Disclaimer: I obviously have no DBZ rights; after all, if I did I wouldn't be using to get my ideas out there would I? But seriously, I DON'T own any DBZ rights so don't even think about suing me!! (I'm broke anyways, so it's not like you'll get anything )
Hello everyone, I normally write very long, very serious stories, so I decided to shake things up and write a one-shot comedy that, of course, stars Piccolo, and includes Gohan and my own creation. By the way, I am a hard-core band geek so that's what this will focus on. Time wise we'll say this takes place when Gohan starts high school and has barely became the Great Saiyaman.PICCOLO'S BROTHER?
Gohan felt an odd chi approaching his good friend and mentor, Piccolo, who was training in the desert wasteland of the planet. The chi was strangely similar to Piccolo's; curious and slightly worried, Gohan rushed to the Namekian warrior's side.
Piccolo: Hey kid.
Gohan: Whew, glad to see I got here before your visitor.
Piccolo: Hmph, it certainly is a peculiar chi approaching.
Gohan: Yeah, it appears we'll see whom it belongs to in a few moments.
As if to affirm Gohan's statement, a figure dived from the sky and landed before the two, both were surprised to see a Namek who closely resembled Piccolo.
Piccolo: Who are you?
Strange Namek: (sneeringly) I am your younger brother, sent by our father from the depths of Hell to destroy you, his greatest disappointment.
Gohan: What, you mean you're like another reincarnation of Piccolo Daimaô?
Strange Namek: Yes, only I have a different name.
Gohan: Which is?
Strange Namek: Hah, glad you asked, my name is: BARITONE!! (pose)
The two Z warriors couldn't help but sweat drop.
Gohan: Wait a minute, but that doesn't fit the pattern, all of Piccolo's previous children were named after musical instruments.
Baritone: The baritone is an instrument you fool, it's a low brass instrument that looks like a miniature tuba but sounds like a trombone without the edge!
Gohan: (accusingly) You made that up!
Baritone: I did not! Look it up in the dictionary if you want!
Gohan: Fine, I will!
Gohan whips out a small dictionary from his pocket.
Piccolo: You have a dictionary on you?" (eyebrow (um, sort of eyebrow) raised)
Gohan: Of course.
Piccolo and Baritone: NERD!
Elieare (that's me)(obviously): Hey! What's wrong with being a nerd!!
Baritone: What the- where on earth did you come from woman child?
Elieare: First of all, woman child is an oxy-moron, idiot! (points finger at Baritone). Second: I'm the author, I can appear and disappear whenever I want because I have absolute power, muahahahahaha! And third: there's nothing wrong with being a NERD!! (Clenches fist and glares at everyone.)
Piccolo: So what, you're a nerd?
Elieare: And proud of it, number six out of a class of six hundred and sixty-six (yes, I do realize that's 666, and a very creepy class number, but that will surely be cut down but next year when I graduate high school), whoop!! (raises arms in an "I win!" fashion)
Elieare: (suddenly self-conscious after realizing the absurdity of her random outburst) Er, well anyways, what's the dictionary say Gohan?
Gohan: Oh, right, let's see: 1) the range of a male voice-
Elieare and Baritone: Not that one.
Gohan: 2) a voice or-
Elieare and Baritone: Not that one either.
Gohan: 3) a vlaved brass instrument of the saxhorn family pitched in B flat and often used in brass bands
Baritone: (triumphantly) Ha! See, I told you!
Elieare: I liked Baritone's definition better.
All Three: Of course you did, you wrote it!
Gohan: But that's stupid, why would Piccolo Daimaôname the son that is supposedly going to kill Piccolo Jr. after such an unknown and forgotten instrument?"
Elieare: 'Cuz low brass kicks woodwinds' butts that's why! (sorry all you woodwind players, don't kill me for that comment) Not that it makes you any less sexy Piccolo, (quickly bows) you're still friggin' awesome, and it's not your fault that you were named after a small, shrill, obnoxiously loud flute (don't kill me for that one either).
Piccolo: HEY, DON'T CALL ME SEXY, AND LEAVE MY NAMESAKE ALONE!!
Elieare: Sorry, sorry, sorry, I didn't mean anything by it, (shields herself with arms and makes herself as small as possible) it's simply the facts.
Baritone: ARG! I do not have time for this foolishness!!! (unleashes this ridiculously large energy blast that blows the area up)
Elieare: Wha-HEY!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!!! (force of blast sends her really high into the air)
Baritone: I will kill you Piccolo!! (attacks Piccolo who is floating because he dodged the blast)
As Piccolo and Baritone duke it out, Gohan, much to the author's relief, catches Elieare and puts her on land.
Elieare: Thanks Gohan.
Gohan: No problem.
Elieare: By the way Gohan, about your super hero cover-
Gohan: (nervously) What super hero cover?! I don't have a super hero cover, I'm just a normal kid!!
Elieare: Oh come on! I'm not stupid, you're half-Saiyan, how can you possibly be normal?!
Gohan: How'd you know I'm a half-Saiyan?
Elieare: I told you, I am the author, I know all and have absolute power, muahahahahahahaha!! Anyways, back in reality, a plane of existence that I don't even come near to living on, I thought your name, the Great Saiyaman was very creative and catchy, but WHY ON EARTH ARE ALL YOUR POSES SO FRUITY???
Elieare: In other words gay.
Gohan: THEY ARE NOT!! I WORKED HARD ON THOSE POSES FOR HOURS IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR EVERYDAY!!!
Elieare: But you're a super hero!! Shouldn't you be spending that time rescuing people instead of staring yourself in the MIRROR!!!!!
Gohan: Sh-shut up! (pouts)
Piccolo sends Baritone crashing into a mountain
Elieare: Oh no, you're not getting out of this that easy!! Seriously, the things you say and do as Great Saiyaman are stupid, you were cooler as a kid, WHY!!!
Gohan: I'm still cool, I'm actually cooler as Great Saiyaman!
Elieare: No you're not!!
Gohan: How would you know!!
Elieare: Because I'm only a grade ahead of you and those crazy poses aren't cool at all to any of my peers, and if I did them, I would be the laughing stock of the junior class!!!
Gohan: Sh-shut up! (pouts again)
Baritone crushes Piccolo into the ground next to the two arguing teens, then gets back up and continues fighting.
Elieare: Hey you two, quite FIGHTING!
They completely ignore her.
Elieare: Gohan, send a blast between them to grab their attention.
Gohan: Why should I, I thought you had absolute power. (still pouting)
Elieare: -- HEY!! You're right, I hadn't thought of that! I DO have absolute power, muahahahahahhahahaha!!
Gohan: Must you do that every time you say absolute power?
Elieare: Yes, it's in the "How to be Evil Handbook".
Gohan: They have a handbook on that now?
Elieare: I don't know, I just made that up.
Elieare: Anyways, back to the matter at hand:
Elieare sends a blast between the two fighting Nameks, which promptly halts the battle.
Elieare: Stop fighting, you're family in two aspects!!
Piccolo: What do you mean two aspects?
Baritone: Apparently nerd-girl here has forgotten how to count.
Elieare: I have not, I say two because you're related by blood and because you both have names of instruments, which means it's as if you're a band, and band is a family!!
Piccolo: That's a stretch.
Gohan: So wait, when someone in band goes out with another person in band it's like going out with your sibling?
Elieare: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (grossed out)
Gohan: But you said band was like a family and if that's true then-
Elieare: NO, NO, NO, NO, and NO!!!! My best friend who's in band is going out with another band member and it's not incest!!!!!! (traumatized) I'm never calling band a family again!!
Baritone: So we're back to nerd-girl can't count?
Elieare: No! We simple disproved one aspect, so you guys are just family in one aspect.
Piccolo: This is pointless.
Elieare: Yes, that it most definitely is.
All Three: Then why are you writing it!!!!!!
Elieare: I don't know, I DO WHAT I WANT!!! (sticks tongue out)
Baritone: What are you three?!
Elieare: Sh-shut up! You're the idiot who's trying to kill your brother because your daddy told you to!!!
Baritone: WHAT?!! Of all the impudent comments to make, to think you have the audacity to insult-
Piccolo: She has a point though.
Baritone: WHO ASKED YOU!!!
Gohan: Aw, you're just being sensitive because she's right.
Baritone: I AM NOT!!!!!
Elieare: Then prove it! Besides, the fact Piccolo Daimaô told you to, why do you want to kill your older brother?
Elieare: HA! I knew it.
Baritone: (blushes) SHUT UP!!! You know what, just to prove you wrong, I'm not going to fight Piccolo anymore.
Piccolo: … that was utterly pointless.
Elieare: Yes that it was.
Gohan and Piccolo: --
Elieare looks at cell phone to check the time.
Elieare: Oh no, I'm gonna be late for band practice! Gotta go!
Piccolo: Hey, by the way, what instrument do you play?
Elieare: (grins) The baritone.
Piccolo: Of course.
Gohan: Band geek.
Elieare: You bet, see ya!
Okay, was that stupid or what? I know, it's not the best thing written and the character's personalities aren't like the real ones, but hey, it's at least a little funny, right? Maybe, possibly. Well, whatever, there it is.
P.S. Just because this is a retarded fan fic doesn't mean I don't want reviews, I would love a review or two for this monstrosity. (Please?)