Author's Note/Summary: Drake gets potentially life altering news. He knows he can't handle it without Josh. Josh leaves his date for Drake, and the boys figure a few things out. Fluff and more Fluff.
This is one ran away from me. It all started with a conversation I had about how Drake seems to take their fights harder then Josh does, and then my wonderful roommates who kept throwing ideas and suggestions at me, "Steph you have to have them..." and, "You know what I've always wanted to see?" And then the story took on a life of its own and ended up this.
So for Katie, who told me not to let it just be one-sided, unrequited angst, and for Megan, who's suggestion I actually ended up using.
Warnings: Mentions of sex, and a curse. Oh and slash, obviously.
Disclaimer: If the boys where mine... well then the show itself would have sex and swearing and such, but sadly they're not. I just write fanfiction.
Its not a feeling Drake is used to, this needing someone. He has to admit it scares him a little, the way he's become so dependant on Josh. He's not exactly sure when it happened, when he stopped seeing Josh as an intrusion, and started seeing him as a necessity. Josh who is smart and organized, Josh who is dependable and loyal and a thousand other things Drake isn't, even though sometimes he wishes he could be. But then again, if he was those things too, he and Josh couldn't be him and Josh, and Drake wouldn't trade the way they are for the world. He's lost count of all the times Josh has saved him, lost count of all the stupid things Josh has talked him out of, or tried to talk him out of anyway. It isn't just that Josh is his conscience, although that's part of it, its that Josh is his safety. Drake has somehow come to view Josh as his security, his safety and his source of strength. When they fight, it leaves Drake with even more feelings he's not used to- vulnerability, weakness and fear.
So maybe that's why he's doing this, why he's sitting on the couch, holding his cell phone, dialing Josh's number then stopping, dialing again and hanging up. He knows it selfish, he knows Josh is out with Mindy, on some big reconciliation date, and he hates how annoyed Josh will be when he does make the call. But he can't help himself, he needs to finish this call, he needs Josh home, and he needs him now. He takes a deep breath and dials again, leaving a message when Josh's voicemail picks up.
"Josh, Josh its me, I know you're out with Mindy, and I'm sorry to call you but, man, I need to talk to you. I'm worried, I just talked to Rachel and I- just call me, or come home or something, please dude?"
He finishes, hating the whiny note in his voice by the end of the message. Stupid Rachel, she's really thrown him off balance- and the only person who can make it all right again is Josh. Because Josh can make everything ok, Josh can make his world make sense again. Josh will tell him he's an idiot, Josh will yell at him, but Josh will make it better. Josh will make it all ok, that's what Drake repeats to himself, a mantra of sorts, strumming his guitar stings idly, waiting on the phone to ring.
Half an hour later, Josh bursts through the door, looking concerned.
"What going on?" he asks.
"You came home?" Drake asks, putting his guitar down and making room on the couch for Josh.
"You sounded bad on the phone, I was worried." Josh says shrugging off his jacket and sitting down.
"Thank you." Drake says, running a hand through his long reddish brown hair.
"So what's up?" Josh asks, "you said something about Rachel?"
"She called a little while ago and she thinks-" Drake stops and shifts his eyes to the ground suddenly unable to look at Josh, "She thinks she might be pregnant," he says, the last word a whisper.
"She thinks she might be?" Josh repeats emphasizing 'thinks' and 'might' like the lifelines they are, "Might be?" he finishes, taking a long breath. To his credit and Drake's immense relief, he's not shouting or flailing or freaking out, though he does look like he's gotten an instant headache.
"She's like, a couple days late?" Drake says shrugging helplessly.
"Would it..." Josh starts then trails off, clearly unsure of how to phrase his next question, "Even if she is, are you sure it would be, I mean, Rachel's not really-" He stops again looking awkward and sighing.
"No." Drake admits shaking his head, because he's understood exactly what Josh meant, "I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything."
"Ok." Josh says slowly, "So there is no reason to freak out yet."
"But what if there is every reason to freak out? Dude I can't-" Drake stops, "this is so not even something I can handle." he says, looking at Josh desperately.
"How did this happen? I didn't think you even liked Rachel that much?" Josh asks.
"I don't" Drake says honestly, "she was just there, and I was there, and- I don't know man. God I'm such an idiot." He groans, putting his head in his hands. Josh runs a comforting hand down his back.
"You've gotta stop doing stuff like this," He says, sounding wary then after a pause he asks, "So is she going to take a test?"
"Yeah." Drake says, shifting closer to Josh on the couch.
"When?" Josh asks.
"Now, she was going to get her sister, and get a test, and then call me back." Drake says into his hands.
"So we'll know soon?" Josh asks, and for some reason, it makes Drake feel a million times better to hear Josh use the word "we."
"Yeah. I'm not sure if that's good or bad." Drake says softly, "Can I tell you something?" he asks.
"Of course." Josh says, still moving his hand in comforting circles on Drakes back as Drake picks his head up from his hand.
"I'm not sure I like any of them that much. I think I'm just, trying to prove something." Drake says.
"Prove what? To who?" Josh asks.
"I don't know, to myself? I mean I like girls, the idea of girls anyway, but something just never feels right. I keep trying but- and now, I mean if she is- then its like-" he stops and sighs again.
"Like what?" Josh prompts.
"Like I don't know, normally my trying only effects me, but if there is a baby, if my constant fucking up made a baby. I'm not sure I want a baby ever, and I know I don't want one now-" Drake stops again, feeling like he's rambling, hoping Josh understands anything he's saying.
"You need a hug?" Josh asks, and Drake smiles in spite himself. He knew Josh would make things better. He leans over and they fall into a comfortable embrace.
"Thank you," Drake breathes into Josh's ear. They're quiet for a moment, just holding each other, until Josh breaks the silence and says,
"I think I might just like the idea of them too," he admits, his voice a whisper.
"Girls?" Drake asks bemused.
"Girls," Josh confirms, "Mindy is great and all, but sometimes I think, I'd rather be, I don't know, sitting here with you."
"Exactly." Drake says, "dude that's it exactly, I mean I've dated so many girls but you-" he begins, but is cut off by his phone ringing. The boys jump apart and stare at it.
"You have to answer it man," Josh says. Drake nods and picks up the phone gingerly.
"Hello?" he says, reaching over to grab Josh's hand, squeezing it as Rachel begins to talk. It seems like it takes a million years for her to tell the story, like it takes a million years for her to get to the point and say the magic words that make Drake's shoulders sag in relief,
"The test was negative." She says, and Drake squeezes Josh's hand again who squeezes back, a joyful squeeze, a gesture that says, 'oh thank God'. As soon as Rachel hangs up, Drake turns to Josh and lets out an ecstatic,
"Hug me Brotha!" and the boys embrace again. Josh's hug is so tight and fierce he actually pulls Drake on to his lap, not that Drake minds.
"See? Its all ok." Josh says, sounding as happy as Drake feels.
"I'm so glad you're here." Drake says honestly.
"Of course." Josh says, pushing a stray hair out of Drake's eyes affectionately.
"I'm going to stop." Drake says seriously.
"Stop what?" Josh asks, moving his hand to Drake's shoulder.
"Stop with the girls, with the screwing up so much. I have to." He says, putting his head down on Josh's chest, still giddy.
"Good." Josh says, "Drake?" He blurts out after a minute, saying Drake's name like a question.
"Yeah?" Drake asks, wondering why he doesn't sit on Josh's lap more often. He likes it there.
"Before, when we were talking about girls, and the idea of them, and we said we would rather be with each other sometimes, do you ever think that we, that you and me?" He says, his words are a jumble and Drake can feel that his heart rate has sped up. For a second, Drake isn't sure what Josh is getting at, but then, in an instant it all makes sense to him. He understands everything, from the way he needs Josh, to the constant touching, to the not being sure girls are all they should be, to the way being in Josh's lap listening to his heart beat feels like the most natural thing in the world- it all clicks together in his mind, so he lifts his head up. He puts a hand behind Josh's head and pulls him into a kiss. Its a quick kiss, soft and innocent, but it feels like the moment Drake as been waiting for.
"Is that what you were trying to ask?" he questions with a smile when he pulls back from the kiss.
"Yes," Josh breaths, and there is a look in his eyes Drake's never seen before, one he thinks might just be desire, and it makes him shiver as he leans up to kiss Josh again. This time, the kiss is longer and deeper, and with it comes hands moving, and Drake scooting even further into Josh's lap, and Josh's arms going around Drake's back, and little whispers and moans, and its perfect. This, Drake thinks, is what its supposed to feel like. He's had dreams like this, dreams he tried to forget about when the sun came up, but now that its real, he thinks maybe he should have mentioned it a long time ago. Because this? This is without a doubt, the best, the sexiest, the most passionate kiss Drake has ever had, and he's had quite a few. Josh moves a hand to his hip, and Drake takes this as a cue to straddle him and run his hands up Josh's chest. God, he thinks, they really, really should have been doing this for years now.
After a long time, Josh pulls back, and, with his hands still fixed on Drake's hips, he asks, "Are you more sure about this? I'm not just here am I?" He asks, and Drake doesn't know whether to laugh at him or to cry for him.
"Of course you're not just here," He says, "I'm so sure- Josh, this is the most sure I've been about anything in a long time. Nothing I've ever done has felt this right." He admits, "are you sure?" he asks.
"So sure." Josh replies, hooking a finger in Drake's belt loops, "I just had to make sure."
"I know." Drake says, and he does know, because really if he was Josh, he probably wouldn't trust this either. He's not going to ruin it though. He's screwed up with Josh before, made Josh leave him and he's determined never to do it again. Its funny, he thinks as he leans in for more kisses, the best kisses ever, this should be scarier, but its really not. It just feels like the next step, like something that was coming all along. Josh was already so many things, so many things Drake needed that this? This just feels like completion.