Okay, guys. This is totally A.U. It is inspired by a fanfiction challenge at a board I'm a member of. Basically, it's "Freaky Friday" body swap. I chose to use Cuddy and House because can you just image House in Cuddy's body? Oh, the games! Anyway, the challenge was a oneshot, but this idea is too beautiful too not flesh out. So... this is a multichapter fic. Please read and review. I enjoy input, especially if anyone gets confused (I hope not!). And I don't own any characters. Enjoy!!
Cuddy quickly pressed the button for the first floor as she stepped into the elevator and faced forward. Her shoulders were slumped and a sigh escaped from her parted lips. It was well into the night and a medical crisis that had been recently solved was on her mind. Cuddy's mind drifted, however, as she thought of stopping in her office to grab her coat and purse before heading home. The idea of collapsing on her bed was enough to keep Cuddy's energy level up high enough to make it home.
The elevator doors were almost shut when a cane swung in and pried them open. Cuddy closed her eyes, hoping that when she opened them, House would not be standing in front of her. Much to her dismay, however, House was entering the elevator when she opened her eyes. His coat was on and a backpack was slung over one shoulder. He pressed the button to close the doors, which they silently did.
House popped a Vicodin before turning to Cuddy, his mouth open, but Cuddy raised a pointed finger in his direction.
"Don't." she warned with a shake of her head, "I'm too tired to engage in a verbal tango with you tonight, House."
House frowned, "That's not the Cuddy I-"
House stopped when the elevator began shaking and the lights started to flicker. The elevator slowed to a stop, the lights overhead dimming.
"No." Cuddy groaned and pressed every button on the elevator panel, holding a finger longer on the alarm button, causing a loud bell to ring.
House swatted at her arm, releasing her finger from the button, causing the irritating noise to stop. He reached down swiftly and pulled at the small door which the elevator telephone was hidden behind. It was stuck. Cuddy placed her hands on her hips, her eyes narrowed as she watched him. House yanked at the door again and it swung open, but as it did, the elevator jolted and the lights went out. Cuddy let out a cry of panic.
"House!" she scolded, "What the hell did you do?"
"Yeah, I'm sure that's supposed to happen when you open the telephone door." House replied sarcastically in the general direction of Cuddy's location.
House dropped his backpack to the floor alongside of him. He reached for the phone, but his hand came across air. He chuckled to himself.
"What's so funny?" Cuddy was glaring into the darkness.
"Phone's not there." House answered and leaned against the wall, "Have a cell? My battery's dead."
"My cell phone's in my office." Cuddy told him, deflated, "Push the call button again."
"It gives me a headache." House replied to her, "You know, it's getting cold in here, Cuddy. Maybe we should try to keep warm. I hear sex in an elevator is adventurous and toasty."
"No chance in hell." Cuddy was glaring even harsher toward House's voice.
"I'm sure Satan would approve." House told her, "Oh, wait, that's you. Guess she wouldn't."
He reached out for the door to the elevator telephone and swung it shut. The elevator jolted once more causing Cuddy to cry out again, reaching for the wall of the elevator. A sudden bluish white light filled the elevator with the sound of a dull buzzing. Cuddy and House both felt a shock much to the effect when one touches bare skin to metal caused by static. However, this sensation spread through their entire bodies.
The elevator went completely dark. House shook off the feeling while Cuddy was having a harder time. There was a dull throbbing in her right thigh. She reached down to massage it and screamed as she felt an uneven surface beneath jeans that she hadn't been wearing. Her scream was deep and familiar to her ears, but it was not the voice she recognized as her own.
The lights flickered on, still dim. Blinking against the light, both House and Cuddy let their eyes adjust. Cuddy cried out, while House let his mouth fall open as they realized they were staring at themselves. Cuddy looked down, seeing the blue shirt beneath the jacket accompanied by a pair of jeans. She dropped the cane she was holding and clutched the side of the elevator as she realized she couldn't put her full weight on her right leg.
House looked down, a pair of breasts beneath him enclosed by a tight pink shirt and grey skirt meeting where the shirt ended. House immediately put his hands to his breasts and looked at Cuddy, or at least who he assumed was Cuddy in his body.
"What the hell just happened?" Cuddy asked in a state of shock.
"Well, now this is quite interesting." House's hands were on the breasts he now had. "Very... very interesting."
"Get your hands off my breasts." Cuddy commanded, limping toward House and whacking his hands off the breasts that seconds ago had been her own. She stared at her former breasts, "Are my shirts always that revealing?"
"I've only been trying to tell you that for years." House rolled his eyes.
"This can't be happening." Cuddy shook her head and began pacing, limping, refusing to use the cane, "This is unreal. People don't just switch bodies, House. This is a nightmare." Cuddy stopped, clutching the side of the elevator again, "Damn it! I can't even pace in your body!"
House shrugged, "Try using the cane."
Cuddy glared, "Oh, you think this is great, don't you? What did you do, House?"
"I did nothing." House shook his head. He reached up and put slender fingers in the dark curly hair, "This is quite annoying. It moves when I move. I think I might have to cut it off."
"Don't you dare." Cuddy pointed a finger.
"I don't think you could stop me if I tried." House replied, finding humor in this entire situation, "I can run faster in heels than you can limp with a cane."
Cuddy reached down and picked up the cane. She jammed the end into the elevator floor, "Yeah, I'd like to see you run in heels, House."
The elevator jolted again and Cuddy almost lost her balance. She tried to ground herself, but ended up putting too much weight on her right leg, causing her to whimper in pain. House watched, amused. The elevator started to go down as the lights brightened back to normal.
"Being a cripple sucks, doesn't it?" House asked in her direction, wondering if he ever contorted his face in pain like Cuddy was doing right now with his face. He figured not.
The elevator stopped and the doors slid open. Cuddy hobbled out, using the cane. House swiped the backpack from the floor and almost tripped in the high heels as he made his way out of the elevator. The first floor was mostly empty except for a nurse at the front desk and a security guard monitoring the front door. Cuddy stopped walking and watched House try to regain his composure after almost falling. He extended the backpack to Cuddy.
"I believe this is yours." he said.
Cuddy glared, yanking the backpack from his hands, "What are we suppose to do now?"
"I guess..." House started, smirking, "I go on living as you and you go on living as me until we switch back. Or figure something else out. Whichever comes first."
Cuddy stared, "You want me to live as you? With your... penis?"
"I'm not complaining about living with your vagina." House replied.
Cuddy dropped her mouth open, "Oh my God. House... don't you even... don't you dare..."
"What?" House asked, innocently before producing a devilish smile.
"That's my..." Cuddy was shaking her head, tears coming to her eyes.
"Don't cry." House was slightly disgusted, her tears ruining his fun, "That's my image in your hands. Gregory House doesn't cry."
Cuddy held back the tears and looked at House with an intense anger, "You are not allowed to... touch me. Do you understand?"
"Touch you?" House repeated, acting confused.
"You know what I mean." Cuddy narrowed her eyes.
"That's not fun." House replied, "What do I get out of it?"
Cuddy stared for a moment. She had an idea, "You won't touch me in... that way. And I won't take Vicodin, proving that you don't need it to control your pain."
House smiled, "Deal. And when you won't last and take Vicodin, can I "touch you," as you so nicely put it?"
"No!" Cuddy exclaimed, her deep voice coming out loud and echoing, causing the security guard to look over and watch them. Cuddy lowered her voice, "You better behave. I'm serious, House."
"Okay, then." House said, "It's a deal. Although, if you do crack, I get to make up new terms if you don't want me to-"
"Fine." Cuddy cut him off, "You're sick, by the way."
House smirked and extended a hand, noting how small and well manicured it was. Cuddy reached out and they shook on it. House began his way toward the exit.
"Where do you think you're going?" Cuddy asked.
"You have to get your purse and jacket." Cuddy told him, "In your office. If we're playing the parts, we gotta live where we're suppose to. I'm going to your place, you're... going to mine."
Cuddy rolled her eyes, wishing she wasn't suggesting House to spend the night in her home. But, they obviously couldn't go to their own homes because they wouldn't have the proper wardrobe. House nodded.
"Right." he started off toward the direction of his "new" office, "Well, I'll see you tomorrow and my porn's in the closet. Night!"
Cuddy slapped her hand to her forehead, knowing that the nurse and possibly the security guard heard the words that House had said, though they came from her former body. She was quite certain House was going to ruin her image as well as her life. Sighing deeply, she moved toward the exit, limping, and hoping the pain in her thigh wouldn't get worse. She also hoped, as she made her way out the doors, that she would wake up from whatever nightmare she was in.