Disclaimer: Harry Potter isn't mine. That belongs to J.K. Rowling. Neither is "3685" as much as I wish it was. Sadly, that belongs to Spill Canvas.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath."

It was nighttime. Lily, who was wearing a dressing gown, stood with her arms folded in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower.

"I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

"I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just --"

"Slipped out?" There was no pity in Lily's voice. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

He opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking.

"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

"No—listen, I didn't mean-- "

"—to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone else of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

He struggled on the verge of speech, but with a contemptuous look she turned and climbed back through the portrait hole...(xx)

He barely registered the sharp pain in his knees and he fell to the cold, stone floor.

"I love you, Lily."


My empty promises
Led to our demise
And I could never tell you how I really feel
And for that I eternally apologize

That was two years ago. Today, that same boy sits hunched up in a window, looking out at a happy couple enjoying the nice weather.

Come on, Lils, he thought, You can do better than Potter.

He knew well enough that it was his own damn stupidity that lost her, but he couldn't help the bitter feeling scratching out his insides.

Perhaps if he had listened to her, maybe if he kept his promises, if he had told her how he really felt about her, maybe he would be the one under the Beech tree with her right now.

"I'm sorry, Lily."


I would like to thank you, for showing me
A part of myself that I have never seen
Yeah, we were young and dumb, but it still was fun
And I guess these things just tend to fall apart
And I hope you feel the same

If he could say one thing to her, it wouldn't be "I love you." Nor would it be "I'm sorry."

No, he would say, "Thank you."

She had discovered a part of him that he never would have known existed if he hadn't met her.

He had been a good person. Lily did that to him. He had taken her for granted and pushed away the only person he had ever loved.

He destroyed everything he ever had.


My empty promises
Brought us to an end
I just hurt you and I never looked back
Now I have no logic to defend

"Damn it!" he swore.

He hadn't just pushed her away, he had hurt her and now all chances of being with her with shattered.


I hope you never forget the tapping at your window
With the harsh cold and the jealousy
Running through my bones
We were both selfish, but I think I was more

He turned back to the couple and immediately wished he hadn't.

He felt his heart splinter into thousands of tiny pieces, shards of what he used to have with her.

Not for the first time in his life, he wanted to simply throw James Potter off of the Astronomy Tower.


I would like to thank you, for showing me
A part of the world that I have never seen
Yeah, I was young and dumb, but it still was fun
I'm forever indebted to you
I hope you feel the same

Lily Evans looked over her boyfriend's shoulder and sighed wistfully as she saw the pale, lanky boy staring at her through the window of the Divination Tower, unreadable expression on his face.

She didn't regret befriending him. She had learned a lot from him, whether intentionally or not.

For a moment, she wished things were how they used to be: the carefree, playground days of her childhood shared with him.


You seem like such a big part
Of my life and my heart
But the truth is I've found someone new
And he easily towers over you

A shiver went down her spine as James held her close and whispered words of comfort in her ear. He always seemed to know what was bothering her and when. She snuggled into him, and the longing was gone.

She had James.

She didn't need Severus.

A/N: So, what did you think? I'm in love with Spill Canvas. I just got their CD last night. This song is just so Lily/Snape it's not even funny. Yeah, so I wrote this while the random people are tearing apart my kitchen so it might sound a bit weird, but that's only because of the terrible noises coming from down the hall.

Yes, I did change the words at the end a bit... but it would have sound weird for Lily to say "and she easily towers over you."

(xx) This was taken from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Chapter 33: The Prince's Tale (US edition).

Oh, and remember my Tare Panda? Yeah, still appreciates reviews, even if he just so happens to be left out of this story. He's still up in the Head's common room hanging out on the floor where Lily dropped him. :-)