All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

Lost In Myself

Laurent shook his head, his face kind. "Look at it this way, Bella. You're very lucky I was the one to find you."

"I am?" I mouthed, faltering another step back.

Laurent followed, lithe and graceful.

"Yes," he assured me. "I'll be very quick. You won't feel a thing, I promise. Oh, I'll lie to Victoria about the later, naturally, just to placate her. But if you knew what she had planned for you, Bella…" He shook his head with a slow movement, almost as if in disgust. "I swear you'd be thanking me for this."

I stared at him in horror.

He sniffed at the breeze that blew threads of my hair in his direction. "Mouthwatering," he repeated, inhaling deeply.

I tensed for the spring, my eyes squinting as I cringed away, and the sound of Edward's furious roar echoed distantly in the back of my head. His name burst through all the walls I'd built to contain it. Edward, Edward, Edward. I was going to die. It shouldn't matter if I thought of him now. Edward I love you.

(New Moon, pg.241-242)

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Ch.1

JPOV

"Sam! We have to do it now! How much more proof do you want?" thought Jacob desperately. The big black wolf stood rigid, unmoving analyzing the scene before him. "Sam he's going to kill Bella!"

The black wolf snarled low and deep raising his hackles slightly. Sam turned menacingly towards Jacob, "Jacob I know, but we must be sure. When he makes a move…" The whole pack turned their attention back to the meadow. "Shit, go, go, go! Kill him!"

BPOV

My lungs collapsed at the impact of Laurent's marble body, leaving me breathless and dazed. His teeth bit into the first patch of flesh they found, my shoulder. At first it felt like a paper cut then it progressed further into the pain I knew it should be, his venom dripping into the tender gash. The pressure eased for half a second as he went for my chest, right above my heart. This time it felt like he was opening a wound that had only begun to heal. The venom dripped and mixed with my blood, which was being rapidly consumed.

I gazed up at the hazy sky, every noise was muffled and my face was raw from tears. The pain was all consuming and became somewhat of a relief. I finally could let out the pain I'd been feeling for Edward for so long, and together the tortures consumed my body.

I gazed to my side in sort of a spectator view as a pack of monsters, no, giant wolves lunged at Laurent. "No, let me die, please," I whispered numbly, though nothing seemed to notice I'd even spoken, like wolves couldn't understand me anyways. Laurent noticed them as I did and seemed drawn between finishing me and fleeing. He dipped his head one last time and went to escape, but was taken down by the whole pack. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing; they were mere animals weren't they?

The scene blurred as the tears swelled and flooded my eyes. Oh this pain was something new and I knew what was happening to my body. I could feel the procedure taking place beneath my skin and in my bones. The burning and killing of my weak human cells, only to be replaced by a more potent vampire form, tormented my soul. I could actually feel part of my soul lifting and leaving me, tugging at my heart. " I wont let go," my feeble words stumbled from my lips to no one.

JPOV

That filthy bloodsucker, thinking he could hurt my Bel… "BELLA!" The cry came out as more of a whiny snarl seeing that I was still in wolf form. O God how do you know just what to do to kill me? Through my canine eyes I could see the gray portrait of my Bella withering away. Her whole body was shivering and the fragrance of her blood was pungent in the surrounding air.

My wolf form dissipated into my Quileute human body, as I rushed over to her. She just lay there, staring far off into the overcast haze above. Her whole body was shaking and the blood spewed, desperate to form clots, from the gnarled gashes in her chest and shoulder. I knew she was out of reach from my aid and these would be the last moments I would have with her. Grabbing her hand, I kneeled beside my Bella and did what most men were ashamed to do, I couldn't help it, I loved her. The tears flowed freely down my cheeks, dripping off my chin into her hair.

"Jake," I heard Sam's gruff voice test the air, my pack mates shuffling uncomfortably some distance off. "Jake, we have to end this for her. Either you kill her or you can let me." I looked up into is pleading eyes, they were stern but held sympathy for my plight.

"No! You can't, I won't let you," backing up my demand with a deep snarl, nothing compared to if I was in my wolf form. "I'll help her, she won't be like the others. We can teach her…" I stopped when I knew what I was saying was frivolous.

"Jake, you have till sunrise to get it over with. Save her soul." They left saying nothing more, leaving me to face my own demons. She was so beautiful still, covered in dirt and blood. My fingers traced her wounds where her body, aided by the venom, had already begun to repair itself.

Her scream pierced the air and her whole body contracted, arching her back. "I'm sorry Bells, I didn't mean to…" Her breath came in short gasps as her eyes searched the space around her for my form. "Bella I'm so sorry I couldn't save you. God, if I had only broke ranks and saved you myself. It's my fault."

When I returned my gaze, she met me back with hers. However somewhat blank it was, she was there, mind and body. Her lips formed silent words that I couldn't make out. Breath puffed out uncoordinated with her lips, ending up in a cough.

"Bella, it's ok. Don't talk you'll only hurt yourself more." I wanted her to suffer the least. I would gladly take all her pain myself so she could ascend to heaven peacefully.

"Jacob," her voice croaked desperately. "Please kill me; I don't want to live anymore." Her eyes blazed with the little embers of human life that were left in her.

Her passion scorched my own selfishness to save her. "But Bella I…"

"Jacob, I won't be all here anymore. You know this, and I feel that I am loosing myself. I, I can't go on living with only pain in my life."

There was hope, "Bella, you won't have only pain. I'll be here for you always. I love you, I can't do it. I can't kill you."

A chill wind flew through the meadow and back up to the sky. We both looked up at the storm front coming in strong. I turned to look back at my fallen angel, but her eyes stayed fix on the advancing clouds.

"Jake, you don't seem to understand, do you?" she broke her gaze with a smile to glance fondly at me, lifting her hand to stroke my face. Her hand fell from fatigue and her smile turned to a wince as a fresh wave of pain washed over her body. I patiently waited for it to pass so she could continue. "I could kill you, or try at least. When I turn, the draw to drink from your veins could be too great."

"But you wouldn't want to, right?" I searched desperately for a loop hole.

"No, I wouldn't want to, but I don't know if I will be able to fight it. I'll be half myself and half…no. More like a quarter of myself and three quarters a monster." Sorrow was emanating from her glorious face. "Jake you have to."

It was impossible for me to kill her, I knew it was. But I also knew what she said was true, she would no longer be Bella; a demon would posses her body. At that thought I couldn't bare to look at her. I wouldn't kill her; I would save her if you could call it that. I had till sunrise to hide her somewhere safe and then say goodbye forever.


This is my first fanfic, just wanted to share a story I've been dieing to read, but could never find. Please let me know if you like it, I'll post more. )