Doug's Worst Day
By the 6ft dick
It was another day in Bluffington. The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and Doug was spooning Skeeter. "Oh, Skeeter. That was such a magical night," Doug said. Skeeter turned over and said, "Oh yeah. We need to do that again sometime." Suddenly, Doug's mom knocked on the door. She yelled, "Douglas, get the fuck up. It's six fucking thirty." "Uh, one moment mommy." Skeeter said, "Aren't you a little old to be calling her 'mommy'?" "Douglas who the fuck are you talking to?" "Nobody, mommy." "Bullshit. Now open the fucking door before I break it down." "Quick Skeeter you have to get out of here right now." "O.k. man. But before I go, let me give you a little peck." They began to French kiss. Doug's mom started kicking down the door. Skeeter honked and jumped out of the window. As soon as he left Doug's mom yelled, "Was that your homo friend Skeeter? "No mommy. I was all alone." Doug then got out of bed and opened his door. His mom said, "What the hell were you doing last night?" "Uh nothing mom." "Horse shit, than why are you wearing my assless chaps and your fathers see through brassiere?" "Oh, uh, this is my costume for Halloween," Doug said. "But it's fucking January." "Well, I'm starting early so we don't have to go shopping at the last minute." "Well get the fuck downstairs and eat your breakfast, Jesus Christ!" "Yes mam." "What the fuck did you say you little shit?" "I said yes sir." "That's what I thought you said."
Doug went downstairs and saw the rest of his family eating breakfast. "Looking sharp, Douglas," his father said before he started to whistle at him. Judy was reading a poem about death and was eating toast. "Oh Doug," said Judy, "why must our souls be tormented by the finger of destiny?" "What the fuck are you talking about Judy," Doug said. "Ugh this, this family has no value of true art." Judy ran up to her bedroom crying and began to cut her wrists. "So champ," said Doug's father, "what's new at school?" "Well," said Doug, "I'm ranked number 1 in my class grade wise." Doug's dad was not paying attention and replied, "Well, just as long as nobody gets hurt." Doug just shrugged his shoulders and got ready for school. Once he got to school he met up with Skeeter and they headed off to class. "So Doug," Skeeter said, "how do you think you did on Ms. Wingo's video test last week?" "I think I got an A+ for sure." "Why? You slept through the whole movie," replied Skeeter. "Well I have already seen the movie like a 100 times at my house." "We'll see man," said Skeeter. Once in class, Ms. Wingo asked for everyone to sit down and shut their fucking mouths or else. "O.k. students," she said, "I have graded everyone's test and everyone got an A+ but one person." "Who the fuck is that idiot," yelled Patti Mayonnaise. "That fucking idiot is Doug Funnie, now everyone point and laugh at the fucking retard." Everyone began pointing and laughing, especially Patti. "But Ms. Wingo how could I have failed? I watch Homeo and Juliet at my house everyday after school." "The movie was Romeo and Juliet, you shit head." said Ms. Wingo. "Oh I was wondering why none of the questions had the word 'fuck' in them. "Now Doug, you go over and sit in the dunce's corner." Once Doug stood up he had peed his pants. Everyone began to laugh again. Once Doug was in the corner he was pissed. 'Why must I always be the laughing stock of this school? Why me why me?' He then began to think of how he could get revenge on everyone.
When school was over Doug went back to his house and began to brainstorm on how he would exact his revenge. He had finally created the prefect plan, and would put it in effect the next day. The next day Doug got up extra early and made his way toward the school. When he reached school he quietly went into Ms. Wingo's room and went inside. Ms. Wingo turned around and said to Doug, "What the fuck are you doing here this early bitch?" "Well I figured I would get here early to try and better myself." "Whatever," said Ms. Wingo. "Just shut your fucking mouth." When Ms. Wingo turned back around and started to write on the chalkboard, Doug went over to her desk and pulled out her steel dildo from one of the drawers. He went over to Ms. Wingo and said, "oh Ms. Wingo." She turned around and said, "I told you to be fucking quiet." With that, Doug beat her till she died. "Hot damn that felt good," Doug said out loud. He then started to have some "fun" with her mutilated corpse. He then quickly left the room before class started. The bell finally rang for class to start. Once everyone got into the classroom they all noticed the barbaric discovery. "Holy shit," they all said in unison, well except for Doug. "We need to get Mr. Bone down here right now."
About 1 minute later Mr. Bone was in the room. "Now what do you little fuckers want?" They all pointed at the dead Ms. Wingo. "Holy tity knockers," he yelled. "What the hell happened to that bitch?" "She was murdered," Patti said in a sad voice. "Now how do you know this you little slut," he said. "Well can't you tell? She is all beaten and bloody." "That sounds like something the murderer might just say." He then pulled out a knife and shanked that bitch till she died. "Now I will bring you all into my office one by one and we will figure out who did this." Everyone had gone into his office except for Doug and Skeeter. "Why hasn't anyone come back yet?" asked Skeeter. "I don't know but it's a little weird," Doug said, lying. Just then over the intercom Mr. Bone said "Skeeter bitch tits please report to my office." Skeeter was off and Doug was now by himself. 'My how well this is working out' Doug thought. He sat in a desk and waited for his name to be called over the intercom. Just then Doug heard "Doug sweet ass Funnie please report to my office," from the intercom. Doug made his way up to the office were he walked in. "Please sit down Douglas," Mr. Bone said. "I really want to thank you for helping me out in my time of need," said Doug. "Well that's what boyfriends are for, right?" replied Mr. Bone. "Oh yeah," said Doug. They then began to make out on his desk when Mr. Bone's ex boyfriend Charles Buttsavage came in with an AK-47. "Why did you leave me you ass hole," yelled Charles. Before Mr. Bone could reply he blew Mr. Bone away. He then raped Doug to death. Charles then left and nobody cared. Oh well. Good riddance.