Rating: T for normal teenage behavior (nothing you wouldn't see on the show).
Disclaimer: Kyle XY and its affiliated characters do not belong to me.
Summary: Told from Andy's POV, how she feels about announcing to everyone that she has cancer and how she feels about Josh. Missing scenes from "Hands On A Hybrid" Josh/Andy Story
Spoilers: "Hands On A Hyrbid" and I guess all episodes before "Hands On A Hybrid," just to be safe.
Notes: I got the idea for this fic from the song "Cry" by Mandy Moore. Although this isn't a song fic, I would just like to recognize it for being my inspiration.
"I'm the one with cancer!"
I heard the words spill out of my mouth, but I couldn't believe it. Someone else must have shouted it because it couldn't have been me. The one thing that I had been holding on to, the one secret I was determined to keep, was now out in the open for everyone to hear and I didn't know how it happened.
I looked at him, his eyes wide like a deer trapped in headlights. I could feel the tears stinging my own eyes, but I would not cry. I would not give everyone around me, all of whom were staring at me as if I had just punched them each in the face, the satisfaction of seeing my cry. I refused to be "that" girl.
I whirled around, climbed over the rope that was set up to block people like from entering the stage. I should have listened to the rope. I should have let it stop me. If I had, I wouldn't be feeling the tears.
The crowd parted as I stomped through, trying to get as far away from everything and everyone as possible, especially him.
"Andy, wait!" I heard him yell, but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop.
I kept walking, my pace quickening as I went. Everyone was staring at me and I hated it. I hated knowing that they all knew. I hated knowing that I would be the latest gossip.
"Andy!" He shouted.
He was getting closer so I broke out into a full out run. As my legs carried me through the parking lot and across the green grass of the small town park nearby, I felt the tears stream down my cheeks. I hadn't even known that I had begun to cry until I felt one drip off my chin. I covered my face with my hands, but didn't stop running. I hadn't yet cried about my cancer. I always thought that there was no use crying when there was nothing I could do about it anyway. One day at the hospital, when I was undergoing some tests that I had no clue what they were for, I heard my moms talking to a psychiatrist. One of my moms asked him if it was normal that I hadn't cried yet. He told her I would cry when I was ready.
I guess I was ready.
I felt my foot hit a solid object and, before I knew it, I was falling. My knees hit the ground first and I put my hands out to break my fall. I could feel the small pebbles and sticks embed themselves into my skin. I rolled onto my side, ignoring the stinging in my right knee, and curled into the smallest, tightest ball I possible could.
I could hear the sound of his feet pounding over the ground. He came to a stop just feet away from me. He was breathing heavily after chasing me down, but his breathing was drowned out by the sound of my sobbing.
"Andy," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. I could tell he didn't know what to say. After all, what do you say to a girl on the ground who's crying her eyes out?
He knelt down beside me. I felt his hand lightly on my shoulder.
"Leave me alone," I yelled through my tears.
He removed his hand, but didn't leave. I wanted him to leave. I wanted to be left alone. I wanted to simply drown in my own tears. Was that to much to ask? And yet, I wanted him to stay. I wanted him to stay and hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't let him do that.
"I'm sorry," he said simply as if that were going to make everything better.
"I said leave me alone!" I shouted, scrambling to my feet.
I tried to wipe the hot tears from my cheeks, but more tears fell to take their place. I hated that he was watching me cry. I kept walking forward, having no destination, but just wanting to get away from him. Away from the feelings I was having for him that were growing stronger everyday, but that I knew I shouldn't be having.
"I don't know what you want from me," he said.
I refused to look at him, knowing that if I saw him, I would break even more than I already had. I had begun to realize that he did that to me. He made me want to rely on him, he made me want to cry on his shoulder, even though I knew that I shouldn't. I knew that I had to be strong on my own.
"I want…I want you to realize that what you did was wrong. And I want to know how you could be so…damn selfish."
I was trying to think clearly, trying to sound as put together as I possibly could be. I wiped my tears away again, making myself stop crying.
"You want to know why I did it?" He asked.
I turned to face him. I wanted to be able to see his eyes, to know if what he was saying was true.
"To get a car that would attract big boobed bimbos?" I retorted. I knew the question hit below the belt, but I didn't care.
"I did it for you, Andy," he responded harshly. "I wanted to win the car for you."
I had to process what he said. Had he meant it? Was the Josh I knew that sensitive? I looked into his eyes, and I knew without a doubt that he was.
"Why?" It was the only thing I could think to say.
"Why? He mimicked. "Why? Because I care about you, Andy. Because I want to show you that I'm in this, no matter…what happens. I want to be there for you. I want…"
"You don't get it, Josh. You talk about it like this is just a stroll in the park, but it isn't. This is cancer. This is my life."
"And I want to be part of it!"
Again, I knew what he was saying was true. The look in his eyes was the same one he gave me the night I told him he had cancer when he wanted to talk about it and I refused to. I knew then that he cared and I knew now that he cared even more, but I still wanted to live in denial. I had been denying it since that night and I found no reason to quit the denial now.
"I can't hear this right now," I lied. I wanted him to say those things to me. I wanted to know that I wouldn't be alone.
"So, what does that mean?" He asked. I shook my head. I didn't know what I was saying. It's like my mind and my mouth were coming from two different brains. "Andy?"
"What?" I couldn't think. I had no answer for him. "Does it mean we're over?"
"How can we be over when we were never together in the first place?" I practically shouted.
I don't know why I said it, but as soon as I did, I knew I hurt him. Like everything else, I could see it in his eyes. And I could feel it in my own heart.
Author's Note: Out of the twenty or so fanfic stories I've written, I have never once written a story from one character's point of view. I'm finding this story difficult (because it's hard to get inside the head of a fictional character and I have a tendency to ramble) and easy (because I can ramble all I want) all at the same time. I really wanted to try to capture Andy's indecisiveness and mood swings and uncertainness in this story and I hope I did it justice. This was just supposed to be a one-shot, but, for those who have read my stories before know, I'm basically incapable of writing one-shots so there will be a few more chapters coming. Thank you for reading and please review!