Lupin was alone in the hideout. Researching the next heist, Lupin wished he knew where Jigen and Goemon were. They had been going out mysteriously for the past few weeks, and it annoyed him. Lupin hated secrets.
Well, any secrets he didn't know.
As a result, Lupin was punching the keyboard much too hard. Then it broke.
"Augh! This stupid keyboard is just a lousy piece of trash!" He kicked the keyboard out the and Goemon came back to the sight of Lupin smoking and gripping an old book with white knuckles. Lupin whipped the book down the a slam.
"Nice of you to come back!" he snarled. "It's nice you two can have so much fun without me! Look, if you want to quit, then just go. I can only put up with so much you guys and your immature actions!"
"Fujiko dumped you again, huh?" Jigen said.
"What is it that the other guy's that I don't?" Lupin whined.
"Class?" Goemon suggested.
"Manners?" Jigen added. "Don't forget that most of the others don't look like monkeys."
"Shut up!" Lupin yelled. "Just stop answering questions and help."
He handed Goemon the old book, "Here. You like these boring kinds of things."
Goemon took the book but didn't open it.
"Well, what're you waiting for?"
"Fujiko," Jigen said.
"Huh?" Lupin was dumbfounded, then excited. "Is Fujiko coming?! Did she finally realize she can't live without me?"
Jigen replied, "No. Goemon and I invited her here."
"What! Have you been visiting Fujiko all these weeks? She's mine! Alright, it's time to duel!"
Goemon gave Lupin a withering look. "Put the YuGiOh cards away. Jigen and I have things to discuss with Fujiko."
Lupin put his cards away. "You're just scared because I have all the good cards..." he muttered.
"Actually, you have things to talk with her as well."
"Like what?"
"Like this."
Goemon motioned to Jigen, who handed Lupin a bundle of papers.
Jigen explained, "Goemon and I thought it was weird that Fujiko hasn't been leeching off you lately. She didn't have a new guy, but she was still living the high life. Normally, I wouldn't complain if she never appeared again...But Fujiko's worse when you don't know what she's up to."
"Your point?"
"We found out how Fujiko is making all her money. Just read it."
Lupin looked down at the papers. It seemed to be a story. He flipped it open and read:

The small hut was old, but it provided shelter from the rain. Jigen and Goemon found an ancient stove and lit the fire. They stripped off their wet clothes and hung them to dry. If they wanted to sit near the fire, the were forced to sit next to each other, due to the size of the shelter.
The silence lasted an eternity.
"Why did you run away?" Jigen asked at length.
"I needed..more training," Goemon said softly.
"That's a lie."
"Why did you follow me?" Goemon wondered.
"I was...afraid," Jigen mumbled.
"For me?"

Jigen didn't answer. Though both were loathe to admit it, they had been stealing glances at the other's body the entire time. Goemon was thinking that the firelight make Jigen's skin glow with a warmth that accentuated his lean curves. Jigen thought Goemon looked like an angel, and was surprised that he could stop staring at his muscular chest.
Jigen turned and looked in to Goemon's face.
Goemon swallowed and said the first thing that came to mind.
"You have the most beautiful eyes. Why do you hide them?"
The moment over came them both. They drew closer and-

Lupin stopped reading. "What is this disturbing, yet hilarious thing?"
"Hilarious!" Jigen exploded. "Fujiko wrote this and is spreading it all over the internet! She gets people to pay money for it!"
"Enterprising," Lupin observed.
"She has stuff written about you, too, Lupin."
"Good things?"
"Think of what you just read…with you and Zenigata. Or me. Or Goemon. Or all four of us. Is that good?"
Lupin shuddered. "Why would anyone pay money for this?"
"Crazy fan-girls will do anything for their perverse pleasure," Goemon stated.
"But it's worse than that!" Jigen was livid. "That woman's just gone too far!"
"What did she do?"
"She illustrated all her 'stories' with doctored photos of us! The fans eat it up! People are starting to believe in it. Did you know that I've got four other propositions to be partners with somebody in the past week?"
"Well Jigen, you are quite the marksmen—Oh. That kind of partner. Eww."
"And Goemon received twelve!"
"Jigen, are you upset that Goemon is more popular than you are, or that Fujiko is writing about your affair?"
"Lupin! This is serious! Think about how this could affect your reputation. Hanging around with us two guys…with the stories Fujiko is writing…and the stories she's writing about you…How will you get date with any woman, unless that woman happens to be named Bubba?"
Lupin sighed. "What are you going to do?"
"We're going to have our revenge! Goemon and I wrote some stories about Fujiko…and we're going to get her!"
Lupin was interested. "Can I write one too?"
"You should. We're going to tell her that unless she's takes down those stories, next week, she won't be the only one with soul sucking fics."

Fujiko stalked into the room. "I heard what you guys are planning on doing, so now hear this! There is nothing you can do to make me stop! This is the best cash cow I've found in years, and I'm going to milk it dry. The only way to stop me would be to stop the fans, and you can't stop fan-girls."
"She's right," Goemon said. "They just keep multiplying."
"I'm warning you Fujiko, I mean business. Take down your stupid fics, or face my wrath!"
Fujiko smiled. "Bring it on."
"This means war!" Jigen said. Fujiko left the hideout to go back to writing her horror stories.
"If you need me," Jigen growled, "I'll be typing up Fujiko's death."
Lupin looked up. "Okay, but first you need to buy a new keyboard. I broke the last one today."
Muttering curses against Lupin and Fujiko, Jigen left to buy a new keyboard.