This was just something I thought up of while reading the first Oz vs. Mugiwara (minus Luffy and Nami) chapter. I don't know if I'm the only one who thought this, but...Oz seemed too fast and dodged a whole bunch of stuff, and even the things he didn't dodge didn't really affect him much, like the salt.
To me, that was highly suspicious.
So I wrote this monstrosity up. The first part is just a retelling of that chapter...just to get into the real part of my story, so the first half of this is aaaaaallll Oda-sensei's. The characters are Oda-sensei's, except for the group. That's a couple of other authoresses, me included. Yes, I put myself in there. Don't flame me about it.
I was hoping to put this up before they all actually got around to beating Oz down.
Shit. This was bad.
Sanji, a bit reluctantly, ran for his life from the giant foot belonging to the zombie that held Luffy's shadow, Oz. The chapel was now destroyed, meaning that he was now considered to be outside. Thriller Bark was looking really bad now. Rubble was everywhere…the giant was pretty destructive. Just like Luffy, thought Sanji wryly.
Climbing all over the rubble was too exhausting, and besides, he really didn't want to run away anyways. Almost being crushed by a gigantic foot also didn't make him any more energetic. Climbing over one particularly large piece of stone, the cook of the Mugiwara Kaizokudan stood proudly in front of the zombie giant. Not a very wise idea, really, since the thing could squash him like a bug but…he couldn't run forever. Luffy's zombie had somewhat of an advantage when it came to running around as well.
He could distinctly hear Usopp shouting from the stone bridge above them. He said something like, "What are you doing on the roof, Zoro, Franky, Brooke?!" He also saw that Chopper and Robin was with him.
The blond smoker also heard their reply: "Usopp! So that's where you've been!"
Ignoring his crewmates, Sanji shouted around his cigarette at the giant now looming above him, angry at him for chasing him away from Nami, as well as that stupid beast-man thing stealing the angel from his sight just when he was about to rescue her. In fact…he needed to rescue her now, and the stupid horned giant was in…his…way…! So yeah, Sanji was pissed. And so back to what he was shouting. He shouted, in a very pissed manner, "Oi! Move it, idiot! The hell do you think you're doing, getting in our way, Luffy!" Actually, the cook knew that technically, this thing wasn't Luffy. But…he had Luffy's shadow, right?
"Luffy? He is my enemy! My name is Oz! Pleased to meet you!"
Now Sanji's shouting had caught the attention of First Mate Zoro. He grunted in annoyance at the cook's stupidity. "That idiot cook…did he even manage to save Nami?" Apparently not. Their navigator was obviously still in the hands of…whatever his name was. Who'd want to marry the witch anyways? The swordsman deliberately ignored Franky and Brooke's shouts of surprise and fear, as well as whatever Usopp was shouting. Really…bunch of scared wimps…
"Oh noooooo!" Usopp wailed, clutching something very tightly so he could actually stand on his shaking knees. The closest thing to hold on to was stone, so his fingernails dug into the rock, somehow. Or maybe they broke. "Sanji's in trouble!"
Robin, who was always calm, just stood behind both Usopp and Chopper. She analyzed the situation with a critical eye, watching the giant named Oz warily. It was odd…very odd. "This is unexpected. I thought they were only after our shadows. He seems to be acting too violently." Usopp immediately caught onto Robin's point. She was right, as always. According to Brooke, if they died, then the shadows went with them and the zombies went back to lifeless husks.
"…I guess they've decided they don't really need any shadows except Luffy's," said the sniper, rather pessimistically, as he stared in awe at the sheer monstrosity that was only moving around because of a shadow. Only because of a shadow…a giant was running rampage.
Chopper, leaning on the gaps in between the battlements, was frightened of the horrible looking zombie, with its horns and its ghastly eye and those teeth and that hole and its huge belly that would easily fit a reindeer…yeah, it was really scary. "Aaauugh! It's scary! We can't fight something like that!" He screeched. And it was true. How could anybody fight it? It was huge! Impossible!
Because Sanji had caught the attention of Oz, the giant looked down at his arm at the bounty posters pasted on the bandages. He immediately focused on the one for 'Black Leg Sanji'. "A spitting image…" He mumbled, which to everybody within the vicinity, sounded like a low growl. "You're one of the pirates too, huh?!" The huge zombie remembered its orders from Master Moria – Destroy all Mugiwaras.
Shifting easily into his (or rather, Luffy's) fighting stance, he threw back a fist and roared, "Gomu gomu noo…" The ground quaked slightly at the intensity of his voice. Of course, everybody heard it.
"Luffy's attack…!" Chopper noted. Well, it was Luffy's shadow…they would have the same attack names, right?
"Is he going to stretch?" inquired Usopp, now staring at the giant with slight interest. Sort of. It was a 'stare of horror' as well, really.
"Is he a rubber man too…?" said Zoro, though on reflection, the swordsman realized that it was a stupid question.
Without hesitation, Oz threw a punch towards Sanji, who swiftly jumped away to avoid it. "…Kama!" he finished, smashing his fist into random bits of rubble.
"Woah!" Shit, that fist was HUGE! Now that he got a closer look at it…Sanji was shocked. A huge fist like that…! It must have been more than ten times his size! Or maybe he was exaggerating.
Usopp and Chopper's jaw both dropped from their hiding place behind the sides of the bridge. "H-he didn't stretch but…!" Chopper started, simply awestruck by the power that Oz held. He was even more destructive than Luffy!
"…with that reach and brute strength, it doesn't make a difference!" The sniper finished with a flourish. Behind them, Robin remembered something about the giant. She had read a lot of books, and of course, was knowledgeable, and often knew or heard of things the others had not. "Oz…! I've heard that name somewhere!" It was no surprise to Usopp or Chopper, but they turned their heads to listen to the archeologist. "…He couldn't possibly be…that "demon" Oz from the Kunihiki legends?!" The sniper and the doctor were about to voice a question, but then out of the corner of their eyes, they noticed that Sanji had recklessly ran over to Oz and, in an attempt to get past him, jumped up high and brought up one of his legs.
"Collier Fri –" He was unable to finish his attack, for the great giant had brought his head down on his leg. Hard. And so Sanji harmlessly bounced off his forehead and was brought back to earth. He lost his cigarette on his way down, and bounced off a piece of rubble. In the middle of his bounce, he saw, but couldn't do anything to dodge it, the huge hand coming his way. It slammed him into a building. "Pretty damn quick for such a huge body!" Franky commented right before Oz started after Sanji again, his huge belly jiggling as the cook fell, bloody, from the crater of his rough landing. The giant snatched him out of the air and held him upside-down. Oz brought the bleeding cook to eye level – and here, Usopp thought he saw him grinning – and it was obvious of what he was about to do.
"Oh shit, he's gonna die!" Zoro shouted, ready to jump from his perch on the roof. But he knew it would be too late. He was too far away, as well as all the others, and by the time he could reach the giant…
"Hinotori Boshi!" Oz's face suddenly exploded into flames. Zoro looked towards Usopp – good ol' Usopp – who was standing dramatically with his knees shaking and his slingshot held up. That was shaking too. Oz's long hair had caught on fire, and the bridge, the direction of where the flaming thingy came from, caught his attention. He lumbered slowly over, ignoring his flaming hair, and forgetting all about Sanji, threw the cook away carelessly.
"Aaah! Sanji!" Chopper screamed, knowing that somebody needed a doctor! …Which was him. He had to get down there and treat Sanji! But by then, Oz was already shaking his head, getting rid of the flame. He looked down at his arm again, and identified Robin and Chopper, the pet. "He's coming over here!" Usopp wailed, predicting doom to them all.
Zoro, in a commanding tone, shouted, "This is bad! Franky! Draw him over here!" The cyborg needed no prompting, and pulled back a hand and started firing. The speedo-wearing man expected them to hit square in Oz's face, just like Usopp's pellet had, and he gasped in surprise when the giant dodged his bullets easily. He was right. That damned giant was fast. Oz's attention was now towards the tall tower, and he glanced over there before disappearing…actually, it turned out he jumped to kick down the tower that held Zoro, Franky, and Brooke up.
"Ugh…that was close!" Brooke and Franky had instinctively jumped away, just barely dodging the huge foot, but Zoro had jumped towards the giant's leg, swords at the ready. He shouted back, "You two head down to the lower roof!" before tensing his arm muscles. They grew bigger. "Ichi Gorilla! Nii Gorilla! Santouryu…" The green-haired teen was now flying up to the huge, looming face…a gorilla-shaped aura could be seen if you squinted your eyes a bit. "Nigorizake!" He slashed his swords towards Oz, confident that he had him now, but Oz, still being so damn quick, dodged by moving back his head. Zoro was left flying over his intended target.
"Gomu gomu no…" Zoro looked back down. Dammit! What was he going to do now? Attacking...if he was attacked, then there was no way he could dodge it! "Kuzan!" Oz swiftly brought up a foot, kicking the swordsman high into the air, blood flowing from his mouth. Two down…
"Zoroooo!" Usopp cried out, his stomach twisting itself into knots. Two of the strongest men he knew…defeated…! "Are you alive?!" He called, getting no response. Of course…hit by that thing, you'd be unconscious. Though, it was Zoro, Usopp thought. The swordsman could take practically anything and still be awake. Suddenly, he realized something. "No! He's going to die if he falls from that height!"
Meanwhile, Franky saw a chance. The damned giant had its attention held on Zoro. He was definitely open and unguarded. Aiming carefully at its face as the thing looked up satisfactorily up at his victim, the cyborg said, "Eat this, monster." Everything was ready now. "Weapons Left!" The blue-haired man fired from his arm…but…he dodged again! He ducked! "What agility!" He shouted in surprise, lifting his sunglasses as if distrusting what he saw. Luffy's zombie ripped off a nearby tower and thrusted it towards where Franky and Brook were. They never suspected a thing. Both of them fell to the ground, landing among the rubble. Four down.
"Waaaugh! Franky! Brooke!" Chopper was now on the verge of tears. What could he do?! He couldn't jump down to save them…against that monster…he was just too big to take down! And on top of that, he was fast! He just dodged every attack thrown at him!
Oh wait, Zoro…that's right! Chopper looked back up, just in time to see Zoro falling down towards their direction. Robin saw as well and crossed her arms in the familiar posture. "Cien Fleur…Spider Net." Hundreds of arms sprouted out from nowhere, forming, of course, a net. They flew towards the falling swordsman, ready to catch him like a fish. (A green fish.)
Zoro was successfully caught, and Robin's hand net was dragged down by his weight. The first mate of the crew was still coughing, and as he stared up, the only thing filling his line of vision was Oz's gigantic face. "…Shit." There was a meaningful glare in his eyes…erm…eye. He was planning on crushing him. Maybe with that tower he was still holding. The swordsman heard Chopper scream…and then Usopp, in another burst of bravery, held up his slingshot Kabuto again. "Eat this! You're a zombie too!" He still had some salt left, and he intended to use it to take out that damned giant. He was sure that, taking this chance, Oz would fall over, a dead giant husk once again. "Hissatsu Salt Star!" Right on target, like always! The salt bag flew straight into Oz's giant mouth in a beautiful arc. The long-nosed teen grinned, certain that all their troubles were over…but…
Oz was still standing.
After staring at each other in silence, Oz started to get a meaningful glare back on his face again. Shit. "It…it must have not been enough for this huge body!" Usopp realized, dread filling his stomach once again. They were definitely doomed.
Chopper had turned into his human form and just wasn't quite ready to give up. "Heavy Gong!" He roared, charging boldly forward in an attempt to knock down the giant. Unfortunately, Oz simply threw the piece of tower he still had in his hand towards the three. Everybody was now down…Oz towered over them all, victorious. Sanji was out…Zoro was out…so were Franky, Brooke, Chopper, and Robin. Usopp, bloodied, and very certain that something was broken, managed to cough out, "D-damn you…Luffy…!"
Oz just stood there. "I don't know you guys…" But before he could finish his sentence, a few figures dropped out of the sky. One of them shouted, "That's enough!" It was…Zoro strained his ears…it was definitely a girl's voice. Breathing heavily and straining with the effort, he sat up and looked up in amazement as the figures landed on Oz…and brought him down.
The figures landed and stood dramatically on a particularly large piece of rubble. All of them had long scarves that blew in the wind. Zoro never even noticed that there was a slight breeze…but there was, apparently.
"Oz!" The same girl shouted again. She was obviously the leader of the group, since she was standing up front. "We cannot allow you to go any further! You will not continue fighting! We will destroy you here and now to prevent you from being a…a…" The figure to her left whispered something in her ear. "…We will stop you from ruining literate fanfiction writer's sanity everywhere!" The figure to her right whispered something in her ear. "What? They're already insane? We're too late?"
"No," the figure to the right said impatiently. "Fanfiction writers have been insane since forever. It's a requirement for us."
"Hey! I'm not insane!" The leader hotly replied. All the figures seemed to be glaring at her. "…Alright, I sort of am." By now, all the pirates were slowly recovering, and they sat up and stared at their rescuers. Now that he was more focused, Zoro noticed that the whole group was made up of girls.
He immediately zoomed in on the leader. She looked…a few years younger than he was. That irritated him. All of them had attempted an attack and failed…and these women (all of them were younger than he was, he noticed, which didn't help his annoyance) brought Oz down by just…kicking him…! Anyways, back to the leader. She had black hair that only went down to around the bottom of his neck and it appeared to have been hastily put up in a poorly made ponytail. There was a golden band around her forehead that…Zoro had to strain his eyes to read…had the word 'Leader' on it. She also had green eyes and her long scarf was green and covered her entire neck. There were golden letters sown on it and they said HogwartsShinobi. Zoro blinked. Was that a name? A bloody strange one, if so.
HogwartsShinobi (if that was her name) had a dark-green shirt, though her sleeves were striped, alternating between the colors black and grey. Her shirt also sported the word Leader, which were printed beautifully across her breasts. She wore dark jeans. All in all, a pretty normal looking girl. He then moved on to examine all the others, but the blond idiot cook jumped up, apparently fully recovered. Zoro snorted.
"Oooh, my ladies, I thank you for saving us," he started, ignoring a groan from Zoro. Despite the situation, Usopp snickered as the cook grabbed HogwartShinobi's hands and crooned, "But you need not do anything else. I'll handle the rest." Two of the girls looked like they were about to swoon. One of them had long brown hair that faintly reminded the crew of chocolate, though it was only faintly, because she had highlights. Many different colored highlights. It was also tied into a braid. Her eyes were brown as well, and her scarf was a maroon color. They had the letters 'SKZS' on them, and as soon as Chopper saw those letters, he asked, "What does 'SKZS' stand for?"
"Um…" The girl replied, no longer staring longingly at Sanji. "Well…I really shouldn't say…" On with the observations. She wore tall platform boots, knee-high striped socks, and a short skirt that Sanji was grinning stupidly at.
"Shouldn't say?" Robin inquired, being reminded of a certain organization she used to be part of. Was this also a secret organization? "Why not?"
"…Because…uh…it might…um…" The other girl who apparently loved Sanji spoke meekly and was obviously shy. She had straight black hair that went down to the middle of her back, and the way her bangs went in her face would remind anyone of a horror film. She wore a black scarf that covered the bottom of her head, and in red lettering, it declared her to be Sei-sama. She also donned a baggy black T-shirt and baggy pants.
"Because then it will possibly mess up this universe," continued another one of the girls. This one had dirty blonde hair tied into a neat ponytail and had the air of someone who knew what she was doing. Her scarf was brown and sported the name Madlibs. Madlibs wore some comfortable looking jeans and a hoodie, which had pockets and the string things used to tighten the hood that were fun to play with. There was also a pair of goggles placed on her forehead.
"Maadliibs…you probably made them more confused…" This girl was purely blonde and had green eyes. She was wearing a cute pink dress, and her scarf was pink and donned the words 'Lillygirl'.
The last girl just stood silent with her arms akimbo, looking like one of the serious girls in the group. She had short black hair and wore a dark sweatshirt and dark sweatpants. A classy pair of glasses rested upon her nose, and it should be noted that she had an earring on one ear. Her scarf was indigo and told the crew in dark blue letters that she was 'Oni Giri Slash.'
Finally, Franky said what was on the whole crew's minds. "Who the hell are you?"
"Us?" A proud smirk crossed HogwartsShinobi's face, and she jabbed a thumb towards her chest. "Why…we're A.N.I.M.E."
"…That's a group name, right…?" asked Usopp. If it wasn't, and the leader was declaring that she believed them to be anime, then he doubted this new, albeit strong, group's sanity.
"Ah! Yeah!" The brunette shot a feral grin, but was lightly bonked on the head by Oni Giri Slash, who looked slightly annoyed.
"No, no. That's not our group name. I should know. It's G.A.M.E.S. Besides, what would "anime" stand for?"
"'Authors Never Inventing Murderous Elephants.'"
"That's a stupid name." Robin noticed that the other girls were nodding in agreement, which only caused HogwartsShinobi to get even angrier. "Oh yeah?! Then what does G.A.M.E.S. stand for?!"
"Gary-stu And Mary-sue Elimination Squad."
"Yeah, that sounds good," said Madlibs. "Very cool. Better than W.A.M.: Writers Against Mary-sues."
"It could also be C.A.F.A.G.A.M.S. Crazy Ass Fans Against Gary And Mary Shit," offered Lily.
"…Um…I'm not sure if…we should be…you know…" stuttered Sei-sama, who looked pointedly at the pirates. "Because…then…they might…"
"Okay then, you're some sort of group. What exactly do you people do?" Usopp was now a little cautious. It was something he had developed over the years really, and you could never be too careful. This he realized after that Jyabura guy tricked him with the key thing. Damned wolf…
"Well, basically we're people who want to destroy…um…how do I explain this…" HogwartsShinobi looked off to one side and scratched the back of her head. "Basically, we destroy Gary-Stus and Mary-Sues, who are…creations that are supposed to be perfect. Instead, they're very annoying. And from that scene just then…there is evidence to believe that Oz over there is a Gary-Stu. I mean…that speed…has to be impossible for a guy like him. The strength I can understand…but the way he just dodged all your attacks is definitely a sign of a Gary-stu."
"And that's the only way he could beat all of you down so easily," added SKZS bluntly. Zoro twitched, unhappy about the way the girl said that.
"Wait, so you watched us get beaten up by that monster and didn't do anything until now?" Usopp asked incredulously. And they could have beaten Oz so easily too! Why did they only step in now?
"Ah, well, according to rules and regulations, we can't affect a story until one of those kinds of characters show up…" replied SKZS sheepishly. "Don't worry, we'll take care of the rest. We'll get Oz out of here."
"Yeah, we can take care of that too."
"You know, our group can be called F.F.F.M.M.G.G. Fangirls and Fanboys Fighting Merry Mary-sues and Gay Gary-stus," said Lilygirl.
"Hell no, you can't pronounce that." By this time, Oz the giant had recovered and was now looming once again above everybody. He grumbled, "Friend's of yours? I'll have to kill them too…" He raised a gigantic foot and brought it quickly down on the group.
"Ah! Run away!" Chopper screamed, scrambling quickly over the rubble to escape the incoming foot. The other pirates jumped away as well, and some of the girls did too, but two remained: HogwartsShinobi and Oni Giri Slash. They both looked up calmly, one even smiling, and the foot came down with a loud crash.
"Ah! Those two…!" shouted Sanji, turning around in alarm. SKZS clapped a hand on the cook's shoulder reassuringly. "Don't worry. I know you're a gentleman, but you really don't have to help those two out. They're professional Gary and Mary killers." And sure enough, HogwartsShinobi and Oni Giri Slash were under the foot, but they were actually holding it up with their bare hands.
"Haha…" huffed the leader of the group, starting to sweat a bit. "…you think you're any match for us?! We're hired to destroy people like you! Don't think your speed and power will help you this time!"
"Jeez, you don't have to shout," said Oni Giri Slash right besides her, and they both grunted and pushed upwards, which successfully made Oz fall backwards.
"No…no way!" Chopper, Usopp, Franky, and Brooke gawked as the giant began to fall. Oz looked surprised himself. Zoro's manly pride was once again wounded.
"Lilygirl! SKZS! Now!" The two girls needed no prompting and the blonde struck first, jumping high into the air and taking out two guns from seemingly out of nowhere. Robin and Zoro watched as the girl, from the air, shot at Oz's chest. The bullets exploded upon impact, and seemed to have some mysterious effect upon the giant, for he roared in pain and writhed on the ground.
SKZS had put together a huge bazooka and while Lilygirl was shooting at Oz, she jumped up and then fired her own firearm. This one shot out huge nails which shot straight through Oz's arm and into the ground. She shot three more, which penetrated his other arm and his legs, and just like that, the behemoth zombie was immobilized.
"N-no way…Oz…beaten by them so easily?" Usopp looked at the girls in awe. "Who the hell are they?" Sanji looked slightly shaken up as well as he lighted another cigarette and gently spewed out smoke. "There are a lot of powerful people on the Grand Line…" was all he said, calmly.
"Don't try to act so suave, idiot. Your hand is shaking," scoffed Zoro, though he was amazed at how easily the weird group had beaten Oz into the ground. And yes, his manly pride was hurt even more.
Suddenly, Madlibs and Sei-sama ran in with a large bag of something. The bag was huge, sagging down onto the ground and trailing behind the two. Normally Sanji would have offered to help carry the bag, but this time, he just didn't bother. They all just watched as the two jumped up as if there wasn't a huge bag of something on their backs and land neatly on Oz's head, then rip open the bag and pour the contents down his throat.
"Wait…!" Usopp exclaimed, squinting his eyes a little bit to see the bag better. "I think that's…salt!" And indeed it was. The sniper's own salt star was not enough for Oz's massive body, and so apparently the group brought more to attempt to release Luffy's shadow. Sure enough, Oz, though he was struggling only a few seconds before, suddenly shuddered and lay still. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and a black blob forced its way out of his mouth and then shot towards wherever Luffy was.
"Well, that's good. We took care of this one in record time. Good job, team!" Hogwarts Shinobi offered a thumbs-up to her crew as she wiped sweat off her forehead. "Anyways, we'll be leaving now. We should also take that guy, in case he ever revives again and continue his Gary-stu ways." As she was speaking, the other girls were starting to take off the nails that were holding the zombie down and starting to heft him up.
"…Take him…where…?" Chopper asked, adding the last bit at the last second, not wanting to seem impolite. He still couldn't believe his eyes…five girls picking up Oz…what a disconcerting sight…
"That's a secret, of course."
Robin finally seemed to have come to a conclusion. "So you fight against Mary-sues and Gary-stus, people who are supposedly perfect…?" Everybody now turned to her, wondering what the historian was getting at now.
"Yeah, that's true," HogwartsShinobi replied, smiling while scratching the back of her head again.
"Well, then I would think you would be considered a 'Mary-sue' as well. The rest of your group too." There was a long silence, where the black-haired girl's face just froze, her mouth still in an open smile, her hand still behind her head. This pose was held for quite a while, Robin's comment being so shocking, and she only moved when Chopper curiously started to walk towards her.
"Well! We should be leaving now! No need to thank us! Bye-bye! We'll never meet again!" In a few seconds, Oz and the six girls had disappeared from sight to an unknown place. The pirates stared at the sky, where they had jumped off to. When they finally shook themselves out of it and looked around, Zoro said, "Well now what?" A good question. They didn't have to fight Oz anymore, and Luffy got his shadow back.
"Well…I'm going to save Nami-chwan now…"
"I think I'll come with you."
"Not much else to do, is there…"
"I thought she would react that way," said Robin, privately thinking over what the six mysterious girls had told them.
And that's how Oz was defeated and how Luffy got his shadow back.
Okay, that's it. The thrilling end. Hope you've all enjoyed it. I'm probably not going to write anything like this ever again. This is the closest thing to crack that you'll get from me. I have no idea who I'm talking to.
Please review. Pleeeeeaaaasssseeee.