Title: Prophecies Suck II: All Or Nothing

Author: VladtheImpish

Rating: 15/R (if you're old enough to see the shows/movies, you're old enough to read this story.)

Summary: Sequel to Prophecies Suck. Xander finds out that even in death his life can be messed with, and this time the stakes are as high as they can get. Has he told you yet that he hates prophecies?

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the TV shows, movies, books or comics that the characters in this story come from, nor will I ever own them. The people to hold that honour are far too many to mention, and all are richer and more powerful than myself. All I get from writing this story is a sense of satisfaction and RSI, and probably not in that order.

Warnings: Character Death(s)!!

Prophecies Suck II: All Or Nothing


Xander walked out of yet another meeting with his fellow Powers with a scowl on his face, once again wondering who he'd pissed off in a former life to be stuck doing what he was doing in his afterlife.

A few months ago Earth-Time Xander had died, fulfilling a prophecy that allowed the Earth to keep spinning on its axis for another day. While he hadn't given a great deal of thought to what would happen to him when his life was at an end, he'd always kinda hoped that he'd be at peace.

He should have known better.

When he'd reached his final destination Xander had been surprised, thinking that the chances of a demon actually ending up in Heaven were less than Andy Dick winning the Best Actor Oscar. Not that Xander was complaining, far from it, he had just been surprised and pleasantly so.

That would be the last pleasant surprise he'd receive.

First of all, when Xander had reached the pearly gates he had been told that they really didn't know what to do with him, as his upward journey had been as much of a surprise to Peter and the others as it had been to him. At Xander's affronted look, Peter had gone on to explain that it hadn't been the first time that a demon had been admitted into heaven, it was just that they just hadn't expected him.

Xander had gotten even more miffed at that, thinking that they didn't believe he was worthy of gaining entrance into Heaven, until Peter and Michael, who turned up because he was always interested in speaking with a fellow warrior, had explained that it wasn't so much a surprise that he had earned his place, more that he'd arrived when he had, because as far as Peter's book was concerned they weren't expecting him for a good 150 years.

When Xander had explained the circumstances for his supposedly early arrival, there'd been a collective sigh among the Archangels, who had all gathered round as news of Xander's early arrival travelled the celestial grapevine, followed by a very animalistic growl from Michael, who'd then begun spewing a vast array of expletives, in languages that even Xander was unaware of, for the best part of an hour.

It turned out that the PTB, or Powers That Be, had decided that Xander was starting to interfere in their plans too much, and had created the prophecy and the sword of Avalon as a way of removing him from the playing field. He'd actually been powerful enough to kill Glory without the sword; Xander would have been as weak as a kitten for a few days from the effort, but otherwise he would have been okay.

On hearing that, Xander had gone on a little rant himself, impressing Michael both with his range of languages and his imaginative way of stringing his expletives together.

His almost god-like power had admittedly been a factor in why Xander had been allowed in Heaven, as She hadn't wanted someone with as much power as he had to fall into the hands of Lucifer, but it had been how he had lived that had determined his final resting place. His power wasn't something that couldn't be ignored, however, which led them back to the fact they didn't know what to do with him.

Xander simply had too much power to just hang around and enjoy himself, much to his disappointment, but there wasn't exactly a position open that he could fill. He had tried to tell them that he was more than happy to just sit around, but the looks Xander had received pretty much told him that wasn't an option.

Eventually, She stepped in and decided that, as it was due to the Powers that he'd been robbed of over a century of his life, it was only right that he himself became a Power. More than that, he was put in charge of reviewing the way they did things, with the authority to make any changes as he saw fit.

There had of course been an uproar over the decision, both from the Powers and from the other side, stating that it tilted the balance of power. When the arguments became a little too annoying for Her, She stated in very clear terms that the decision was made and would not be unmade. When they realised what had nearly happened the last time someone tried to show She'd made a mistake, both sides instantly quietened down.

Xander had immediately used his position to get Faith out of jail, as he'd soon found out the Powers had a hand in her downward spiral as well. He didn't however make it easy for her; he knew that she had to earn her second chance, even if her first chance had been stacked against her, if only to prove that she was deserving of it.

To that end, he'd instigated a prison riot, putting Faith in the position where she could either join the others in trying to escape, or protect the medical staff that had been cornered by several inmates. Faith had made the right choice and two weeks after the riot had been dealt with, she'd been given early parole. She was now with Angel in LA, helping him keep the demon levels down.

When Xander had seen what one of the Powers had originally planned for Angel before his interference, Xander had been extremely glad that he'd killed the demon inside and anchored his soul. With Darla out of the picture, all he had to do was deal with Cordelia's vision problems and he'd make sure that the Power that would have been called Jasmine never got a chance to make her presence known to the world. The Power in question had bitched and moaned about having her second chance to bring peace and love to the world taken from her and had left the meeting in a rage, never to return.

Xander's actions before his death had pretty much ensured that the other people that would have been affected by the Powers meddling were safe, or as safe as they could be with the lives they led, with one exception.


She'd taken his death hard, his letter to her helping her slightly but not enough. He was the second person she'd loved that had died saving the world, and she blamed herself for it. She'd always had a tendency to put the problems of the world onto her shoulders, which in a way came with the territory for a Slayer, but Buffy would take things far too much to heart, and it seemed that this was no different.

She now thought that her love was a curse, and unfortunately she had two prime examples to base it on; her love for Angel had brought forth Angelus, and her love for him had sent him to his death.

The others had done as much as they could, which had been aided greatly when Angel had kept his promise and had gone with the rest of the Fang Gang to Sunnydale to help out for a while, but Buffy had slowly but surely begun to sink further and further into a depression, barely acknowledging anyone except on patrol.

Xander fervently hoped that, as time went on, Buffy would begin to get better, but it hurt him to see her so unlike the Buffy he loved, especially when he couldn't be there to help.

Xander's problems only increased when, a week ago, an Archangel had found a previously non-existent prophecy concerning the founder of the Scooby Gang. Xander had tried his best to avoid it, but they'd eventually cornered him and gave him the parchment to read.

'The creature of darkness that becomes a Power for light will become the catalyst for the war to end all wars.

He must team with the Champions of Earth to combat the forces of darkness that threaten Earth and the Celestial plane.'

It had taken time to authenticate, as even She had been unaware of it until that point, and boy did that cause a lot of people to panic when that got out, but once it had, Xander was given the celestial form of a blank cheque, with orders to do whatever was necessary to ensure both Earth's and Heaven's safety. Only one thought had been going through his mind since then.

"I hate prophecies."