Drowning

Lessons

/\/\/\/\/\/

Without a sound I took her down
and dressed in red and blue I squeezed

You didn't expect me here, did you? The invitation was common courtesy, but you never thought that I would show up. But you've underestimated me, something that you never used to do. However, I think that you've forgotten those days, a toast to the silence with which I creep up on the chapel. What a lovely place for a wedding.

It's easy for you to spot me, but an awful lot harder for you to approach me. I let you avoid my voice, but never my eyes.

And I take a drink for all of the mornings when I have woken up alone.

Imaginary wedding gown
That you can't wear in front of me

I must be hallucinating. A wedding gown? Really, I never expected it. But this is a wedding, correct? A wedding that I was invited to. And you, my dear, look beautifully out of place, and wonderfully lost. I'm sure that you were never one to fantasize about your wedding day, but today the dress is more than just material.

It's the elegant knife in you hands, and the disenchanted hole in my chest.

And I take a drink for the gown that you're not wearing for me.

A kiss goodbye, your twisted shell
As rice grains and roses fall at your feet

You're not the same, at least not to me. Every time I wake up not knowing where I am, I know that you must do the same. I'm still holding you hostage, but you don't really care. You've found a replacement life, and a new person to live it with. Your life is worth nothing in my hands, but I still don't want to let it go.

Every congratulation you receive thrusts the wedding gown through my heart again.

And I take a drink for the white lace in my lungs.

Let's say goodbye, the hundredth time
And then tomorrow we'll do it again

Was it yesterday that you promised that you'd come back? Or the day before? Perhaps it was both, or maybe my brain just isn't getting enough oxygen. Will you promise again, just for old time's sake? I'd love to bid you farewell in that entrancing gown.

Don't meet my eyes, and put an end to this circle.

And I take a drink for yesterday's goodbye.

I dragged her down I put her out
And back there I left her where no one could see

If every smile covered us in blood, then you would drown and I would float. Yet, some of us endure so much that we drown over and over again, and no one wants to save us. If I drown in the blood at this smiling chapel, may I take you down with me?

We've both gone through so much that no one will see us dying.

And I take a drink for smiles that you'll choke on.

And lifeless cold into this well
I stared as this moment was held for me

Dark red like black, sticking to the walls like spider webs. If he gets stuck there, you'll always have me. We'll seal it with darkness so he can't see, and I'll let you pick out a new dress. I wouldn't want anyone else to take this knife out of my heart. But, for heaven's sake, I wish that you would take it out soon.

I'm losing too much blood in this chapel. Can nobody see the pool around my feet?

And I take a drink for the death of an invisible man.

A kiss goodbye, your twisted shell
As rice grains and roses fall at your feet

I should probably be seeing a doctor about this blood loss. I think I'll stay for the wedding, though. It really is lovely. But, don't you think that the music is playing rather loudly? It's quite irritating, actually. In my opinion, it disturbs the peace of the church yard.

Everybody else seems fine, but the earth appears the be shaking beneath my feet. . .

And I take a drink for the organ that mocks me.

Let's say goodbye, the hundredth time
And then tomorrow we'll do it again

I really wish that I could remember what you said to me. But everything before today is a bit fuzzy. Whatever you said, I wasn't too worried about it. I guess I should have been, as that was the last time I saw you until this afternoon. In that exquisite wedding gown, nonetheless.

Actually, now that I think of it, I can't remember much beyond two minutes ago.

And I take a drink for all the forgotten memories.

I never thought it'd be this way
Just me and you, we're here alone

Pardon my swaying, but everything has begun to blend together. Faces diminish, and then disappear. And just as your lips are about to touch, his face disappears too. I feel as though this would be a good time to step in, and capture your lips in mine before any of the faces come back.

But there's a problem, because I can't see my own face.

And I take a drink for the unexpected outcome of ignorance.

And if you stay, all I'm asking for is
A thousand bodies piled up

It was a lie. Everything since then was a big, white lie. I do have the guts to kill. Maybe I can't pull the trigger, but bullets are not the cause of death. People are. And if there was ever a question, then you have the guts to kill also. You've murdered at least once before, and you left before the blood could stain your hands.

No, actually, I don't think you can even see the blood.

And I take a drink for the blessing of seeing in black and white.

I never thought would be enough
To show you just what I've been thinking

If you could see inside my mind, you'd have to be the one to define evil. It's only fair, as the pure mind of a murderer lies inside my broken skull. And it will be the only thing that remains once the blood seeps out. So I hope that somebody sees the blood, because I'll be a stain either way.

Why am I the only one who can see the stain?

And I take a drink for the curse of seeing in color.

And I'll keep on making more, just to prove that I adore
Every inch of sanity, all I'm asking for is, all I'm asking for is

I used to value my intelligence, but now it just seems like a burden. Intelligence isn't what brought him to this beautiful chapel. I brought him here. I'm the one that carried him to the churchyard. But, in all honesty, it doesn't even matter anymore. The words have been said, and you wouldn't take them back for anything, or anyone. But, oh, how I wish I could remember what you'd said to me.

Maybe, just maybe, that would ebb this flow of blood.

And I take a drink for the 'I do' that you complete without looking at me.

These hands stained red
From the times that I've killed you and then

I'm sorry that I didn't bring a gift. It would have been a nice thing to do. I'm sure that there's something that I can give you, if the writing is still legible through the blood. When I pass out, you will be able to find it in my jacket pocket. An envelope addressed to you.

I see the blood, now, from all the times I've broken your heart, and the times that you've broken mine in return.

And I take a drink for every small piece that got lost along the way.

We can wash down this engagement ring
With poison and kerosene

The day that he finds your ring in the sink will be the day that I drown in the blood. And when it clogs the sinks and floods your lovely little house, nobody will notice me dying. Douse yourself in explosives, but don't light the fire, because that would be a waste of a perfect photo opportunity.

Too bad the camera man is busy.

And I take a drink for the ground, which is calling my name.

We'll laugh as we die
And we'll celebrate the end of things with cheap champagne

Somebody finally notices, as I collapse in the pool of black and white blood. My own laugh is a cackle like horror movies, and his worried face is like a photo negative. He sees the world in color, and my blood is making an untidy stain on the floor of the chapel. When did the reception begin? Excuse my memory.

How ironic that the camera man sees my fall.

And I take a drink for the attention that I'm stealing from you on your wedding day.

Without, without a sound

Without, without a sound

You noticed that I came, finally. You're looking into my eyes, and seeing me in color. But I was wrong, and it was a lie. Just because you see in color doesn't mean that you see the blood.

Just because you see me dying doesn't mean that you broke my heart.

And you take a drink for the death of a man you once knew.

And I wish you away
Without a sound
And I wish you away

You're not watching me anymore, and that saddens me a bit. But the sadness doesn't last long. I wish that I could say your face was the last thing I saw, but it wasn't. I saw the camera man, and the flash of his large black Polaroid. Do you think that it takes pictures in color?

Or will the whole world see my death in black and white?

And you take a drink for silence with which I crept up on the chapel.

Without a sound, without a sound
And I wish you away

Without a sound, without a sound
And I wish you away

At least you got to see my fall, when the bottle of pills fell out of my jacket pocket. But what's this? Something else falls out also. An envelope addressed to you.

The camera man brings it to you, although he wishes that he could open it himself. What a story it would make.

And you take a drink for the silence with which I left the chapel.

Without a sound, without a sound
And I wish you away

You don't cry when your read it, although that would have made the picture perfect, whether it was in color or not.

I will never forget what you said to me when you left.

And you take a drink for the blood that I drowned in, and for the long drive ahead.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/

A/N: Holy shit, that was long! And pretty hard to write. . . But, I won't lie, I love it. I love that song SO much. I suggest that you listen to it while reading, but that's just me. Also, if you didn't read the lyrics, GO BACK AND READ THEM. I wouldn't have put them in there if I didn't want you to read them.

Thanks, as always, to Liv. She is an awesome beta

And, while I have your attention, I'll go for some shameless advertising. You should all listen to the song Heaven Help Us by My Chemical Romance. It's amazing.

Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Eoin Colfer. The lyrics in italics belong to My Chemical Romance, and are the lyrics to their ah-mazing song, Drowning Lessons.