Earth to earth, she chanted in her head along with the priest standing at the head of the grave, dressed in his too white robes that stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the sea of black.
Ashes to ashes, her eyes focused on the wooden casket being lowered into the ground. The pretty flowers lying on the lid, lily's her favorites. They too were to white, too pure. But they were her flower, they matched her perfectly. Her laughter, her happiness, everything about her. They should be the only white at the service, not that dumb priest in his stupid white robes. This was her day, a sad one, but it was still hers. She felt resentment swell up in her, threatening to boil over.
Dust to dust, and the sun was shining, it shouldn't be. It should be raining, it should be pouring, the wind should howl like she was howling inside because she was gone. It should tear up the earth make people scared and remorseful because it was through people's idiocy that someone so kind and loving was dead. The world should be angry and so should the weather.
In sure and certain hope, she couldn't cry any more. She felt dry and empty. People she didn't even know were around her and crying. Sniveling into their handkerchiefs. She didn't even know them. She didn't know who they were and what they'd meant to her. A hand on her shoulder, black nailed and pale held onto her. Aunt Sue. Her sister was in that box, disappearing into the ground. If Sam had a choice she'd want to be turned to the ashes the priest was blabbering about and be spread on the wind. That is what should've happened for her mom. That way she could dance, dance in death as she had in life. But instead she was being buried under the earth, cold and hard and that was it.
Of the resurrection into eternal life.
The black clad people scattered. Like birds being disturbed they fluttered away, large black birds against the perfect blue sky that should be grey. Sam turned her face to the stupid sky, to the harsh sunlight and felt her lungs swell with the cold air. She hated all of them.
"Come on Sam," the hand on her shoulder gave a light squeeze.
Sam's cinnamon eyes closed, red bangs pulling and whipping, wake up, wake up, wake up, they said. I can't she thought back, turned her eyes away from the sky and headed back towards the car waiting for them. Away from the grave waiting to be filled, and away from the tombstone, so bleak and desolate by itself. Hers should be beside it she thought bitterly.
Here lies Louise Maryanne Forester
Beloved mother, cherished sister
May she rest in peace.
"Samantha! Are you even listening to me!?" the exasperated annoyed voice of her teacher cut across the classroom full of teens.
The girl with the long red hair looked up, pulling out a white ear bud by its wire. She arched a red brow in answer.
The teacher's eyes narrowed, "if you'll be kind enough to pack up your things and go to the principal's office. I think I've had quite enough of your attitude."
Sam looked at the teacher steadily, her head tilted to one side and then she shrugged. Picking up her books, shoving them into the black messenger bag and slinging it over her shoulder.
She took the offered note ignoring the looks on her classes anticipatory, eager faces, some shocked, some happy, she could care less. Pushing her bangs back from her eyes she slouched out of the classroom and headed down the hallway in the opposite direction to the principals office.
She made sure to drop the pretty white note into the first trashcan she passed.
Sam hadn't felt like being in school today anyway.
She heard a door slam somewhere over her music and rolling her eyes she turned it up higher, louder, letting it pour out of her speakers and wrap about her.
"Sam!" the yell was harsh, heavy as the hand that thunked on the door.
The red head turned on her side, away from the door. "Turn that noise down and come and talk to me."
Talk? Talk was pretty useless, especially now.
"Please Sam," her aunt's voice was pleading.
Sam pulled a pillow up over her head and kept her eyes fixed on the poster of a cartoon character. It was a cool cartoon character, one she'd seen one day on nickelodeon, got obsessed with and found its picture in a magazine. Now she had a picture of Katara the water-bender on her wall.
There was a final thunk, tearing her attention away from the wall. She guessed that it probably her aunt's head against the door. And then there was nothing but her and the music.
Her lips pressed in a bitter smile, good.
Sue dialed the number she'd been fretting over for the last three months, since it had turned up on caller id four months ago. Since Louise had died.
She waited anxiously as it patched through and started to ring. She'd run out of options, completely at her wits end, nothing worked, there was no communication at all between them.
"Hello?" a voice asked, feminine and young. It sounded like Sam had when she used to rush to the phone to answer it. Back when she was young and innocent and not the jaded angry teen that was in that room by herself, slowly tearing herself in half.
"Hello," Sue replied, "is Wyatt there please?"
Sam glared mutinously at the table before her, bags packed already for her by the door.
"Don't look at me like that," Sue shot out as she crossed the room grabbing a caramel colored jacket off the back of a chair. Her blonde hair fixed in chignon, bangs framing her blue eyes. Lines about her mouth showing how distressed she was. She grabbed her keys on her next round of the kitchen.
Sam's cinnamon eyes were cold and hurt, "I can't do this anymore Sam. You make it harder everyday, it's gotten worse. Skipping school, missing detention, hell getting detention! Missing a meeting with the principal after being sent directly to his office?!"
Sue shook her head looking at Sam for something, anything to prove her that she was doing the wrong thing.
It was decided then, Sam was going to Nevada and that was that.