Love in the Dark by DD Agent
Title: Lust in the Dark
Plot:The thoughts of three agents thinking back on their loves.
Pairings:RoM, R/H, and Jo/Zaf
Spoilers:6.01, set right at the end when they've just found Adam.
Disclaimer:Characters and fandom do not belong to me. They belong to Kudos, unless we all band together and buy them for Christmas. Ruth can come back! Seriously: I own nothing to do with Spooks.
Hello, long time no see. It's been a while since my last Spooks fan fic, and after watching 6.01, I had to write this little ficlet. Hope you enjoy, and if you do, please review. I'd be ever so happy.
Jo sat back in her chair in the Grid watching the world go past. Her head felt like it was underwater, everything felt muted and stodgy. Zaf, her Zaf, was missing. Possibly dying. She didn't know anything, and that killed her. He was everything to her: her roommate, her best friend, her mentor in all things spy and the object of her affections. On her desk was a picture of them down the footie. He had dragged her down, and it actually turned out to be a good game.
Malcolm tried not to watch them, he felt like a voyeur in that way. However, it was hard not to notice when the woman you cared so much about was so obviously involved with another man. It was his job to notice small things like that, the touches they shared, and the looks they shot. He was an analyst after all. Malcolm knew that after the events with the London dam a bond had formed between them. But it didn't stop the jealousy rising up in him like bile.
Harry held his head in his hands, desperate not to look out onto the grid. Everything had gone wrong, and the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He knew that if she was here, than everything would be okay. She would know what to do. But she wasn't, wasn't ever going to be again. New people sitting at her desk. New officers drinking from her cup. But no one could replace his Ruth. Not ever.
Not wanting to be alone, Jo walked over to Malcolm. She dragged a chair over and sat by him. Together, they watched Ros and Adam converse.
"It's better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all," Jo muttered to Malcolm and he drew a smile.
"What if you've never truly loved them? Never had a true chance to share your feelings, just had them simmering in the background? Is that still better?" Malcolm asked back, and Jo moved her knees to her chest.
Adam and Ros parted, with her giving a smile to Malcolm and Jo as she stepped past them to her own desk. The video of Zaf being held hostage was being played on someone's computer for more analysis. A smiling Ruth beamed from a picture on a desk somewhere. Life carried on. Jo returned to her own desk and started going over the possible files of Zaf's captors. Malcolm was on the phone to a chemist he knew with security clearance to discuss the pathogen. Harry had left the hermit lair he called an office and watched his officer's work for the good of the country, at the sake of one of their officers and possibly their souls. As always.
"Harry, me and Malcolm were having a discussion and we came at a deadlock. Is it better to have loved someone, even though the feelings aren't returned; than to have never loved at all?" asked Jo, noting strangely that he began to smile.
"Love is something we, as spies must always have Jo. Otherwise we lose ourselves. Sometimes, the person we love the most doesn't want us back. And sometimes they do," and that was all Harry would say before he walked over to Adam to discuss what he had learnt about Zaf and the pathogen.
Jo nodded to her boss and moved over to her desk, and continued on with her work. On Zaf's desk was a photo just like the one of hers, but when she had taken him to see some dodgy play. Malcolm smiled at Harry and then started his calls again. In the corner of his eye, he saw Ros watch him but didn't think anything of it. Malcolm didn't know how unclean she felt at sharing a bed with a man who needed her more than he needed him.
Adam moved off and Harry returned to his office. His officers were working hard, and he needed the support. Unlocking his desk drawer, he pulled out a beige envelope and took out the letter and began to read:
My dearest Harry,
I know this could jeopardise my safety, but I couldn't face the idea of an eternity without being in contact with you. I still think of that morning on the dock, do you?
Oh yes, it may be love in the dark, but it was something that Harry had learned to live with, and slowly Jo and Malcolm would do to.