It's all over the news and on the cover of every magazine- this one included. The Crown Princess, Zelda Nohansen DeHyrule, is engaged to longtime boyfriend and rockstar Link Greentree of Hyrule's most popular rock band, Legend. The Gossip Stone is the first magazine to get an interview with the elusive Princess, and on the next few pages you'll find all the real dirt.
The Princess has agreed to meet me at world-renowned Telma's, which is possibly the most famous restaurant in all of Hyrule. The Princess looks cool and composed and utterly regal as she glides in- today, she's wearing white cargo pants and a pink tank top. As she shakes my hand and asks me to call her Zelda, I can't help but admire her poise and charm. It's no wonder the people of this country love and admire her so- it's easy to see her kindness, grace, and humility through her big, trustworthy blue eyes. As she smiles at me and leans back, a tall glass of tea in her hand, I start the interview.
GS: So, Zelda, how have you been? It has been quite some time since you gave an interview for a magazine.
Princess Zelda: (laughs) I know, I'm just so busy! Just because I'm not the reigning monarch doesn't mean that I don't have duties. I sit in on at least half of Sheik's conferences and I'm in charge of a lot of diplomatic stuff, not to mention directing castle life. I'm a busy woman!
GS: But you still find time to spend with the King.
Princess Zelda: Of course. It was a little hard when Sheik first was coronated because I was used to spending so much more time with him! All of a sudden, we were both busy, busy, busy. We didn't even get to have meals together, it was just in and out of meetings all the time.
GS: That must have been hard for both of you.
Princess Zelda: Yes, it was difficult, because I'd never really been separated from him before. We even went to college together. Even though we didn't live in the same building, it was O.K. because we traveled in the same circles. But after we graduated, we found out that our father had Cancer. It was quite the shock, but worse was deciding who would rule. We were both equally qualified.
GS: So what was the deciding factor, would you say? Did you want to be Queen?
Princess Zelda: Yes, I did, and Sheik really wanted to be King. We fought over that a little, but we kept it quiet— it was stress our father didn't need. In the end, the two of us sat down and had a serious talk. We decided that the country would be more prone to follow a man in a leadership position. Hyrule has had many strong Queens, but ninety percent of the social uprisings we see in history occurred under female reign. So, we split the duties in half- Sheik got the title, I got a lot of the diplomatic stuff. Everything has worked out to our advantage- we're both so young, too, that if one of us tried to run the country all by ourselves it would be a catastrophe!
GS: It was at your brother's coronation ball that you met Link, wasn't it?
Princess Zelda: (blushing a little) No, that's actually a myth- I don't know how it started. How it actually happened was… well, Sheik really likes the Legends, did you know? He dragged me to a Legends concert once, and we were backstage, and Link and I got introduced. We were… twenty, I think.
GS: Was it romantic?
Princess Zelda: Not in the least. He was all sweaty and running backstage to get ready for the encore- I thought I was going to get steamrolled! I tried to get out of his way and wound up tripping over a cable, falling on him, and we both just bit it- (laugh) but he was kind enough to bend over and help me back up. He was very sweet about it, which astounded me at the time. I thought for sure he'd get on my case.
GS: Why is that?
Princess Zelda: Oh, you know. (laughs) Rockstars are often such prima donnas, wouldn't you say?
GS: But not Link?
Princess Zelda: No. Definitely not Link.
"Look, Sheik, you can see the band perfectly from here!" exclaimed Zelda happily, tugging on her twin's hand. The Prince of Hyrule was grinning wolfishly, clearly thrilled with life.
"And you didn't want to come," he chided her, sweeping an unruly golden lock from his russet eyes. The lights shining off the stage cast dramatic shadows on his long face with its high, angled cheekbones, lush curving lips and thick brows; he looked like a regal cat as he smiled and nodded his head along with the music.
"I simply said, concerts aren't really my thing. I'm enjoying myself now, though, so you've proven me wrong on at least one occasion. Nayru, this is amazing! What's the name of this band again?"
"Legend, Zel," Sheik said, rolling his eyes. "Honestly, you can remember the name of the most obscure dignitaries, but a mainstream rock band? Heaven forbid you should know it."
"I never said that," replied Zelda, affronted. Then she, too, grinned. "Oh, Sheik, these guys are wonderful! They put on such an incredible live show! You could take a lesson from them about energy when performing," she added with a sly smile.
"You damn well know that there's an enormous difference between giving a speech and jamming out," muttered Sheik. "I give good speeches. Just because the crowd isn't riveted by my breasts-"
"I like to think that I'm actually interesting, thank you. Oh, look, they're coming offstage, maybe we should move-"
Zelda tried to take a step back, but before she'd known what had happened, her leg had become tangled in a cable. She teetered off balance…
"Zel, watch out!"
Before she knew what had happened, she'd fallen over into something- someone- very warm and solid and slick. Then they were both toppling over, and a pair of arms came around her instinctively, cushioning her from the fall. With a heavy thud, they both hit the floor.
"Ohmigosh I'm so sorry," wailed Zelda in a distinctly un-princess-like fashion, looking down at the man pinned beneath her. He was not terribly tall, but he was well muscled and looking dazed. "I'm so sorry!"
"It's alright," he replied, and she couldn't help but notice that he had the faintest hint of an Ordonian accent- it was charming. "Can you get off me, though?"
"I'm tangled in a cable," she said a little abashedly, smiling. "Um. Sorry. Sheik, help!"
"Coming right away, oh Queen of Grace," he said through bouts of laughter, bending down and swiftly untangling Zelda from the knot of wiring. She scrambled off of Link and he stood, bringing her along with him.
"I'm so sorry about that," Zelda apologized again, cheeks flaming. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Tell me your name," replied the attractive blonde man with a grin. At this, Zelda smiled- glad the man wasn't angry, glad he hadn't recognized her yet.
"Zelda, and this is my brother Sheik," she replied, gesturing at him.
"Zelda, Sheik," said the man, "I am Link. You are going to be at the after party, right?"
"Of course," cut in Sheik. "But we won't keep you from your encore- come on, sis, let's move it."
GS: So did he recognize you as the Princess when you first met?
Princess Zelda: No, and I was so glad! It was very dark backstage, so that's probably why he didn't recognize me, but he did at the after party. He got all embarrassed and started apologizing- it was really funny. I got a little sick of it, though, and told him it would be okay if he danced with me. And he did.
GS: And things just escalated from there?
Princess Zelda: Yes. We went on a real date the next night, but then he was off again- they were on tour, you know. Sheik and I flew out to see them together a few more times after that.
GS: Where did you go, and how did you get away with it?
Princess Zelda: (grinning) Oh, we went on delegations. Wherever we went, we went for a legitimate ploitical reason, and seeing Link was a side boon.
GS: So you two fell in love in the most exotic places in the world- Sunset City in Twilight, Terminia's Stone Temple Ruins, Outset Bay in the Waker Archipelago… you two even visited Celestia, didn't you?
Princess Zelda: Yes, we did.
GS: How was that?
Princess Zelda: Oh, it was wonderful, though we decided to take the traditional method of transportation up there.
GS: You two took the sky canon?
Princess Zelda: It was all Link's idea… he can be a bit of a thrillseeker.
"Let me get this straight," Zelda said, hand on her hip as she looked at her boyfriend in astonishment. "You want me to climb into the barrel of a gigantic canon wearing relatively little protective gear, get fired at a high speed into the sky, and then pray I land in a little pool of water?"
"There haven't been many sky canon related deaths," wheedled Link, looking at his Princess imploringly with big blue eyes. "Besides, it's much safer now- they have pods and technological lock-on. You'll enjoy it. We can even go in a pod together."
"Link, I'm terrified of heights! You know this!"
"It stupefies me how you can be afraid of heights, the Throne Room is the highest point in all of the Central Flatlands and you spend almost every day up there."
"Inside a structurally sound building with tons of stone beneath my feet," corrected Zelda. "Link, do we have to?"
"Please, Zelda? For me? It'll be fun, and they said the trip only takes a little over a minute. Nobody has died on the canon in twenty years. Please?" Link took her hand in his and peered deeply into her eyes. "You'll enjoy it, I just know it."
"I…" looking into the crystalline blue depths of one of the people in the world she cared most about, Zelda couldn't help but sigh. "Fine. But only because it's you. You owe me now," she added petulantly.
"Of course," Link replied, then swept her off the ground with a sudden kiss, dipping her low. She laughed against his lips, tangled her hands briefly in his hair, and he stood, setting her gently on her feet.
"Let's go. This will be a blast," Link stated, and then began laughing uncontrollably.
"That was a terrible pun," Zelda commented dryly and nervously, nevertheless taking his hand as they both walked towards the canon.
GS: And how did your father feel about that?
Princess Zelda: He was fine with it, for the most part. It turns out he'd taken the sky canon in his youth- I never knew that! And he was fine with my relationship with Link, too. Well, at first he wasn't- you know, he thought Link would be a real jerk- a kind of bad boy, because he's a rockstar, you know? But once my father met Link, he decided that he would be a better husband for me than some snobby dignitary.
GS: So you two thought of marriage for a long time before making it official?
Princess Zelda: Well, yes and no. Whenever you get in a really serious relationship with someone, you think about that… But we didn't really talk about it- really, explicitly discuss it- until two years ago or so. By that point, we'd been dating a while and decided to really evaluate what we wanted.
GS: So you didn't know right from the first that he was the one?
Princess Zelda: Oh, I knew. I knew it well. What I didn't know was whether or not we'd be able to make things work, and I didn't dare to let myself hope.
GS: You've had a lot of letdowns in the past?
Princess Zelda: I wouldn't say quite that. I've just known ever since I was little that it would take a very special kind of person to marry a princess for love. I didn't ever think I'd fall in love with a foreign prince- they're all wonderful gentlemen, but we don't see eye-to-eye on many things. However, I don't have much exposure to anyone other than dignitaries, and even assuming I did fall in love with someone, many men would be too insecure to marry the Princess.
GS: Too insecure? What makes you say that?
Princess Zelda: I'm a princess- I always have been, ever since the moment of my birth, and no matter what happens I will be a princess until the day I die. That's intimidating to a lot of men. Not to mention that they'd be the ones making adjustments to live with me- namely, that they'd have to move into the castle, as well as share their wife with the people of Hyrule. Too many men are too selfish for something like that.
GS: You've given this a lot of thought.
Princess Zelda: Yes.
GS: How does Link feel about being engaged to the Crown Princess?
Princess Zelda: He'll make an interesting addition to the royal family, but it will also help to tie us more securely to our people. There has been a lot of complaint that in the more modern day and age, the Royal Family still won't deign to consort with or marry commoners. Link was an orphan and grew up as a ranch hand… that's about as low as it gets, and he'll be in the family. In terms of politics, we're both very excited.
GS: What about in terms of love?
Princess Zelda: I think Link's a little more excited about marrying Zelda Nohansen than Zelda deHyrule, Crown Princess, so on and so forth. We love each other very much, and we really believe that we can make things work.
GS: What do you think your father would say if he were alive?
Princess Zelda: (laughing) Oh, my father would definitely give me a rough time- he loved to tease, did you know? He'd be happy for us, but he'd also tease us relentlessly. Now, my father the King would have been pleased that such a fine young man was going to be a part of the Royal Family. You have to draw that distinction.
GS: And how does your brother feel?
Princess Zelda: Sheik and Link are really chummy- it's a little annoying at times, because they've become such good friends. There's times when I want my fiancee to myself, but he's too busy playing video games with Sheik- and sometimes they lose track of time and are late to important meetings. My brother is really excited to have one of his best friends entering the family… and my brother the King is glad to see the ties being made between royalty and commoner.
The sounds of men's whooping and hollering echoed through the stately palace, bouncing across the marble floors and wrapping itself around pillars before flinging itself wildly out the open glass windows and flying out into the air of the palace courtyard. Annoyed, Zelda picked up her pace, following the sounds of cheering.
"Link," she said in irritation, when she finally found her fiancee, who was sitting on a bean bag chair in the lounge, "what are you doing?"
"Currently, I am destroying the King of Hyrule at Goron Smash Speed Racing. Why?"
"Oh, I was just wondering why you decided not to come help me plan the 'Hyrule Healing' concert."
Zelda couldn't contain her irritation anymore. "The big concert you're headlining this fall? The one that's a fundraiser for the sick and the poor? It was even your idea, and we just had a brainstorming session a few minutes ago that you didn't show up to? Your cell phone is off, by the way- I tried calling you. Everyone in the band was there except you- Mikau, Darmani, Scruffs, even Happy showed up and he's only your keyboardist."
Link's face was blank with shock. Sheik, who was not at an angle to see this, whooped loudly.
"Din, son," he whistled. "You screwed up."
"Sheik," stated Zelda, turning the beam of her wrath on her brother, "don't you have a very important meeting with the Head Acolyte in half an hour that you should be preparing for?"
With a glower, the King of Hyrule set down his controller and stood, looking regal and annoyed.
"If you must know, dear sister, I was about to go there after this game anyway. Good luck with her, Link," he added, leaving the room in a whirl of black pants and blue button-up shirt.
Zelda turned her irritated gaze back on her fiancee, who was still sitting in the bean bag chair, controller held loosely in his grip. On the screen, Gorons in speed suits whizzed at impossible speeds down a rocky mountainside; above the scene, the scores floated.
"I'm sorry, Zel," apologized Link, eyes downcast. With a sigh, the princess of Hyrule sat down beside her fiancee, anger washing away at once.
"Don't tell me you're sorry," she said softly. "Apologize to everyone who was at this meeting. Link, you need to be responsible about this. You can't just show up and play a set this time- it's going to take a lot of commitment, just like your entry into the royal family."
"I know," he sighed. "It's a task I'm up to- I want it. I want this concert, and I want things to work. Forgetting this meeting was really stupid of me. I won't forget again," he vowed solemnly. Imploringly, he looked into the eyes of his princess. "Can you ever forgive me?"
"I forgive you already," Zelda replied with a tender smile, wrapping her arms around Link. "It doesn't meant I'm not still a little annoyed…"
Link chuckled, the noise reverberating through Zelda's body. "I love you, Zelda," he murmured.
"I love you too," she said with a smile, tilting her face up expectantly. Briefly, her lips met with Link's, and then they each pulled away.
"Let's go for a walk in the gardens and you can fill me in on what I missed," he propositioned, standing.
"Only if you promise to steal food from the kitchens with me afterward," laughed Zelda, stretching out her hands to Link.
"Of course," he grinned, helping his fiancee from the ground. Then, they linked hands and walked out together to greet the sun.
GS: So have you decided on a date for the wedding?
Princess Zelda: Yes- we would like to be wed on the Day of Lingering Light; it's when the powers of the three goddesses are most in-balance. It's going to be a beautiful wedding, we hope- we're going to have red roses everywhere, and green drapes, and the traditional golden garb but trimmed with sapphire.
GS: Nayru is your patron Goddess, isn't she?
Princess Zelda: That's right. Link is called by Farore and Sheik by Din- it's all quite fitting, considering the ties we all have to each other now. Truly, there is balance.
GS: Well, we here at The Gossip Stone wish you the best of luck in your wedding. Do you have anything else you'd like to say before we end the interview?
Princess Zelda: Love can be found in the most unexpected places. Have faith in the Goddesses and maybe you'll find the One- or maybe, as in my case, you'll get steamrolled by them. (laughs)
GS: Thank you very much for the interview!