A/N: Total crack!fic of the most cracky kind. This was inspired by the "falling" theme for the 15hugs challenge I've set up for myself. I started this one, liked some of the dialogue, but didn't like where it was going, so I stopped and redid the theme entirely. But I found this beginning again today, and I thought I'd type it up and finish it. I sent it over to Kysra, who, of course, was all "post it now!" So here I go.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Never have been and unless I win the lottery somehow and decide to shower the TT creators and current copyright holders with oodles and oodles of cash to own it, I doubt I ever will.They Fell
"You can't fall off the floor."
Raven was notably not a clumsy girl. As a matter of fact, she was well known for her calm, cool composure as well as her seemingly effortless grace.
So, when she felt Silkie underfoot as she crossed the common room, she sidestepped him with all her natural poise, without having to even look up from the book on ancient Mesopotamian Death Rites that currently had her enthralled.
That would have been the end of it, too, disaster naturally and instinctively averted, if Beast Boy hadn't picked just that moment to make a Hail Mary play for the remote currently sitting innocuously on the coffee table, which required him to skid into the room, recover his footing and dash the last several meters across the living room, vaulting over the back of the couch and grabbing the remote before those Ecuadorian Mini-Heroes could get to it, subjecting him to endless hours of Mexican Soap Operas.
This might have worked, as the so-called Mini-Heroes were still trying to navigate through the landmines of previous Stankball Marathon stankballs without fainting (which Beast Boy had oh-so-cleverly left for them), if Beast Boy's last sprint had not been through the space Raven had diverted into in order to avoid Silkie.
Robin, in retrospect, was just an innocent bystander and if one were to ask him after the fact what he was doing in that precise location at that precise time, he would be unable to provide the information.
So, consequently, although Raven avoided Silkie and Robin jumped out of the way of Mas, landing clear of colliding with Raven, Beast Boy, who had none of the grace of Raven, agility of Robin, or self-preservation instincts of Silkie, smacked bodily into Raven's side, knocking the wind out of her and tipping her balance so that she had a split second to decide whether to save herself from an ungraceful fall or her book from being trampled.
A split second decision that, in hindsight, was her downfall – literally.
Beast Boy, Mas, and Silkie, anticipating retribution of the most awesome kind, were the first to recover and effectively run (or, in Silkie's case, slither) away.
When it was all over and the dust, so to speak, had settled, Robin was the first to react.
"Your book is biting into my thigh," Robin announced from underneath her.
Raven blinked and realized that indeed, the only thing other than sophisticated spandex between her and Robin was her book, fought back the uncharacteristic blush, and tried to move.
"Your arms are around me," Raven pointed out, keeping her voice neutral.
Robin looked pensive and flexed his hold. "So they are."
Raven sighed, the act actually bringing them closer. "I can't get up if you don't take your arms away, Wonder Blunder," she said, exercising an ideal example of boundless patience.
"I see," Robin said, the air of a great mind at work in his expression. He was obviously giving great thought to his options.
"If I can't move, I can't stop the book from biting into your thigh," Raven thought to clarify the situation.
"This is true," he said, nodding, as if he were in no great hurry.
Raven rolled her eyes and shifted slightly, not managing to move much, but somehow managing to place the book at an even more awkward angle. Robin raised a brow at her, holding still, almost amused, until she tried to move again, succeeding in brushing against something else entirely.
Robin's eyes widen in surprise, turned to laughter at the look on her face when their eyes inevitably meet, and his mouth opened to say something unbelievably witty and slightly more mischievous and wicked than most people gave him credit for being capable of when the distinct sound of a throat clearing reminded them both exactly where they were.
"Are we interrupting something?" Speedy's amused voice asked from somewhere above them.
Robin rolled his eyes up to find the archer, about to tell him that he was indeed, when he caught sight of who exactly Speedy's 'we' comprised.
Raven stood gracefully, albeit quickly, as soon as Robin's arms fell from around her and Robin followed suit.
"Forget that!" Cyborg demanded, "Just what the hell did we interrupt?"
"We fell," Robin answered.
"You two?" Cyborg asked disbelievingly. "Come on!" he exclaimed. "Next thing you'll tell me is that there was something in her eye."
"Hey, it could happen that they'd fall," Speedy offered, winking broadly. "Right, Robin?"
Robin frowned at him. "You're not helping."
"You wanna try another one?" Cyborg insisted, narrowing his eye.
"Well," Raven started. "There was Silkie and my book and Beast Boy and Mas…or was it Menos?" she glanced at Robin for confirmation.
"Hey, I don't know," Robin said, shrugging. "I'm just an innocent bystander in all this."
"Hey, what's all this?" Bumble Bee asked, coming into the room. "It looks like a firing squad of some sort. What gives?"
"Robin and Raven fell," Speedy explained, again with the broad wink, "on the floor and Cy and I walked in on them while they were trying to…" he trailed off, "Get it up –" he snickered. "I mean, get up."
Bee grinned. "Oh boy," she turned to Cyborg. "Now, Sparky, don't blow a plug just because Rob and Rae were getting a little frisky in the common room."
Cyborg sputtered incoherently as Kid Flash walked into the room. "Oooh, Robin and Raven were getting frisky in the common room?" he asked, interested.
"No," Robin insisted. "We fell."
"Yeah, suuuuure," Kid Flash grinned and waggled his eyebrows. "Fell…got it."
"Who was getting kinky?" Aqualad asked, joining them.
"No one said anything about kinky!" Robin corrected. "They said frisky, not kinky, get the water out of your ears!"
Aqualad smirked. "No to kinky, yes to frisky, got it."
"Right—" Robin caught Raven's glare and flushed. "No, not like that."
"A-ha!" Cyborg exclaimed. "So you admit it!"
"No!" Robin insisted. "No frisky, no kinky, no ys of any sort, period."
"End of sentence!" Kid Flash added pointlessly.
"So, was someone getting frisky where again?" Aqualad asked.
"No one was getting frisky anywhere," Raven answered stoically.
"Better not have been," Cyborg interjected, pointing menacingly at Robin.
"So, someone was not getting frisky nowhere?" Aqualad asked for clarification.
"No," Robin answered.
"Yes," Speedy answered simultaneously. "Rob and Rae were getting frisky," Speedy answered.
Robin reached out automatically to stop Raven from inching away. "We fell!" Robin insisted again, this time to Aqualad.
"Oh, is that all?" Aqualad said, uninterested. "Again?" he asked off-handedly as he walked to the kitchen. "You guys have any tofu?"
"Wait," Cyborg asked, following Aqualad. "AGAIN?"
"Sparky! Calm!" Bee called after him, winking at Raven before following him into the kitchen.
"Again?" Kid Flash asked, eyebrows waggling most expressively.
"They sure are doing a lot of falling about here, aren't they?" Speedy asked, nudging Kid Flash in the ribs meaningfully.
Raven glared at the two boys. "There are way too many people in this Tower," she commented dryly.
"Tch," Robin agreed.
"They did WHAT?!" Cyborg's exclamation boomed from the kitchen.
"Time to go," Robin said, pulling Raven with him through the room and out the door.
When Cyborg came charging into the room, Kid Flash and Speedy looked at each other, then pointed to the street door.
Cyborg huffed and went after them. "I'm gonna kill him…"
"This is better than Gilmore Girls," Kid Flash announced.
Speedy just looked at him.
"What?" Kid Flash asked, oblivious.
A/N: And that's it. I've got no excuses for this. Just hope you enjoyed it. ::wink::