Authors Note: Dun! Dun! Duuuuuuuuuuuuun! Welcome back to this silly, crazy fic! Today (or night. depends when you are reading this) you are journeying on a weird trip. Things start to get hazy...hazy...hazier... and hazier! Muah! Hahahahahahaaaaa! Now you are in my Resident Evil zone! Not the twilight zone mind you. You fell into my trap just like all the others! Heheheheheheheheeeee!

Disclaimer: No I don't own Resident Evil or the characters... or you fans... Not yet anyways. But soon my precious! Soon! When I'm filthy rich I'll buy you all! Buah! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaaaa! Uh, did I just say that out loud?



Chaos in the Resident Evil World!

Chapter 8: A Weird Chapter

Thirty minutes ago, Becca was in deep trouble. Shall we take a peek and find out what happened to her?

Becca began crawling for her life, not even attempting to get up on the slippery ice. But by crawling, she wasn't getting anywhere fast enough from the horror coming after her. The thump, thump sound of the Bandersnatcher behind her was getting closer, close enough to try and grab her again.

She cried out as the hand smack her back side (booty) causing her to slide forward a bit. That slap stung, bringing moisture to her eyes. Great! I can see the headlines now! "Teenage Female body found dead. Cause of Death is Major butt Whipping!" Oh, will I get a break for once!

She turned her head and saw the disgusting BanderSnatcher lifting that large grotesque hand, ready to smack her again. She froze, waiting for the slap. Then the freak attacked. It's large hand slammed down with a deafening crack. It's beady eyes looked confused as it slammed against the ice, actually breaking through the ice.

In it's idiotic brain, it couldn't comprehend how it's hand didn't land on it's quarry's head. It tried to lift it's strong hand out of the ice, but it was stuck. It tried again, nothing happened. The creature let out a howl as it failed to free itself from the hole it made. Becca sighed, surprised at her reflexes. One minute she was ready to give up, the next her survival skills kicked in and made her move just when the hand was rushing down.

Another angry howl made her start moving, not wanting to be close when the orangish, yellowish freak of nature broke away from it's icy shackle. So she tried to stand while running. She of course fell flat on her butt again. Then the memory of a discovery channel episode made her remember something. The big penguins in the arctic would get on their stomachs and kinda pushed with their feet and hop slide. If they could do it, so could she.

So, once again on her belly, she tried it. She straightened her arms beside her body. This made her stop. If she tried pushing like this with no support to her face or neck, she'll scratch her face up not counting not seeing where she was going. So, she instead folded her freezing arms in front of her, then sighed. This was going to be harder than she thought.


Becca froze, hearing the BanderSnatcher roar in triumph as he started to pull his hand out, the ice cracking from the pressure. Becca then took off her backpack and layed on top of it, then proceeded as planned. She began pushing with her legs. It was hard at first, pushing while she lay on her stomach, plus her body temperature was dropping to low, causing her to be a little sluggish. But after moving some and her adrenaline kicking in again, it started to get easier...and faster.

She pushed and pushed then she felt like she was sliding. Her speed increased and soon she was going at it like a freakish penguin. Boy they would be proud of that human!

The loud sound of the roar of the BanderSnatcher breaking free caused her to increase her movements. Her breath puffed out like a steam engine while her body shivered from the freezing temperature. She kept telling herself to go faster although the foggy mist prevented her from seeing where she was going. She smiled when the roars sounded fainter, but they didn't fade away completely. That meant the creature was still on the hunt.

Wesker looks at the monitor, his face set in stone while his emotions are anything but that.

I have to admit, she does show some promise as a interesting experiment with that last minute wit of hers. But I can't call off my pet yet. It seems to be having too much fun at hunting it's prey. Plus the lucky brat is heading toward a very dangerous situation.

"Ha! Ha! Hahahahahahahahahahaaaaa! Muah! Hahahahaha-"

The sound of "I'm to sexy for my shirt" tune on his cell began to play, interrupting Wesker from his evil laughter fit. He snarled as he saw who was calling. "Amix! What have you been doing? You have wasted mytime on finding this girl. Eating all that chocolate after I ordered you not to, then-"



"Sorry sir. Had to get that part out. Now I'm feeling sick...Ugh."

"Deserves you right. I'm very disappointed in you my dear," Wesker said in a chastising tone. He heard the cat woman sigh guiltily, which was exactly what he wanted her to feel. "If you want to make it up to me, bring the girl back to me...alive." Wesker hung up dramatically, almost smiling at how he was going to interrogate the teen... and make her pay! Then his phone began to ring that tone again, grating his nerves. Can't a evil master such as himself get any privacy?

"What?!" Wesker growled into the phone. Most would take the hint and hang up from hearing the menace. But not Amix, she was a different story. "What if she's dead by the time I find her?"

Wesker sighed and leaned his head down, wanting to just knock himself out. "Then bring her body back." Amix's next question threw him for a loop. "If she's not breathing, is it okay with you if I give her CPR and bring her back to life?" Wesker slowly looked at the screens that showed Becca pushing and sliding along the ice, attempting to flee from his predator. "If... you feel like it... Why do you ask such a question?"

"Because, she was nice and gave me CHOCALATE!"

Back to Becca...

"Must (pant) escape (pant) orange guy! Stupid (pants) Wesker!" Becca's body was burning and numb at the same time. Doing the penguin slide was really hard work on the human body. Plus the whole freezing ice part was a major hindrance. She couldn't help but wander if this was the end. If it was, well, nobody would know about Wesker's embarrassing boxers. So giving up is out of the question. She needed to make it out alive for all the 'pick on Wesker' fans out there.

Then the world tipped upside down for the teen. One minute she was doing her penguin thing, the next she was sliding down a steep icy slope. As she sped down the slope, she couldn't help but wander about one thing... How long has she been in this fan fic?

The next thing Becca knew was the ground evened out which made her out of controle decent now just partially... out of controle. But hey, that's a lot better than going down a slope and for the love of Pete stop me from babbling!

By now, Becca felt totally numb from the cold ice. Sure she had her backpack to slide on but it apparently wasn't enough. So, she decided to start walking-once she stopped her crazy sliding marathon of course.

She used her feet to stop the sliding which didn't take much. Once she came to a complete stop, Becca gave a sigh of relief. It was thankfully over. Now the only thing to do was to find her way out of here and regroup with her plan for Wesker's favorite boxer shorts. Don't worry, she's not creepy, just good at pranks. Muah! Hahahahahahahaaaaa!

The mist seemed to clear, giving Becca a clear look at her surroundings. And what she saw turned her blood to ice. She unfortunately had slid in the midst of a bunch of sleeping Eliminaters. (Those B.O.W. monkey experiments in Resident Evil Zero.)

Okay, things could be worse. They could be awake and coming after me. Yes, a silver lining. That does not make me feel any better!

Becca didn't move, she didn't even dare to breath. The sound of heavy breathing and very loud snores was all that she heard. Some how, she had to get pass those stupid monkeys!

(Psst! Becca!)

Becca looks up, slightly frightened yet intrigued by my suave southern girl accent. Okay, not with my accent, but with my voice that comes from the roof and what did I say about me babbling people!


(Remember that backpack you have? Well, you have some interesting things in there. Check it out and think Miguiver. Okay, bye-bye now!)

"Hey! Wait!... Okay, guess I should listen to the disembodied voice. Let's see... (rummages and rummages) I got Wesker's boxer shorts, some rope, bug spray and-"


"There is nothing here that could possibly help me-"

One of the disgusting Eliminators stirred, silencing the young woman. She sighed as she packed everything back up, except for the bug spray, duck tape, and lighter. With those items she could at least make a weapon. Hopefully she wouldn't have to use it. Smelling burnt monkey was not on her list of 'to do before I die'.

As she made her weapon she began to try an cheer herself up. Thinking about Wesker's boxers did the trick. They were not the type you expect an evil master mind would have. She smiled as she pictured the look on Wesker's face when she posts the pictures on the Internet.

A hot humid breath brushed over the back of her neck. She frowned, and touched her bare neck. Maybe she should take down her ponytail and-

(MORE humid breath, followed by a rotting stench)

Becca stilled, not wanting to turn around. But curiosity and well... basically curiosity made her turn around. And what she saw was uuuuugly! It was an Eliminator, it's baboon rotting monkey face was right there, in her face. It's red eyes burned curiously as she opened her mouth, then closed it.

It stared at her intently as she slowly raised the can, ready to spray. The creature bore it's teeth, then screamed loudly in her face. She grimaced as she coughed from the horrific bad monkey breath . As she gagged for breath, she found herself surrounded by monkeys.

"Uhhh. You want a tic tac?"


"I'll take that as a no."

She raised the can and sprayed, lighting the bad breath monkey on fire. It screamed and rolled around while the others stood around. This is what they chattered to each other.

MONKEY #1: Wow. Didn't see that coming.

MONKEY #2: Yeah, not bad for a human. To bad bad breath George got the little surprise. Maybe it'll teach him a lesson for stealing those balloons.

MONKEY #!: For the last time, he's not the Curious George! He's just a myth!


MONKEY #!: No! You have to hear it Sam! George is-

MONKEY #2: Not listening! Not listening!


MONKEY #2: (picking up monkey #1) I'm doing what I should have done a long time ago. DIE YOU WORM! (Throws monkey at Becca who in turn ignites monkey #1 on fire. Poor monkey number one.)

Meanwhile, back with Salazar who has Leon back in his grasps...

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know. But somebody just used my favorite saying... And I think it was a strange, freakish monkey."


Salazar nods. "Monkey... And you know what I have to say to that monkey?"

Crystal looks at Leon who shrugs. "What?"


Okay, back to Becca...

MONKEY #2: What the?

Becca, who doesn't understand a word of monkey (only the author does) is spraying, kicking and screaming. She trips over one of the monkeys and loses her weapon unfortunately. This leaves her in quite a pickle. You think this is weird my readers? You haven't seen weird yet!

Becca reaches inside her pack and grabs the first thing, one of Wesker's boxers. This one is white and covered in baby duckies. You can't help but make cooing sounds at the cute little pictures. Even the inscription on the waist band is sweet. It reads 'Love Mommy Dearest'.

She held the boxers in front of her, knowing that this was her last day on earth. But everything went quiet. She slowly lowered the material down and stared at the creatures in front of her. They had a glazed look on there faces. It was actually pretty freaky. She began to back away, but the monkeys wouldn't let her. They ran forward, clinging to her legs.

One leaned in and rubbed itself against the material. "You've got to be kidding me?!"


"Yes, I want french vanilla capicheeno, low fat please. And could you put chocolate sprinkles with a cherry on top? Yes, that would be all. Be here less than five minutes or I'll have your family killed. Have a nice day... What's left of it. Ha! Ha! Haaaa!"

Wesker hung up the business phone and turned his attention back to the monitors. He took off his shades and rubbed his eyes. He couldn't believe it. It just couldn't be! How on earth- Oh. He saw it. Becca had his under garment in her hand which in turn saved her life.


"Sir, are you sure? I mean, this could-"

"Just do it. I want to have complete control over this experiment and in order to do so, they have to know my smell from birth until we infect them."

Wesker gives the scientist a pair of his boxers, who in turn dropped it in the large tank filled with baby baboons. Umbrella just didn't pay enough for days like these.

"Soon, they'll know me as master! Their leader in their pack! Muah! Hahahahahahahaaaa!"


Wesker groaned as rubbed his throbbing temple. That experiment worked, but only to a certain degree. Instead of master, they saw him as mama. It was horrible! Every where he went, they would some how follow him and... cuddle. Even when he infected them with the virus, (which killed them and brought them back to life) they still saw him as their maternal parent! Hence why they now lived in a frozen waste land.

"This day can't possibly get any worse... What? No, impossible!"

Wesker's jaw dropped humorously as he watched the screen. It was something that was so strange that maybe he wandered if this was all a bad dream?

Back to Amix...

Amix cocked her head at the strange sight. Her tail twitched as she watched Becca do the impossible. How did she do it? And could she do it? It actually looked fun yet so unsanitary.

Okay, this is what got Wesker's boxers in a bunch and Amix admiring our Becca. You see, Becca figured that it must be Wesker's scent that made the things act so strange. So, she took out her rope and made a monkey bob sled team or whatever. She sat down on her pack and put on some gloves. She then held a long light fishing pole with Wesker's boxers hanging on the line. Then, with a flick of her wrist, she got the monkeys running, pulling her safely behind.

Amix laughed. "Now that is something you don't see every day."

She holstered her sniper rifle and took out her phone, making a call to Wesker.

"Listen boss. This is getting ridiculous. Why don't we try something different? Yeah? Oooo, I like that. Okay, I'm leaving the underground compound now. I'll most certainly will be ready. Will there be food? What? Sheesh, I can't help it if I get off topic! No I'm not yelling I'm just hungry for protein. I'm having a sugar crash from all that chocolate. Sure."

Amix hung up and gave a frustrated sigh. "Sometimes, I feel like shooting him in the a-s again."

Now on to Luis, Amy and Jeremy!!

"We're here, kids!"

"Oh thank God!... Heh. Not that this road trip hasn't had it's perks but I really need to get out and stretch my legs," Amy said with a bright smile.

This seemed to passify the Spaniard as he concentrated on driving. He had to admit that he could use a nice long walk and a bathroom. It felt like he's been driving for over six months... (Okay, the characters have been in this fic for a while, hence with the feeling of driving on and on... That's the thing about my fic, once your in, you stay and you stay without aging... Weird.)

Jeremy yawned as he stroked the family pet. The dog yawned and stretched, just waking up from a long nap. "I'm hungry," Jeremy said as his stomach growled.

"Don't worry, I'll stop off some where, soon. What would you like to eat?"

Wrong question. It took about five minutes to agree on a place, but Luis had the final say in the end. Taco Bell. He figured that hamburgers were not a safe route due to what happened earlier so Taco's it is. But you and I know that fast food restaurants were definitely a no-no now.

As they pulled up in the parking lot, they saw people running out of the resturant. One man jumped on the hood of the Hummer, his face planted against the wind shield. His eyes were wide with terror as he screamed,"Run for you lives! They've come to life to punish us!"

Just then, a burrito supreme jumped on the man's head, spreading beef, beans, and sour cream everywhere. The man screamed as he rolled off the hummer. More tacos followed suit, chasing the stranger away.

"That's it! I am never eating at a American resturant again," Luis angrily said as he started the ignition. But he never got to put it in reverse. Some mysterious black vans parked right behind his vehicle, angering the ex-scientist.

As Luis rolled down his window, Jeremy got out of the vehicle. Amy saw this and tried to stop him, but Jeremy had already shut the door and was now climbing on top of the hood of the Hummer. Luis cursed as he and Amy got out to.

"It's too dangerous for us here. We-"

"Excuse me sir," a man in a white anti viral suit said. His face was hidden behind the black gas mask, making his voice sound deeper than it really was.

More men followed suit, holding flame throwers and some type of chemical gun. The three watched as the men flooded the restaurant, sometimes using the weird chemical guns, other times using the flamethrower. Of course this would light up parts of the restaurant on fire, but there was always someone putting it out before any major damage was done.

After twenty minutes of fighting the evil taco dead things, the men left the restaurant, looking not so white. They were covered with tomato, beans, beef, cheese, basically all the ingriediants you see used for a taco restaurant.

"It's done," said a smooth voice right beside Amy. She jumped, startled at the man beside her. He was wearing a black suit with black sun glasses, black shoes, black hair and do you get the point? Basically, he looked like a man in black. Yeah, like the movie. Only, he wasn't.

The man looked down giving Amy a chilling smile. "Who are you people?" Amy turned and gave Jeremy a hard stare. He shrugged. Hey, somebody had to ask the question, why not Jeremy?

The man answered Jeremy with a pleased expression,"We're an agency that wipes out any viral outbreaks."

Luis snorted. "Really, well, nice job back at Raccoon City."

The man bristled slightly, but didn't respond. He merely gave a nod to the two younger ones, then left. They watched as he left with the rest of the mysterious strangers.

"Wow... So the men in black are on the case," Jeremy said with excitement. His sister rolled her eyes and said in a matter of fact tone,"No, they are not the men in black because they do not exist."

"It was a figure of speech," Jeremy retorted.

"All right children. Back in the-"

"NO!!," both siblings yelled. Luis sighed and began rubbing his temple. Amy felt bad for the strain Luis was feeling. She felt it too... Well, to tell the truth she was excited to be in this world. But the thought of never being able to find a way home bore down on her.

"How about we find a place to stay for the night. It's starting to get dark and I'm tired of driving."

"Wait, what about about Marco?," Jeremy asked. Marco barked as if to ask too.

"What about him?"

"This is America Luis. Hotels usually don't allow pets," Amy pointed out.

Luis sighed and tried to explain how tired he was and how the dog should stay out in the car for the night. Jeremy and Amy pointed out the fact that a car heats up faster and hotter than a oven. The news said so. In the end, the siblings won the argument.

"Fine!! But you have to find a way to sneak him in and keep him quiet. If we're caught, I'll pretend to not know you."

"Luis, you're the coolest," Jeremy shouted as he gave Luis a high five. Luis seemed happy with the compliment and agreed that he was the coolest.

"Suck-up," Amy teased. Jeremy stuck out his tongue which Amy returned immediately.

As they drove around to find a cheap but good hotel, Luis turned the radio back on. It was just in time for the news.

Welcome back to RC radio. You've just tuned in to hear the news... Freaks. So sit back and try not to kill yourself driving while the RC newsman gives the report. I swear I'm not paid enough to stick around this dump. I mean, whoever heard of a radio station staying on while zombies are running around and chowing down on brains? This is-

Thank you, Katy. Heh, he he. That Katy, always joking and... Ok. This is Bob, anchor man of RC news. If you can hear me honey, please grab our jewels our of the secret safe and take the kids down to our secret basement bomb shelter that nobody is supposed to know about. If anybody tries to follow you, blow their freaking head off.

Today, President Graham has issued the army and army reserves to help with the current zombie crisis. They have issued a order for all Raccoon City citizens to stay in doors. Do not attempt to leave or you will eaten by zombies or become horribly messy by the fast food zombies.

Wait... Just in, the White house has sent in a very famous former Raccoon City survivor to help with the extermination of the virus. Claire Buttfield. (Man in background hollers, "It's Redfield ya idiot.)

Excuse me, Redfield. Watch it buddy, or you'll end up as zombie food. On to Jack Daniels who is on the scene. Jack?

JACK: Hello Bob. Yes, I'm here in the safe camp of the army. I've been waiting here with the TV news reporters to get an interview with either the General or with Claire Redfield. So far, none has- oh wait. Here they come. (pants) Hold up! I've got some questions for-

GENERAL: Everybody has questions son. But this is neither the place or the time to ask them.

JACK: Oh come on!! Give me a freaking bone! I've been at this crappy radio news station longer than I like. Just let me interview you and tell these other reporters to take a hike.

(Muttering between Claire and General. Then the General clears his throat and makes an announcement.)

GENERAL: Miss Redfield will take one interview from this radio bozo. Now get back to your vans and get!

JACK: Yes! I'm da man!! Err. (clears throat) Ms. Redfield, how did you get involved this time around?

CLAIRE: Well, I'm doing this as a favor. Plus, I don't mind kicking a little aombie (Beep). Oops. I can't use that word on the air, can I?

JACK: Nope. You can't say (BEEP!), (Beep!), or (Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!). It's full of-

CLAIRE: I get the picture. Your next question please.

JACK: How does it feel to be back where all your miseries started? And are you single?

CLAIRE: Well, I have to admit it brings- wait. What?

JACK: You're hot!

CLAIRE: I don't see what my looks-

JACK: Girl, your feet must be hurting.

CLAIRE: My... feet?

JACK: Cause you've been walking through my thoughts all day long!

CLAIRE: We just met!! Look, if you're not going to ask any real questions then you better step aside. You're wasting my time and the Generals.

JACK: Oooo, I like it when you talk dirty. How about a kiss, doll face. Ooof! What the? OW! Oh God! Please don't! I can't help myself! NOOOOOOOOOO! (Hears Claire grunting and cursing as she beats the crap out of the news man. Then footsteps are heard stomping away.)

JACK: ...

Oooooooo. That sounded as if that hurt... a lot. Serves ya right Jack. This is Bob the newsman. Signing off... The RC news... Katy, you're supposed to say your line.

(The sugary sweet voice of Katy is finally heard)

This is RC radio station sharing the news. Sponsored by 'The Idiots' company.

"Aie yie yie! Look at all this traffic! At this rate, we'll never find a hotel!"

"Never say never, Luis," Jeremy chimed in. Marco barked in agreement.

If you're wandering if I'm going to make these poor people drive forever, then your wrong. I've decided to give them a break out of the car... And in to some trouble! Muah! Hahahahahahahaaaa! Well, truth is... I have no control over what happens to them. Looks like this fic is getting out of control! YIPEEEEEE! JUST LIKE I PLANNED! He he he he he he he heeee!

At long last, the three found a hotel. It was a bed 'N' breackfast. Luis mentioned that these were really good and served home meals.

Luis parked in the crowded parking lot. He turned around and pointed a finger at Amy and Jeremy.

"OK you two. I've found the hotel. Now you do your part and come up with a plan to sneak little Marco inside. You got five minutes."

"No need for the five minutes Luis. Me and Jeremy came up with a plan while the news were on."

Luis looked surprised but grateful. He wanted to hurry up and get a reservation before all the rooms were taken.

"Do you got a blanket," asked Jeremy with a mischievous grin.


Luis and the siblings entered the large house. (I should say mansion. Cause it was. Don't give me those looks!) Luis looked nervous and kept shifting his eyes suspiciously. Jeremy had a big grin on his face while Amy held what looked like a baby wrapped in a blanket. (It's Marco if you haven't already guessed.)

The mansion they were in was absolutely lovely. But all the red was a little to much. It looked more like a Valentine cake with all the red wallpaper, red curtains, and red chairs and red carpet. Even the man at the service desk was wearing a red suit and tie. The only thing that wasn't red was his gold name tag and black greased back hair.

"How may I serve you," the man said in a snobbish English accent.

"Do you have any rooms left?"

The man huffed as he retorted. "Sir, this is a five star bed (N) breakfast. We never have any rooms left," the man scoffed.

Luis closed his eyes, feeling like the world was totally against him. Jerome didn't like the way the English dude was looking down on them. He suddenly wished Nemmy would come by and beat the crap out of him.

"Fortuanly for you, we recieved a cancelation from one of our esteemed clients. The price for this perticualar room is a thousand dollars for the week. We do except cash and credit cards. No checks," the snooty man said reluctantly.

Luis's face began to turn red with rage. Jeremy grinned, hoping for a fight between one of his favorite game characters and this jerk. He knew that Luis would win with the first punch.

"You mean to tell me that you would charge with this out landish price during a crisis?!"

"Sir, that price is on special. Your tiny little mind could not grasp the amount we charge daily. Besides, the client reserved that room for a week. You can't stay here unless you fill in with what he ordered."

"This is-"

"We'll take it," Jerome quickly said as he restrained Luis from killing the oblivious man.

Luis suddenly felt tired and beaten, so he grudgingly gave the man his credit card. He mumbled Spanish curses under his breath while the man ran his card through. The man then returned the card and turned around to grab the key.

Luis quickly flicked the man off before he turned around. Jeromy gave in to laughter while Amy gave a look at Luis. Luis merely smiled politely.

"Here's your key, sir. You will be stationed at room 208, second floor. The room is the deluxe suite and has a very large king size bed in one room while the joining room has two full size twin beds, jacuzzi, television and a large amount of space. I'll call the bell boy to take any luggage up. Ah-ah-ah-aaaaahhhhhh Chooooooo!"

All three jumped back. Marco squirmed a bit and tried to wiggle out of his uncomfortable position. Amy looked at her brother, giving him the 'time to go' look.

"Excuse me, I didn't expect that," the desk clerk apologised while he took out a hankie.

"Summer cold," Luis asked with mock interest. He was trying to back away to get the squirming dog out of sight.

"No, allergies. Funny, since I'm only allergic to dogs. There must be a dog around here some where. If I catch it, the owner along with the mongrel will pay dearly."

"Wow, really interesting. Well, let's go now Luis. The baby is starting to wake up and getting hungry," Amy said with a worried glance.

"Yes. Yes, of course. My cousins are right. We must go before the baby starts to cry... Bye," Luis said as he tried to rush the two siblings along with him. But unfortunately, Marco began to whine and make some grunting sounds that some dogs make when they are fussing.

"Did your baby just make that sound?!"

Luis hurriedly commented over his shoulder as he rushed the two upstairs. "No! I mean yes!He was just waking up. Goodnight Senior English man."

The English man (who's name is Clarence) began sneezing uncontrollably. All the way up the stairs, the group could here his loud foghorn sneezes. This really got them moving fast.

When they reached their room, all breathed a sigh of relief. Marco quickly jumped from Amy's grasp and leaped on to a large red lazy boy chair. His facial expression held a look of distain, as if being passed off as a baby hurt his doggy pride.

"That was close. Too close," Luis grumbled as he went straight for the mini fridge. He didn't care how much the mini alchohal cost, he needed something for his frayed nerves.

But instead the Spaniard chose a bottle of water. He didn't want to be a bad example for the younger ones. Maybe later he will sneak downstairs and see if they had a bar or something.

"I'm hungry," Jeremy said while rubbing his now growling tummy. Amy picked up a menu by the living-room couch and began reading off the food. Jeremy made faces at the first five items, all some weird vegetable dishes that sounded foreign. The sixth one sounded delicious.

"I want number six! The speghetti and meatballs with mazzerella cheese. Heavy on the cheese."

"Wait, you didn't hear the rest of the menu Jeremy," Amy pointed out.

"He doesn't need to hear the rest because there will not be any room service," Luis said while taking the menu away from Amy. The two protested but Luis wouldn't hear it.

"The prices for the food alone is outrageous! And the room service alone will max out my credit card at the end of the week. We'll just have to settle for take out."

Amy and Jeremy shared a look. They were tired, hungry and stuck in a world where Umbrella exists. Being cheap was not improving their moods.

"I thought take out food is not an option, Luis," Amy said with acid coating her words.

"No, I said fast food was not an option. Take out is... just hand me the phone, por favor," Luis asked with his famous smirk.

Amy grabbed the cordless phone and walked over to the older man and handed it over with a sweet smile. When Luis turned around, Amy muttered, "Cheap-skate."

"What was that?"

"I said that Jeremy and I are going down to see if there is cake!"

Ignoring Luis's puzzled look, Amy grabbed her brother's hand and quickly left the room. The dog gave a sigh, catching Luis's attention. He walked over to the lazy-boy chair and stared down at the dog.

"Guess it's you and me... Uhh... Parker? Ouch! Hey!"

Luis looked down at his hand. The dog only nipped him, his teeth didn't break the skin. Marco looked smug as he got up and went in circles three times before laying back down. Luis felt suspicious that the dog bit him because he didn't get his name right.

Meanwhile, Amy and Jeremy has made it down stairs without being seen by . They've roamed the large dining room which was pretty much deserted. All the food on the buffet was gone...

"Amy, I'm hungry!"

"I know. So am I. I was hoping to get something to eat here but apparently they eat supper early. Hey, maybe we can go in the kitchen and use the old, cute, puppy dog-eye look to get the kitchen cook to give us a snack while we wait for the grub to get here."

Jeremy shrugged. It was worth a shot. As long as he gets a little something in his empty stomach, people won't get hurt. Which brought his thoughts to Marco. What will they feed him?

He was about to ask Amy when suddenly she stopped. Jeremy gave his sister a puzzled look before realising what had made her freeze. In the kitchen was the last person they expected to see. Lord Saddler!! Dun! Dun! Duuuuun!!

He was wearing a long white robe with his cult's ingsignia on the back of it. His long grey hair was braided down his back. And oddly, he was wearing a cheffs cap, making him look some what comical. As if sensing their presence, the evil man turned his head.

Amy jumped back behind the wall and grabbed the stunned Jeremy. Luckily, they were quick enough so that they were not seen. Otherwise, they would have been prisoner to a mad man.

But that didn't stop them from trembling with panic. How did Saddler get back and how were they going to get out without looking suspicious? And most of all, how will they get Luis out without being seen?!

Though feeling trapped and being very aware of their dire parell, Jeremy just had to see what the old man was up to. Amy shook her head at him and mouthed 'Let's go.' But Jeremy refused to back down. When a bad guy is near, he usually is up to no good.

He slowly peeked his head out and watched with amazement. Saddler was standing in front of a large table, frosting a large cake with pink frosting. And that was it. That and he was humming a happy tune. Hey, if you were in my story and saw what our friend Jeremy saw, then you would be a little amazed yourself! He's a evil freak for Pete's sake!!

Jeremy felt his sister put her hands on his shoulder and gently whisper a question in his ear. "What's he doing?"

Jeremy leaned back against the wall, his face showing nothing but confusion. Amy waited patiently, wandering if what her brother saw scarred him for life. Finally, after thirty seconds, Jeremy revealed what he saw.

"He... He... He was... frosting a cake."


Jeremy nodded. "Frosting. With pink frosting! And he's humming!"

Amy pushed her brother out of the way. "Let me see!"

And to her surprise, Saddler was doing exactly what her little brother said he was doing. It was so normal, yet so creepy to see this evil man doing something so normal. Her friends were not going to believe her!

Soon, Saddler began to talk in a sing song voice as he talked to himself.

"Sugar and Spice makes everything nice in the land of my foe! Oh how I long to spread my happiness with all these Americans. Oh right, I can," Saddler said with a hint of menace.

Amy gasped as she watched Saddler bring out a cup, filled with some odd jelly beans. The beans of course were the Parasite eggs from Resident Evil 4!! Oh the humanity!!

"Let's put you here. And here. And what about here! Muah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!"

Amy quickly turned around, ready to leave. But yet another surprise was waiting for her. There stood the hotel front desk clerk, Clarence! Another Dun! Dun! Duuuun!!

"Excuse me young lady and young sir. Why are you two skulking around?"

"Um... We... were hungry!! That's it! We just came down here to see if the cook would give us a snack. Sorry for breaking any of your rules," Amy quickly said with a nervous smile.

The English man crossed his arms and studied the two with suspicion. It seemed that the clerk wasn't going to believe them for a minute. But then he did a 180 and gave them the biggest smile.

"Why, if you were hungry then you should have called room service! We're open till nine o'clock at night. Come, it's only seven thirty and our kitchen is open for your requests!"

Before they knew it, they were ushered into the kitchen where one of the craziest villains on earth stood frosting a cake. It had to be the scariest part of their adventure yet!

"Oh chef Saddler, we have two guests here who are a little peckish. Would you mind making something for them?"

Saddler stopped decorating the cake with his little eggs of doom and gave the two a pleasant smile. Amy and Jeremy didn't return the gesture.

"Of course! It is my pleasure to serve these two American children. They could try out some of my new recipes," Saddler said in a cool smooth voice as he pinched their cheeks. Jeremy and Amy grimaced. Having your cheeks pinched is one thing, but having a pasty evil dude doing the pinching is a whole new ball game.

"Good! Now young youths, I want you to be on your best behaviour. I'll leave these two with you Chef Saddler while I go put this little meal on their bill," the desk clerk said with a greedy glint in his blue eyes.

The siblings stood rigid as they were left alone with Saddler, the Parasite psycho King. What was he going to do with them? How were they going to get out of this one?

"Now, what would you like to eat, little Americans? Perhaps some jelly beans while I cook your meals?"

Amy nearly gagged at the thought of consuming the so-called jelly beans. Jeremy turned green and shook his head politely. Saddler looked a little P. about there refusal.

"Mom always told us not to eat sugar before supper. But thanks anyways," Jeremy said quickly. Saddler seemed appeased with the excuse and put the cup of parasite eggs down. He still seemed a little disappointed, but he didn't push it. He didn't know that the siblings knew that he was planting parasite eggs in the food.

"Your mother sounds like a wise woman. Now, tell chef Saddler what you would like to eat."

Amy gulped before answering. "Um, you really don't have to cook for us. In fact, we should get-"

"Oh, it's no trouble. How does an Spanish omlet sound?"

"Sounds yummy," Jeremy said dryly. He didn't want to eat anything the man had to cook. I mean, who would? Sure, Spanish omlets were good, but when a man is hungry for power is doing it, you can't help but feel queasy when he offers to cook for you.

They silently watched as Saddler took out a dozen eggs out of the freezer, some spices from the spice rack, a green and red pepper, some ground sausage meat, and some potatoes from the sack hanging next to the freezer. He immediately began washing the potatoes and slicing them in to little bits, all the while talking to the two silent siblings.

"We get all kinds of people from all over the world. Presidents, movie stars, even royaly. Do not tell anyone this, but we have six of the U.N. members here, discussing the viral outbreak."

Jeremy and Amy gave each other a startled look. Could there be a connection between Saddler being there and the U.N. people? Saddler continued on, not noticing the growing fear on the siblings faces.

"That's why I'm here, baking the goodies. I volunteered for it... They will not be able to resist the power of my cooking. Muah! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!"

"Heh, heh. That... sounds interesting. Really, it does. Um.. Is the cake for the U.N. people," Amy asked, feigning interest.

"Yes, it is. I'm presenting it to the honored guests tomorro night in the banquiet hall. If you want, I could save you two a slice. Just tell me your room number so I can send it up to you," Saddler said with a sly look.

"Ooooh, too bad. We probably won't be here tomorrow since we have places to go and places to see. But maybe the next time we visit we'll take you up on that offer," Amy said with a mock sad expression.

"Um, guy, you forgot the cheese," Jeremy pointed out.

"Why, so I have! You two young ones stay here while I check the pantry for my special cheese," Saddler said with a creepy tone. He then leaned over the table and whispered,"I made it myself. It has a very special ingredient that will change your life forever!"

Saddler then straightened up and turned to leave. He stopped when he reached the double doors that led to the pantry room.

"Stay where you are," Saddler said in a menacing tone. Then he left.

The two sat there for a few seconds. Should they go? Was the desk clerk in on Saddler's evil plan?

"Amy... I'm not so hungry anymore," Jeremy said in a squeaky voice.

"Neither am I... We should leave... NOW!"

Both turned around to run, but stopped upon seeing two men blocking the door way. They were speaking in rapid Spanish and looked ordinary enough till they turned their heads to look at the siblings.

Their faces were pasty and unhealthy looking. Their red eyes shown brightly when staring at the two Americans. They were Ganado villagers. Only difference was that they were dressed nicely in a chefs outfit with clean aprons.

The four had a staring thing going on. Both sets did not know exactly what to do. The silence was finally broken when Saddler reappeared.

"Here it is! My special cheddar cheese," Saddler said with obvious evil glee.

"Um.. Is it sapposed to have all that... purple stuff," Jeremy asked.

"Yes... Now sit... down," Saddler said slowly.

In case you peeps are wandering, the purple stuff is more eggs. Now where Saddler gets the idea of ingesting the eggs will infect you with the parasite, is a mystery. Then again, this is a chaos fic with random and freaky things. Get use to the things that don't make sense, people!!

Saddler then got straight down to work. He began to cook the ground sausage for the amlet, humming all the while. Strangely, he was humming the funeral tune you hear on the old cartoons.

While the sausage began to sizzle in the frying pan, Saddler was busy trying to get them to spill the beans on the number of people they were staying with in the hotel. You should be proud of these two as they played dumb and acted so innocent.

Then, the unexpected happened. Or really a expected thing that you fans know if you have been sticking with this story thus far. Thus far... Thus far... I like saying that. It makes me sound so smart!... What was I saying again?? Oh! Right! The unexpected happened. The turkey/cow ground sausage meat came alive!! Dun! Dun! Duuuuuuuuun!!

"Dooooooooe! Raaaaaay! Meeeeeee! Faaaaaaaa! Sooooooooo! Laaaaaaa! Teeeeeaaaaaaa! Doooooooooooooooooooe!"

"Oh no. Not again," Saddler groaned.

"Hello my sweet audience. It feels so good to be back alive again. Well, more like the living dead," the cooking meat said in a deep velvety voice.

Amy and Jeremy leaped from there chairs and backed away. Saddler gave them what he thought was an encouraging smile and told them to sit back down.

"No way! We've met too many of those freaky foods to stay still. They're evil food," Jeremy pointed out.

"Oh! No! No! No! I'm not like my cousins! I'm more of a layed back sort who likes to sing and dance!... Then I try to hurt you. Let me explain."

The meat cleared it's... uh... throat like meat substance before giving them the cliff note version. Truth be told, it's a waste of time to write about but I'll do it anyways. I'm the best author in the world... Not!

"I'm a turkey Umbrella experiment gone wrong. Umbrella was using the T-virus and changing it a bit to make it into a super IQ thing. They took a bunch of my turkey brethren and I and injected us with the new virus. It worked of course in the IQ department. The side effects on the other hand was not what they expected."

The meat paused to laugh evily. Strangely enough, he had Saddler and the young youth's attention. Heck, he even has mine!

"We grew to about six inches higher and gained more fat and muscle. Umbrella thought that they had created the ultimate killing machine. But we were not to be used like the way they wanted. We wanted to be free and to live our lives the way we see fit. And- hey!"

Saddler had covered the pan with it's lid, muffling the words of the killer sausage. Curses were heard and eventually name calling at the tall evil guy. Saddler eventually took the lid off and glared at the sizzling meat.

"What did you say," Saddler growled out.

"Let me explain myself in terms that a five year old would understand... YOU- (spits hot grease at Saddler who in turn screams as the grease hits his eyes) ARE- (more hot grease spit) A- (yet more hot spit grease) BEEP! BEEPING! BEEP! BEEP! PANSY!!" (now the grease is being spit out constantly)

Yes, I had to censure the cursing do to the horrible ways he put together the curse words. Don't like it? Then go jump in a lake. I did it for comedic reasons. Ouch! Hey! Who threw that tomato?!

(Krauser is sitting in the audience, shifting his eyes suspiciously. His face is lit up with a grin.)

Hey you! Yeah, the one with the scar! Come here so I can kick your fat butt! Yeah, that's right. I did say you have a fat butt. And I'm glad Leon and Ada kicked your fat butt in Resident Evil 4!!... AHHHHHHHH!

( Krauser comes after author on stage. His lips are curled up in a snarl as he yells while chasing the poor author on the stage. They run around in circles a few times. Then the author runs off the stage and screams while doing so. Krauser turns his arm into that weird looking blade and follows suit.)

Hunk walks on to the stage and faces you, the audience. He just stares, breathing through his green gas mask. His breathing sounds a lot like Darth Vader's... Don't it?

Suddenly, Darth Vador appears and points at Hunk. Hunk seems surprised that a STAR WARS character is here and is pointing at him. Wander what the dark one wants.

"You (breathes) the one who wears the green gas mask (breaths) and breaths as I do. (breaths) I challenge you to a duel. (breaths) Only one can wear the mask and breath in that certain way." (breaths)

Darth Vador suddenly brings out his red light savor. (Hey, I always said the name wrong. Don't sue me if I write the name wrong also!) Hunk takes a step back.

"Darth. (breaths) I can't help it that CAPCOM wrote me this way. (breaths) Just take it easy and-"

"Silence! Behold my power," Vader said as he used his dark force and caused some zombie audience members to float over the stage. Vader quickly slices and dices, mutilating the zombies.

Hunk doesn't have a light saber nore does he think he needs one. With amazing quickness, he drew out his TMP and fired. Not one bullet found it's mark. Vader merely raised one hand while the other hand held the light saber. He copied the matrix move and used the force to freeze the bullets before they reached him.

"Oh beep!"

Hunk drops his now empty TMP and runs for it. Vader lowers his hand, dropping the bullets as he does so.

"Hmm. (Breaths) The force isn't strong with this one. (Breaths) No matter. There can be only one," Vader says before running off the stage to give chase to Hunk.

On to the Author's buddies, Chris and Scotty!!

"Here we are with the match of the zombie dogs. The match is about to start so let's cut to Johnny the announcer/referee," Chris said joyfully.

"I want to go home!! ERr. Um... Zombies and zombies, welcome to the next match up. Introducing in the left corner is the killer man eater, man's evil best friend, Nightmare, Siiiiiir Eat's-A-Lot for the remake Res 1 team!!"

Sir Eat's-A-Lot ran down the left corner and jumps into the ring. He growls menacingly at Johnny and starts to follow him around. Johnny gulps and rushes through the next announcment.

"Out of the right corner is the Res 2 team's favorite doggie. He's the drooler of droolers, the eater of feet, the chump from the dump, Fiiiiiddddooooooo!"

Fido ran down, barking happily as he did so. He jumped inside the ring, drooling heavily. Johnny didn't like the look Fido was giving him. All this talk about humans is making me hungry...

"You things know the rules... Keep it gross and... and... just fight already and stop looking at me like I'm food!!"

With that said, Johnny leaped over the ropes and ran to the announcer table and rung the bell. The match started with a bang.

Fido immediately went for the jugular, causing Sir Eats-A-Lot to howl in pain and anger. Since the flesh is rotten, the mouthful tore from the body. This gave Res 1 dog the chance to turn and bite Fido on the butt.

Well, if you have ever watched a dog fight between dogs, then you know what goes on. Biting, yelping, tearing of the flesh. It's all good.

Flesh was torn apart, muscle tissue destroyed by teeth, an eye ball went flying into the audience at one point. Things couldn't get more gruesome for the audience watching by internet. Chris was gleeful as money signs danced around in his head.

In the end, Sir Eats-A-Lot won. He tore poor Fido's head off and took off, trying to find the right spot to bury it. Res 2 zombies booed in their own way while the Res 1 zmbies did a hula dance. That left the score of 2 to 2. A tie.

"Wow! What a match! For those who are at home watching this on your computer, stay tuned for the matches of al matches! George (Res 2 leader) and Tom (Res 1 leader) are going to duke it out for the Zombie Monster Bash title! Now, a word from our sponsors," Chris said with childish glee.

Chris got up to rush over to some more of his posters and sock puppets when Scot grabbed his arm and stopped him. Chris gave his younger brother a puzzled look, waiting for his explanation for his stopping him.

"Don't worry, I got this one covered," Scotty said with a wink.

Chris smiled and sat down to relax. Then a thought struck him. Scotty didn't know who the sponsor was, so how was he...

Scotty jumped in front of the camera with a poster held in front of him. The poster was painted with a cartoon version of him with a microphone in his hand. Printed in bold blue was this, "THIS PROGRAM IS SPONSORED BY CAPCOM WHO IN TURN IS CHANGING 'CHRIS'S AND SCOTTY'S MONSTER ZOMBIE BASH' INTO 'SCOTTY'S AND HIS BROTHER'S ZOMBIE MONSTER BASH!!' "

"This program is sponsored by CAPCOM. (A.N: Not really.) Even if they don't know it yet. Remember, order 'Scotty's and his Brother's Zombie Monster Bash' on my web page."

To Chris's disbelief, Scott turned on te CD player which had the song "We Are The Champions" playing. Chris could feel his blood boil as Scott did a little jig while holding the poster. What was his brother thinking?!

Chris snatched the poster away and tore it in two. When Scott gave him a smug look, Chris almost lost it.

"Excuse me, but I thought we agreed that it was 'Chris's and Scotty's Monster Zombie Bash'?"

"It was. But now I changed it."

Chris nodded his head as if he was resigned to the fact that his brother out witted him. Scotty's eyes grew wide. He knew that look very well. Very well indeed.


Chris screamed as he pulled a homer and began choking his brother. Scotty copied his action and choked back. All the while, the hme viewers watched in shock as their two favorite hosts tried to kill each other.

"Why you! (gasp) Little! (Gasps) Buger eater!!," Chris gasped out.

"You're! (gasps) Not! (gasps) The only! (gasps) Star of the show," Scotty gasped in a gravely voice. Both of the boys faces turned red and blue.

The camera man just shook his head. Though tempted to stop them, he figured that he should stay out of it. After all, he wasn't payed to stop sibling fights.

"Cwis! (gasps) I (gasps) canth (gasps) bweath!!"

"Me (gasps) weither!"

"Wet wo!"

"Wou wirst," Chris barely got out as his knees began to buckle.

Suddenly, Stan, Kyle, Eric Cartman and Kenny from South Park appear. Cartman has a strange remote control in his hand that glitters and makes a bunch of beeping sounds. The boys look at each other in silence.

"Dude, it worked. It actually worked," Stan said in astonishment.

"Ha! Ha! Told you Kyle! I was right and you were wrong," Cartman said while pushing the remote in Kyles face.

"Shut-up, fat-(beep!)," Kyle retorted back. He crosses his arms and looked away, angry that the over bearing fourth grader was actually right about the remote controller.

"Mmrrrrn! Mrrn mmrn mmmmrn?," Kenny said as he pointed at Chris and Scotty. His orange snow suit making it very difficult to speak clearly.

"Kyyyyyle, yoooou are a looooser for nooooooooot believing meeeeeee," Cartman sang loudly while Kyle's face turned beet red.

"Cartman, I-"

Kyle stopped when Kenny began to hit him on the arm. The boys then noticed that they were in a world totally different from their own. For one, their one dimensional and are cartoons. Our world was like a whole new planet to them.

"Just great! Thanks a lot Cartman! We're stuck on a show that we never heard of before," Stan said accusingly.

"Yeah, nice going lard-(beep!) I thought you said we would be on Survivor," Kyle cursed the angry looking fat kid.

The argument didn't get far due to Chris and Scotty. They had stopped choking each other and instead knelt and stared at their cartoon favorites while gasping for air like a fish out of water.

"What the (beep) are you looking at," Cartman demanded.

"I can't believe it. It's the South Park kids," Chris rasped in a wheezing voice. Scotty was too stunned to say anything.

"Hey! How did you know we're from South Park," Stan asked with suspicion.

"Man, you guys are one of our favorite shows," Scotty finally spoke. Though his voice was low as a whisper due to the previous choking he had just endured.

"Dude, what's he talking about," asked Stan.

"I know what the strange looking guy is talking about. You see, this is an alien planet that is a parallel universe in the year 2220. They've chosen to look like human beings though they are doing it very badly. Yes, I knew that this would happen with my time remote machine clicker," Cartman said in his usual 'I know everything' voice.

"Cut the crap, Cartman. This isn't a alien-what-you-may-call-it thingy. Stop acting like a know it all," Stan said while rolling his eyes.

"Hey," Cartman exclaimed.

"And didn't you say your remote was magic?," Kyle pointed out.

"Nuh-uhn," Cartman retorted in a whiny voice.

"Uh-huh," Kyle said back.

"Chris, Scotty. Uh, we really need to get back with the show. You are on the air," the camera man pointed out.

"But how are we going to be the hosts if we can hardly talk?," Scotty asked.

Chris's eyes lit up. "Why not let these guys do it."

"Do what," asked Kyle.

"Be hosts to the people at home on the Internet watching the 'Chris's and Scotty's Monster Zombie Bash' show," Chris wheezed.

The boys looked at each other with excitement. Them, hosting a show? How cool was that!!

"Really?," asked Stan.

"Sure. Well, at least till we fill better. Now, two of you can fill in for us while the other two goes down and help Johny out with his interviews with the zombie fighters. In fact, one of you can handle the web cam down there while the other helps Johnny out," Scotty said while rubbing his bruised throat.

"Awesome," Stan and Cartman said together. Kyle and Kenny seemed to be the only ones who wanted to go home.

"Guys, I don't think this is such a good idea."

"Oh look! The stupid-"

(Author: No racists remarks Cartman.)

"Dmmph! Whmm wams mmph?"

"I... don't know Kenny. I don't know," Cartman said as he looked up at the sky.

"Anyways, don't you guys remember our old Elementary school news show?"

"Yeah! Except Kenny wasn't on it cause he's too poor! Heh heh heh! Heh heh heh! Heh heh heh heh heh-ow! Keeeenny! Why-ow! STOP IT!"

Chris and Scotty looked at Cartman and Kenny in amusement. It seemed that Kenny had enough of Cartman's antics.

"Hmmm. Yeah, we did bail when we found out that coming up with new ideas for the show was too much work," Stan said as he pondered Kyle's question.

"I don't care what anybody says, we are staying here to do the show!"

Kyle's face turned bright red as his temper began to boil.

"Eric, this isn't our world! This is just some lame show that we never heard of-"

"Shut up Kyle! Just sh- Hey! Don't touch my magical... er... Let go of my clicker!!!!!"

Cartman and Kyl, Stan and Kenny began to struggle with the strange remote. Then a blinding flash filled the sky.... The characters in South park were gone.

"Well.... Guess we're hosting the show," Scotty commented while rubbing his throat.

"Easy come, easy go," Chris replied.

A/N: Wow. It's ben over a year since I started this fic. I'm sorry for waiting so long to update. Life has been crazy around here, along with my crappy computer acting up, posting has become a very hard thing to do. Lot of family problems that got me really down and angry. All creative spark has been gone for a few months. But now I'm back and found the spark again! Thank you SaberTooth for inspiring me some months ago to get back to writing. It got me thinking and laughing again! AND THANK YOU FANS FOR BEING PATIENT!!!

Oh, and one more thing. We have another recruit for the story! And the Res character that will be stalked by this fan will make things interesting and... well.... crazy. After all..... THIS IS CHAOS IN THE RESIDENT EVIL WORLD!!!!