Memoirs: Severus Snape- the last seven days

A/N: HI! Well I' back with a new Harry Potter story and hopefully I will manage to finish it till the 1st of January, cause I need it for a competition. The story is about the last seven days in the life of Severus Snape. I don't have a beta and english isn't my native language so I am bound to make mistakes so don't be too harsh about them. As usually don't own, don't sue and enjoy.

3rd of June

I can see his shadow sliding slowly along the grounds of the castle… calm, calculated and cold, as he always is even when he kills without mercy… I knew that sooner or later he will come after the wand, I knew that there will be nothing able to stop him… the Dark Lord cannot be stopped by any petty obstacle put in his way…

I hope that in the end Potter will be able to defeat him… I hate the boy, I hate to see her eyes so pure, so gentle watching me from my childhood nemesis' face. I hate to remember all the mistakes that I had done… that I continued to do… in the end I hate to remember that because of me she died, that her smile was lost forever… it would have been better if I had died.

The Dark Lord sees me and orders me to follow him. I know that he does not trust me enough to accompany him to the tomb… how naive and ignorant can be the one that claims to be the most powerful wizard of all times. He cannot understand how love and despair can determine a man to act… he doesn't believe and doesn't see that he is being betrayed by the one he considers his most loyal servant. He doesn't know and doesn't understand that Dumbledore told me everything, that he read him so well and guessed every move the Dark Lord was bound to make, step by step.

We' re getting closer to the lake and he orders me to return to the castle… his satisfaction can be felt in the air, it is intoxicating…The years as a spy thought me not to show my emotions… Yet now I would want to laugh in his face, to show him how blind he was. If he would know that out of all of his Horcruxes only four remained he wouldn't be so confident.

I follow his order and head towards Hogwarts. The castle has been my home, my family, my refuge… now everyone inside hates me for different reasons. I can fell their sentiment of loathing, I see their could looks, full of hatred and anger. Even the portraits look at me like I am a criminal. In the end why not? Why shouldn't they hate me? I am a criminal, a murderer… I killed people from both sides… when I was a Death Eater muggles fell under the power of my wand…as a spy those who discovered me did not live to take another breath… In the end Dumbledore forced me to kill him, making me fall even further into sin and despair.

The wind starts blowing harder in my path, building its forces to knock me down… cruel and merciless, whipping my face… I deserve this. Probably it's the beginning of my eternal punishment. I live now only to pass further the last secret of the man who had faith in me and gave me a last change to redemption… after that nothing will matter anymore. I shall embrace darkness with my arms wide open. Perhaps, before everything shall be over, I will see her one last time, see her sweet smile and gentle eyes watching me carefully… after that nothing else shall matter…

I enter the castle… Minerva stands at the entrance and gives me a look so full of hatred characteristic to all of the Order members… they do not know and do not understand why I did what I did…anyway it would be useless to explain… who would believe me?