A/N: Hey guys, sorry for the long pause. I had exams and all that. This is the last chapter. I hope you like it. Pretty please review, and tell me what you thought. Also tell me if you like my stories enough to read others, coz I'm thinking I might write more if people want to read.
Ever since I woke up after my heart transplant a week ago, things have been looking up. For starters, people have stopped bawling their eyes out whenever they see me. I've also been put on amuno-therapy and my therapist is one big cup of good looking. I can't wait for my next appointment. To top it all off though, I'm finally getting to go home tonight. It's been so long since I went to my own apartment; I'm starting to forget what it looks like. In fact, when I imagine my apartment, I usually see a spaceship with lots of do-hickeys. I do like being called Captain. Anyway, it's been a long couple of weeks and I'm just super glad it's all over.
"JD. Are you ready to head home?" Ah my beautiful Eliot, in my mind she's an alien princess who's stranded on earth.
"Yes you highness!"
"Aw, I love it when you call me your highness. Did you know, when I was a little girl, I used to wear a tiara all the time, even to school. (Does the usual throat clear) of course that's one of the reasons all the kids called me princess Crazyface. Kids can be mean. Anywho, howz about us blow this popsicle stand Dr. Dorian?"
"I thought you'd never ask."
"Ok well, get changed and I'll go find someone to get us a wheel chair.
It's strange, even though I'm dying to get out of this room and this hospital, I can't help but feel a little sad. I know, this place has given me a whole life's worth of trauma: finding out I was dying, thinking about dying, almost dying: finding out that I loved Eliot but not being able to tell her and having Dr Kelso show me his tattoo of that says Jonney on his but cheek to prove that he had a close friend like Turk. I have to say though, I think it's the last one that's going to really haunt me dreams. Despite all that though, some great things did happen right here. I realized that Elliot loved me too, that my interns did learn something from me and that of all people, Jordan actually saw me as a friend. Most shocking of all though was realizing that the Janitor had a fluffy inner core and that he truly and honestly cared about me. I think this is going to be the beginning of a wonderful friendship. No more fighting, pranks, scare tactics or crazy schemes about ruining my life. No sir, not us, we are now best bud….
"Watch out!" And we're back to popsicling newly changed clothes with ammonia filled, super-cold mops. Just great!
"I thought we were friends." Why do I sound like such a girl?
"Break times over. I have to go back to being scary guy whose only purpose in life is to ruin yours, and you have to go back to being annoying doctor who sounds like a girl. It's our Nic."
"Niche." Oops, correcting the Janitor is always a mistake. When will I learn?
"What? no, that's one, I just got out of recovery, I didn't even do any…"
"That's three; prepare to be popsicled…again." Cold!
"Janitor!" Ah Elliot to the rescue!
"Hello Blonde Doctor."
"Don't hello me, I turn my for back five seconds and you Popsicle JD. What the frick? He hasn't even started recovering properly yet and you're already torturing him. Do you want a swift kick in you Cabooty because I can arrange that? Now, where is that wheel chair you were supposed to get me?"
"Its outside, I'll go get it." Wow, I never thought I'd live to see the Janitor actually get scared of someone but right now, he shot out of the room faster than superman. I forgot how scary Elliot can be when she's in 'I'm going to kill anyone who touches my friend' mode. I love that mode!
"Where are Turk and Carla?"
"They're off today, so they're setting up your place."
"They didn't have to do that." Yessss! I'm getting V.I.P treatment. Finally! I hope there's a marching band that plays in my honor.
The funny thing is, there really was a marching band right outside my apartment building, with Turk wearing his big daddy hat and dancing in front of it like we did when Izzie was born.
"My Vanilla Bear is back!" Yelled Turk as bounced up and down in front me me, before giving me a chocolate bear hug.
"Thanks C-bear! And good call on the marching band."
"Hell yea! Besides, when a captain enters his spaceship, there's always background music, you know what I sayin." Aw, he knows me too well. That thought, coupled with watching men in bright rend band costumes doing the grand entrance drum roll, made my heart soar. Literally, for a second, I felt almost lightheaded with all the excitement. It was in a good way though, I think.
Things settled down a bit after the band had to be removed from the premise when Mrs. Andrews who lives two flows down, called the cops. Still, I was just enjoying being around all my friends again, without the threat of death hanging over my head. Turk, Elliot, Carla and I spent most of that night watching Gilmore girls reruns, eating popcorn and laughing about nothing in particular. I don't think I've ever felt this relaxed before in my entire life. Yea, I was still really weak, tired and nauseated but the very fact that I could be all these things and not be dead instead, made me feel so great that nothing could compare.
It's been three days since I've been discharged from sacred heart and now that I'm feeling a lot stronger, the entire staff has thrown me a Welcome Back to the Living party at our usual bar. Since I'm still not allowed to chug down my Appletini like I normally would, I'm making do with apple juice while everyone around me gets progressively drunk. So far, Jordan has gotten drunk and tried to hit on me to make Dr. Cox jealous, Ted has passed out on the bar after having half a beer and Dr Kelso is threatening to strip dance. Amusing as all this is, I've also been showered with hugs, kisses, pats on the shoulder and expressions of affection everywhere I turn. I don't think I've been this emotionally satisfied in my whole life. All I ever wanted is for people to love me and want me around, and now it seems that's finally happened. It seems sort of weird to think this but I'm sort of glad I had a near death experience. I guess you never know how much you mean to people until they almost lose you.
The only person who hasn't told me how much I mean to him yet is…
"Hey Doctor Cox. Got enough whiskey there?" He's sitting on the counter with his back towards me, nursing two full glasses.
"It's been a long couple of days Newbie."
"Yes it has." Somehow, I didn't think he was talking about the crap load of work he undoubtedly had to deal with but I could never be sure. "You were worried huh?" I should have let it be subtle, but I just had to know. Of course now he has his, 'You're a Pansy and I'm not' face on.
"I wasn't talking about you Phoebe. I meant my work." Why does he have to ruin this moment for me? Why can't he just admit that he actually cares? He makes me so mad that I can't even come up with an angry day dream.
"Doctor Cox, I had to almost die to realize that a lot of people cared about me. I'm willing to bet most of these people didn't even know they did until now. What's it going to take for you to admit that you care?"
"Nothing Newbie, because I really, really, really, really, really, really really really…(deep breath) really really don't care." Great, now he's got me so mad that I can't stand to be anywhere near him. Normally this wouldn't bother me but I did have a heart transplant. The least he could do is be nice to me and give me a warm and loving hug for all the crap I went through.
"Fine. Why don't you stay that way in your pathetic little so called Island where no one cares about you or you about anyone else. Out here in the real world through Dr Cox, everybody needs someone to care about them. You're lucky enough to have people who give a crap, its too bad you're not strong enough to return the favor. And just so you know, just because you got a second chance to be a jackass to me, doesn't mean you'll get another one to be nice to someone else." For effect, I slammed my apple juice on the counter and stormed out of the bar. I was just glad no one else saw my drama queen exit. The night had started to slow down a bit and everyone who was swarming around me like bees earlier was doing their own thing for the moment.
The other reason I was glad no one was watching was because I was starting to feel a little dizzy and by the time I got to the door, I could barely support myself and was using the door frame to keep me steady. I guess I had a little too much excitement for one day. I needed to get some fresh air. So I stumbled into the parking lot and sat down on the pavement. Sweat was running down my forehead and my heart felt like it was sinking. This wasn't good at all. I needed to tell someone about it, but for some reason, I couldn't get myself to move. All of a sudden, I was just too tired. So I just put my head down on my arms, pulled my knees up and tried to calm myself down. It took a couple of seconds but I did feel better again. I guess stuff like this is to be expected after a heart transplant. I can't just think that my life is going to go exactly back to normal without any sort of medical repercussions. Sill, I should mention this to my therapist later.
"You should probably get back inside. The crowd is getting antsy without any entertainment. And with an exit like that Lindsey, I'm sure you can at least pull off the reenactment of Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, if not dare I say, Mean Girls."
I still had my head down because I didn't want to jinx my recovery and because I wanted to make Dr Cox think that I was too mad to look at him, which I was. So to emphasize…
"Go away Perry. I'm not in the mood anymore." That's right, I can be a island too if I want to be.
"Fair enough. I just wanted to say though Newbie…." I waited for the big apology but it didn't come. All there was, was silence. Too curious to pretend to not care anymore, I gave in and made eye contact. I was genuinely shocked to see raw emotion in his eyes. It wasn't enough this time though, he was either going to admit that he cared to my face today, or show me emotion and pretend it never happened later. Not this time Perry!
"What? What do you want to say? Because if this is going to be one of those times when you lead me into thinking you care and then shut me out again, you might as well forget it Dr Cox because I'm not up for your games today. You know, you and the Janitor are so alike. You love playing with people's emotions because you have no idea what to do with your own…"
"Newbie…I'm…sorry. OK! What do you want me to say huh? That I care about you, that you're the only Doctor in that dump of a hospital I actually respect. That I'm proud of you, that you changed my sorry life around? That you scared the life out of me? What do you want to hear? Because I'm not going to say any of those things because saying them means letting you in JD, and in my world, people get hurt. That's all you can look forward to, a lifetime supply of the Cox special. Buy one, get the other one killed, screwed in the head or beaten up by drunk father. Is that what you want?"
What? Does he honestly blame himself for everything bad that happens to the people around him?
"Perry, if I've learned anything from you, its that bad things happened to people and all you can do is deal with it and move on. Your life was tough, I get that, and you lost a lot of people in your life. But you're not the only one, which means that there is no way, any of that is your fault. Now you need to decide, are you going to lose the friends you have for the ones you could some day lose or do you have the courage to 'put a hole when it really counts'."
"What is this Newbie, new found wisdom from the guy who got kicked out of the fully cloudy place just before they were about to give him the life time membership."
"Yes Perry, my near death experience has taught me a whole heck of a lot, the question is, has it taught you anything?"
"It has Newbie, it sure has. Now can we go inside, its getting cold."
"Yea my nipples are sticking out like raisons."
"Use your inside voice Newbie."
So even thought I didn't get my hug, at least I had real confirmation that he actually cared and he did put his arm around my shoulder for a few seconds before he realized what he was doing.
When we got back inside, I was once again swarmed by people telling how glad they were that I was OK. Even the Todd came up to give me a "transplant five", which almost took off my hand. By this time Elliot had resumed her spot as an extension of my arm, like she had been for the better part of the evening. I was dying to get a chance to talk to her alone but there were just too many people around and it really was too chilly to go out again. So instead I had to content myself with just being close to her for the moment.
As the party started to wind down, I started feeling progressively tired. It was like the people around me were giving me energy and the more that left, the more I felt drained.
Imagines his stomach opening like a battery slot with a hundred batteries in it and people pulling them out one by one. "Thanks JD, I needed some for my alarm clock." Says one of the guests before yanking at one of the batteries particularly hard.
"Whatch it! That one powers my arms. Great! Now my arms are to tired to protect my tummy." While he's talking though, women takes sticks her hand in his mouth and pulls a battery. "Noooo" JD's voice becomes distorted and slow before going mute. He still continues to mouth his dismay in colorful but mute language be fore the Janitor yanks the power cord attached to his back, shutting him down like a robot.
Damnit, the Janitor wins even in my own day dreams. Anyway, I just wanted to curl up in bed and go to sleep.
"JD, ready to go?" How does Elliot always know exactly what I want?
All through out the car ride, I just wanted to ask Elliot to pull over so we could make love on the roadside, but two things kept me from doing it. Onc, I was two tired for sex, and two, I hadn't actually told her that I loved her.
So when we go to my place, this is why I decided to say…
"Elliot I have to tell you something."
"What is JD?"
"Look, I know these last couple of days have been really tough on you too, and I don't want you to decide anything because of it but I've realized something about myself that I want to share with you. I Love you." There I said it! She looks shocked, I should continue before any sort of extreme sad r happy emotions explodes on her face.
"The thing is, even when I was dying, when I thought that there wasn't going to be any donor, I thought, lying near you on Turk and Carla's mattress was heaven for me. I didn't want anything else from life and its all because of you. I didn't want to say this before because it would be crappy timing back then, but Elliot, I'd consider myself lucky if I died knowing you were next to me…." I didn't get to complete my sentence because I was engulfed in passionate kiss that made my whole body tingle like only Elliot could do.
When we finally broke apart, her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears of joy. "I love you too JD. I always have and It almost killed me to watch you slowly slip away." With that we began to kiss again but I couldn't keep it up for long. I was beginning to pant and my heart rate was skyrocketing. That awful feeling that I had in the parking lot was back but with a vengeance.
"JD, are you ok?"
"Yea, just a bit tired."
"OK lets get you back upstairs. It's been a long night. We can finish this later."
With that we made our way to my apartment, but the trip took out every ounce of energy in me. I was so warn out by the time I got to my floor that I could barely stand.
"JD, what's wrong? You looked totally pooped."
"Yea, is it hot in here or what?"
Imagines himself sitting in a witch's caldron, with three hags chanting "Bubble Bubble Toil and Trouble."
"Ladies, no need for trouble here. Besides, I'm not that excited about the boiling thing. It makes me skin itchy. I'm sure you can forgive me this once. In my defense you aren't quite as young looking anymore. So what if I thought Agatha's age was a 100. it's a compliment." The witch called Agatha hisses at JD. "Or not"
"What are you talking about? It's freezing in here. Oh my god, you're sweating, and you look out of breath too. Lets get you inside and then I'm calling the ambulance."
I couldn't argue with that. I had a bad feeling that this wasn't supposed to happen and that it wasn't just a regular side effect of a heart transplant.
By the time I lay down on my couch, I could actually hear my heart beating so loudly in my hears that I almost didn't hear Elliot calling Sacred Heart. Before I knew it, like De ja Vu, I was whisked back to sacred heart, in an ambulance. Elliot sat beside me the whole time, holding my had and whispering that everything was all right. Strangely, I was more afraid this time then I was the last time. I guess it's easier when you're prepared for things to go wrong.
The spew of De Ja Vu didn't stop though, I was once again on a gurney, with Dr Cox running towards me, followed by Turn and Carla. I wasn't quite as out of it this time though.
"Hey guys." I was trying to reassure them because they all looked totally freaked. "Its OK, no need to panic, I'm sure its just a false alarm. I don't feel all cardiac arrest-ie right now." In a way I was trying to reassure myself though.
"Let's just make sure ok Newbie." Dr. Cox was using his gentle tone, he's definitely freaking out.
Once again Turk's giant turtle head came into my vision.
"Vanilla bear, what the hell? I thought were done with this whole, scare the living crap out of Turk thing."
"Relax C-bear. I'm fine. Elliot just wanted to make sure everything was going according to plan." I don't know why I was lying but as I was being wheeled away from Turk, I felt like I needed to hold onto something good, as I looked back and saw Elliot, Carla, Turk, Dr Cox, Dr. Kelso, Laverne, the Todd, Ted and the Janitor snap into my line of vision for a split second. "I love you guys" I yelled back. Watching all their faces disappear behind closed hospital doors, I knew somehow that this was goodbye.
Dr. Cox's POV
It's the irony of this god forsaking place that kills you sometimes. The guy who stole, bartered and downright snatched the heart of every personelle in this hospital was lying in front of my, dying because his own heart was rejecting his body. Where is the justice in all this? Heck, why bother making us all think everything was going to be ok if you were going to take him away anyway. I swear, you most be bored out of your mind up there because you sure as hell like to play with our lives to make yours interesting. Well I'll tell you this, he'll be up there with you for all of two minutes before you get annoyed and send him right the hell back down. And I'll be waiting by his bed to tell you I told you so. You know why? Because he's our Newbie, he's my boy and I know how to handle him.
"Say Newbie, you sure know how to scare people huh? Now what say we cut the crap and you just accept the merchandise you bought because I'm telling ya, customer service can be a bitch these days. So do us all a favor and accept that new juicy heart of yours. I need you right here by my side. You know how I never admit how I feel? I will now. I'll always do that from now on ok. You're like a son to me ok? I love you like a son and I need you. Barbie needs you too, she's going extra strength neurotic now. Don't do this to her. That gal loves you like nothing else in the world. Don't leave her out to dry like that. And your other girlfriend Gandhi will be so crushed I'm sort of thinking she'll never be the same again. He has a daughter and a wife who need him to be his crazy self and you not being there are going to make that real difficult. Besides, this hospital has gotten used to your extra mile kind of ways; there is just no going back from that. Come on Newbie, come back to us."
I thought I imagined it at first but I thought I saw JD open his eyes. At first, I was so relieved I could have peed my pants just then, but the look in his eyes was not what I had hoped for. He was saying sorry, thank you and goodbye.
"No, no Newbie wait. Please." Just then Barbie bust into the room, tears streaming down her cheeks relentlessly. Seeing JD awake she clung to his arm desperately, begging him to stay. The flow of the moment was so strong that, for some reason I convinced myself that if we tried harder to make him stay, he'd make himself better. So I did the once thing that would convince him I was serious. I hugged him. I think the plan backfired though because he turned around and looked at me with pure gratitude, before finally closing them. Then the monitors around us began to sound, but all I could hear was deafening silence. The guy who broke all the uncomfortable silences with goofy jokes was gone. Dr. John Dorian was gone.
A/N Thanks for reading guys. Please review, they are really appreciated. I'm sorry if then end was too sad for you guys. Let me know what you think so that I can write better next time.