Details/Notes: I was bitten by this plot bunny late at night, and I'm at a loss to explain it. Just a bit of fun, I suppose. All comments appreciated, as always, and also as always, this hasn't been looked over by an outside source, just me, so all mistakes are mine. I'd love for them to be pointed out in a review so that I might fix them.


Excerpt From an Anonymous Text:

A (Real) History of Magic Overview

History of Magic is the single greatest fear of bored students everywhere, though admittedly only the ones attending magical schooling know of it's existence. It is said that actually paying attention to the material is impossible, and that anyone who tries is doomed to a life filled with musty books, cold tea, and not much else; to later die buried in notes about Goblin wars and spend the rest of the afterlife lecturing about them.

Of course, these rumors aren't really true; not if you ask a professor of a legitimate study. But the fact remains that the History of Magic subject has given rise to the greatest number of ghostly teachers ever recorded.

Salem Witches Institute is actually one of only four schools (excluding the many that have dropped the subject all together) in which the position is still held by a living human.

The woman just celebrated her one hundred fiftieth birthday, and has been a professor there since the school formalized one hundred twenty five years ago.

She hasn't got long.

History of Magic is also well known for not actually teaching it's students anything; except, perhaps, creative ways of passing notes, as witnessed:


P -

Frankie's drooling on Alice's scarf.

- Pads


Pads -

It's not like they're swapping fluids any other way.

- Prongs


P -

Push off, you're joking.

- Pads


Pads -

The Marauder's Map does not lie.

- Prongs


James -

Be a bit more blatant next time. One guy in the back didn't notice you.

- Remus


Moony -

Okay. Ta.

- Prongs


Prongs -

James Potter: Mortal Enemy of Sarcasm.

- Remus


M -

James says he loves you too.

- Pads


Moony -

It's not like anyone cares.

- Wormtail


Wormtail -

I don't think that's his point.

- Prongs


Prongs -

James Potter: Mortal Enemy of Sarcasm and Apathy.

- Remus


Moony -

Remus Lupin: In Great Danger of Getting His Face Punched In

- Prongs


Mr. Prongs,

My humblest apologies.

Sincerely,

Mr. Moony


Moony -

Oh, shove it.

- Prongs


Dear James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter,

If the four of you do not stop right now, I will have to report you to the professor.

Lily Evans


M -

If she can get Binn's attention.

- Pads


Padfoot -

She certainly got James'.

- Remus


Padfoot -

Is James sniffing Lily's parchment?

- Wormtail


W -

Yes, yes he is.

- Pads


Lily -

Sorry about Tuesday.

I love you.

- James


Dear James,

I told you this is against the rules. Don't get me into trouble.

Stop saying that.

Lily Evans


Lily -

But it's true.

- James


P -

How was detention?

I think you set a record: first student in history to get in trouble during History of Magic.

- Pads

P.S. Why did this title go to you? What makes you so special?


Pads -

Scrubbing the trophy case. Again.

- Prongs

P.S. I'm in love.


P -

See your name much?

- Pads

P.S. Gag me.


James and Sirius,

The two of you could try paying attention for once, instead of acting like morons.

Lily Evans


Evans -

What's there to pay attention to? I think I learn more than enough about Goblins just walking into Gringotts.

- Sirius Black


Sirius,

If that's your belief I'd hate to see where you are in ten years.

Lily Evans


Evans -

At least I won't die starving to death in a library. People are actually going to notice when something happens to me.

- Sirius


Lily -

I'm sorry. Sirius is a jerk.

- James


James,

Then why do you spend so much time with him.

Lily


Lily -

He's my best friend.

- James


James,

You have lots of friends.

Lily


Lily -

None of them are like Sirius. Plus, me and Remus and Peter's all he's got.

He can't help being a jerk.

- James


James,

It's not that difficult.

Lily


Lily -

Yeah, but he's the nice one in his family already.

- James


James,

We can talk after class.

Lily


As of today's records, the only known student to keep detailed notes of the subject of History of Magic, having actually taken those notes during the class itself, is Hermione Granger of Hogwarts school.

It is also a little known fact around the grounds that the center of Hogwart's impressive rumor mill stems from the History of Magic classroom; all of the crazy stories manufactured out of nothing more than boredom and a spark of creativity. It is rumored that this creativity is the sole reason the class has not been scrapped to make room in the scheduling, but it is, after all, a rumor, and those cannot be trusted.

All in all, History of Magic and all of the various myths surrounding it, has a place in the records simply for succeeding time and time again at being the most boring, ill-remembered, and uneventful class in, well, the history of magic.


End Notes: I hope you enjoyed it. Please review, I like it when my efforts are noticed.