Ozai's Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day
Summary: Because I just can't resist and I don't see too many fanfics about this guy… not that I blame anyone. Ozai should have known it was going to be a bad day when he stepped out of bed and tripped over Iroh's old tea set. He should have just stayed in bed, but then you wouldn't be sitting here reading this story. I'm taking a lot of artistic liberties. Told in Ozai's POV and kind of in the past. Very OOC and AU. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Thinking about wearing a fire bending soldier's mask and saying 'Ozai I am your father' is one thing. Doing it and living is quite another
Dedication: Turtleducks, another white meat.
I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and this morning I woke up with it all over my topknot. And when I got out of bed this morning I tripped over Iroh's old tea set and I bent the center flame to my headpiece. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible no good very bad day.
At breakfast the frosted fire flakes were soggy and Iroh got an Earth Kingdom general in his cereal box. Zuko got a free sample of Benetint concealer in his cereal box. All I got in my cereal box was a colony of fire ants… oh and cereal.
I think I'll move to Ba Sing Se.
On a tour of the capitol city Ursa drove. Iroh called shot gun no blitz because he was the oldest. Azula got one window seat because she even threatened me. Zuko got the other window seat because he insisted that Azula had cooties. I said I was being squished. I said that I couldn't breathe. I said that I was going to throw up. But no one paid any attention, not even when I did throw up on Azula's lap.
I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible no good very bad day.
Back at the palace father liked Iroh's performance of lightening bending more than my interpretive fire-bending dance.
When it was my turn to supervise Zuko and Azula Ursa said that I scolded Zuko too severely. In geography father said that I had left out the southern swamps of the Water Tribe. Well who really cares about the southern swamps? I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible no good very bad day.
I could tell because father told me that I wasn't first in line for the throne anymore. He said that Iroh was first in line and that Ursa was next in line. Then Zuko. He said that I was somewhere between Azula and his new skunkbear.
I hope you end up having to marry an earth bender, I said to father. I hope that the next time you get a triple-decker fireball ice cream cone the ice cream part falls off and lands in Ba Sing Se.
There was a frosted fire flakes bar in Iroh's lunch along with some jasmine tea. Zuko got some gummy air benders and Azula got a big piece of chocolate cake. Guess who didn't get any desert with his lunch.
It was going to be a terrible, horrible no good very bad day.
That's what it was today because when I went to the dentist with Iroh later guess who was the only one with a cavity. You'll have to come back next week so I can fill that for you, said the dentist.
Next week, I said, I'll be in Ba Sing Se.
When I finally got back to the palace Zuko shot fire at me while I was still trying to get gum out of my hair. He said that Azula had paid him to do it. And while I was shouting at Zuko for attacking me, Iroh came in and tried to calm us both down and…
When I was yelling and shoving Iroh for getting into my business Ursa came in and shouted at me for being too loud then walked off to be 'somewhere far away from me.'
I'm having a terrible, horrible no good very bad day I told everyone. No one even answered.
So I went out shopping with Azula and Zuko. Azula threw a fit over them not having the right shoes in her size. She held her breath and began to turn purple. Then Zuko ran through the stores like an ostrich horse on chi enhancing tea. I am never taking those children shopping again!
There was another meeting with father and I accidentally set his hairpiece on fire. Then I stepped on Iroh's robe and ripped it and while leaving I passed gas in the Fire Lord's presence even though I'd been warned never to do that. I think I may get banished to the Southern Water Tribe…. Forget Ba Sing Se.
It was a terrible, horrible no good very bad day.
There was chicken hog pot pie and brussles sprouts for dinner and I hate chicken hog pot pie and brussles sprouts.
Iroh made me read some manga (1) with kissing in it and I hate manga with kissing in it.
My bath water was too cold, I got soap in my eyes, I had to wear my scratchy polyester pajamas and my wedding ring went down the drain. I still haven't figured out how to explain that to Ursa.
When I got to my room Ursa immediately grabbed her book and left my night light ran out of fuel. And I twisted my ankle on that tea set of Iroh's again. I wish I knew why it was in my room.
Ursa sent a servant to tell me that she wants to rethink our marriage right now after I sent one to tell her good night.
It has been a terrible, horrible no good very bad day.
The servant who sent me Ursa's letter said that some days are like that….even in Ba Sing Se.
Heart be still, I just finished another one shot
Well I hope that got a few laughs. I kind of tried to copy my Winx Club version of this story, but I don't know how well I did. Well, read and review please.
1.) Hey, I said it was a lot of artistic licensing… but maybe they do have manga and Ozai can read?