You'll Find Better Love
By: Manna (Kitten Kisses)
When all our tears have reached the sea,
Part of you will live in me;
Way down deep inside my heart…
The days keep coming without fail,
A new wind is gonna find your sail;
That's where your journey starts…
Strong as it ever was;
Deep as the river runs,
Warm as the morning sun…
Please remember me…
The wind cannot be seen by the naked eye, but we know when it is present. We see the effects of the wind in the leaves on the trees, and the rustling of the grass. Love is much the same way.
He had, in all his 21 years of life, seen a lot of things. He knew that not all married couples loved one another, and not all couples with children loved each other. Kissing and touching and sex did not necessarily create, or mean, love.
But when two people were together who truly loved one another, the whole atmosphere around them changed to a degree that anybody would find as easy to notice as a sudden shift from the warm summer months, to the snowy depths of winter.
It was something he knew was bound to happen; he knew it would happen. It had been as obvious to him as a warhorse running towards him in a full gallop would be. Unfortunately, he had turned a blind eye to the situation for what seemed like only a moment, and that horse had trampled him, or at least his heart.
The trampled remnants were in his barracks, at the Castle Caelin, where he, too sat. Not one to sit and nurse a wounded ego, he had taken to thinking to himself.
'Where did I go wrong?' he wondered, feeling a little sad. 'Oh, of course… Loving someone I knew I could never have. That was where I made my blunder.'
It wasn't as if it was the biggest problem in the world, because it was far from it, but to the knight who had loved his liege unconditionally for the previous two years, it was certainly a puzzling situation.
He could tell that they were in love with one another, and when she had announced to all of them that they were to be wed, he had said nothing; he only wondered briefly why hearing the news hurt more than he thought it would.
He had known from the beginning that he would never call her his wife; that they could never be together under any circumstances that were romantic, even in the slightest.
Blast it all! It was all so confusing. He could not love her now… now that she was engaged to be married to another man. A man that was most definitelynot him.
He would have loved to consult Sain about how to get over a woman, if only Sain knew how, himself! His friend was concerned about him, and he knew it. He was doing his best to at least move on a bit, but it wasn't nearly as easy as he thought it would be.
No matter how many times he told himself not to like her, not to stare at her, and not to want her for his own, he failed. Particularly when he saw her looking melancholy in the gardens, or when she put her hand on his arm, and asked him how he was faring.
He was a lost man!
She had been shocked, to say the least, when Sain had barged into the castle, strode up to her, and greeted her with one of his cheesy lines.
"My lovely, angelic Lady Lyndis!" he had started, his voice loud, and a smile on his face, "I beg of you a favor, if you would be so inclined to hear of it."
Sain's favors usually included things like walks in the garden, or some silly romantic notion that he had, but his forehead was creased with something that Lyndis could only assume was concern, and she found herself listening to what he had to say.
"My favor is one that you might find to be a little odd, and perhaps I am not technically in the place to ask this of you, but I feel I must." His smile had faltered, then, and Lyn was almost certain it had been one of the few times that he was not his usually upbeat self. He clasped his hands behind his back, continuing, "You see, this favor has to do with Kent."
She could remember feeling a little surprised at the mention of her honorable knight's name. She had not seen him much for several days, but he had seemed fine when she had last spoken with him.
"What of Kent?" she'd found herself asking, curiosity at an all-time high.
"He has been down since the news of your wedding, milady, and that is what concerns me. Forgive me if this is more than you cared to know, but I believe…no, I know that, had you come into this army as a normal person, and not a Lady of high social standings, my boon companion would have already tried to sweep you off your feet, so to speak."
He had smiled at her sheepishly at the end of his miniature speech, and had begged her leave. She had let him go, her thoughts whirling far too quickly for her own comfort.
She would speak with him.
She stood outside of the door to his barracks for a few minutes, gathering the thoughts in her mind that had been scattered. It would do her no good to tell a broken-hearted man that he might have had a chance if he had only told her sooner… no, it would not do at all, even though it was most certainly true. The feelings that she had, at one time, harbored for the quiet man who was always by her side, had withered slowly when he had not shown them in turn, and she had found another who loved her back.
She knocked twice, quickly, and opened the door before he could reply. She spotted him immediately, his reddish hair hard to miss. He had been staring at the door, but when he caught sight of her standing in front of him, he jumped to his feet, forgetting that he was lying on top of his bunk, and he nearly cracked his skull on the bed above his own.
He managed to get to his feet with only a flush of embarrassment before he composed himself. "My Lady," he said, bowing his head in respect. He wanted to ask her what she was doing there, when he was trying so very hard to get over her, but he said nothing.
"I am leaving tomorrow morning, for my wedding," she finally said, after a few moments of silence. "I'll be leaving you here, as Steward of Caelin."
His surprise was evident on his face, as he jerked his gaze up to meet hers, his brown eyes questioning. "Lady Lyndis?"
She smiled gently and answered his unspoken question, her voice soft, "I have faith in you, Kent. I think that you will do a fine job of keeping watch over Caelin in my absence. And… pardon me if I am being presumptuous, but I believe it will do you good if I am not around."
He could feel his face burning as he lowered his eyes.She knows, she knows, she knows… sheknowsheknowssheknows…
"You have never been presumptuous, Lady Lyndis… not that I have noticed." He managed to keep his voice steady, and it almost covered up his nervousness at the fact that she knew he had feelings for her.
Her smile fell away from her face like rain from a storm cloud, and she spoke, her voice serious, but gentle, "There are more women out there, you know."
"That is what Sain says," he answered her, looking up for a moment to catch her green eyes with his dark ones. "But I only see one." His tone was not sad, only truthful, and Lyn felt herself wanting to do something to comfort him, even though he didn't appear to be directly in need of it.
"I…" her voice faltered. "You will make a fine husband, someday," she eventually was able to say.
He had almost expected her to end her sentence with "for someone else", but she didn't, and he was relieved. He was not bitter, only annoyed at himself for playing the part of the fool.
"One day," she said, interrupting his thoughts. "I'll come back here, and I'll find you with a sweet, pretty wife and a whole house full of children." She turned towards the door, and looked at him over her shoulder. "You'll find someone a lot better than I am… don't doubt that…" She paused for a moment and said one last thing before she took her leave, "Just…don't forget about me."
One last smile, and she was gone.
He knew she was not putting herself down; she was only trying to make him feel better, but it still sounded a little awkward coming from her. But perhaps, staying in Caelin would be the best thing for him.
Yes, he decided, it was what needed to be done. He would do his best, not only for his liege, but also for himself. He could do it. He could get on with his life; he could get over her. A first love was never forgotten, but he would work to find a better love… the kind that went both ways.
Remember me when you're out walkin',
When the snow falls high outside your door…
Late at night when you're not sleepin',
And moonlight falls across your floor…
When I cant hurt you anymore…
You'll find better love,
Strong as it ever was;
Deep as the river runs,
Warm as the morning sun…
Please remember me,
Please remember me…
Wow, the ending didn't quite go as I planned it to. I guess I'm pretty happy with how this turned out.
A quick note: Warhorses were, a long, long time ago, huge draft horses that could carry heavily armored knights. I read in a history book once, that they were massive, but are now unfortunately extinct. The Shire could be an ancestor, as the Great English Horse, and the primitive Forest Horses (both huge breeds) are predecessors to it. They are one of the biggest breeds there is, standing at 17+ hands high. Starting in 1651, smaller horses were implemented in armies for faster, more agile mounts- but the heavier horses still held an advantage.
Another note: The Greeks started employing mounted archers around 500 BC. …I just thought that was interesting.
Constructive criticism is very much appreciated, so if you have any quirks or problems with OOCness, plot, flow of the plot, grammar, or spelling (or anything else you can think of), please let me know. I would really appreciate it.
Thank you for reading!