Disclaimers: Some of the ideas in this story belong to Holly4...don't worry i have got her permission to use them and of course all the characters in this story belong to the fabulous Joss Whedon (sighs)

Full Summary: Buffy mum's is not dead and the whole Spike admitting his love for Buffy and Buffy bot thing happened in the middle of season 5 instead of when it actually happened. Basically Buffy learns to trust Spike more and comes to realise a few things about him and herself. Sorry guys i don't want to give too much away, plus i kind of don't know where this is going yet myself but please please please PLEASE read and review :)

­­­­­­­­­­­­

Chapter one

She felt numb and cold inside, not only that she was feeling angry,

upset and over everything else confused and scared. When she

walked into his crypt that afternoon she was ready to kill him bare

handed - snap his neck, anything because she thought, no she knew

there was no chance in hell that he would keep the fact that Dawn

was the key a secret from Glory. She opened the front door to her

house and when she closed it she slid against it with her head in her

hands mulling over what had happened.

Flashback: He was lay there on the

sarcophagus as she walked over to him. He sat up covered in

bruises as she began to act like the bot. "Spike!...your all covered in sexy wounds," Buffy chirped

The blonde vampire sat up slowly, his eyes almost swollen shut as he started to speak.

"Yeah, coz' i feel REAL sexy...where have you been?" he asked the bot

Buffy was taken aback a little by how badly beaten he was.

"I fell down and got confused...Willow fixed me, she is gay," she said in a matter-of-factly way, trying to sound like the bot

Spike frowned in confusion and this.

End flashback.

Buffy began to cry softly into her hands, sniffuling and trying to keep

it together. She couldn't believe what had happened to Spike and

began to think over the latter parts of that conversation.

Flashback:

As the bot was making to leave the crypt Spike practically

screamed at her/it and it made the slayer jump out of her

skin...almost.

"NO! (coughs as the bot turns back to him) you cant' ever!...

Glory never finds out," he said with a serious tone

Before the bot/Buffy annonced that she would go and tell the

hell bitch about Dawn he was talking her so calmly and gentle

that it scared the hell out of her. Buffy blinked back at

him. What???? he never told Glory? he let himself get

that thrashed about and NEVER told her... i don't

get it Buffy thought

"Why?" she asked

By this time the bot/buffy had come a little closer to him.

Spike's voice was practically a whisper.

"'Cause Buffy...the not so pleasant Buffy...if anything ever

happened to Dawn it'd destroy her (sighs a little) i

couldn't live, her being in that much pain...i'd let

Glory kill me first...nearly bloody did," he explained

Buffy frowned slightly, stepped upto him and kissed him

softly on the lips. He begins to kiss her back but

she pulled away and as she began to walk out he

spoke.

"And my robot?" he asked

The slayer turned back to him.

"The robot was gross and obscene...it wasn't even real, but

what you did for Dawn...for me, that was real,i won't forget it" she said

before walking back out of the crypt.

End of flashback.

The slayer stood herself back up and made her way up the stairs to

the bathroom. As she filled up the tub she couldn't stop the tears

from falling down. She began to sob uncontrolably, tears splashing

onto her golden cheeks. Buffy struggled to turn the tap off and

then turn to look at herself in the mirror. she muttered " he isn't

the monster...i am," and she began to undress herself and

stepped into the bath, letting the water devor her.

Sorry this chapter is so short, so what do you think so far? please review:)