Title: Babylon
By: Neuriel
Rating: PG
Pairings: None
Category: Humor, General, Crack!fic
Spoilers: None
Disclaimers: Neither Stargate Atlantis nor any of its characters belongs to me.
Notes: Title and beta by Rose Wilde Irish, written because of Kyrdwyn's obsession 3


John stared.

His alternate universe self stared back.

John stared more.

His AU self continued to stare - then honked.

Ronon cautiously eyed his own AU self. "What are they?"

"Penguins," Rodney said.

John, not breaking eye contact with John!penguin, demanded: "And how the hell did we get to an alternate universe where we're all penguins, Rodney?!"

"It wasn't my fault, Colonel!" Rodney snapped defensively.

In the meantime, Elizabeth was chattering quite happily with her counterpart.

John glanced at them. "How does Elizabeth know how to speak penguin?"

Elizabeth, who heard him, looked up and shrugged. "I dated a zoo veterinarian for a few years."


John!penguin was kicking John's leg. "Ow."

"I don't think they like us," Ronon observed.

Teyla was currently snuggling her counterpart, having declared penguins to be the CUTEST THINGS EVER. John was a bit disturbed, but the pain in his leg was distracting him. He kicked back. His penguin!self dodged and honked angrily, declaring war.

"Rodney, get us out of here now!"

"I'm working on it, Colonel!" Rodney yelled, wrestling with Rodney!penguin over his computer. "No, damn you, it's mine!"

Rodney!penguin continued to grab at the screen. Rodney finally managed to distract his penguin self with a fish. (Everyone had laughed when Radek discovered that Rodney carried around frozen fish. Who was laughing now?) While Rodney!penguin eagerly ate the fish, Rodney did some much needed calculations.

Meanwhile, John!penguin and John were still going at it, Ronon!penguin was grooming Ronon, Teyla!penguin was struggling to get away from Teyla, and Elizabeth!penguin and Elizabeth were discussing the differences between their two worlds, aside from the obvious human/penguin changes.

Finally, Rodney cried triumphantly, "Got it!"

Elizabeth sighed and hugged her penguin self, the two giving each other a fond farewell.

Chuck!penguin dialed the 'gate.

John was the first to go through... or rather, he was chased by John!penguin to the event horizon and sort of dove through to escape. John!penguin honked angrily, something like: "And don't you come back!" in penguin speak.

Teyla reluctantly parted from Teyla!penguin, much to Teyla!penguin's relief.

Ronon gave Ronon!penguin a pat on the head and left, still extremely confused about alternate universes.

On the other side, John was relieved to discover he was back in human!Atlantis. As the 'gate shut down, he grinned at his team.

"Good work, Rodney."

"... Rodney?"

They looked around. Then down.

Rodney!penguin honked.

"... Crap."