Author's Note: These pieces were drabbles I wrote to accompany a Jacob/Bella music fanmix I posted on my LiveJournal, which you can see and take at www . livejournal . com / users / flowrs4ophelia. If it weren't against the rules to include song lyrics in fic now, I would have included some from the songs that each drabble is supposed to go with in every "chapter" here, but instead you can go look at that link in my LJ to see how they all fit together. Thanks for reading. :)
VI. Young Love
Bella has made her decision, but she knows she will always look back on that time that it seemed like her and Jacob Black were the only two people in the world and feel a painful yearning for where it all could have headed - no, would have, as he said. The time when every morning she would wake up and it was only thinking of his face, that smile, that made it worth getting out of bed.
Everything was so perfectly normal. She sees now it was exactly the typical, unexciting way two teenagers end up falling for each other. Riding around in cars together, sitting in a garage eating junk food, going to bad movies, walking around hiking trails or beaches just to talk and maybe get lost - why not? It seems now that time was endless and unlimited then, even though it was the epitome of a normal and mortal existence. Just two high school kids spending their time leisurely talking about nothing, getting themselves into trouble, and slowly falling in love because there's nothing better or more important to do. It was perfect and she didn't even know it. She wants it back to do it again, to realize what she has this time, even though she knows she can't want that if she's made this choice.
She wants to live it again and this time forget that a life like that is not all there is out there for her. She wants to watch the horror movies not knowing there are any real monsters. She wants to go through it again as a whole person who never felt the needle and the drug in her veins, as someone who needs nothing more than air.
No, she thinks. She knows she doesn't really want it. She can't. But she wants so badly to want it that it may make no difference.