"Kakashi-sensei! You're back!"
Naruto ran up to his injured teacher and, surprisingly, punched him in the stomach. Kakashi coughed and groaned in pain. He was still healing from getting the skin graphs.
"What the hell are you doing, Naruto!?"
"Where have you been? We've all missed you."
"You've actually missed me?"
"Yeah. Class had been terrible. Once Tsunade found out you weren't able to teach, she sent a substitute. The worst part is that your replacement was Jiraiya. He hasn't been reading the book, but taking us on field trips and giving us demonstrations."
"You wanted me back when he's done all of this for you?"
"You don't understand! His 'field trips' were to bring us to the hot springs and spy. It was scary sensei. One of those girls… I swear to god she was a he. Jiraiya wanted us to take notes after assigning a girl to watch. I got the he-she. And his demonstrations consisted of Barbie dolls and those figurines of all of us major ninja. You know, the ones you find at Toys R' Us that are made by Mattel. I'm scarred for life now. If you thought reading yaoi fanfiction was bad, try sitting through these lectures."
Kakashi was absolutely stupefied. He spun around when he heard footsteps at the door.
"Oh, Kakashi, you're back already?"
"Jiraiya, can you come with me for a second?"
Jiraiya followed Kakashi into the hallway. Naruto flinched when he heard Kakashi start to scream.
"If you harass my students any more, I swear I will cut off your penis and balls!"(1)
Naruto heard Jiraiya scream like a little girl and saw Kakashi come back into the room.
"So, where were we? Oh yeah. Where's everyone else? You're the only one here."
"The whole lot of them stayed home. They're too afraid to come to class anymore. Kiba also got lead poisoning from handling the figurines. (2) He thought teething on the heads was a great idea. I'd hate to say it, but your class is done for. I don't think anyone else will attend."
The two were interrupted when someone knocked on the door frame.
"Um, hello. We're here to attend your class. My name's Deidara and these are the rest of the Akatsuki. Our next mission is to work together and, after learning from your oh-so-wise teachings, get ourselves some girlfriends!"
"Don't forget about me, moron!"
"Sorry, Konan. And get a boyfriend."
Naruto and Kakashi looked at each other in confusion. Kakashi suddenly relaxed and got a great idea.
"You guys… and girl, I'm bowing out of the class task, but I know someone who would be great for you to learn from."
"Who would that be?"
"Her name's Melissa. She lives right down the road. See her for some classes. I'm sure it will be enlightening."
"Thanks. Come on everyone. We have to see this girl for advice."
The Akatsuki left the building heading straight to their untimely dooms. Naruto was very surprised at how Kakashi was now acting.
"Kakashi-sensei, are you okay? I've never seen you act so civilized."
"Yes, Naruto. I'm fine. Go home and rest. I have some unfinished business to attend to."
In another dimension (the US)-
A girl sat, evilly laughing to herself. Her TV was tuned onto Toonami and her walls were covered in anime posters. The doorbell rang.
"Awesome! This must be my special edition Kakashi plushie! It's been weeks since my order was placed."
She walked to the door and opened it.
"Hey you're not the UPS guy. Wait you're-"
The author was thrown into the living room and Kakashi walked in.
"I'm sick of your mindless torture of me!"
The girl grabbed the life size Zabuza sword she had purchased (they actually exist) and swung at Kakashi.
"You know what they say, Kakashi! The pen is always mightier than the sword!"
"Then why are you using a sword now? Plus, that phrase is way too cliché."
"You want to know why…uh, your face!"
So started the battle of a lifetime, with the author losing horribly and Kakashi walking away the victor. He left to go back to Konoha. The author was laying on the floor bleeding, when several people walked in on her.
"Are you the author? We were told to see you about character placement in this story. Melissa didn't want to deal with us. It's weird that she only wanted to spend time with Itachi."
The author groaned in agony and tried desperately to stand up. She sat back at her computer and continued to type. Her message read:
"Karma is a mean and cruel thing, as I have come to experience. It can come in all forms and do horrible things to you. What it did to me… it came and bit me in the ass."
She then collapsed to the floor, there for ending this story of betrayal, perverted ness, and pure torture.
"What do we do now? The kid's out cold."
"Let's draw stuff on her face!"
Did you all appreciate the ending? Yes, this story is over. It's been a good run of only 5 chapters, but it's quality not quantity. I hope I made you all laugh 'til you were blue in the face. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and much thanks to my friend, DarkSharinganXIII. This story would have never come to fruition without her.
Happy Holidays everyone!
A line from MadTV
(2.)Based on the toy recalls from China. Some of the toys no doubt were Mattel.