Title: Playin' My Favorite Song
Author: Beer Good
Rating: Parental advisory: Explicit lyrics
Word count: 1036
Disclaimer: Faith, Giles and Vi are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Honestly. Why are you staring at me like that? Also, I know I take music much too seriously, but I really do not advocate violence towards pop singers (no matter how much they deserve it).
Summary: So what happens if Faith has to babysit some of the younger slayers for a night on the town... involving a pop concert?
Playin' My Favorite Song
"Saw him dancin' there by the record machine..."
"What... the... FUCK?!?"
"Faith! Ixnay on the uckfay, there are kids all around -"
"No fucking WAY! She can't... shit! Is that a Jackson?"
"She's miming with a fucking vintage Randy Rhoads guitar! It's not even plugged in, for fu-mmfff!"
"Vi! Get over here, Faith's going ballistic!"
"Mmmfet off me! She's evil! I'm gonna kick her ass!"
"Faith, you can't get up on stage in front off 20,000 kids and beat up a girl just because you don't like her music!"
"Whaddyamean HER music? Lemmego!"
"Hold her down – OW!"
"Mommy! That lady broke my glowstick!"
"Who the fuck you calling 'lady', ya little -"
"Well I never! How dare you speak to my daughter like that!"
"I'm sorry, ma'm, our friend is a little upset and – I said hold her down!"
Three hours later
Giles closed the door behind him as he entered Faith's hotel room, then took off his glasses and sat down in the room's only chair. Faith barely acknowledged his presence, too busy going through her luggage searching for something. When he handed her an icepack for the shiner that was forming around her right eye, she took it with a mumbled "thanks."
"So... what is your side of the story?"
She shrugged, rolling her good eye. "I'd spent all day surrounded by people wearing pink. I was provoked. I reacted. The others thought I was out of line. We agreed to disagree."
"It took five junior Slayers to subdue you and drag you back here, kicking and screaming."
"Yeah, well, like I said; I reacted."
Giles sighed. "Faith, I sent you along to chaperone the younger Slayers who wanted to attend the Brittany Doff concert because I thought I could trust you to keep them out of trouble, not cause it yourself. I really don't see what could have happened to make you lose control like that."
Faith was quiet for a few seconds before tossing the icepack aside and responding. "You wanna know? Fine. She covered 'I Love Rock'n'Roll'."
"She did a goddamn G-rated teenybopper version of Joan Jett's 'I Love Rock'n'Roll'. As if that little white-bred plastic Disney character would know what rock'n'roll is if Angus Young rammed his guitar up her ass! Some things are fucking sacred, damnit!"
"Actually, the Arrows did the original... besides, aren't you a little too young to remember Joan Jett's version?"
"Hey, Boston's got FM stations, I grew up on the classics. Shit, I'm pretty sure I grew up because of'em. And there's no way I'm going to let her get away with - hey, there you are!" Faith reached deep into her bag and triumphantly pulled out a small cylindrical device, turning it on to check that there were batteries in it. It buzzed eagerly in her hand.
Giles blushed. "Um... could you wait until I've left the room, at least?"
"Relax, Giles." She held it up for him to see. "Just hairclippers, see? Thought I'd pay li'l Miss Bubblegum a visit."
"Hairclippers... surely you're not going to -"
"You bet I am. If she thinks she's butch enough to cover Joan Jett, I'm gonna make sure she looks the part. Whaddyasay, skinhead or mohawk?" Faith set the hair clippers to 0, then paused as a thought struck her. "Unless that means she'll cover 'Nothing Compares 2 U' next... oh well, I can live with that. By the way, thanks for booking us in the same hotel as her. Should be a cinch breaking in from the balcony."
"This is absurd!" Giles got up and snatched the hairclippers from Faith's hand. "Even if we ignore the fact that assaulting a teenage superstar is a deeply immoral use of your powers, or that it could get you arrested and sent back to prison, I expect you to be a good role model for the younger Slayers. I honestly thought you'd reformed, do we need to start training you again?"
"Hey, I've learned my lesson, I'm a good girl; but what sort of role model would I be if I let them think that life is about playing it safe, with pre-recorded vocals and choreographed dance moves? Rock'n'roll is low and dirty, it's supposed to make you wanna freak out, fuck and fight, and the people playing it are supposed to swig Jack D between guitar solos and choke on their own vomit! What I had to listen to tonight was a glorified Pepsi Max commercial posing as the real thing, designed to turn people into robots, and I say it's time we fight back!"
"Believe me, Faith, I'm no big fan of today's pop stars, but you must see that you are overreacting! I -" He caught the iPod Faith tossed him without thinking. It was pink, with little stars glued on. "This can't possibly be yours."
"Nah. Swiped it from one of the girls when they dogpiled me. Listen to it."
"I don't see what -"
"Just listen and then tell me I'm overreacting."
Giles cautiously put the earplugs in and hit Play. Thirty seconds later, his face had turned ashen grey and he seemed to be struggling to speak. "Oh... oh dear Lord. Wh-what is this?"
Faith shot him an innocent smile. "It's Brittany Doff's cover of The Who's 'My Generation'. Ya like it?"
"It's... it's..." Giles swallowed, blinking away tears. "It's..."
"Don't it just make you wanna eat something healthy, do your homework and go to bed early? Me, I especially like the bit where she changed 'Hope I die before i get old' to 'I hope I don't die before I get old'. If only Keith Moon had thought of that, he coulda had his own infomercial selling Viagra today!"
"Bloody hell." Giles tore out the earplugs, sneering in contempt.
"I still can't let you do this. But then again..." Ripper shook his head as he tossed her the hair clippers. "I wasn't in here. This conversation never took place. I had no idea what you were about to do. Just make sure nobody sees you, alright?"
Faith grinned. "You got it, boss. One bald fashion statement comin' right up." She shoved the hair clippers in her jacket pocket and climbed out the window.END