Shungas are "erotic prints/nishiki-e". They are the equivalent of playboy foldouts back in Kenshin's time ^_^
This fic alludes to Adolescent Jess's "Rurouni Kenshin Mystery Fic" and "Rurouni Kenshin Angst Fic". A little bit. Thanks Jess! And also, I borrowed MadamHydra's creations, the Nightwitches for a brief cameo. Thank you so much MadamHydra!
Ooh, and now one of my reader has generously contributed art dedicated to the fic! Holy geezums, it's Kenshin in leather! Click here or go to http://www.angelfire.com/anime3/rurokensama to see this. Thanks goes to Crystal Okamino (CrystalineWolf@aol.com) for her contribution!Disclaimers: The song "Baby Got Back" is by Sir-Mix-A-Lot, and butchered by me, Karina. The characters in here are not mine, but they belong to Nobuhiro Watsuki and Shounen Jump.
Baby's Got Back, Much Back!
Okon: Oh my god. Omasu, look at her butt. It's so big…
Omasu: She looks like one of those gangster's girlfriends... Then again, who understands those gangsters anyway?
Okon: People only go to her clinic/dojo because she looks like a total prostitute...
Omasu: *scandalized* Okon! That's mean... but... I mean her butt... It's just so big!
Okon: I can't believe it's so round!
Omasu: It's just out there...
Okon: I mean, it's so... out there... Look, she's just so pale...
*rapping begins as Sanosuke steps out onto the stage*
*wearing a new jacket and pants, made entirely of leather*
Megumi: *matter-of-factly* I believe the medical term for it would be "erection"...
Wanna pull up tough
Megumi: How can I stuff my butt? We don't even have underwear!
Deep in the smock she's wearing
Megumi: *glares* You'd better stop staring if you know what's good for you...
Oh, baby I wanna get with ya
Megumi: *under her breath* You have to admit, a man with phobias IS endearing...
My diceboys tried to warn me
Megumi: I don't even want to KNOW what you were going to say there...
Sanosuke: Ooh, rump of smooth skin...
Megumi: KYA!! You... idiot!
Sanosuke: *leering* You say you wanna get in my futon...
Megumi: *shocked, but blushing* I most certainly did NOT!
Sanosuke: Well bandage me, bandage me, cuz you ain't that average foxy...
Megumi: You are SO dead when this is over...
I've seen them dancin'
Megumi: That IS kinda flattering... in that non flowing rhyming way of his...
I'm tired of those damn Shungas(*)
Katsu: Hey! I run an anti government paper now, you idiot...
Take Oniwa Banshuu and ask him that
Beshimi, Hyottoko, Hannya, Shikijo: *in proper English accents* Yes, much back is appreciated...
Sanosuke: So psychos...
*the song comes to a screeching halt*
Saitoh: *quiet* Yeah?
Sanosuke: Has your onna got the butt?
Enishi: Hell yeah!! Onee-san!!
Saitoh: *takes a long drag* Ahou.
Sanosuke: *looks nervous* Well shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake that healthy butt...
Megumi: Damn right it's healthy if I'M your doctor! Ohohohohoho...
Sanosuke: Baby got back!
Sanosuke: Tokyo face with Aizu booty... *ends rapping and steps to the side, grinning*
Megumi: I'm speechless, but this doesn't mean that I will go out with you...
Sanosuke: *smirking* You've already fallen for me fox...
*Megumi yanks Sanosuke off-stage, a devilish light in her eyes*
Saitoh: *still smoking* Shinomori, I believe it is your turn.
*everyone falls over when Aoshi walks into the room*
*his flowing overcoat is now leather*
Misao: His gig? Oh... his secret attack...
Kaoru: *whispers* I didn't know he calls it a gig...
Aoshi: I just can't help myself...
Misao: *beaming evilly* You don't have to, Aoshi-sama!
I'm actin' like an animal
Misao: This is getting good...
I wanna get
Misao: *bright red* A- A- AOSHI-SAMA?!?
I ain't talkin bout playboy
Misao: *squealing* I'm one-hundred percent natural Aoshi-sama!!!
I want 'em real thick and juicy
*A slap echoes throughout the room from backstage*
Kaoru: Ouch! Bet that hurt...
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Misao: What's a rock video? A ho? Kaoru-san?
Kaoru: *red* You don't wanna know...
You can have them ahous
*Okon and Omasu are draped all over Hiko*
Okon and Omasu: Hiko-sama!
*Hiko flashes his genius/pimp grin*
A word to the thick soul sistas
Kenshin: *from backstage* Oro?!
Aoshi: Til the break of dawn!!!
Kaoru: *fanning Misao, who's passed out* Misao! Can you hear me?!?
Baby Got it goin' on
Aoshi's mind: (Kanryuu, you bastard... Beshimi, Hyottoko, Hannya, Shikijo...)
Cuz them punks lie to hit it and quit it
*Misao comes to*
Misao: *blinks, then wolf howls* AAAAAOOOOOOSSSSSHHHHHIIIII!!!!
*Sanosuke comes out from backstage, several lipstick marks all over him*
Sanosuke: *chanting* So weasels...
Sanosuke: Do you wanna roll in my Mercedes?
Kaoru and Misao: *confused* Ye-- W- What the hell is a Mercedes?
Then turn around
*Yahiko at turnstyle, in pimp leather and several heavy gold chains, and in sunglasses*
Aoshi: Weasel face with the Kyoto booty...
Misao: *stars in her eyes* I'll let that "weasel" thing slide just for YOU, AOSHI-SAMA!
Kaoru: *looks around* Kenshin's up next right?
Megumi: *sits down next to Kaoru, straightening her hair and kimono* Ha! Sanosuke knows NOW I do NOT stuff my butt... Ohohohohohoho...
Sanosuke: *grinning* Hey jou-chan!
*surrounded by Nightwitches and sitting beside his wife, a pile
of used cigarettes at his feet*
Tokio: *flashes a victory sign* Only if he's 5'9"!
*the curtains begin to part*
Kenshin: *wearing a tight vinyl jacket and a studded silver belt, blushing madly*
Kenshin's mind: (Sessha wa rurouni! Why am I a rapper?)
So your girlfriend throws a sakabatou
Kaoru: You promised you wouldn't tell, Kenshin!!
Kenshin: *getting redder* But Kaoru ain't got a motor in the back of her sakabatou...
Megumi: *shocked* Ken-san?
Kaoru: *indignant* Who the HELL wrote these lyrics?
*maniacal laughter is heard from backstage*
Enishi: *cackling* My Jinchuu is COMPLETE!!
*Sanosuke hands Kenshin the REAL lyrics*
Sanosuke: Go get her!
Kenshin: My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns hun!
Kaoru: Y-Your anaconda?
Megumi: I believe the proper medical term for it would be—
Kenshin: *starts getting into the song* You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt...
Tae: *pops in* You must never underestimate those calories and start dieting, Kaoru-san!
Kaoru: Obviously not...
Megumi: *laughs* Ohohohoho...
*starts doing a little dance*
Some brothers wanna play that hard role
Kaoru: *huffs* I have NOT been used by a pimp Kenshin!! Are you sure these are the changed lyrics?!
Kenshin: So Ken-ki says you're fat...
Kaoru: KENSHIN!!! I HATE YOU!!
Well I ain't down with that
Kaoru: *gushes* KENSHIN!! I LOVE YOU AGAIN!!
Megumi: *looks around* By the way, where'd Misao go off to?
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
Kaoru: *fuming* You have to rub it in...
Megumi: And where's Aoshi?
Kenshin: You ain't it Miss Thin...
"That fat sumo guy from that boring episode": *chants* Let's hear it for fat people!
*Aoshi and Misao are nowhere in sight*
Give me a (dojo) instructor I can't resist her
Yahiko: *calls from turnstyle* Wasabi is the only thing you can make edible, ugly.
Kaoru: But, you don't have to cook it! It's just pickles!
Some knucklehead tried to diss
Kaoru: Are you talking about that Jin'e bastard? I'm so glad that you beat the crap out of him Kenshin... you're so wonderful...
Kenshin's mind: I was also talking about Enishi... but that's ok too...
So ladies if the butt is round
*a scream pierces the air*
Misao: Aoshi-sama!! Aoshi-sama!!!!
*the room is silent*
Megumi: What'd you do Misao-chan? Holy...
*Aoshi is sprawled all over the floor, unconscious*
Misao: *frantic* He just passed out! I didn't do anything! Help him Megumi!
*Kenshin hits the floor with a thud*
Megumi: *feels Aoshi and Kenshin's forehead* Why, Aoshi's just drunk... and Kenshin... *looks up in surprise* ... is just overheated from too much leather.
Saitoh: *squinting* What the hell? No alcohol was supposed to be present at this party...
Misao: So THAT'S why he was acting so weird... I don't think he would have said that if he wasn't drunk...
Kaoru: *grinning* But... aren't you glad though Misao-chan?
Misao: *nodding vigorously* Most definitely.
*everyone looks around, trying to figure out who did it*
Saitoh: I bet it was that psycho's doing. *takes another cigarette out* Ahou.
*while a big commotion is present in the background, a shot of Sanosuke appears... hiding a sake jug underneath his jacket*
Dial 1-900-FOXYDOC and kick them nasty thoughts
Megumi: SANOSUKE!!! I'LL KILL YOU!!
The End (and thankfully, not a moment too soon)
Author's notes: Comment. Please. I am much more critical with those idiotic fics than my serious ones, so... if I was to go with my gut instinct concerning this fic, it should have been in the trash and deleted a million times over ^_^ Comments and suggestions are openly accepted and much needed. Thanks to everyone!