Sorry if Edward is a little girl-thinking. It's the only kinda thinking I know. Fast and Frantic. Enjoy.

Oh yeah, and i 4got the Disclaimer last time. here it is:I'm a poor fanfic author who owns nothing but her body. and gum. These are stephenie meyer's characters. I'm just playing with them. I'll be sure to put them back when i'm done.

Edward's POV

Our wedding was the greatest ever. Or maybe only because my Bella was there. She kept her promise and didn't leave me on the altar. Not that I ever suspected that she would.

. . . . . . . .Much.

As usual, Alice had outdone her self with the physical aspects: decorations, dresses, the rings; she'd done all she could to make it a beautiful, SUNLESS, indoor wedding. Jasper attempted to handle the family's emotions, which, needless to say, didn't work out too well.

Allow me to recap.

Alice was everywhere at once: doing Bella's makeup, (for once she didn't object) getting her into the gown, getting the bridesmaids ready, getting the priest over his hangover and so on.

Jasper was stretched much too thin. He had to make sure Bella didn't turn too green, get Charlie out of the toilet, without getting vomit on Alice's decorations, getting Rosalie and Emmet out of the bathroom (where they were engaging in a pre-wedding quickie, because, as Emmet was thinking in the stall 'Weddings make me feel so frisky. If only I could get drunk. . . .'), Even Carlisle and Esme were 'frisking'!

And I, as usual, was the epitome of calm.

Yeah, and Bella's not a virgin.

Maybe. I think. I HOPE. Oh god. It's Newton isn't it?

She lost her virginity to Newton, and she's only marrying me to gain immortality!

Or. Maybe it's the dog. They did seem awfully close when I returned.


ARRRGGGGG- "Edward! STOP! I have enough emotions to deal with without your melodramatic, juvenile emotional rollercoaster as well!!!! You're not a woman, and you don't have PMS!!! Nor are you BI-POLAR!! So you have no excuse! Bella is NOT going to leave you at the altar! She LOVES you! Although I honestly can't IMAGINE WHY!" He shouted at me. His thoughts weren't much calmer.

Alice breezed in. "Serves you right." She sang, then left again.

This certainly wasn't making me feel any better. And to add to that, we were going to try tonight.

As per her request. I had to admit, I was curious about if I'd be able to. . . Errrrrmm. . . . . . . pleasure her.

I mean, I'm dead. Technically. So some things tend to stop working.

Like my heart. But I haven't really tested out all my. . . Ummmm, 'equipment' yet.

Being a hundred and something year old virgin and all.

I really hoped. You know, that everything's in working order. Especially if she WASN'T a virgin.

I mean, the dog's got stamina. Seriously.

And Newton. . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . .Well, he was one of the 'popular group' at school.

And he works out. Religiously. I should know. I've seen him in the showers.

And I've seen the amount of flexing he does in the mirror.

It's a possibility.

Bella's POV

I couldn't breathe. I tried. But all I felt was panic. And everything around me was just. . . spinning. . . .

"Bella? Bella! I KNOW you are NOT on the floor in that dress!" tinkering bells screeched at me. Wait. I knew that voice. It was Alice!

I opened my eyes reluctantly. "Huh?"

"Not 'huh' Bella! Come on! Stand up, let me finish your make-up! And DON'T pull out the curls in your hair." She told me exasperatedly.

I stood and went to a little stool and vanity table, where Alice had laid out all the make-up she was going to use on me. And when I say all. I mean ALL. On the table, there was nail polish (pale pink), pale pink blush, shimmery white eyeshadow, body shimmer powder, lip gloss, and mascara. When I asked her if the theme was albino, she nearly had a fit.

'Of course not Bella! I'm playing up your porcelain skin. Look at it like an introduction to the family. You'll almost look as pale as us when you're done.' She had said.

Now, for my wedding-I shuddered-I suppose I didn't mind Alice playing Guinea Pig Barbie with me. I mean, she wasn't going to get a chance to do it in the near future, so why not let her have her fun now?

Alice finished my make-up, smiled, and danced out of the room. "Shoes on in 10 minutes!" She called. "And leave your hair ALONE!"

I looked in disbelief at the strappy, white, death traps, in the corner. And I was supposed to walk down the LOOOOOOOOOONG aisle in THAT?

It was inevitable. I was going to fall FLAT on the face and ruin my make-up.

I looked away, and it dawned on me. I was getting married.

TODAY. To the love of my soon-to-be eternal existence, granted, but ME. Eighteen year old Bella Swan. Was getting married.


And to add anticipation to panic to anxiety, we were going to try tonight.

We didn't know if it was going to work, sure, but I wanted this to be a HUMAN experience.

I mean, sure, my boyfriend's a vampire with superhuman strength who hasn't gotten any in at least a century.

So no reason to think, in haste, or anticipation, he might break my hips or damage my lips or anything.

Nope, no reason at all.

I wasn't scared at all. Just anxious. For the wedding to be over. And us to be alone. Really, truly alone. Finally.

It's not going to help his- Ahem- performance, if he

a)Can hear everyone 's thoughts in the house.


b)If he knows that all the vampires in the house with the super-duper hearing can hear us.

So we booked the house tonight.

For us alone.

Although Charlie seemed like he wanted to follow us with his gun and police cruiser.

God Forbid.