Heads, I talk to him.
Tails, I walk away.
She relentlessly played with the coin on her hand, scratching it along the edges and twirled it in between her fingers but she would not toss it. She wasn't sure if she would want to know the answer.
She felt so stupid. She was so sure that the day she entered college – her dream university – she was going to stay out of everything that's complicated and that included anything related to romance at the very top of her list. College was her one chance of redeeming herself and actually make herself proud. That's why she worked so hard senior year during high school just so she could make up for the past years when she wasn't sure of what she wanted with her life. Senior year was the year when she knew she didn't want to stay so behind.
Now she's in Tokyo University where every student was at least above average among all the other students, and she feels like she's so below everyone else because of how stupid she felt.
She really didn't want to be involved. She really, really, really didn't. But it was hard. She made it through freshman all throughout junior year without a hitch. She was alone, she studied hard, she got good grades. That was how she wanted to spend her whole time in college and she knew head-on that sacrificing her social life was going to pay off the moment she graduates. Now that she's about to graduate is when everything gets to be complicated.
She wanted nothing more than to drown her head in the foot-high fountain at her back.
Why must he be so complicated?
It was one class, one semester. And he had her pining for him the rest of the year. What was wrong with her? Was she so deprived of boys that one boy could twist her head in a frenzy with just the thought of him? That was just beyond and below her.
It was Philosophy class during the first semester during her senior year. Almost everybody knew everyone in the class. She knew a few people, knew more faces, but she didn't know him. She sat at the front chair by the door, just as she always had in all of her classes for an easy exit. He sat on the far left of the room, one row behind. She should not have noticed him, but it was difficult not to. He had that aura around him that was difficult to miss, plus he was exceptionally attractive but that was not all that she noticed. He looked right at her a couple of times, and she just knew he was different.
A few weeks have past until the professor has finally come up with a class project that required everyone to participate as a group. The two of them were voted to be one of the facilitators, so it was necessary for them to exchange numbers just so they could keep in touch.
The project only lasted for a couple of days, but they were just getting started to know one another quite thoroughly.
They talked frequently before and after Philosophy. On common breaks, they would meet up in the cafeteria and spend lunch together. On weekends, one would invite the other for a movie or play the latter most likely be a requirement for a particular subject. On most cases, they just met up to try out a new restaurant or just hang around in one's dorm room with takeouts.
They had a great time together. Fantastic. Almost… romantic.
That thought alone scared her. She knew she was above the age to have a boyfriend. She was legal, and in fact her mother would badger her incessantly about it each time she comes home. She just said that she never had the time and no one really asked her.
The latter was more of a lie. She knew when a guy was throwing hints at her; she just didn't have the time for them. He was different.
They were both standing on safe grounds when it came to friendship. That's all they really were from the start. Friends. But she just wasn't sure if that's all she ever wanted it to be. That was two weeks ago.
Right now she's pretty sure she wanted to be more than friends. And that even scared the living daylights out of her. She just thought that he wasn't the type to be in relationships. He had the same ideals as her that's why they found great comfort in each other. They understood.
Not until she started realizing that he has become part of her routine. The morning walk to school, lunch breaks, Philosophy class, coffee breaks at night, weekends at each other's dorm room, late night calls. It disturbed her how much she was looking forward to see him everyday. She didn't mind it at first, until towards the end of the semester the routine was slowly being stripped away.
There were less walks in the morning, less lunch breaks, coffee was limited to just by the vending machine, weekends were occupied by studying for the finals, and Philosophy class was just reduced to just mere stolen glances across the room.
Since college she has grown to be quite the reclusive person. He once mentioned that he was always like that.
It's already the second semester and almost graduation. Interaction with him has become sparse during the semestral break up until the present, but he never fails to send in necessary holiday greetings and how are you's once in a while.
She had really hoped that they were really going to be great friends. Timely too, seeing that they were both graduating that year and they had little to risk. Now, that would just be harmless. What was more scary was that she hoped for something more.
He probably have sensed that so he took a few steps back.
She just swore that she could just pulverize the coin in her hand.
And before she could delve in any further with her thoughts, she saw him walk towards her spot by the fountain, taking in confident strides looking as handsome as ever and she could just feel her heart break.
She gave what she meant to be a welcoming smile which probably turned out to be a wince.
She was going to flip the coin.
Heads, I talk to him.
Tails, I walk away.
He sits beside her and she resists the urge to hold his hand.
Tossing the coin is more than just settling the question for you.
He takes a moment before taking a deep breath and finally looking at her almost fearfully eyeing the flipping coin.
It's when the coin is in the air…
He notices her catch her breath as she catches the coin in her palm.
You finally know what you're hoping for.
She smiles at him relieved, and he thought of all those days he wished they could be more than just friends.
"Have you ever thought of the two of us?" she asks with a brave smile.
He takes a moment as he felt for his heart.
Author's notes: True story with a few modifications. Except the last part. We still don't talk, unfortunately.