DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter
This is dedicated to Gaby-Black, who edited this story and gave me some useful suggestions. Check her stories, because they are GREAT!
'Your attic really does need a clean-up,' his girlfriend had said after zooming around his house.
'You're right,' Remus had replied, surprised not to be the 'tidy one' for once. 'I'll clean it.'
But there was a reason why this attic was so dirty and chaotic: he hadn't stepped in since James and Lily's death. Too many memories lay inside that room.
But now, Remus told himself with his hand on the knob, it's time to get in. I can't be scared of a room.
He opened the door.
Piles and piles of books were thrown on the floor. Sheets of paper were dancing in the air.
Remus sighed and stepped in.
What now? He thought.
And then he saw it: a single sheet of paper close to his foot. He took it and felt a sudden and intense pain as James's handwriting hit him between the eyes. Pretending not to see that his hands were shaking, he began reading.
Thanks for your letter.
Everything here is just fine, even if I'm starting to feel like a mouse in a cage. Sometimes I go out with my Invisibility cloak, but it's dangerous and I'm afraid of leaving Lily and Harry alone at home. But we're happy... so, everything is all right.
Anyway, you and I need to talk. And I mean a serious talk. What was that nonsense you wrote in your letter? 'No girl is ever going to love me, to marry me, I'm not going to have a child'... WHAT WAS THAT? Are you insane or what? Of course you're gonna find a girl. But after thinking about it I came to the conclusion that sometimes you're a little too thick about this kind of things, so I decided to share with you my personal views on love. What you're going to read is RESERVED. Don't ever tell Lily or Sirius (not Sirius please! He'd tease me for my whole life) or Peter or Harry when he grows up about what I'm going to write. DON'T YOU DARE. If you do, I'll kill you and before that I'll tell everybody I know that your furry little problem does not involve a rabbit. I swear I will.
So, these are five simple rules to understand if the girl in front of you is the love of your life or not. Taken from my personal experience.
The thought of her face full of wrinkles doesn't scare you but makes you happy
Back when we were at Hogwarts, Sirius put an aging spell on Lily. Her face was full of wrinkles and we had a terrible fight because I couldn't help staring at her. She thought I was staring because she looked awful. But she did not. I was looking at her because I was thinking how wonderful her face was full of wrinkles. How much I wanted to be the one to witness every day her aging. How wonderful it would be if in fifty, sixty years I could caress that face.
Wherever she is, that's home
Do you remember when Lily and I had lunch at her parents'? I think I told you. Well, it was terrible. There were her parents, her sister and her awful boyfriend, Vernon something. They were all looking at me like if I were a serial killer or something like that. When I tried to shake Lily's sister's hand she hid herself behind her boyfriend (a huge stupid muggle). Her mother didn't tell me anything at all. Her father tried to talk to me about a muggle sport, footsomething. For me, it was a total madhouse and I was feeling completely lost. But then, I looked at Lily. She was there and wherever she is, that's home. Suddenly, I felt totally familiar with that place and those people.
When you are with her you want to be a better person
You do remember how I was when we were at Hogwarts, don't you? I was a terrible, arrogant toe-rag (as Lily loves repeating). But then I changed. Because when I was with Lily, patrolling the corridors or doing all that boring head boy stuff, I thought that I wanted to be a better person. Not to seem a better person. To be a better person. I wanted to not embarrass her or to make her roll her eyes. I wanted to be at her level. I wanted to be like her. And even now, sometimes I still wonder if I truly deserve her or not. But every single day, when I have to take a choice, I think: 'what would Lily do? If I did this, would Lily be proud of me?' and after answering, I choose.
Sometimes you have daydreams about your and her kid.
Ok, now I have Harry, so obviously I know how a Lily's and my child would look like. But I've always thought about that. I mean, I remember times when Lily and I were still in our 4th, 5th year and Lily hated me with all her heart, when every night after yet another fight I would go to my dorm and before falling asleep I would imagine our kid. And how wonderful it would be to have a child with my surname but with her eyes. When I look at Harry (by the way, I had decided this name since I was fifteen) I still can't believe that my dream has come true.
When you see her, your soul breathes
Well, this is particularly embarrassing, but I decided to share all this with you, so... let's go. Once I read a poem (yes, I do read poems and don't make fun of me for that) by a muggle Italian poet of the fourteenth century or something like that. It was about love. He was talking about the woman he loved and he said that every time he saw her, his soul breathed. I know it sounds strange, but it's exactly what my soul does every time I see Lily. It breathes. I feel relaxed, happy, without any problem in the world. Whatever happens, just seeing her makes me think that everything is going to be alright. Because my soul is breathing. Can you understand that? I hope you can.
If there's one girl that is up to all these rules... well, she's the girl of your life. AND DON'T LET HER RUN AWAY! Marry her! Have a kid (by the way, I'll be the godfather, no matter what Sirius does or says)!
Seriously now. Remus, you're a wonderful person. One of my best friends. The most intelligent and sensible guy I've ever met. You deserve everything you want in life. And love is something you do want. I don't believe that part of your letter when you say that you don't care about being alone.
There are people who never meet true love in their whole life. So, if you meet it Remus, please take it. Don't be scared. Just take it.
From your friend,
Remus read the letter again and again. When he heard the door opening he thought it was just his imagination. But then he saw Tonks, wearing a puzzled look on her face.
Yes, now he could understand it.
He could see her in fifty, sixty years. He could see clearly those little lines that would draw patterns at the corners of her lips, that would decorate her eyes. And he wanted to be the one to tell her day after day that she was just as beautiful as the first day he had met her.
After he had left Hogwarts, he had never really felt home anywhere. James and Lily's house was very much home to him but he was always afraid of annoying them with his presence. He had never considered any of the flats where he had lived as his own home. Even if he liked the Burrow and Molly treated him almost like a son, he was full aware that she wasn't his own mother and that the Burrow or Grimmauld Place weren't his home. But he could see clearly now that anywhere Tonks were, that was his home. Wherever she was, that was home.
He wanted to be a better person. He wanted to find a job, to stop whining about himself, to find the confidence that he had never had in his whole life, to be strong enough to shield her from the cruelties of life. He wanted her to be proud of him.
He could see their children. They would have her bright pink hair and his brown serious eyes. They would turn the shape of their face into a wolf's one and they would laugh happily looking at themselves in the mirror.
He looked into Dora's eyes and he understood the last rule, the embarrassing one, as James said.
When he was with her, nothing could upset him. He forgot he was a werewolf, he forgot that two of his best friends were dead and that one was a traitor, he forgot all the sadness and grief he had experienced in his whole life. And his sould breathed. There wasn't another way to explain it, it was just like James said: his soul breathed. Everything was perfect, he wasn't old or poor anymore but he was the strongest and luckiest man in the world.
He beamed at Tonks and muttered thanks, Prongs.
'Remus, are you alright?' Tonks asked smiling.
'Dora, will you marry me?' was his answer.
A/N Did you like it? Please, REVIEW!!