Perchance to Dream

Disclaimer: See prologue.

Summary: The epilogue, where everything comes to a sort of end.


Epilogue: Five Years Later


"Congratulations, Stan!"

I walk into the living room to a veritable explosion of celebration. Explosion, literally, because somehow they bought two confetti cannons and rigged them to go off when I opened the door. So now I'm deafened and covered in multi-colored bits of paper.

"You guys, this is a little much," I say, glancing around the room. There's a piñata hanging from the ceiling, and black and gold streamers hanging from everywhere possible.

"Much?" Kyle says, coming up from behind the couch and quickly giving me a kiss, "I don't think it's enough, myself. After all, you just graduated with a joint Master's degree in Environmental Science and law degree. We're going to celebrate this all night," he adds, winking at me and licking his lips as he steps away.

"We've got lunch and cake in the kitchen," Mom says, standing next to Dad and Kyle's parents by the loveseat. "And Ken and Matt are around here somewhere."

"Well, knowing those two, they're either getting themselves wicked drunk, or fucking each other silly," I reply, sitting on the couch. "And judging by the noise coming from upstairs, I'd say it's probably the latter. And it's only two o'clock. Good grief."

"Oh, Stan, don't be a prude," Kyle scolds, sitting next to me. "We'll turn on some music and drown them out. Besides, they're probably not even naked yet. You know what a tease Matt is."

Well, he's certainly right on that account. I remember vividly just how much my roommate loves his teasing. In fact, after I admitted to him that Kyle and I were in a relationship, he'd started trying to give my sex advice by demonstrating what to do when I was in a certain position. With other guys. Well-hung guys, while I was tied to my bed. And then video sessions afterwards, to make sure I'd "grasped the concepts."

This was even before the point where I felt comfortable letting Kyle touch me in any way that would be seen as anything but platonic. Matt knew this, but in his words it was better for me "to know everything you can do to him when the time comes." Which in a way made sense, but still kinda made me uneasy, being forced to watch my roommate get fucked silly every night and then go over it like it was a football game. That said, I did learn a lot, and it has definitely come in handy.

A lot has happened in the last five years, certainly. For starters, I got over my reluctance to being within groping distance of Kyle. That took all of the first summer, and during that time Kyle tried his hardest to get us to know each other again. We went to ballgames, dinners, parties, and at the end of it all, we were both really relaxed around each other. Before going back to school, I let Kyle give me kisses.

During school, we traded emails, phone calls, and weekends. I never expected to be so relieved to visit Fort Collins, but Matt's behavior during Kyle's trips to Boulder was ridiculous. He'd looked visibly affronted when Stan had told him he and Kyle would keep their pants ON in bed, thank you very much. He'd consistently pestered them, and laid not-at-all subtle hints about how I should be all for sharing a shower with Kyle…for the environment and the whales and everything.

Kyle, of course, had none of these problems, as he had his own room at CSU. Apparently there are benefits to being an RA. Sleeping together was awkward at first, because Kyle is always hard in the morning. I worked hard to shrug it off, but even the knowledge that I might wake up to his dick pressing up against me for the rest of my life didn't make it any easier at first to have its presence there.

At Christmas that year, Kyle gave me a puppy. As a quid pro quo, I used one of Matt's lessons, much to Kyle's surprise. What I did afterwards didn't surprise him at all, since I told him not to put me in a position to do that again for quite a while. He didn't listen, of course, and we started spending our weekends together with a lot fewer clothes on.

"Stan?" Kyle asks, startling me from my reverie. He has a plate in hand, with a large piece of cake and a few scoops of quickly melting ice-cream.

"Here, Mr. I-have-four-letters-after-my-name," he says with a grin. "It's your party, after all, we can't have you spending it staring off into space trying to block out – or is it imagine – what those two are getting up to up there?"

I glare at him, but take the plate. "God, thanks, I had almost gotten the thought of those two fucking out of my head."

"Sorry. But you've got to admit it's oddly appealing. Especially with Kenny's hair the way he's styling it now…"

"Quit it!" I say, trying as hard as I can to push the picture of those two out of my head. It's proving to have a most infuriating staying power.

"Sorry," Kyle replies, wearing a grin that tells me he's anything but sorry. "Just eat the cake already, the ice cream's gonna melt into it and make it soggy and disgusting if you don't hurry up about it."

Glaring at Kyle, I fork off a chunk of the cake and put it in my mouth. Biting down, I catch something hard…and circular. Taking care not to swallow it with the rest of the cake, I pull a diamond ring from my mouth, which is promptly snatched from my hand by Kyle.

"I'll take that, thank you," he says with a grin, dropping to a knee.

"Oh, you did not –" I exclaim, before Kyle can grab my hand and look up at me expectantly.

"Marry me?" he asks, grinning like the idiot he is.

"You proposed to me by making me eat the ring!?" I ask, incredulously. "Why do I put up with you, again?"

"Because you love me," Kyle responds, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Which it is, but that's not the point.

"Still, you could have done better," I chide him. "What if I'd swallowed it?"

"Um," he says, quite eloquently. "Is that a yes?"

"Yes, it's a yes, you idiot," I tell him, and he slips the ring onto my finger. "Now get up off the floor before people think you're lavishing attention onto my crotch."

"Who says I'm not?" Kyle asks, winking at me. "In fact, I think I'd love nothing more right now than a celebratory blowjob."

"Well, you can't have one right now, since the only private room in the house is currently occupied by our errant sex fiend friends," I inform him. "And if you suggest we go up there and propose a foursome, I will breakup with you. I've seen more Matt naked more times than I would have cared to already, and I sure as hell don't want to see him naked and getting fucked silly by Kenny."

"You're no fun," Kyle says. "I suppose, then, since you're vetoing naked time, that we should tell the rest of them?"

"Tell us what?" Mom asks, coming back into the room and speaking before I can tell Kyle that that too is a bad idea. Too late now.

"That Kyle tried to get me to eat my engagement ring," I tell her. She smiles before what I said catches up with her.

"Tried to eat your…wait, what?"

"Engagement ring, mom. Kyle just proposed in the second cheesiest way I could imagine. In fact, it would have only been cheesier if he'd put the damn ring in nacho cheese."

"What did he put it in?" she asks.

"What did he put it in? The fucking cake, and I nearly swallowed it!" I exclaim, performing an exaggerated facepalm for effect. Mom laughs, before calling in Dad and Kyle's parents to tell them "our babies are engaged!" The two girls squeal, the two guys take long drinks from their beers.

"Really, the cake?" Gerald asks Kyle. "You couldn't have put it in the bottom of a champagne flute, or something classy? You had to go with the cake?"

Kyle shrugs. "It got the job done."

Toasts are proposed, and alcohol is drunk. A baseball game is turned on while we shoot the breeze and wait for Kenny and Matt to finish up so we can head to the restaurant for dinner. After three hours, I'm selected – as it's my house – to stop the creepy sex fest.

I decide against knocking, deciding to just barge in, and watch Kenny in the throes of orgasm, shooting off on Matt's stomach while Matt just lays there, on my bed, grinning.

"Hi Stan!" he says cheerfully. I groan.

"On my bed, Matt, really?"

"Well, this time," he says, his grin intensifying. "We also did it on your rug, your chair, your dresser, the windowsill…"

"So you've managed to get five orgasms out of him in the last…three hours?"

"New personal record," he replies. "For him too."

"Personal record for rounds in a day," Kenny replies, breathing heavily. "Jesus, I don't think I'm gonna need to fuck for a week."

"Well, I don't think I'm going to be able to," I say, grimacing. "Now I've got to Lysol my entire room and hope I get all of your…"

"Cum?" Matt asks, grinning like an idiot.

"Yes, that," I reply, now frowning, "out of my room. Now break it up, we're all starving downstairs and we need you two to take a break so we can go to dinner."

"No need to be so grouchy," Matt says. "We were done after this anyway."

"No need to be so grouchy after you jizz all over my room? I think I have every right to be grouchy, you little boyslut," I say, trying to sound chastising but just making Matt laugh. "Now, both of you shower and put your clothes back on so we can go already."

Matt springs up and heads for the bathroom, the location of which he's very familiar with. Kenny rolls onto his back to look up at me, sweaty and exhausted, and naked.

"Sorry…it's kinda hard to stop fucking him," he says.

"Oh, I know," I answer. "He considers the day wasted if he hasn't been fucked ten times."

"Ten!? My dick's going to fall off if I even think about having sex again today," Kenny complains.

"Yeah, he usually has two or three different guys he uses each day. And I'm pretty sure he uses a dildo or something to make sure he's got something always up there."

"Freaky," Kenny says. "I like him, he's good people."

"Yeah," I snort. "If you're looking for a consistent performer for your start-up gay porn studio."

"Exactly!" Kenny says. "We've already got an agreement…I suppose you could call this an audition."

I'm incredulous, for a moment my jaw just hangs open. "Well, I suppose it does make sense, considering that you're you," I concede.

"It's not just gonna be gay porn," Kenny says, attempting to calm me down or something. "All sorts. Except the creepy stuff like man-on-dog and elephant-on-Asian."

"Well, good luck with that," I say. "I suppose you're going to tell me now you're in need of a lawyer…"

"No, I've got that settled with Kyle. You'll just be expected to help," Kenny says with a grin. "But if I could talk you into a scene?"

"Not happening," I tell him, flat out. "Though if you'd asked me six years ago…"

"Before or after you started nailing Bebe?"

"Before, of course. Though the money would have made that better, actually."

At this point, Matt returns, still naked but now not-reeking-of-sex. Kenny gets out of bed with help from the both of us and walks off towards the shower.

"Pants," I growl, before Matt gets any ideas. He begrudgingly puts them on, and I notice that there's only one pair of underwear in the room, and they're definitely not his.

"I suppose you planned this?" I ask. "Since you're going commando."

"I haven't worn underwear in three years," Matt says. "It's just one fewer thing that I need to take off when I'm in a hurry to get fucked."

"But when you go to work for Kenny, you'll probably be walking around in just underwear," I point out.

"This is true," Matt says. "Underwear, or swimsuits. Or nothing!" he exclaims, positively giddy about the prospect of spending eight hours a day either mostly or completely naked getting fucked for money.

"I'm happy for you," I say. "You're gonna be doing what you love as a career."

"I'm happy for you!" he replies. "The ring? You two are getting married? Can I be best man?"

"Sure, why not," I say. "Kyle's going to ask Kenny, and I'd shoot myself in the face before I asked Fatass to have anything to do with my wedding."

Matt shrugs into his shirt. "Good. And I promise not to fuck half the wedding party."

"Thank you," I say. "I'm sure they'll all appreciate it too."

Matt grins at me. "You know…if you hadn't wanted me and Ken-ster to fuck all over your room, you shouldn't have gotten a one-bedroom place, fool. It's all your own fault."

I glare at him.

"Sorry if I pissed you off, though," he adds. "You know how I just can't help myself when I get naked and have a hard cock available." I chuckle. I know.

"Friends?" he asks, extending his hand. I take it and shake it once as Kenny comes back in, still naked.

"Friends. Now, Kenny, get your skinny ass dressed, I want some damn steak!" Kenny quickly complies, never one to turn down a free meal, even with venture capital money falling out of his pockets.

I lead them downstairs, to a teasing question if I'd joined them for a quickie from Kyle, since we were up there so long. I roll my eyes, and we head out the door as a group, all of us happy, which didn't seem imaginable five years ago…hell, didn't seem imaginable for nearly ten years. But now that I have it, I truly can't imagine not having it, and I don't want to.

I now want to get out of bed in the morning. And any time you can feel that good, you're doing something right. And that's a good feeling.



Notes: Maybe this doesn't flow as well as you think it should. I apologize. To be honest, if I had all the time in the world, I don't think I could get it much better. There's too much dialogue, there's too much fluff, and there's too much raunch. Though the latter two are rather contradictory. Oh well.

I hope you all have enjoyed these last two years. I have, of a sort. Unfortunately, this is most likely my last South Park fanfiction. I've more-or-less lost interest in SP fandom over the last six months, which has made it really difficult to complete this fic, but now that it's over, I'm happy to break up with it.

I hope y'all will follow me into other fandoms I choose to venture into.


Phoenix II