A/N: Why is it the strangest songs strike me at four in the morning and I'm left with no choice other than to write? Welcome to another of my inner monologues with Logan being the poet I'm told he hides inside. The lyrics in this are from Phil Collins' song "Against All Odds", hence the title to this fic. I don't own 'em, never will, but I do like borrow them and mutate their inner voices now and again. :P

Again I plead for patience, I'm still getting a feel for the series, so until I'm completely submerged in DA, these little moments of thought are all that will arise. I had my doubts about posting this one, but, hey, where's the sense in writing something if nobody will see it but me, and my poor belaboured sister who has no interest in the show, but has my stories choked into her on a daily basis. :P Thanks, Deb!

Set this one somewhere in the near future, a while after Max returns and has had enough time to get into trouble once more. I'm assuming that Logan will have full use of his legs in this future moment.



Against All Odds

The door snaps shut in my face. I know for a fact that there is an expression of pure horror carved into my usually calm visage. She's gone. She slipped through my fingers and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop her.

My breath is heavy in my chest, I can't seem to get enough air into my lungs, and I'm getting light headed. I spin on my feet, staring around my suddenly too big, empty apartment, at a loss for what to do. My breathing increases yet again, and somewhere in the back of my mind I realize that I'm hyperventilating. I can't calm myself down; the world isn't ending, but it sure as hell feels like it.

***
How can I just let you walk away,
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking every breath with you, ooh
You're the only one who really knew me at all

***

She'd explained why to me, somewhere in the jumble of words that my mind lost after, "Logan, I'm sorry, I.. I have to go." I know a string of desperate words sprang to my lips, I'm not even sure I didn't beg her to stay, but I can hardly recall the conversation. Perhaps tomorrow, when it doesn't hurt as bad, I'll remember, but for now I don't give a damn. What does it matter why she's gone? She just is.

***
How can you just walk away from me,
When all I can do is watch you leave
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears
You're the only one who really knew me at all

***

I turn again to stare at the door, before it finally occurs to me to open it and call her back. Out in the hallway I see her back just as she disappears into the stairwell and begins the long trek down to her bike, and freedom.

"Max!"

Her name flies to my lips, but the door has already snapped shut, and she either doesn't hear me or doesn't want to risk turning around. I grip my doorjamb for support as I consider running after her, but my still weakened leg muscles can't handle the stress of my nearly oxygen deprived body and the dash down the stairs that it would take to catch my girl.

***
So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me,
Just the memory of your face
Ooh take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me is against all odds and that's
What I've got to face

***

It begins to sink in that I'm not going to see her again. I don't even have a picture of her to remind me of her sweet smile, her smoky eyes, and her softly curled hair. Oh, God, I have nothing.

I frantically begin searching the apartment for something, anything, that she owned. Opening my dresser, I knock a vase to the ground, smashing it in an instant, but I don't care. I fling my clothing across the room, praying that something of hers would still be here, forgotten some night when she crashed after a particularly exhausting mission.

***
I wish I could just make you turn around,
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you,
So many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all

***

A tank top catches my sight and I drag it up to my face, inhaling her scent that still lingered. Tomorrow night I won't be able to page her. She won't be sneaking into my apartment long after curfew to steal a few bites of whatever I managed to make. There will be no more games, no comfortable silences, no awkward moments, and none of excitement that only she can generate.

My spirit shattered, I walk back through the apartment. Not even the feel of the soft carpet beneath my bare feet can raise my spirits tonight. I glance into the kitchen. Plates are shattered on the floor from when I got to my feet so quickly that I knocked my dinner to the ground. My voice of reason told me I had to clean this up before Bling arrived in the morning, but what did it really matter anyway? Eventually it would get done.

***
So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space
And there's nothing left here to remind me, just the memory of your face
Now take a look at me now, cos there's just an empty space

***

I slip into the chair in front of my computer, but my eyes don't travel to the screen. Instead they wander to the window where she always stood, and in my heart I can see her shadow still remaining. Something of Max would always be here, she'd touched everything I own, and she brought to life every feeling I possessed.

"This isn't right anymore. Logan, I'm sorry. I.. I have to go."

A year ago I would have steeled myself against the pain, blocked my eyes from her soul-searching gaze. A year ago she hadn't completely over run my life with her wacky ways.

"You almost died, I can't do that to you, not again. If they came after me, and got you instead.. This isn't right anymore. Logan, I'm sorry. I.. I have to go."

I'm calming down now. My breathing is easing out, and my jellied muscles are becoming solid once more. If this was what Max wanted, well then fine. Who was I to stop her anyway? God knows I've tried in the past and just ended up with her up in my face, telling me how she would kick my ass if I didn't let her do what she wanted. Well fine.

***
But to wait for you, is all I can do and that's what I've got to face
Take a good look at me now, cos I'll still be standing here
And you coming back to me is against all odds
It's the chance I've gotta take

***

I'm not going anywhere she won't be able to find me. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life hoping that Max will come back, but if she does, I'll be here. For better or worse, I'll be here.

A flash of light outside catches my eye, and I move to my window just in time to see a lithe black shape slipping through the air, suspended by a delicate nylon rope. I almost laugh. Instead of going downstairs, she'd gone to the roof. She'd probably been watching me the entire time. I shake my head.

"You do what you have to, Max. I'll be here when you come home."

Accepting that she's gone doesn't make it hurt less, but she can't end my life. I've fought to live through too much; what's one more broken heart on a mountain of other worries?

"Goodbye."

***
Take a look at me now.

***

End.