Disclaimer: …

Sorry about the long wait for BFM ch.6 and even longer wait for Cuffed ch.2, but my computer crashed with them on it so now I have to rewrite them and we all know that the 2nd time you write something is never as good as the 1st time but they're almost done and as soon as I get it at least close to its original awesomeness, I'll post them.

Ok I don't know what the hell was running through my mind when I wrote this so don't ask. I guess I just wanted a funny KakaSaku fic and to screw around with Naruto and Sasuke so here goes…

No Way

"No wait! I- I'm not ready yet!" a girlish voice sounded somewhat frantically.

Naruto stopped as he was passing a closed door near the back of the Academy. He looked at Sasuke whom he had been walking with and asked, "Hey did you hear something?"

The dark-haired boy nodded and stopped walking as well presumably to listen.

"Look do you wanna do it or not?" a deeper male voice responded. A voice both of them would recognize anywhere as that of their former sensei.

"I do! I swear, it's just that I… I've never done this before so I don't really know-," the girl was interrupted by Kakashi's laughter.

"It's ok. I'll show you how and I'll go nice and slow seeing as how it's your first time and all."

Sasuke furrowed his brow at this. He had figured out that it was Sakura in there with Kakashi as he and Naruto had pressed their ears up against the door to hear better but he did not like the sound of this. Naruto tactless as ever whispered "I'm pretty sure that that's Sakura in there with Kakashi-sensei. I wonder what they could be doing so late and in the back of the Academy in a spare room no less."

Sasuke wanted to smack the idiot, but didn't want to alert Kakashi and Sakura to their presence. Not just yet anyway.

"Ok are ready now?"

"Yeah I think so," Sakura huffed.

"Alright, so take this," there was a pause as he probably pointed to something, "and stick it over here."

"Oh but it's so big. I don't think it'll fit."

"Trust me it will. I've done it tons of times with ones that were bigger and they still fit."

"Well, ok then," came her muffled reply, a grunt and then-

"OUCH! Kami Sakura! Be careful with that! If you break it, it definitely won't work later."

"Sorry! Here let me heal that."

There was a shuffling noise and then Kakashi hissed, whether in pain or in pleasure Sasuke didn't want to know.

"There now how does that feel?"

"If you keep rubbing it like that I'm sure I'll feel a whole lot better soon." They both laughed then.

Naruto, quick-witted as he was, finally caught on. "Oi Sasuke! You don't think that they could be-?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. For a 17 year old boy, Naruto could be pretty slow sometimes. He turned his attention back to the matter at hand.


"I am pushing!"

"Well push harder."

"But it's kinda stuck, sensei."

"Oh well then here. Put some of this on it and I'm sure it'll slide in more easily."

The sound of a plastic cap hitting the floor and some sort of liquid sloshing around reached their ears. Sasuke and Naruto looked at each other, eyes wide.

"No, no there's just no way that Sakura would be doing gulp that," Naruto tried to convince Sasuke as well as himself, "and definitely not with sensei. He's like a million years older than her!"

Sasuke just nodded and hoped that for once, Dobe was right.

With a sort of gasp, "Wow it did slide in more easily. Ok, just give me a second to adjust." A whole lot of groaning and panting then.

"Sakura lie down. It's easier if you do. In fact you're supposed to be lying down." Kakashi said laughing for some reason.

"Oh," and here the boys listening outside the door visualized Sakura blushing then, "Well why didn't you tell me that before I tried to do it standing up?"

"I though it was kinda obvious. I mean, have you ever seen anyone do it standing up?"

"Well, no… but then again I haven't seen many people do it at all!" Sakura said in her defense.

"Whatever you say. Ok so just breathe. In. Out. In. Out. You're doing just fine. I know it seems hard at first and even hurts a little, but once your muscles get used to it, you'll enjoy it. I promise."

Naruto and Sasuke almost vomited right there on the spot. They couldn't believe what they were hearing!

"Ugh, you're right sensei. This is getting a lot easier."

Lots of panting and heavy breathing.

"Here, let me take that off for you. Now you can move more freely."

"Thanks sensei. So tell me again, how many times have you done this?"

"Oh a fair few…" he chuckled.

"Well you certainly know how to make a girl feel-,"

"Shh… Sakura, did you hear that?" Kakashi asked.

Sasuke elbowed Naruto as he had gagged in the middle of Sakura's sentence. "Quiet Dobe!" he warned.

"Huh? No, I didn't hear anything." Sakura said.

"Eh it was probably nothing. So back to what we were doing."

"Now that we've been doing this for awhile, I'm actually getting kind of tired."

"That's good. It means I'm working you hard."

Sasuke barely held back a gag at that one. Oh my god! They really were…!

"It's getting hot isn't it?"

"Also a good sign. I expect you'll be done soon then?"

"No way! I intend to hold out just as long as you can!"

"Sakura be reasonable. We both know I can do it for days."

Sakura was huffing really hard now as Kakashi laughed.

Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other, each getting angrier by the second. "Why that dirty old pervert! How can be taking advantage of my poor, innocent Sakura?" Naruto practically yelled. And although Sasuke didn't want to admit it, he was ready to pound some perverted, giggling, pedophilic ass.

"Oh! I can't hold it anymore! I think I'm gonna-!"

Naruto and Sasuke simultaneously kicked down the door and stormed in, guns a blazing (so to speak).

"YOU SICK BASTARD! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM-," Naruto turned to look at Sakura and found that she was fully clothed, then turned to Kakashi and found that he too was also fully clothed, "- her?" Naruto's voice died in his throat. Staring, mouth agape, he saw that Sakura was sitting up from her position on a weight bench and Kakashi was standing behind her, gently placing the barbell back down onto the rack. Oops…

Sasuke, who had assessed the situation before screaming his head off, tried concealing his reddening face and discretely started inching back towards the door.

"Oh hey guys. I didn't know you were still here," Kakashi greeted coolly, or at least they thought it was coolly until he said, "Wait so who were you calling a 'sick bastard'?"

Naruto laughed sheepishly and opened his mouth knowing that something stupid was about to come out. And then, Sakura would kill him.

"Well you see, Sasuke and I were just kinda passin' by when we heard some noises. So we thought we'd just go check it out and did I say 'sick bastard'? Oh I uh meant 'we sure KICKed ASS yesTARDay?" he finished weakly. Kakashi and Sakura looked at him skeptically. Sakura looking like she was about to kick his ass.

Seeking some support here he said, "Isn't that right Sasuke?"


"Sasuke?" he asked again this time looking around only to find that somehow Sasuke had already escaped leaving Naruto to fend for himself.

"WHY THAT LITTLE-!" Naruto yelled then turned back to face the two left in the room. "Well since you're both safe and sound, I guess I'll be going now. Lots of ramen to eat right?"

Then he ran for his life down the hallway and out of the Academy.

Kakashi closed the door behind the retard and walked back over to Sakura. They looked at each other and Kakashi nodded. Sakura nodded back and brought her hands up to form a hand sign.

"Kai!" she said authoratively and the room dimmed, the weight bench turned into a large, round bed and their clothes disappeared.

"Now where were we?" Kakashi growled seductively as he crawled back onto the bed with a smiling Sakura.


A/N- Please don't kill me! It's weird. I know. It's clichéd. I know. Please review. You know. And in case anyone was wondering, the thing sakura was rubbing was his foot because she dropped a weight on it.

Oh by the way did anyone else not know that 'authoratively' isn't a word? I thought it was and since I'm the author of this story, I will make new words god damnit! Deal with it!