Disclaimer: dude. JKR naturally speaks with a British accent. I only wish I naturally spoke with a British accent. But no. I had to be raised in the US of A. --sighs-- Ah well, I can speak French! Est-ce que l'universe du Harry Potter à moi maintenant? (translation: is the Harry Potter Universe mine now?)

Author's note: I know I should be updating No Longer Weak (eek I REALLY need to update that... it's been since, like, last school year!but I've been having major writer's block with that, and I wanted to write something primarily funny for a change... I've been all depressed lately, so I've been writing some... well, slightly-less-than-my-usual-hyperness-level poetry, so now that I'm not down in the dumps anymore, I decided I wanted to write something fun! Plus, I was at theater, with my school laptop, so I didn't have the document saved on there anyway... There's my excuse, now let's get to some good ol' fun, clean (well. This chapter's clean, later ones may not be lol :P), innocent (HA! Fred and George are mentioned. Therefore it CAN'T be innocent!) insulting!


So, these really totally awesome kids, they're at Hogwarts, right? Ok, so they're at school, and they're bored, so Fred says to George, he says, "Hey! We should have an insult contest!" And George says, "Oh, ok, that'll be brilliant!" So they start putting up signs.
"Dude! We can't put that in our autobiography!"

"Why not?" George asked, honestly puzzled.

Fred rolled his eyes. "Here, let's take it to Hermione, we'll see what she says. And I'll be correct."

George cracked an evil grin. "You lie. I'll be right."


"Ok, two things, 1. We have never had an insult contest, most certainly never by you, and 2. You have the word 'so' in there a total of," she quickly counted, 'four times in a total of," she counted again, "four sentences. No."

In a terribly high falsetto voice, Fred said, "Hey! Our stupid author just typed, Fred said, and realized just now that it rhymes!!!" Just kidding. Because we want to avoid that terrible rhyme, Fred cheered, "Oh yeah! Uh-huh! I'm right! I'm right! Woo-woo-woop!" Hermione quickly placed a Silencing charm on him, rolled her eyes, and returned to her book.

George removed the charm as soon as it appeared that his twin had stopped bragging and dancing around the table. Fred continued, "Anyway, about the fact that the insult contest hasn't taken place yet…"

"Well, yeah, but we're going to have a insult contest," stated George, taking out a large parchment out of her pocket and sticking it onto the bulletin board. "See? It's on the 33rd."

Hermione, of course, looked absolutely confused. "But… there is never a 33rd… Plus, this month is April, and it ends on the 28 this year…"

It was Fred's turn to crack an evil grin. "Yes. That's the point. The 33rd is non-existant, and, as McGonegall says when talking about vanishing, 'nothing, that is to say, everything.' Therefore…"

"You're not going to have a continuous insult contest going on. No."

"Actually, my dear Hermione, that's exactly what we're going to do."

"No."

"Yes."

Thus, the Hogwarts epic battle of insults began.


Author's Note: This is the result of costume-less rehearsal of The Dracula Rock show. In pauses in which other characters are on stage and Holmes (me! Yay, I got the lead!) is not, and would normally be changing costume, I sat there and typed the beginning of this story! I feel so clever.

Oh, by the way, I've sent this to one of my friends, she might write a few of these... should be fun! I might convert some others as well... evil grin

Another oh, if you want to send in an insult idea (via review or PM), I'm welcoming with open arms!

REVIEW!!! Of course. Please. If you do, I'll give you a cyber hug and some... cotton candy. Unless, of course, you don't like cotton candy, in which case I'll give you tomatoes. If you like neither, then... review anyway and I'll acquire some food to your liking, and give it to ya!

Oh, I can be manipulative when I so choose. mooohahahah (I'm an evil cow!)