Xiana: Well, I know I shouldn't just keep starting new stories, and you guys are probably sick of me by now, but today, I would like to submit for your viewing pleasure, one crack-tastic Death Note fanfic. It has recently come to my attention that this fandom is severely lacking in crack, and while that should be fairly obvious given the subject material of the original work, the fact remains that that just doesn't roll right with me. And so, by merit of having started this story before actually finishing the series, I present to you:


The Line: A Tale of the Afterlife
Prologue: We Begin Walking in an Arbitrary Direction

Raye Penber was dead. He wasn't in heaven. He wasn't in hell, either. He was in between, in the land that was called "The Line." The reason for this was simple: he had killed other humans by writing their names into the Death Note of a Shinigami. Unfortunately, he did not know this, and so he wandered the grey void bemoaning his fate. There were very few residents of this realm. They all seemed to know why they were there, but Raye was always afraid to ask any of them. They all had the exact same look in their eyes. It was a frightening look.

Soon, he gave up on his quest and simply sat down on the grey clouds that made up the ground, and gazed up at the grey clouds that were the sky. People were the only blots of color, and they came few and far between. Days passed, presumably, and days turned to months. He wondered what had become of his fiancée, Naomi. He wondered if Kira had ever been caught.

A man walked up to him one day, long after his death. "Hey, you, where are we?" Raye had to pause and recall how to properly use his vocal cords before responding.

"I… I don't really know. All I know is that I'm dead. I think that Kira killed me."

"Really? Hm… I don't remember killing a 'Raye Penber.'"

"Wh-what? You know my name? And what do you mean kill me? You mean that you're Kira?"

"I was. I was only the third Kira though, so it might have been one of the others that got you."

"You mean that… there was more than one Kira? But… how? Did the police ever catch the others? Did L?"

"Well, there were two Kiras before me, and they were never caught. They might have started Kira-ing again after I left. And as to the how… don't ask me. The name's Higuchi. Let's find a way out of this place, all right?"

"Oh… All right…" Raye was rather apprehensive about working with a criminal, especially Kira, even if this Kira hadn't specifically killed him. "Uh… what are we going to do if we do get out of this place?"

"Seek revenge, check up on our family and friends…" Higuchi shrugged. "Whatever we can do, I guess. Anything's better than just staying here forever."

Raye nodded and stood. They began walking in an arbitrary direction, just to see what would happen.

//--Two-Weeks-Later--//

"Higuchi, we're lost."

"What are you talking about, Penber? I know exactly where we are."

"No, Higuchi, I'm afraid you don't. Remember, we passed that Russian guy with the furry hat two days ago! And two days before that! And two days before that! And-"

"All right, all right, next time we come to him, we'll ask for directions. You nag like the wife I never had… Oh, Amane Misa… how I loved you…"

"Amane Misa? Wasn't she a model, or something?" Raye was curious. This was the first time Higuchi had mentioned a woman.

"Only the best and most beautiful model in Japan!"

"She was also the second Kira," a new voice claimed. It belonged to a man who appeared to be in his mid-20s and was wearing a creased white shirt and baggy blue jeans. "Good to see you again, Higuchi, Raye-san."

"Who are you? Why do you know who we are? And… do you know anything about where we are?" Raye asked politely.

"I think they call it The Line. It divides 'up there' from 'down there,' I guess," he said. Noticing their confused looks, he explained, "Heaven and hell, respectively. As for your first question, I used to be the great detective L. Please ignore the name that you see with your Shinigami eyes, Higuchi. You can call me Ryuuzaki instead, if you wish."

"So, you were the one who caught me, then?" Higuchi asked casually. "Why'd I die?"

"I think that Kira –the first Kira– killed you. I think he killed me too. Also you, Raye-san," L said, nodding to Raye.

"So it was Yagami Raito?" Raye gasped.

"Yes, I also came to that conclusion. Unfortunately, he won. I only hope that my successors were able to defeat him."

"Well, L, do you want to join us on our quest to escape this Line or whatever?" Higuchi offered. Normally he wouldn't ask the guy who discovered him and indirectly caused his death earlier, but, well, he was bored, and probably L was at least a bit more interesting than Raye… right? He could always hope so, anyway.

"Oh, I would love to join forces with Kira and a random FBI agent and find a way out of a dimension of shadowy clouds and assorted Kiras from the past!" L exclaimed, as if he had been waiting for just such an offer. And so, they set off on their grand journey.

//--Five-Years,-Two-Months,-Three-Weeks,-And-Two-Days-Later--//

"Higuchi, we're lost."

"What are you talking about, Penber? I know exactly where we are."

"No, Higuchi, I'm afraid you don't. Remember, we passed that Russian guy with the furry hat two days ago!"

"And two days before that… And two days before that…" L muttered.

"All right, all right, next time we come to him we'll ask him for directions."

"That's what you said two days ago!"

"And two days before that… and two days before that…"


Xiana: All right, that was the prologue… if you didn't know which I hope you would since it kind of says that at the top in nice italic-y letters. Now before you go all screamy WTF on me, let me just say: "The human who uses this note can go neither to heaven nor hell." And back in the day before volume 12 came out, I was sort of stupid and thought that "Oh, haha, well then there must be something in between, right?" And so I told this story to my sister, and she said, "You should write it down, it's flippin' hilarious!" And so I started writing. Unfortunately, what was a 30-minute story translates into what is probably going to be more than 20 chapters long, because I have to fill in plot holes and add new characters, and mostly because I get really distracted by random banter. Especially Matt & Mello and L & Raito. So it's going to be epic.

Next chapter: Raito and co. appear, previous wrongs are righted (no pun intended), and kisses are given freely.