Author's Note: I love crack fics. I love writing them. I love reading them even more, and the number of good reads are depleting. (Cries) So uh—anyone have suggestions for good reads on here? I think I'm just going to go to the start of the archives—read all of them all over again. Early fanfiction is the best. So anyway, uh—enjoy?

Warning/Notes: Water torture. (Bwahahahahaqqqqqqq)

Naruto © Masashi Kishimoto


Drip
By Mint Pizza Queen


Drip. Drip. Drip.

Naruto squirmed. Oh how he wished he could remember that technique. What was it again? Simple rope escape jutsu?

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Agh! He couldn't think! The damn water constantly hitting his forehead ever…so……slowly.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

"Talk." A deep voice commanded.

Naruto seethed, baring his teeth. "Never!"

Drip. Drip. Drip.

"You'll have to sooner or later. You won't be able to stand the torture and you'll speak. They always do." The voice cackled wickedly.

"Yeah, well, I'm not them! I'm Uzumaki Naruto and I'll be able to take this, you'll see! Believe it!"

Drip. Drip. Drip.

There was a momentary silence before the voice spoke. "If you ever say 'believe it' again, I'll drown you right there."

"Oh yeah!?"

"Yeah!"

"Believe it!"

There was a strangled noise from the voice. "Damn it, I was hoping you wouldn't take the challenge—"

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto and I take any challenge! Believe—"

"Don't say it!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…believe it."

"I hate you."

"Believe—" Naruto was cut off when suddenly, a loud rusty squeak echoed off the walls and he could himself sputtering and gasping as water pounded down on his face.

"S-stop!" He coughed and choked. The water stopped.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Oh, so it was back to that again, was it?

"I'll let you go if you talk. Just make it easy for the both of us, because really, I know that you know that I want to be here as much as you do."

Naruto scowled. "Nope. If I can't handle this, then there is no way that I could become Hokage!"

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The voice sighed. "I didn't want to have to resort to this…"

Naruto paused. "Resort to what?"

Drip. Drip. Drip.

There was another sigh. "Remember, you brought this on yourself when you failed to cooperate."

Naruto began to worry.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

"Naruto, if you don't talk…"

Drip. Drip. Drip.

"…you will leave me no choice…"

Drip. Drip. Drip.

"…except for me to…"

Drip. Drip. Drip.

"…destroy Ichiraku."

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Naruto broke down instantly. "NO! All right! I'll talk! I'll talk! Just please don't destroy Ichiraku Ramen!"

"I won't if you tell me."

Naruto sniffled. "I hid your shorts in the tree outside your bedroom window, Sasuke, now please say you won't destroy Ichiraku!"

Sasuke flipped on the light with a victorious smirk on his face. "Thank you, that's all I wanted to know. You can go now." With that, he turned and left in all his towel-clad glory.

There was a silence that followed his departure.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

"Ah! Sasuke! I've got to go to the bathroom!"

-The End-