M/R: For nekkie Deidara and Sakura, and adult situations. Oh yeah!

For Fallacy and RiikiTikiTavi, for inspiring me with their awesome DeiSaku's. I love you guys.

AN: I haven't written anything in a long time... It probably shows. This is my one-shot crackfic that was DYING to be written. I hope you all enjoy!

By its very nature, their relationship was unpredictable. Being involved with a missing nin was bad enough – slapping an Akatsuki cloak on him brought forth a whole other mess of trouble. Besides the fact that he was technically her enemy, and that annoying mission he had to capture her friend, things had progressed rather smoothly. As smoothly as they could when you were sorta-kinda dating a dangerous S-class criminal with an obsession for art and explosives. Also, who used the words 'art' and 'explosives' interchangeably, along with 'bang' and 'boom'.

Hey, she didn't pretend it was a normal relationship.

They saw each other sporadically at best, and normally not at all . It was kind of a long distance, "my village will kill you on sight" relationship. Basically, they were reduced to sneaking around. Well, at least he was. She couldn't exactly creep into Akatsuki's hideout in the middle of the night. First of all she didn't know where it was. She never asked him and he certainly never volunteered information. They were smitten, not stupid. Second, it just sounded like a bad idea. A really bad idea.

So did she often feel like some love-sick teenager waiting by the phone? Yeah. She didn't like it, that's just how things worked.

The sound of running water was music to her ears, and the sight of steam sent a shiver of anticipation down her spine. She'd spent the day at the hospital doing monotonous paperwork. It was boring, and mind numbing, and she had to remind herself that a slow day at the hospital was a good thing. After sitting at a desk for several hours, she hit the training ground hard. Literally. Just because it was a peaceful period, didn't mean she could slack off!

All that hard work wore a girl out. And made her muscles just a tiny bit sore. And she felt sweaty and smelly, too.

Those problems would be gone, however, after a nice, long soak! Sakura hummed softly to herself and poured a healthy dab of bubble bath into the tub, watching in satisfaction as pink, frothy bubbles began to emerge on the water's surface.

She stepped out of her sweat-dampened uniform and placed it tidily in the hamper, then delicately dipped a toe into the bath to make sure the temperature was perfect. She stepped into the tub and sank down among the bubbles, groaning as the hot water soothed her muscles. Closing her eyes, she leaned her head back against the edge of the tub, a satisfied smile on her lips.

The door opened behind her with a whoosh of cool air, and she jumped about a mile, opening her mouth to scream like a banshee and cocking her fist back.

Before she could turn the intruder into mulch, he grabbed her fist and yanked her against his cloaked chest, pressing his other hand to her mouth to silence her harpy-cry. Sakura struggled a moment before she realized that, hey, she recognized that red swirly cloud from somewhere. And did something wet just slide across her lips?

Deidara chuckled and let her go, grinning when she immediately wrapped her arms around herself to maintain her modesty. She quickly sank back down into the bubbles and glared reproachfully at him.

"Tch, like I haven't already seen it."

Sakura glared at him and he grinned again.

"A, 'hello Deidara, it's wonderful to see you,' would be nice, yeah." He said, closing the bathroom door behind him.

"Hello Deidara, it's wonderful to see you," she mimicked dryly, narrowing her eyes at the amused look he shot her before looking appreciatively at the bathtub.

"Pink, mmm? Figures, yeah." He snorted, shrugging out of his cloak. It was then she noticed that he was flecked with blood. She frowned at him.

"Those fleshy bits aren't from Leaf shinobi, are they?" She asked severely. He simply smirked and continued to strip, pulling off his white undershirt and tugging at the drawstring of his pants. Apparently, he'd kicked off his shoes when he sneaked into her apartment. Sakura cocked an eyebrow.

"Deidara... What are you doing?" She asked sweetly. He snorted and rolled his eyes, dropping the pouch of clay to the floor with a muffled thud.

"I'm going to take a bath, yeah. What does it look like, mmm?" He took down his hair and shook his head, a fine mist of clay dust raining down from the blond strands.

"In my bath?" She continued in that saccharine tone.

"Tch, do you see another one?" he shot her an annoyed look.

She cocked an eyebrow at him, then looked down at the tub. She was very comfortable, but the ceramic basin was really only built for one at a time. Deidara's lanky form would make it a tight squeeze at best. "I don't think you'll fit."

He smirked at her, "I think I will, yeah. Scoot." He dropped his pants and she blushed scarlet. He chuckled and leaned down, placing his hands on her shoulders to help her move forward. She sulked, then yipped and squirmed when the mouth on his palm nipped her. She shot over to the other side of the tub, glaring when he stepped in and took her vacated seat. He sank down and smirked at the dour look she gave him, then dunked his dusty head under the water.

Sakura leaned back, got poked by the cold metal faucet, flinched forward again and rubbed the sore spot on her spine. She narrowed her eyes at the blond, who was currently dumping half the bottle of her shampoo over his head. He grinned at her, then shifted so that his back was to her, sloshing water all over bathroom floor in the process. She squawked in annoyance and was ready to yell at him when he grinned toothily at her over his shoulder and pointed to his shampoo saturated locks.

"Wash my hair, yeah?" He chuckled.

The yell died in her throat, and she heaved a long suffering sigh instead. Smiling, but insisting to herself that she wasn't, she reached up and buried her hands in his hair. Shaking her head, she gently began to rub her fingertips into his scalp, giggling at his soft noises of appreciation.

She wanted to be upset with him, really she did. Hello, it was rude to barge in on a girl while she was taking a bath, and then joining her uninvited on top of that! And demanding that she wash his hair? Well, that was just... Just...


Inner Sakura was squealing over the cuteness, while simultaneously panting over the very attractive – very naked – man practically sitting in her lap.

Outwardly, Sakura simply smiled and smoothed the shampoo through his hair to the end of the blond locks. Deidara sighed, relaxing as her nimble fingers weaved through the thick mass of blond and expertly massaged his scalp. His shoulders dropped slightly, and he tilted his head back, smiling.

Deidara was young and rather vain about his hair. And he loved when Sakura twisted it around her fingers, or tugged at it playfully when she pulled him down to kiss her. And he only pretended to care when she insulted him for having "girly hair that no self respecting ninja would have because it got in the way and was hell to take care of". He didn't care what she said as long as she ran her fingers through it and smiled at him while she said it. Besides, her hair was pink. Pink. "Pink!" He would insist after her half-hearted insults to his own locks, then grin when she shut up and pouted at him. Then he would pull her close and run his fingers through those fine, ridiculously bright and silky strands. He found that she enjoyed it, too.

"Dunk," she demanded, finished lathering up his head. She placed a hand on his crown, helpfully pushing him under the pink bubbles and grinning when he struggled and sputtered and shot her murderous look when he surfaced. She giggled and he grinned mischievously, pulling her to him and shifting her so that her back was to him – once again sending a wave of pink sudsy water over the side of the tub.

"Would you quit that?!" She groused, very aware that his right hand was creeping up her calf.

"Be quiet. It's your turn,yeah," he whispered menacingly. Sakura rolled her eyes and snorted, only squirming slightly when he doused her head with shampoo. His agile fingers worked the flowery scented substance firmly into her hair. It didn't take long, since her hair was much shorter than his, but he took his time: massaging her scalp and graciously rinsing the lather out. This time Sakura relaxed, smiling and softening at the careful attention.

She leaned back against him, closing her eyes and sighing at the warmth that seeped into her skin. The warmth from the water, and the warmth of his body. His hand crept up the inside of her thigh and she felt the teeth in his palm gently nipping a careful and sure path upward. She smirked and a cracked an eye open, tilting her head back to look at Deidara. He had the same sinful expression on his face and leaned down to press his lips greedily against hers.

There was no asking in the kiss. There was telling. He was threatening naughty, wonderful things. Yes, he would undoubtedly leave her in the morning, but that was how their relationship went. This was how it was: they had to live in the moment, because the moment was all they had.

She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, returning the hungry kiss and squirming wantonly when his palm pressed intimately against her. She sighed and arched and he moved to lick her neck while another tongue danced teasingly elsewhere against her body.

To Deidara, these moments were art. The brevity was the beauty and he cherished it, just as he cherished the beauty writhing in his arms. He kissed her again and moaned against her lips when her fingers curled compulsively in his hair and her backside brushed against something very sensitive under the water. When it happened a second time, he knew she was doing it on purpose. He grinned, and wagged the tongue on his right hand, which made her gasp and press back against him. He chuckled, pleased with her reaction, his lips pressed gently against her ear.

"I love you. You know that, yeah?"

Well, she hadn't seen that coming.

She climaxed hard, twisting and trembling in his arms. He held her close, making her ride it out until it was almost unbearable. But it wasn't. It was wonderful. And when her head cleared her slightly dazed green eyes found his wicked blue gaze. He was grinning toothily at her, and she found the corners of her lips curving happily and rebelliously upward.

"Yeah," she breathed.

Their relationship was unpredictable. Dangerous. A bang. And she found that she liked it that way.