Disclaimer: I don't own "Stargate: Atlantis." I am in no way trying to make a profit off this story, I am merely writing it and posting for my and other people's enjoyment.
Synopsis: I was trapped between my past and my present, and I wasn't sure which way I wanted to go. Ronon centric, season 4 "Reunion" spoilers.
Warnings: Slight violence, mentions character death
Pairings: mentions Ronon/Melena, slight Ronon/Teyla (but little enough to ignore if that's not your cup of tea)
Spoilers: Runner; Sateda; Reunion
Author's notes: Random fic that came to mind while I was watching "Reunion." I got the impression during the scene when the Atlantians and Satedans first reached the Hive that Ronon felt trapped between his two peoples, and he was struggling to figure out which way to go. This is my interpretation of that scene. Thanks for taking time to check this fic out, and I hope you enjoy!
Behind me: Ara, Rakai, and Tyre. Three Satedans from my past, fellow soldiers, as close as kinsman.
Before me: Teyla Emmagan, John Sheppard, Rodney McKay. Three Atlantians from my present, also warriors, who had taken me in when I had no where else to go.
The chill in my gut wasn't just from my surroundings – the inside of a Hive ship – it was from indecision. I had already informed Sheppard that after this mission I was leaving Atlantis, leaving his team. I had discussed it with Teyla, knew from the expression in her eyes that she knew my decision. But I could feel uncertainty inside me. I knew I wasn't confident in my decision.
Half of me wanted to stay on Atlantis. Half of me wanted to go with the Satedans – my people – and fight the Wraith.
I looked back and forth between the two groups of three, indecision tearing me in two directions. In this mission, dangerous in so many ways, if I left my fellow Satedans in order to follow the Atlantians, I'd leave them a man short. But, if I left the Atlantians to follow Tyre, Ara, and Rakai, I'd be leaving my friends one short.
Decisions, choices, all ones I'd made so hastily. Had I chosen correctly?
McKay and Sheppard gave me short looks before turning and walking off into the deeper reaches of the Hive. Obviously they wanted to get this over with as quickly and cleanly as possible. I knew they and their people hated goodbyes; was surprised to find that had rubbed off on me over the three years I'd spent in the Ancestral city.
Teyla lingered a few seconds longer, staring at me with something I couldn't help but recognize as betrayal in her eyes. Of all the Atlantians, she was the one who understood me most, no matter how much I tried not to notice. When I left Atlantis, I'd be leaving her alone as the only alien in the city.
I guiltily looked away from those steady dark eyes; looked up just in time to see her walking away from me. Her shoulders were rigid, her body language shouted displeasure, and I couldn't help but think that this would probably be the last time I'd see her again. The last time I'd see any of my Atlantian friends.
"Ronon!" Ara sounded impatient, ready to go. Tyre and Rakai murmured their agreement, but I couldn't tear my gaze away from where my Atlantian friends had disappeared.
I was trapped between my past and my present, and I wasn't sure which way I wanted to go. Three Satedans. Three Atlantians.
One of me.
Never before, not even during my days as a Runner, had I felt so alone. Wasn't a reunion with my people supposed to fix that gaping hole in my heart? Wasn't rejoining them and fighting with them meant to be the cure for my pain?
I looked back at Rakai, Tyre, and Ara. In them I saw my past: a time of conquest and war; the loss of my homeworld and my wife; the destruction of everything I found familiar and safe. I felt compelled to join them, for I still felt responsible for them. I had abandoned them once, and was too much of a coward to do it again.
I turned again. And then there were the Atlantians, the picture of my future and that of my home galaxy. I had made a home with them. I was happy, content. I could see myself living the rest of my life in that city, with those people.
I had made my decision. In the end, I wouldn't back out of it. But remembering the look of betrayal in Teyla's eyes, the look of flat, expressionless loss in Sheppard's, I couldn't help but wonder if I had made the right one. They needed me. . .
. . .But so did Tyre, Rakai, and Ara. They were my people, my past and my future.
My present was now my past. My time with the Atlantians was over now, and it was time for me to rejoin my Satedan kinsman for the future.
I turned my back on the hall down which Sheppard, McKay, and Teyla had disappeared. It was time to face my future, my decision, the way I should – the way a warrior would.
I was really happy to see another episode exploring Ronon's past, and was particularly struck by the impact of that particular scene – standing between his past and his present, with three of the Satedans and three of the Atlantians, and then him, all alone. I wanted to explore that more, and wrote this fic. Then I wanted to share it with you all. Thanks for reading this, and I hope you enjoyed!