Rating: adult, M-rated, mature content. In short, please don't read this unless you're legal.
Genre: lemon-lime, humor
Fandom: Naruto
Characters: Hyuuga Neji, Tenten. Secondary: Nara Shikamaru, Inuzuka Kiba, Hyuuga Hiashi

Notes: As soon as I saw the FOIL challenge, my mind dove to the gutter. And there it stayed. Written because everyone says Neji deserves some action, apparently, after all that ItaTen and SasuTen.

Neji: ...thank you all so, so much. (dazed smile)

First (time)

The first time they had sex, it was at a shockingly inappropriate time and at a shockingly inappropriate place - to be precise, their first time was in the middle of a mission, in the middle of the DAY, in one of the opulent guest-bedrooms of their current employer, a rich merchant who had hired them to spy on his young wife. The rich merchant had a handsome son who was nearly the age of his stepmother, and Neji and Tenten very quickly concluded they did not have to look far to find who the young wife was cuckolding her husband with. But the merchant insisted on them following her around for days - and she thought of them as new servants.

They had many reasons to want to complete the mission.

Although, Neji admitted to himself, the marvelously short dress and the white lace cap and apron Tenten was provided as a uniform gave the job a compellingly attractive cast. So compellingly attractive that by sunset of the first day he was pulling her into an empty cabinet, and arguing - in between kisses - that 'this is what many domestic servants do, so it adds believability to our cover'. It was a stupid argument, but he was handicapped by the warm haze that settles over his mind whenever Tenten kisses him.

Luckily, Tenten accepted this argument, being similarly handicapped by Neji's kisses.

By the second day, Neji had gotten Tenten in trouble for having ripped her dress. He'd also begun eying the spare rooms.

On the third day, the two newest servants were missing from noon until about two in the afternoon, when they reappeared suspiciously ruffled and flushed. It was by sheer luck that, sneaking out of the guest bedroom they had also beheld the son sneaking out from the master bedroom.


"...Neji, are you okay?"

Neji twitched. "I'm...I'm fine."

Kiba regarded him uncertainly. "You look like you're sick. Actually, you look like you're damn feverish."

Another twitch, and a twist of his face like he had suddenly been dipped in ice-water. He even shivered. "...it's just that it's hot."

"Well...all right," Kiba said, doubtfully, and returned to his conversation with Naruto. Across Neji, Tenten quietly concentrated on her chocolate parfait.

Except for Tenten, the other girls were all out on various errands. Some of their abandoned-feeling teammates had gathered at this cafe, joining Neji and Tenten, who'd already been there. If they had been paying any attention, they would have noticed they were not welcome. But Naruto and Kiba hadn't even started on their usual taunts about the two teamates being on a 'date', which was ironic because for the first time they'd've been right.

And, Neji thought with despair, if they'd noticed maybe Tenten wouldn't be torturing him so right now. It had begun, innocently enough - he supposed - with a game of footsie under the table. Because by then Kiba, Naruto, Chouji and Shikamaru had descended upon them, Neji had only ignored her when her foot began rubbing up and down his leg, his bare ankle. But then she'd begun sliding her foot up his leg - to tickle the sensitive area behind his knee - then she actually put her foot in his LAP, where it was now gently but inexorably driving Neji to utter distraction.

He realized he was sliding down in his seat, trying to rock himself against Tenten's heel. His breath coming in gasping pants, he shook his head, regained control of himself as much as he could. He tried to sit up, but froze when Tenten pressed her foot harder against him. A quick glance around the table revealed utter disinterest in him: Kiba and Naruto were arguing over something Neji was sure was utterly asinine; Shikamaru was face-down on the table, asleep; Chouji was studying the menu; and Tenten - evil, enthralling Tenten - looked like she was concentrating on her parfait and not at all like she was rubbing her secret boyfriend through the cloth of his pants. Neji bit his lip and tried not to move.

A little distance away from the sufferer (though that could be debated), Shikamaru cracked one eye slightly open and smirked as he watched Tenten ever so casually lick her spoon. Across the table from her, he could see - and hear - the mighty Hyuuga Neji suppressing a whimper.

How troublesome. For Neji.

Inner (sanctum)

If anyone noticed that Neji had spent hardly any time in his room at the Hyuuga compound lately, no one mentioned it. After all, it was no secret that Neji - despite the genuine closeness now existing between him and his uncle and cousins - was not enthusiastic about spending time with his Clan. And if his teammate's apartment was now much neater than previously - as if someone was constantly there to counteract her rather chaotic methods of housekeeping - and if clothes and toiletries not belonging to her now resided in her shelves - and if she bought enough food for two - well, it was really no one's business but theirs, was it?

Well, theirs and their neighbors. For example, her next-door neighbor, a thirty-three-year-old chuunin named Maboroshi Ataru. Ataru was pretty generic - dark coloration, assigned to C-rank and B-rank missions, no particular specialty. He was currently single. And he was currently clutching his pillow to his head, trying to drown out the sounds filtering through the thin wall between his bedroom and his neighbor's.

"Ooooh, Nejiiiii..."

A low, dangerous voice. "You enjoyed yourself today, didn't you? Driving me insane in front of everybody else, right there in the cafe..."

"Yes..." A breathless laugh.

"Evil girl," An affectionate but exasperated tone. "That wasn't very nice for me. I was afraid to stand up. I had to hide under the tablecloth until they all left."

"But you liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiik ed it," came the purring reply, one that sent shivers up and down Ataru's own spine. He could only imagine what the male this was actually addressed to felt.

"That's beside the point!"

"Isn't. Can't rape the willing, after all."


The sounds of a brief scuffle, the thuds of things being knocked to the ground, rustling of bedsheets, girlish shrieks and low growling.

"Neji, let me go!" Laughter in the indignant cry, and a creak as of someone testing bonds tied to sturdy bedposts.

"No. After all..." Ataru could hear the smirk. "I know you'll liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike this."

Then there followed a series of all-too-obvious moans and sighs and soft cries, while Ataru wondered if he should invest in earplugs.


"Neji, where were you last night?"

"I was - training, uncle."


"Yes, sir."

Hiashi eyed him, while Neji tried not to fidget - his collar might shift and reveal some too obvious marks of what he'd really been doing last night.

"Training in night-time conditions," Hiashi drawled, eyes still holding Neji's. "Admirable initiative, but don't you think you're pushing it too far? Even if your - ah - stamina can stand it, perhaps your more delicate teammate is suffering from all this - nocturnal activity? Hinata reports she's been looking tired lately."

Neji swallowed nervously.

"Neji. I know it is - rewarding - to...train."

Neji swallowed more nervously. Did Hiashi know? Worse, if he did, was he about to get a Talk?

Hiashi regarded him with mingled humor and exasperation and - deep inside - smug pride. Oh yes, Neji was showing the clan proud.

"Don't overdo it though," he said simply, taking mercy on his wide-eyed nephew. Neji visibly relaxed as his uncle turned away, wordlessly dismissing him, only to freeze up again when Hiashi added, "And may I suggest a turtleneck for the mornings after? Your dragon has sharp teeth and a tendency to go for the throat, it seems."