Ice Cream is Social Status

In which Draco and Ron have a lively discussion about the price of ice cream.

Ron was in a foul temper. He had woken up from a nasty dream, and had smashed his head on the bedpost. Between uttered curses, he slipped into his robes and trudged his way down for breakfast.

"Don't worry Ron, after lessons today we'll go back and set fire to that bedpost," consoled Harry.

"Setting it on fire is not good enough… d'you think Avada Kedavra works on bedposts?"

"I suppose we'll just have to find out then."

Together they passed through the Common Room in which Hermione and Ginny were playing with Crookshanks. They stopped and ran up to join Harry and Ron.

"What's his problem?" asked Hermione, noticing Ron's mood right away.

"Woke up and smacked his head on the bedpost," intoned Harry.

Ron just continued through the portrait hole and down the stairs ignoring their conversation.

"What's up for today?" asked Harry.

"Well, we have a double potions with Slughorn," replied Hermione, shooting Harry a scathing look over the top of her timetable, "and then double transfiguration."

"Sounds like loads of fun," groaned Harry.

Ron's temper did not improve from hearing this.

The three of them sat down in the Great Hall and began grabbing food. Just as Ron was spreading marmalade across his toast, who other than Draco Malfoy strolled by to cause some trouble.

"Potty and the Weasel. Oh, what's that? I smell Mudblood."

"Go drown yourself Malfoy, I'm not in the mood," growled Ron in response.

Draco positively howled with laughter. "Touchy today are we?"

"Don't make me curse you."

"Oh please, Weasley, you couldn't curse your way out of a paper bag."

"Oh yeah, Malfoy? Well your Dad could, and look where it landed him. I'm sure he'd just love to have you in there with him. Your whole family could meet up and have Afternoon Tea with the Dementors," he replied waspishly.

"Yeah… well… your family's poor! And just look at the ice cream they buy," laughed Malfoy, pointing at a brown block of frozen ice cream that had been recently unwrapped.

"Just because MY family doesn't pay outrageous prices for those snotty premium brands!"

"Because you can't afford them," Malfoy cajoled.

"Looks like yours isn't any better off anyway," said Harry, pointing to a package on the table that was leaking.

"Neither is the Weasel's, so shut your face Pothead."

"Hey, leave me out of this. The Dursley's pay $6.50 for their ice cream," said Harry backing away.

"Here Malfoy, if your really so pissed off about your ice cream melting, you can have mine," says Hermione tossing a tub of ice cream in Malfoy's direction.

Malfoy shrieked and tried to get out of the way, but he wasn't fast enough. The open tub hit him in the side of the head and spilled ice cream all down his front.

"Eww! Mudblood ice cream! Get it off! Get it off!" Malfoy screamed as though he was on fire.

Crabbe and Goyle attempted to get the ice cream off, and when their attempts at magic didn't work, they settled for licking the ice cream off of Malfoy's clothing.

"Mmm… it's sticky…" Crabbe muttered.

"And oh so sweet! Slytherin ice cream is so bitter…." Commented Goyle.

Slapping the both of them across the face, Malfoy screamed, "Get a rag you idiots! Stop licking me!"

"Sorry Malfoy-" stared Goyle.

"-But you taste good!" Finished Crabbe.

Ron gagged into his breakfast, but both Hermione and Ron noticed that he couldn't help but smile at Crabbe and Goyle's ridiculous antics.

In an effort to try and cheer Ron up some more, Hermione approached Malfoy.

In as seductive a voice as she could manage, Hermione said "Mind if I lick the rest up for you, Draco?"

The response came exactly as predicted.

"Merlin be damned! The Mudblood's coming on to me!" He screeched and backed up.

"Come on, Draco, I don't bite," she smiled.

Harry tried his hardest to stifle the grin that was gradually spreading across his face. Ron looked horrorstruck. Neville looked bemused.

"Wait, wait, wait. Neville when did you get here?" Harry asked.

"Just now," replied Neville.

"Right then. Continue on," said Harry, gesturing at Hermione and Malfoy.

Hermione licked her lips.

"Oh Jesus, please no! Take him instead!" Malfoy launched himself behind Goyle and hid.

"Oh, but Draco, it's you that I want," she cooed.

"Can't handle…. twisted… thoughts…." He grabbed his head and, screaming, ran as fast as he could from the Great Hall.

Harry grinned. Ron still looked horrorstruck. Neville was even more bemused.

"Oh Ron, don't be a prat. I was obviously just trying to scare off Malfoy," said Hermione, rolling her eyes.

"So you didn't really want Malfoy then?"

"Of course not!"

"Oh well, yeah, I knew that. You'd have to be mental to think that," said Ron, his ears turning red.

"Well, they better cart you off then," said Harry dryly.


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