Disclaimers: Nope, nothing belongs to me except the story idea.
Notes: This is Shep/Weir tag fic to Lifeline and it's dedicated to Jamie, who is having a rough time at the moment and was really shaken by the episode. Love ya, Jamie! hugs
"Colonel Sheppard, we made it. The city's floating safely on the ocean. Excellent landing."
"Thank you," I reply, sitting up in the chair.
The day, no the last few days, were finally taking their toll. I don't even know how I'm functioning right now as I've had no sleep for nearly 72 hours. I felt myself get up and start moving, but I had no idea where I was going.
I should probably head up to the control room, make certain everyone's all right. I'm assuming so since Rodney hasn't called me in a panicked voice. Everything seems to be under control for the moment.
I stop walking when I realize where I was heading. I must be on auto pilot because I don't remember deciding to go to Elizabeth's quarters... I sigh and take a deep breath as I step in the room anyway.
I enter noting how neatly organized everything was. I had been in there once before when we were being kicked out by the Ancients. That seems like a lifetime ago.
Sinking onto the bed, I notice a family photo sitting on the nightstand. I reach over to pick it up and immediately recognize Elizabeth's Mom and brothers in the huge group. Tears form in my eyes but I angrily wipe them away.
"I'm sorry I couldn't protect her..."
I glance over at the ornate vase next to where the picture frame had been. She said it was a gift from one of those small countries she negotiated a treaty for on Earth. Right now I want to pick it up and slam it against the wall.
I stand up, placing the frame back in it's spot and began pacing in the room. I could have, no should have saved her! Why did I agree to that mission to begin with?
Back on auto pilot, I grab the vase in one swift motion and hurl it against not only the wall, but a mirror as well. I move towards the fragments feeling as if that were my heart on the floor and not the vase and mirror.
I sank to the floor, relishing in the pain as the fragments bore into my skin. I was still trying to deal with the loss of Carson... and... I already lost one family, I don't want to lose another.
More than a family where Elizabeth is concerned. I didn't want to admit to myself it was happening because it didn't work out so well with Nancy. I really didn't think I'd be capable of love again, but it all changed since I sat in that chair in the Antarctic.
I close my eyes and let the sting of the fragments dig into my knees. I know this isn't normal and I shouldn't be doing it, but it helps the emotional pain slip away just for a moment...
My eyes snap open as I look around the room. It sounds just like her, but I know it couldn't be. I slowly stand up and move towards the balcony and open the door. The view is beautiful but I can't really immerse myself in it right now.
John, don't give up on me.
I glance at the two moons high in the sky. I'm not sure where that voice is coming from, but it gives me hope.
"I will find you, Elizabeth! That's a promise!"