The Trip From Hell

A/N: *nervous laugh* It's been a while. Komenasai!!!! I'm soooo sooo sorry~! I just started a new school and- uh no excuses, blame me for all problems against society. However, I will attempt to update more. I really like writing this story, it's just… hard, especially with my outside works of my own (which in all honesty all have a better writing style) that I'm getting ready to publish. But so say the least I am so sorry, I know I've failed as a fan fiction author, and am trying to fix it.

But hey we're all human right? *nervous laugh*

By the way, the chimaeras comment was stolen from the FMA video game the curse of the crimson elixir, sorry I couldn't think of anything.

Hot is a simple word. Three letters that describes a brain perception, one that is either torturous or gentle, sick or healthy, beautiful or just plain warm in temperature, this word hot is quite a broad word.

Too broad to explain just how uncomfortable Roy Mustang was in the room with Havoc and Breda.

Now, to state evidence to back up this assertion: exhibit a) Breda snores, and not a quiet snore that isn't noticeable. No, this was an earth-shattering, ear-splitting snore that could be related to when something large and massive, at least weighing a ton is dropped on the ground. Roy wasn't a sensitive sleeper, but from horrid memories that tend to surface in the late of night, it was quite hard to get to sleep (though anyone could guess that Roy's nights in the east and central were quite, shall we say, full of activity). The added snoring didn't help.

And now we enter exhibit b: Havoc is a chain smoker, and even if he wasn't, the choice of a smoking allowed room was horrible. It was like a cigarette exploded in the room, coating everything with it's nauseating stench.

And finally, as I stated earlier it was hotter than hell, scratch that, hotter than the sun in a microwave, slowly heating from the inside out. This was the beach and it was summer, but to be in a room where air conditioning isn't working made the heat grow more and more. So much that Roy, a heavy sleeper, couldn't even close his eyes. This was only intensified by Roy's cramped condition on a couch near the wall. He grew more and more frustrated about how he couldn't sleep.

'Dammit. This must be payback for this whole mess with the Lt" he thought, his hand on his forehead, staring up at the ceiling. This constant heat reminded him of his time back in Ishbal. However, he quickly shrugged that topic away. If he went into it, sure enough sleep would never come.

He sighed as he rose from the couch. He looked over to one of the counters and grabbed his military uniform, including the over shirt and pants. He quickly pulled the pants over his boxers and snuck out of the room. He walked down the dark hallways with a growing fear. He was out of his mind, but he was also extremely lethargic and desperate for sleep.

He rode the elevator up and looked at his own body, he knew he may not know it the same way if he went through with his plan. He glanced at his watch. It was almost midnight. He sighed, but put on his brave face, thinking of exactly he would say.

He walked down the hallway with his game face on. He lifted his hand to knock on the door, hesitated, then followed through. The knock on the door seemed to ring ominously down the hallway. After a few seconds he heard the gears on the lock switch open, and then the door itself swung open. It revealed a Riza Hawkeye wearing an old t-shirt and baggy sweatpants, military issue it seemed.

"Sir? What are you doing here it's midnight?" She asked, rubbing her eyes as if it would keep her awake. She looked at Roy's serious face and knew that he was plotting something. She grew more and more curious.

"Now First Lieutenant hear me out, I know that I screwed things up and I know you deserve to hate me." He started.

"Sir what are yo-"

"Let me finish." He interrupted, his motive never leaving his grasp. "But I am your commanding officer and as such I order you to sleep with me!" He shouted. It just so happened (how ironic) that a couple back from a night of living it up walked by at just that opportune moment. They looked at him like he was a pedophile near a child. Noticing that someone was starring at him, he turned to see their glares. He just blushed, and turned to them. "No, no it's not what you think!" He said, trying to convince them. They looked to one another then quickly turned and left down the hallway. Roy was watching him as he realized he single-handedly made two more people fear the military. Riza quickly pulled him into the room before he could cause more havoc.

"Sir, I don't know what's gotten into you, alcohol or drugs, but I think you should know that I will not follow that order." She said, looking away, her eyebrow angrily twitching.

"No I meant you need to let me sleep in here. Look I went to Havoc and Breda's room to spend the night but Breda snores, Havoc smokes, and worst of all it's hotter than two chimaeras mating in a boiler room!" He said, obviously desperate. His shoulders slumped. "Please I need to sleep…" He sighed. She did the same then looked around the room. There wasn't enough room for him to sleep on the floor, the bed being huge (for reasons which you may assume), and the bar taking up free space. She realized she had no choice, there was only the bed for the two of them.

"I… guess…" she said almost as if she were in pain. His face lightened into a smile.

"Thank you Riza." He said, calling her by her first name to strengthen his gratitude. They both walked over to the bed and stopped.

"How are we going to do this?" She turned and asked him, he just looked at the bed like a starving man at food. She sighed again, then pushed him on the bed. He fell then turned, surprised. "Lieu… Lieutenant!" He shouted, his dirty mind drifting on what he thought was happening. She walked over to one side of the bed.

"Stay on that side." She ordered, then turned, facing the opposite way. Roy crawled to the opposite end of the bed and almost fell. He thought it was the most comfortable bed in the world. He fell asleep almost instantly.

"God they're both late." Fallman said, looking at his watch. The three looked at one another.

"This is the time we agreed on right?" Fuery asked, straining his memory. They all nodded.

"I wonder what's keeping them." Breda spoke watching the people walk in and out of the lobby. Havoc smiled.

"Could it be that we have just found out about the biggest cover up in the military's history?" He asked all of his comrades, a toothy grin stretching across his face. They all looked at him odd. "The colonel and the lieutenant are having an affair?" Everyone's mind drifted into their own separate idea of their affair. Fuery's was a Titanic take off, Roy stealing Riza from a pompous ass and then holding her over the front of a ship like she was a bird, Havoc was more of a military like relationship, each of them treating this like an assignment from a kinky commander. Fallman's was about Riza and Roy laying on the beach and the ocean crashing over them, and Breda's was of Roy and Riza in their office back at East headquarters, almost like a crappy porno.

As if all their fantasies were real they decided to storm the lovers and reveal their affair, not out of torture to Riza, but to Roy. Now they all knew that if that was true they had a chance at getting a girl.

When they reached the lover's hideaway Havoc pressed a finger to his lips then reached for the door knob. After the night's surprises, Riza had forgot to lock the door, and left it wide open. They were actually surprised, none of them thought this would succeed.

They slipped into the room and snuck toward the bed. They all almost fell back at what they saw. There was the couple guilty handed sleeping in the same bed. Now this normally wouldn't be a condemning piece of evidence, except for the way they were sleeping together. There they slept, Riza with one hand under her head and the other holding Hayate near her. One of Roy's arms was draped around her shoulders and the other was between her legs, in a very awkward place. As if it was too much to grasp, the four looked to one another, they were right. Just as they let out silent squeals of joy, Hayate's sleepy head rose and saw the intruders. To guard his loving master he barked as loud as he could. The bark rang out, causing the couple to slowly but surely awaken. Almost as soon as her eyes opened, she felt something was out of place. She looked down to find Roy's arms draped around her body. She pushed it away then felt something move between her legs. Her eyes widened.

"Sir, I'm giving you three seconds to remove your hand from my legs. 1…2…3" She said then turned, Roy was still asleep, but she didn't care, she pushed him off the bed and pulled her gun off of the end table near her bed. As he woke up she pressed it to his head.

"Lieutenant what's gotten into you?!" He said, trying to move away from her pressure.

"Do you even realize what you were doing!" She shouted, then her eyes drifted towards the door, then realized her audience. She then shifted the gun away from Roy and at the intruders. "What the hell are you three doing here?" She said, her voice in action mode. Hayate growled at the intruders, causing Breda to fall behind Fallman.

"Please Lt. Hawkeye!" Fallman pleaded.

"We just came up to make sure you two were okay!" Fuery explained. The three others nodded. Riza lowered her gun back to Roy. She then sighed however her gun never leaving him.

"I'm going to go get dressed, I trust I won't have any interruptions." She said, pulling the gun away and walking into the bathroom and slamming the door, leaving the group of guys all desperately trying to catch their breath. Once they did they looked to one another then the door.

"Geez, the Lieutenant sure gets fired up." Breda said, rubbing the back of his head as he looked at the door.

"That was scary!" Fuery sobbed, tears of pure fear running down his face. "I thought she was going to kill you!" he was talking to Roy, who still sat on the floor.

"I did too." He said, just looking at the door just like he did the gun.

"Sir you really should keep your hands to yourself." Havoc scolded, lighting another cigarette because he had dropped his other.

"Shut up!" Roy shouted, "You shouldn't sneak into people's rooms!"

"We were making sure you were okay." They all lied, they really came to see the love affair which they did discover, the two just didn't know it. Roy got up as they all laughed to one another at their discovery. He looked at them.

"What's so funny?" He asked, all four of them slamming their mouths shut. Havoc grew bold and answered him.

"You, did you pretend to sleep just to cop a feel?" Havoc smiled through pointed teeth. Roy grew red from embarrassment, he then turned to his jacket and reached inside to find his gloves. He pulled them out and held the pose before you snap at Havoc.

"Lt. Havoc, do you have a death wish?" he asked through gritted teeth. Havoc cowered away.

"Sir you really upset the Lt. are you going to apologize?" Fuery asked, trying to divert his attention from making Havoc into a mess for the hotel maids.

"I would if she would ever let me get close enough to apologize, before she manages to pump me full of lead." He said, looking at the door as if summoning her. She didn't come.

Riza leaned against the bathroom door hearing the boys talking to one another. She listened in anger and embarrassment as she heard Havoc teasing Roy. She looked down at her body, about to change to her civilian clothes which were luckily hanging in the bathroom. She didn't want to have to go back outside until some time had passed.

Just as she was going to leave the door she heard Fuery ask something, she pressed her ear on the door to hear better, mentally scolding herself for eavesdropping.

"Sir you really upset the Lt. are you going to apologize?" She heard Fuery's quiet voice ask. She strained her ear to make sure she heard what he was going to say in reply.

"I would if she would ever let me get close enough to apologize, before she manages to pump me full of lead." She sighed. 'No I wouldn't' she thought, though she knew he would never find out. He was much too proud to apologize for something like that. She walked away from the door, ignoring the laughs she heard from the others.

The summer heat hit hard on Riza, who didn't realize just how hot it was. Not only hot, it was humid. The thing was, she wouldn't have noticed this as much, if she hadn't been ostracized from the rest of her traveling party. She was walking with Hayate at her side and the boys trailing behind her. Roy was the only one confident enough to be closer to her, but that closeness was only in comparison to the others. In reality he was three feet behind her. She sighed once again, they were acting like grade-school boys who thought all girls had cooties.

Fuery and Breda recommended that for their first day they tour the town from the comfort of a tacky tour bus. While Roy and Havoc had strong arguments against it, Fuery and Breda ultimately won. They claimed that it'd be more fun if they knew where everything was. So that was the plan.

Riza sat on the upper deck next to the side, staring ahead and avoiding the scared glances from her party. It was almost like musical chairs, but a demented game. Breda quickly sit next to Fallman, and Havoc quickly joined Fuery leaving Roy to take the seat next to Riza. He pleaded that he was the one she was mad at, but no one would pity him. He sat next to her, also looking away. He turned to her and was about to speak when the tour guides teenage voice rang through the intercoms, including the random crack causing him to raise an octave on a random syllable.

"Welcome to our city's tour!" He said completely devoid of emotion. He then went into the welcoming conversations that are rehearsed saying his name and the driver's, although everyone forgot his name as soon as he said it.

The tour bus rolled forward, and they proceeded to see the town, except for a certain two. Roy looked away, every once in a while glaring at his subordinates, they all smiled and pointed to Riza. Riza was searching her purse for something. Roy finally worked up the courage and turned to the Lieutenant.

"Lt. Hawkeye?" He asked, watching her search her purse, she turned to him with a dirty look.

"Yes sir?" She dragged the yes on to a point saying that she was still pissed.

"Listen, about this morning," He watched as she returned her eyes to her purse. "I'm sorry." He sighed, she looked back to him.

"Are you only saying that because I threatened you?" She asked, thinking that was the obvious answer. He just looked away and rubbed his neck.

"Well, that's part of it, but I really am, I had no right, but you need to know I was asleep, I didn't mean to do it." He said, she looked at him and smiled.

"It's fine, I understand." She said, although she knew that this was the card to play in the future. Blackmail for the future. He smiled the watched as she finally found what she was looking for in her purse. She pulled out a small skinny pink box, on the front it had a pink strawberry.

"What is that?" He asked looking at the box.



"It's a treat from Xing, it tastes really good. Try one." She said, holding up the box so he could pull the skinny sticks out. As he did he looked at it like a CSI would at a bottle of blood, examining closely. She smiled, holding back laughs at his extreme curiosity. She then grabbed one for herself then looked at him as he actually ate it. He obviously liked it because he ate it fast.

"That's actually good." He said, looking at the box.

"Did you not trust me?" She asked, putting the stick in her mouth. She then sucked on the strawberry part slowly.

Now, she didn't even realize it, but she was attracting quite the attention, sucking on it slowly to get the sweet strawberry cream to come off slowly.

Roy and his subordinates watched her with dirty thoughts running through their minds.

She seemed to lighten up as the taste was enveloping her mouth. She then pulled the now plain stick out and then ate it just as quickly as he did, as to keep the strawberry taste in her mouth longer.

They all stared at her in absolute wonder.

"What?" She asked, watching as they all looked away from her blushing. She didn't even realize what she did, she was just enjoying a snack.

A/N: Okay two quick things, A) I know for a long hiatus this was a short chapter but I didn't have an idea for the rest of the tour. So this is it, and I'll update more, this time I have internet which has been deprived from me for months. B) The story of the dirty pocky is based of a life experience. I was on a school trip and I had brought Pocky. I was sucking on it and then somebody said that this was the dirtiest way he'd ever seen pocky… I had to hold back my embarrassment, I was just hungry and it tastes so good!