Disclaimer – I own none of the Stargate Franchise.
SPOILERS for First Strike and for Lifeline.
This is complete pointlessness which isn't even a story. It's a conversation. Oh well. Enjoy!
Team Sheppard was eating breakfast.
It wasn't morning. In fact it was dark outside. But being on a new planet and not sleeping in a few days could do funny things to one's internal clock.
"Do you think the Replicators will have any effect on the Wraith?" Ronon asked
John shrugged. "Let's hope so," he said.
"Now that their order has been reactivated, they're hell-bent on destroying the Wraith," Rodney said. "It will be interesting, at least."
"I only hope we do not encounter them off-world," said Teyla. "Now that they are out hunting Wraith the possibility is increased."
"True," said John.
"Well, yes, technically," said Rodney. "But there's no point worrying about that now."
The other three looked at him in surprise, and he shrugged. "Well, there's not," he said defensively. "And anyway, they'll be more likely to target Wraith worlds, which we tend to steer clear of."
"Hmm," said Teyla, sounding unconvinced.
"I guess," said John. "You're right about not worrying, anyway – whatever happens, we'll just have to handle it."
Ronon grinned sardonically. "We are the Fantastic Four after all," he said.
Teyla grinned and John rolled his eyes. Rodney stared round at them all, frowning in confusion.
Ronon shrugged. "John said that we're like the Fantastic Four," he explained.
Rodney sat back in his chair, looking thoughtful. "Huh. I actually kind of see that," he said to John, who looked pretty smug.
Rodney looked at Ronon again. "So you're the Thing," he said. "You're the Invisible Woman." He nodded at Teyla.
He looked at John. "You're the Human Torch and I'm Mr Fantastic," he finished.
Ronon and Teyla glanced at each other and then looked at John, waiting for his reaction. It was immediate.
"No way," he said sternly. "I'm Mr Fantastic."
Rodney looked bemused. "Why? There's no way –"
"He's the leader. I'm the leader. I'm Mr Fantastic."
Rodney rolled his eyes. "Mr Fantastic is a Scientist," he said. He jabbed his thumb into his chest. "That's me."
John glared at him. "He's the leader," he repeated.
"So?" Rodney scoffed. "You're so the Human Torch! He can fly. And he's a pilot. Come on!"
John shrugged. "You can fly, you fly all the time," he said stubbornly. "And by that logic the Thing is a pilot too, and a better one than the Human Torch."
"Oh please!" Exclaimed Rodney. "It makes so much more sense if I'm Mr Fantastic. Jeez, the Human Torch is even called John!"
"What does that have to do with anything?" Said John darkly.
Rodney shook his head in disbelief, staring at John. "Why are you obsessed with being –?" Rodney's voice trailed off and his expression cleared. "Oh…"
He folded his arms across his chest, a small smile playing on his lips.
John glared at him suspiciously. "What?" He asked.
"I've just figured out why you want to be Mr Fantastic," said Rodney. He shrugged. "Well, okay."
John's glare deepened. "What are you talking about McKay?" He asked.
Rodney's smile widened and he raised his hands as if in surrender. "It's fine, you can be Mr Fantastic," he said airily. "I'll be the Human Torch."
He looked over at Teyla and he gave her a wry grin. "No offence, Teyla, but I think I'd rather be your brother," he said.
Teyla's brow contracted in confusion and John sat up as though he had been burned.
"Hold on a – that's not why I – "
Rodney shook his head, still smiling. "No, honestly, it's fine," he said cheerfully.
John shook his head emphatically. "No, okay, you can be –"
Rodney waved a hand dismissively. "No no, clearly you should be Mr Fantastic…"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Ronon cut in.
Rodney turned to Ronon, the smug smile still firmly in place. "The Invisible Woman is the Human Torch's sister," he told him. His smile widened and he turned his gaze on Teyla.
"But she's Mr Fantastic's wife."
Teyla's eyebrows shot up. "Really?" She asked, her lips twitching.
Rodney looked back at John, who was staring up at the ceiling, his neck and ears flushed bright red. He grinned. "Yep," he said happily.
Ronon started to shake with laughter, and Teyla grinned, also trying not to laugh. John shook his head again and spoke through gritted teeth.
"I wasn't even thinking about –"
Rodney snorted. "Yeah right," he said.
John looked back at him again. "Oh come on!" He exclaimed.
Teyla's smile disappeared and she looked straight at John. "Well why not?" She asked him.
John stared at her. "What?" He replied stupidly.
Teyla shrugged slightly, her face suddenly quite sad. "Well, why are you so adamant not to be Mr Fantastic all of a sudden?" She asked. "Is the thought of me as your wife really so revolting?"
John gaped at her. "No!" He replied straight away. His eyes widened and he immediately started to back pedal. "I mean, yes – no, I mean no… um… that's not what I meant by – I was just – um – "
Ronon suddenly started to laugh again and as soon as he did Teyla's composure broke and her face split into a wide grin. She elbowed Ronon as she too started to laugh. John's jaw dropped and he looked at Rodney, who was also laughing.
John rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah very funny," he said sarcastically. "Let's all gang up on John!"
Teyla sobered slightly and grinned at him. "Well, you can handle it," she said. "You are Mr Fantastic after all."
She, Ronon and Rodney dissolved into laughter again.
John stared out of the window at the dark, new ocean that Atlantis was floating on, and shook his head.
"Just so you know," he said, turning back to his team. "I don't like any of you."
Ronon grinned wolfishly. "Right back at ya," he said.
"Me too," said Teyla.
"Me three," said Rodney.
The fantastic four smiled at each other and went back to their breakfast.