I know it's been over a month but yeah, I've been lazy and then a lot of shit happened in my life, like me moving to a new home, my driving school starting... (whoops).

Kaiden, yeah, it was Sai and Sasori in the last chap. My updates are quite slow, might take a month or two for me to get to writing the new chapter.

Yes, Itachi, the sneaky, sneaky bastard...

Yessss, a new chapter! Few questions might be answered, more questions might be asked.

Warnings: unintetional!Hidan!bashing & Whiny!Pathetic!Hidan, mentions of boy on boy-sex, YberBitchy!Sasuke (isn't he always?), more cameoguys, scary!Pain, new!guy, lots and lots of self!hate, more angsting, lots of confusion, OOC!Itachioh, and did I mention confusion?

Mood music: Nightwish, Jenni Vartiainen, OLIVIA

The smoke is intruding, it creeps in and out of him, transforming into small circles. The cigarette between the lithe fingers is still burning. Black eyes. Black hair. Sasuke turns his head to watch the figure laying on the bed. Away the gaze goes again and the scenery behind the cold window is unfeeling. This small apartment is not his, it belongs to the fair-haired man on the bed. Sasuke sighs, the cigarette now quietly burning between his lips, dark eyes completely expressionless.

What's gone into him?

This thing that he did. Last night, like the many, many nights before it, have been completele chaos.

"Sasuke, what the hell are - "

"Shut the fuck up."

The singer leans against the window and sighs, closing his eyes.


"Fuck me."


Snort. Really, now. He knows, it was a great mistake to go wandering to his bandmate's door that night so many nights ago. But...

"No way, you're d-drunk..."

"I mean what I say, fucker. Don't you lust after me every time you see me?"

Of course he knows he was cruel, using others like that. And he knows it's stupid. Horribly stupid.

But Hidan was there - still is - and he wasn't and Sasuke was desperate and lonely and shameful, his pride gone down the drain.

The singer snorts by the window again, smokes a little more, doesn't spare a glance towards the sleeping drummer. Hidan is such a stupid fuck

for letting him in here,

for letting him live here,

for letting his desire overcome him like that.

Sasuke should be going by now, this thing, you could hardly call it a relationship, has been going on for too long. He leans down, picks up the torn, old shirt, puts it on, one of the buttons missing.

Perhaps it fell off last night?

"Hey, fucker!"

"Sorry, Sasuke, I was just - "

"Don't be ... ahh..such a whiny little... shit..."

he throws a glance at Hidan, the drummer is awake and glancing at him.

"Are you.. leaving?"

Sasuke grooms his hair, this small, vain gesture.

"What does it look like, moron." A glare. "Grow a spine," he hisses, cruel tint in the dark eyes. Hidan doesn't look at him, regret and anger.

"I.. do have a spine," he mumbles and looks thin and small like a little boy. Sasuke feels uncharacteric and strange, he drills holes through his drummer.

"Don't start to spout some crap like that. If you had a little more spine, you wouldn't have let this happen," yeah, Uchiha-san, like the fault is all his? "and you act like a whiny little kid every time you're near me. Don't say you're in love with me or desire me, those are not worth shit," the rockstar says angrily, standing up, pulling up the zipper of his leather jacket. Hidan opens his mouth to protest, to say something, No, I don't love you, I couldn't do that, but he stays quiet, hazy eyes more miserable than ever.

Sasuke doesn't know what's inside his mind, his insides are turning upside down in fear, let me go now, don't make that face, let me go, stop your pointless desire, suffocate it...

He shakes his head.

"You're just a replacement," the words hit Hidan like wildfire, painful, so true, especially, since he knew it already. He hides his face behind the sheets, his suddenly wildly shivering hands.

When he raises his face again, after a minute that is an eternity, after the silent sounds of a heart breaking into pieces, Sasuke is


No tears and Hidan bites his lips to stop the little sound of sadness from escaping his throat.

No tears.

Few minutes later, the shrill sound of the phone cuts through his choking silence. He searches for it, finds the sleek red thing under the bed and answers.

"Hidan?" God, Pain's monotone is irritating.

"Yeah," Hidan says, voice shivering.

Still no tears.

What did he expect? For Sasuke to stay here forever? For Sasuke to fall in love with him?


"We got a gig for the day after tomorrow. At Hebi's. You have Zetsu's number, call him.

I will contact the others."


"... oh, and Hidan. I know you're distressed and who's the cause for it -"

"What... how do you -"

Hidan almost chokes on his cigarette. There's no change in Pain's voice, one of the few people who can talk about love and death in same sentence without raising an eyebrow.

"You should know by now that I have my resources. Do not think that I am blind. If something is affecting my band, I will know of it." Hidan nods to himself. The smoke rising from the tip of the cigar is dull gray.

"Don't let your distress affect your playing. I won't let you slack off. Practice. Today at four. Be there," the menace in Pain's monotone makes the fair-haired drummer's skin crawl.

"No, I won't let it affect... yes, yes, I'll be there..." Pain says his goodbye and Hidan snaps his phone shut.

Fuck that man.

But S.I.N is part of his life and he doesn't want to leave it.

At least...

not yet.

He'll just bury any feelings he has for their singer. His eyes are starting to burn. After all, isn't he just an replacement for that man?

- - -

Clock is ticking four and the tension in their practice place is overwhelming. Hidan sits behind his drums, staring at the pair of expensive sneakers sticking out in front of him. Kisame makes faces at the mirror from the wall, he feels like biting something would be good. Zetsu stands like a soldier and gazes at the frowning Pain for orders. Deidara has stopped his joking just a minute ago, the eccentric guitarist glancing at his bandmates anxiously.

"Hey guys - " he starts, but one look from Pain's terrifying eyes is enough to silence him.

The sound of footsteps make all of them turn their heads towards the door.

Sasuke stares at them with narrow, angry eyes. No greetings.

He walks forward and takes his place, throwing his jacket and bag to the corner.

"Let's start with "sekai."

"Hurry up," Pain commands and his ever-expressionless face remains that way, as he retreats further away.

Sekai, world, is the song about a man wanting to be God.

While playing, Hidan forgets about the singer's face at night, the drumsticks are like extensions of his hands.

While singing, Sasuke forgets about him and months of loneliness, forgets Hidan and his miserable, desperate face at night, don't leave me, Sasuke

"Kore wa oretachi no sekai."

Three minutes of low seductiveness, anger, me against the world-attitude.

The practice lasts for two whole hours, Pain whipping them into a crazy frenzy, never raising his voice, never moving an inch. Menacing words and creepy spiral eyes – Deidara wants to know where he gots those contacts and Pain says they are his natural eyes – are enough.

After two hours, they part ways, Sasuke throws the cigarette pack to the carbage bin, not borheting with the thought that they are not his.

His apartment is dusty when he finally returns there. Locking the door behind him, he tosses his jacket to the floor, pushing his shoes away from the way.

He walks and the white shirt finds its way to his couch. He walks and the clothes fall, leaving the singer's body bare, old and newer marks of shameless bites on his neck.

The door to the bathroom is freezing. Tired dark eyes look back from the small mirror. Sasuke turns away and steps inside the stall. It feels cramped, the water falling on his face and body is


"Do you want to come with me?"

Sasuke shivers.

First two months were peaceful enough. After the phonebooth incident, Itachi had more or less disappeared.

First, it had been relaxing.

Then it was weird.

Paranoia hit him, he stayed inside and didn't move, afraid that the man would appear from thin air.

After three months, he was frustrated out of his mind, one part of him missing Itachi and his dark words.


It didn't take long for Sasuke to get drunk out of his mind and knock on Hidan's door. Three months of rough, angry sex and undeniable cruelty and

here he is now.

Sasuke leans against the shower wall and shakes his head, grinning without joy.

What do you do to me, fucker?

He sits, his hand like a white insect on his thigh.

Pathetic, isn't he?

Eyes closed, eyelashes tickling his cheek.

"Sasuke-kun. Do you really want that?"

His voice comes out as a low moan. Snow white fingers quick between the slender, but strong legs. Sasuke breathes deeply and sees the maddening smirk.

Truly pathetic.

Someone is laughing in his ears and it takes a moment to realize it's him.


Itachi... his heart beats, his nails dig into the pale skin.

Fuck you.

Take a deep breath.

Drown, drown in to the darkness of that heart -

Sasuke wakes up a moment later, shaken by someone, his back hurting like hell.

Did he faint? Blink. Opens his eyes to see Pain's spiral gaze drill a hole through his head.

Oh. No questions.

Sasuke had long ago learned not to ask, Pain has his reasons, his ways to get in without breaking the lock.

The singer tries to get up, realizing with a start, that his legs are numb, his head is aching.

"W-wha?" He blinks, his eyes are hurting. Pain's face seems to fade in front of him, the manager's fair hand cool on his burning forehead.

"You have a fever. I was coming to inform you about the gig, but you must forget it now." Sasuke forgets instantly that they are sitting on the floor of the stall, that he's naked and aching and oh god, the freaking gig!

"You're not going anywhere." The silent command in the orange-head's voice is frightening enough to make the rock star nod.

Pain wraps him in a towel, leads him to his room, to the lonely, uncomfortable bed.

"You have fainted a few times before. Take better care of yourself," the manager says and Sasuke makes a whiny sound, hiding his face behind the blanket. It's only Pain that he shows this weakness in him. The quiet manager helps him without a word, never telling anyone.

Always in the middle of his own secrets.

His hands are big on Sasuke's skinny shoulders.

"Thanks," the singer mumbles dizzily, carefully hiding himself under the blankets. How didn't he realize.

"Get better. We will come to see you," Pain says, in his eyes, there is the deep nothingness of death.

Sasuke fears him, turns away and closes his own eyes.

Pain shifts quietly away.

The singer feels like a child being scolded by his parents – even though he doesn't remember what it felt like having parents, all he remembers is his mother's beautiful smile.

For a week, he lies on his bed, barely moving.

For a week, he drifts back into his memories, thinking about mother's sad face and thinking, 'where's daddy?'

Deidara visits every day, dragging the reluctant Zetsu with him.

Pain visits once, Hidan stays behind him, never looking at the bed-ridden brunette.

They all know this is it.

Then Hidan goes and doesn't come back ever again, the crazy drummer much more fragile than no one ever knew, bearing being used only for so long.

Well, he would have left anyway, even if Pain hadn't made him resign.


On the sixth day of his sick week, Kisame comes, grinning like a mad shark, saying, that Pain is looking for a new drummer, who could successfully erase Hidan from their minds, "We do not need low-lifes who are affected by their superficial desires,", Pain said.

On seventh day, Sasuke walks around in his apartment, smokes, curses, glares. Then he snorts, realizing that not once did he think of Itachi during the week.

How ridiculous.

On seventh day, Sasuke sits down in his tiny kitchen. His phone rings, the faint voice Olivia screaming something incoherent.

"Yeah?" He mumbles tiredly. When the person on the other end speaks, he freezes.

Such a familiar voice.

"Hello, Sasuke." The brunette tosses the phone, confused and scared out of his mind.

How he hopes, it wasn't him.

He hopes it was him.

Two days later, they gather back to their practice place.

Deidara with his guitar, Zetsu with his bass, Kisame with his keyboard, Sasuke with his microphone.

The hole left by their former drummer is large, all of them are wishing for someone to fill it quickly.

They practice and practice, none of them say it aloud, because they all know.

Deidara blames Sasuke for it, the blond guitarist throwing irritated looks towards their unofficial leader. It's no secret, that Deidara thought of Hidan as a friend.

But, as Pain puts it, they are not meant to be friends, they are acquaintances, they put their darkness into their music, for their money, for their lives.

So, when few days later, Pain comes and brings a smaller figure with him, S.I.N accepts the new member with ease, after hearing his loud and undoubtly skillful drumming.

Suigetsu is his name, Kisame's cousing, it seems.

He grins the same way with those shark-like teeth.

Three weeks later, after one nearly failed kid, where Sasuke almost fell of the stage, where Suigetsu forgot his beats and drummed something incoherent on his own.

Three weeks later, the said young shark and Deidara lay in Sasuke's apartment glared by its owner.

It's the eve of Sasuke's 22nd birthday, Deidara is wasted out of his mind, giggling on the floor, Suigetsu is talking on the phone. Other members left only minutes ago, the place a hideous mess. Open packages, cigarettes, beer. Sasuke gathers a few bottles to one pile and sighs.

22 years.

Feels like a fucking century.

He sits down beside the phone and yawns. Deidara stops giggling and falls asleep. Suigetsu stops talking and starts to snore loudly on the couch, that stupid shark-grin plastered on his face.

It's only for a moment, when Sasuke closes his eyes, when -

knock, knock

The demanding knocking wakes him from his trance.

"Who the fuck - " he stumbles up and towards the door.

Without noticing the menacing atmosphere. Without lookin through the doorhole. (1)

Tsk, tsk. What a mistake.

"Coming, coming," he mutters, scrambles the chain and the door handle.

"So what's your - " His words die in his mouth.

The face hovering a little over him is a face he hasn't seen for over half a year. The long collar covering half of his face, bright red eyes empty and creepy.

Sasuke reaches for the door handle, too slow, Itachi grabs his wrist.

"Sasuke..." the man leans forwards, yanking his collar down to reveal a white, unhappy smirk. "Did you miss me?" The singer hisses like an angry cat and shakes his head, although his mind is shouting: Yes, yes, fucker, yes, yes, fuck you!

"Happy birthday." Itachi whispers and his red eyes are mesmerizing. Sasuke wonders if he's wearing contacts, but dismisses the thought.

Those are definitely real.

"I'll tell you a secret," the red-eyed man says and his body is hot against Sasuke's. Too close, too close...

"I don't need anything from you," Sasuke says, face up, even if he doesn't mean to do that.

Itachi cuts him off with a kiss, his hands pressing the singer's back painfully, his lips still hellish, hot and hurting

Then the taller man moves his lips closer to the singer's ear.

He whispers something.

Few words.

Something is breaking.

Itachi steps back, his hand cool, stiff like a robot's hand, as it caresses the smaller man's face.

The taller man doesn't smirk or chuckle, he's completely without any expression, redness fading from his eyes, leaving only the endless darkness.

"Foolish", he whispers. The word meant for both him and Sasuke.

His thin finger pokes gently the latter's forehead, faint memory of a smile caressing his face.

No more does he say, no need to.

Sasuke stands frozen to the spot, shocked of what he just heard, can't be happening, you're joking, fucking liar, liar, fuck you,

when he moves again, Itachi is gone.

He blinks and closes the door, stumbling to the floor near it, eyes large and childish.

Shame and anger and desire are boiling inside of him.

When the snoring Suigetsu wakes up, sees their singer and asks what's wrong, Sasuke shakes his head, hiding his face behind his hands.

Damn it. He fucked with me.

Fucked. Badly.

... I am to blame too, aren't I?

He laughs in his place on the floor.

Hilarious, hilarious!

He doesn't see or hear Suigetsu dragging the sleepily giggling Deidara away.

He doesn't notice anything.

I'm still human.

No matter how hard I try to be something else.

Fucked up. Fucked.

The apartment is left in the dark and Sasuke is broken.

Hopeeee you like !

Cookies for the person, who can guess what Itachi said to Sasuke.

(1). doorhole. Err. Well, I don't know what it is in english, nor did I find it anywhere. But what I mean is the small hole in the doors in the apartment buildings. "door eye" would be the right word if translating straight from finnish to english.