Ok! This' the oneshot I promised you! I'm sorry for not posting again this week, but my friend returned. Not to sound rude, but so annoying! Ok, I've put a couple of other pairings in here- Shikachou, Nejinaru, one-sided Leesaku (part of Sakura bashing!).Anyway, here it is:
Sasuke's Koiboki is... A male?
"WHAAAH?!?" Sakura fell backwards in her seat- which happened to be the bridge Team Seven would group at. Needless to say, she was unconscious by the time she concussed herself on a rock.
Kakashi smiled and tilted his head to the side. "What an interesting piece of knowledge, Naruto. May I ask how you came across this?" Naruto grinned and began his story. "Well, I was heading for Ichiraku's when-"
"-Anyway, I was heading towards Ichiraku's when I saw a chunk of black hair hanging of the edge of the building." By this time, Naruto had lost control and was sniggering- both loudly and uncontrollably. "Like the good rival I am, I jumped onto the roof and- He he he- guess what I saw?" he broke into a fit of laughter randomly and began rolling around on the floor- or ground. "Guess- guess wh-what I saw on this-this roof? HA HA HA! It- it was the Ice Prince, our little baby Ice Princess, happily pressed to the floor, being kissed by none other than- none other than-!"
Naruto was promptly shut up (and knocked unconscious to boot) by a big, thick metal pole. Attached to this pole was none other than our favorite gay Konoha ninja, who nodded at Kakashi, grabbed Naruto's ankle and dragged him away. Kakashi giggled slightly before pulling out the infamous book and strolling off, leaving the pink-haired fangirl to get carried down the river and into the training ground of the Green Beast of Konoha.
Sasuke's Koiboki... is not Kiba... or Shino
"Oh my god, Ino! What the hell!" Sasuke turned and shouted at said blond. "Did you just- did you just- Oh, god!" Ino giggled slightly. "So it is Kiba!"
"Oh, god Ino! What the hell! That's disgusting! I mean, I'm gay and all, I admit that, but Dog-boy! Oh, come on! I have some dignity, you know!"
Ino giggled again. "That's what's so good about it! You know it's true! Oh, god! Ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Oh, no! I'd rather kiss-!" Ino's eyes shone. "So it's Shino!" Sasuke blanched. "Oh, that's ridiculous! Even Kiba's better than-"
"So you admit you're in a relationship with Kiba? Oh no! You aren't having unprotected-"
"Oh my god, Ino! What the hell?!" Sasuke was beaten at his own cry by Kiba- the traumatized dog-boy almost fell from the weight of his eyes at the time. "Did Sasuke say we were in a relation-"
"Ha! You admit it! Oh god, remember condoms! I know neither of you want HIV, or worse, AI-"
"Why do you look like that? Oh my god it's a love triangle between Kiba, Sasuke, and Shino! Sasuke likes Kiba, Kiba likes Shino, and Shino wants to be with Sasu-"
Sasuke's Koiboki... is not Shikamaru... Or Chouji
Shikamaru lazily moved another stone onto the go game board, beating Ino in one easy move.
"So you think I'm in a relationship with Sasuke because you've been sure I was gay ever since you became my team mate?" Ino nodded furiously. Shikamaru, in reply, laughed slightly. "Well, you're partly right." Ino's eyes shone. So Shika did like Sasuke! "I am gay. But did you ever think of my taste, for one? Seriously, think about it! Who do I hang out with, who do I smile for?" Ino's eyes broke away from her face.,"Are you saying...?"
Shikamaru held her wide eyes with his own steady ones. "Why, yes, I am with Chouji."
"Uh... Ok." Ino stood up and left. Pulling out a notebook from her pocket, she put a dash through Shikamaru's name, then a similar mark through Chouji's.
Sasuke's Koiboki... is not Neji
"So Sasuke's gay and you want to know who he's eloped with." Ino and Sakura (who had a big bandage on her enormous forehead) nodded furiously. Neji contemplated this for a moment. "My first, but certainly not last, question is why do you find it your business?" Fire shone in Ino's eyes. "I KNEW IT! IT IS YOU!" Neji stared at her calmly.
"It is, in fact, not me. Second question: what gave you that idea?" fireworks joined the fire in Ino. "Ah, trying to cover up your tracks, are you? Not gonna work! It's you, it's you!" Neji thought for a moment. " I can prove to you I'm not in any romantic standings with Sasuke." he said finally. "NARUTO!" A little blond blur came running at them. It looked like a monkey ate a bowl of sugar... or ten.
"Yah Neji-kun?" The blob grinned happily. A moment later, the smile was hidden as Neji somehow gracefully bashed his lips against Naruto's.
Before the two girls could blink, shirts, training weapons and dignity were thrown aside and a totally random and totally hot makeup session began, complete with the moans and groans we love so much.
It was definately not Neji... or Naruto.
Sasuke's Koiboki... is not from Konoha.
"Hey Sasuke-chan! Oooh, Sassssssuke-chan!"
An annoyed Sasuke slammed the door of his apartment open, hitting Naruto in the face and squashing him between wall and door. "What, dobe?"
"Mu ma marte me mailim!" Sasuke puilled the door towards him, freeing Naruto. "You were late for training. It's over n- hey, Sasuke, why'd you have an extra Konoha forehead protector on your floor? Heeey, it's not from Konoha, it's a-"
"Hey, dobe, look! A flying bowl of ramen!" Shouted the Uchiha, arm flung out to point through his window. Naruto got stars in his eyes. "Where! Where! Where!" Sasuke put on a look of fake disappointment on as he kicked the forehead protector under his bed. "Oh, you missed it. Better luck next time." Naruto burst into tears and Sasuke sighed and grabbed his ankle, leaping out the window and bouncing off housing in the direction of the training grounds, dragging the blond behind him.
The things he did for love.
"Sasuke-kun! Oh, Sasuke-kun!"
Sakura skipped through the halls of the apartment building 'her Sasuke-kun' lived in. She had totally dismissed the gay thing as one of Naruto's practical jokes (He got severely beaten for it, too), and was now dogging him again. She reached a hand up to knock on the door, but it silently creaked open before she could touch it.
On the outside, Sakura shrugged nonchalantly. On the inside, her tiny, 'I (heart) Sasuke-kun (heart)!' covered brain was a mass of, 'Oh my god it's like in a romance movie- oh my gosh Sasuke-kun planned it! Oh god oh god oh god oh- !'
Stuck in her never to be true dreams she had stumbled through the Uchiha's house without making sure to avoid the bedroom- well, she had never actually been in said Uchiha's house, let alone his bedroom, so that was hard, but still-
In the large, king sized bed was two, count 'em, one, two, people- notably neither was female, either. These two people weren't sleeping, per say... more like ... sleeping together.
Let's just say this: if Sakura was asked to find Sasukes right leg, she'd probably come up with the other boy's right ear, the pair were tangled that much. She slapped a hand to her mouth. The two boys sat up quickly in the bed, somehow managing to untangle from each other in the space of just more than half a minute in their haste. They pulled the covers over their lower bodies- it had slipped. "Uh..."
"Oh - oh my gosh, Sasuke-kun! You- you slept with- Oh my gosh!" Sasuke g;anced at the red head at his side, and said red head shrugged and pulled out a kunai. Before Sakura could blink, a kunai was embedded in her left thigh- it looked suspiciously like the same kunai that the said red head had had before- which had mysteriously disappeared from his hand.
The thigh is a mass of muscles and veins- stabbing it involves as much if not more blood than the wrist. And that's why Sakura feinted seconds after.
The two went back to their... games.
Sasuke's Koiboki... Is Gaara? Who would've guessed.
Ok... the end was going to be cuter. But what can I say, I hate Sakura-kun.
Love, Kawa-chan +Hearts+