Disclaimer: I don't own Daughters of the Moon.

WARNING: System Malfunction!
Part I: Not Another Unintentional Forbidden Love Scenario

This was not a normal day.

"It look likes those lessons have been paying off," Serena murmured, as she sauntered cautiously down the blistering hot streets of LA. Her mind was unintentionally sending out explosive commands and signals that not even a member of the Inner Circle would be able to match. Beside the telepath, Jimena strolled wearily, her eyes wide as she drank in the strange scenario of a "new world" around her.

Did I mention she was wearing a tunic and some odd sandals stolen from a college dorm room?


"I've told you, young child," she interjected softly, gazing at Serena with an outrageously uncalled for amount of softness, care, compassion, wisdom and every other emotion displayed by the all-knowing, Yoda-like woman, "My name is Pandia, Goddess and daughter of Zeus and Selene. I am here to help defeat the Atrox. Now, where is Penelope's daughter—?"

"Yeah, yeah." Serena waved her hand dismissively. "You've told me this is a thousand times."

Jimena eyed her strangely, before sighing. "No need to exasperate, child—"

"I'm not a child!" The telepath stamped her foot angrily, before recollecting her calmness and continuing toward the Darma Bookstore, owned by Catty's mother, Kendra. If anyone who could help her figure out the situation, it would be Kendra. Maggie was… dead, so no help there; and Stanton never really answered any of her questions—usually acting morbidly mysterious or opting to have a make-out session, usually distracting Serena completely.

"What is that shiny metal object?" Jimena questioned, stunned. "It's so fast!"

"It's a car," Serena answered, before grabbing the ancient reincarnated Goddess's hand and towing her into the bookstore. Just like on the street, all eyes remained on Jimena's attire, which—much to Serena's humiliation—was see-through, and just odd! Jimena, happy to find literature, began skimming through various books; her fingers hastily flipping over pages. Her eyes gradually widened.

"Kendra!" Serena jogged up the older woman.

Kendra smiled kindly, pushed up her reading glasses, and walked over to the Daughter. "What is it, Sere—what is Jimena wearing?" Both turned around to stare at the tunic wrapped around Jimena's body. "Is that… is that a blanket around her body?" Kendra blinked several times, as though trying to understand if this was reality or a dream, before grinning. "I never pegged Jimena for a practical joker."

"She's not," Serena began, now panicked, "Our powers have all increased I think. I mean, I keep accidentally manipulating people and hearing thoughts, and Jimena… well, I think because she wasn't a Daughter anymore, that her memories just… overtook her body. She thinks she's ONLY Pandia. She doesn't even know who Jimena is!"

Kendra frowned. "This is bad. This is very bad."


"No, that's bad." Kendra pointed behind Serena's shoulder. "Isn't that a Follower?" Her eyes turned angry and terrified at the same time. "Hey, it's all mossy and it's oozing all over the new carpet!"


Serena swiveled around, and horror washed over her features as she took a shaky step backwards. A Regulator, not at all covered up, moved their way, his beady eyes narrowed and his lips—if those were lips on his face—were turned into a scowl. Its skin was moss and green and protruding. "An ogre!" someone screamed, igniting more shrieks and yells. In a second, the store was evacuated.

"There goes business," Kendra murmured.

Jimena, who had thrown a book to the side, stepped in front of the beast, confident. "Stay back you beast! You vile follower of the Atrox! You feral animal without a soul! You—"

"I'm evil, I get it," the Regulator intervened, his voice raspy and croaking.

"That you are!" Standing stiffly, Jimena reached her hands upward and shouted, "Mother, Goddess of the Moon, I call upon you to." She paused, seemingly confused. "To… to… oh, right! To bind your power with mine so that together, we can defeat this monster and send him back to the underworld! Mother, give me your power, I beg of you!"

Silence reigned supreme.


Jimena still had her hands raised.


"Pandia," she corrected with a low growl.

Serena sighed. "Pandia… Don't you think that was a little over the top? Nothing's happening."

"Enough of this," the Regulator sneered, before continuing toward the Daughter; striding past Jimena, whose arms were still up and now shaking. Serena squealed and jumped behind Kendra, who was quivering with fury as her eyes remained trained on the oozing mess trailing behind the beast. "Windex won't take that out!" She cried.

"Stanton made me do it!" Serena yelled.

The Regulator now stood before her. "No, young Daughter of the Moon, that's not why I'm here" Serena cringed as he placed his hand delicately on hers, and the putrid stench and his disgusting, slimy touch surfaced over her skin. "I-I don't know what happened. One second I was hiding in the shadows and the next thing I know, I hear your melodic voice in my mind and all of a sudden…" He sighed… dreamily. "Will you marry me?"

Kendra was rigid and horrified, along with Serena, and Jimena was still in the same position.


"Good luck with that!" Kendra zoomed into the backroom.


Part II: Say It Don't Spray it

Catty moaned as a stinging pain stabbed at her knee. Propping herself up, she shakily bounced to her feet and wiped at the skid-marks on her knees and elbows. The smell of smoke and meat swept through her body, propelling her nostrils to flare at the unfamiliarity. But it was so… clean… and fresh. This was nothing like LA… Her eyes traveled along pillars. Sniffing, she moved around them, and…


Blinking, she was startled to find herself standing amongst a crowd of tunic-wearing freaks. "How did I end up on the set of 300?" she questioned wearily. In fact, she had been attempting to travel back in time to some party when she had felt strangely powerful. Maybe she accidentally went back in time to the filming of the movie…?


She swiveled around as a loud voice rang in her ear. Her heart stopped. A large, burly man with a load of hair towered over her, wearing some form of fabric diaper meant for adults. Around him, other men stood, each pointing a spear at her. She gulped.


A flurry of spit hit her face. "I-I-I… I-I… I come from California!"


Catty shrunk back in fear. "I… Who… Where… Where am… I?"

"THIS!" The man gestured to the Athenian-like area and the crowd. "THIS IS SPARTA!"

Spit… It hit her face like a hurricane.

"Say it don't spray it, fool." She wiped at the saliva.


"I'll mock anyone who spits in my face!"


"Blah, blah, blah." She rolled her eyes.

He was fuming now. The spears pressed even closer. "I'LL ASK YOU AGAIN… WHY ARE YOU HERE? IS THIS SOME SORT OF THREAT?" He glared murderously down at her. She could only gaze at his tone abs and strange man sweat. A woman, seeing her gaze on him, cleared her throat and glared daggers at Catty before saying, "My king, I think we should—"

"Don't kick me into the odd, pointlessly placed hole!" Catty begged, reaching out. Apparently, this was taken as a threat, because each man unsheathed their swords and charged. Terrified, Catty closed her eyes and sure enough, she was back in the tunnel, spinning at fast speeds. Falling down, she lands on dirt with a thud. Her breathing was heavy and the man's spit remained on her face.



Catty looked up just in time to realize that she was in an arena… And that a herd of lions was running her way.

"…Oh, shit…"