A/N: If there's Halloween, there must be Saw. And if there's Christmas, there must be another chapter of I'll be okay! The last one, actually! Go nuts!
Epilogue: I'll Be Okay
If someone had climbed up a latter, went up to Adam Faulkner's apartment and looked through a window before today, you know what they had seen?
They'd seen Adam, sitting on a couch. Alone. He would probably stare into the TV without actually noticing it. He'd probably drink beer.
But if you'd done it on the fourth of October, 2005, you'd seen Adam, sitting on his couch, without even looking at the TV. And he wouldn't be alone.
He'd be there with Lawrence, his best friend, his only friend, and they would laugh and drink and talk to each other.
And then, if you would stay outside the window for a little bit longer, you would see that Lawrence laid a hand on Adam's neck and kissed him.
It's been a year since then.
Now, Adam is back from the hospital. He's on his couch again, but he doesn't hold a beer, since he can't drink until it's been a month from the surgery.
And he's not alone.
Lawrence is with him, and he has a beer, which Adam shoots longing looks to. The TV is on in front of them, but neither one of them even bothers to pretend to pay attention to it. Lawrence is wearing a dirty shirt and looks firmly at his beer, and Adam is next to him, with a naked torso and sweat pants. You can see the faded bullet scar on his right shoulder.
They don't look like much to the rest of the world. If you didn't know anything that's happened to them, you wouldn't even think they were friends. They don't even dare to look at each other.
But the reason to that isn't what one might think it is.
The reason they don't dare to look at each other is that they both, with a mixture of joy and a small, shrieking terror, have realized that they're not alone, and that they probably never will be again.
Lawrence is the first one to manage to lift his eyes and look at the man on his right. He even manages to lift his hand and play with the strands of hair in the back of Adam's neck.
Adam winces, blushes briefly at his touch.
"Relax," Lawrence mumbles. "What, exactly, do you think I'll do to hurt you?"
Adam doesn't answer. Lawrence sees how he sits all tensed for just a second, before a small smile creeps up onto his lips and he closes his eyes for a while, drinks in the touch of the man that he, no matter how awful it is, loves.
He loves Lawrence. And Lawrence loves him.
They've gone through so much suffering to reach each other, but now when they finally have, neither one of them would want to be anywhere else.
All the sudden, Lawrence hears a tiny voice in his mind. It sounds like Adam's headvoice, it's cold and degrading, and Lawrence can't help but listen when it says:
Is this it, doctor? Is this what you left Allison for?
Lawrence doesn't answer. He just keeps looking at Adam. The headvoice scoffs and continues.
For the love of God, Lawrence, he's a child! He's a goddamn boy! Are you going to risk you're social status, are you going to give up you're marriage? For him?
Lawrence just has to think for a second before he answers.
Yes. This is it. This boy, this Adam, is everything I need. Because I love him.
The headvoice has a point, though. Especially when he's next to well-built, fully-grown Lawrence, it's obvious how… Small Adam is.
Yes. He's small. He's small and short and skinny. And he has the face of a boy. A boy that's not quite ready to grow up yet.
But he still has to.
He has to leave the childhood behind if he's going to manage this. Manage to have a relationship with another man.
But that doesn't feel too hard. The only thing he has to leave is another life, an awful life. A life that's black and filled with pain, a life that's stained with blood and tears. And he can do that.
"Adam," Lawrence says.
"Mm?" Adam answers.
Lawrence was going to tell him that he loves him. That he was thinking of killing himself, too, when he thought Adam was going to die. That he would split up with Allison again and again if it meant that he and Adam were never going to part.
But why would he say that now? He has a whole life, a whole new, clean, white lifetime that's untouched by Jigsaw and pain, to say it.
There's still time. Time for redress. Time to say what they want to say to each other.
So instead of saying what he planned, Lawrence just says:
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Adam says plainly. "I'm okay."
But then Lawrence moves his hand down to Adam's wrist, where the bandages still are, dark red and stiff, like painful memories, and Adam realize that he's lying.
"No," he changes his mind when Lawrence's fingertips brush over his bandages. "I'm not okay. But…"
He pauses and moves his gaze to Lawrence.
When Adam looks into his blue orbs, he hears his own screaming voice inside his head.
"We're going to be okay?"
"I would never lie to you."
"I'll be okay," Adam says, and a relieved smile spreads across Lawrence's face.
Then he cups Adam's cheek and kisses him.
During years, during forever, neither Adam nor Lawrence were okay.
But now they have each other. And all the sudden they both know, that as long as they can sit on a couch and kiss, they will both be okay for the rest of their lives.
There's the whole fic! (sob) I just had to make a happy ending. Please review! And many thanks to my reviewers this far! (nicoleb, Audra Markwell, Jess-n-S, Sawfreak21, xreadysetcrashx, cheetana and Aloria-Catalonia: I love you all very dearly.)