward, Andrew wasn't like it before I was officially his, maybe... I immediately regretted even almost thinking that, Edward would never be like Andrew. Never, not in a hundred thousand years. I trust him completely, with my life.
"I would love to be your girlfriend Edward Cullen, so that makes you my boyfriend doesn't it?" I asked smiling. Edward leaned very close into me so he could whisper into my ear.
"I suppose it does" Edwards cool breath gave me chills and tickled my neck.
Edward disappeared for half a second and reappeared with a crisp white daisy in his hand, a slow grin broke out on my face. I stepped towards him, he held the flower out to me, I gently took it and smelled the center getting some pollen on my nose. Edward's musical laugh floated to my ears.
He stepped very close to me and lightly whipped the tip of my nose. Still smiling, I giggled softly turning a light pink. Edward held my hand and kissed the smooth surface it tingled as his cool lips touched it.
"I love you, more than you could possibly imagine Bella, you are my world, forever" Edward murmured.
"You forget that I love you just as much Edward, and I will forever" I lightly kissed him on the lips. Edward took the flower out of my hand and led me into the bed. I closed my eyes leaning against Edward. He was humming my song, his chest rising lightly and falling slightly with the breaths he took. I feel asleep with a smile on my face.
The song Bella was singing was Anyone Else But You by The Moldy Peaches and I did not get it from Juno, I knew them before. I do like the movie Juno though.
Anyway that was sadly the last chapter, twice as long as other chaps though. Review please and I might consider an epilog.